skipper help

[groovygirl]

hi skipper - i think our old pal gwh is in trouble...he has pretty much stopped coming here, but maybe if you post a message to him, he will join in.  i think he needs the forum's help more now than ever.

i hope you are doing ok...

[motox4fun]

Well,
On a lighter note, I am on day 7. I am still using Clonodine and Klonopin. Man That Clonodine really makes you feel like you were hit by a truck, but the craving for opiates is gone. My doc says that I should only need the Clonodine for a couple of more days and things should be back to normal and OPIATE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I suggest everyone that is struggling with opiate addiction consult your primary doc and get him to put you on Clonodine for about 10 days. It has been a God send for me
                        JAmes

[bmac]

You are right about the clonidine.It does work.Strange how bloodpressure meds could take that edge off.Congrats on your 7th day.You are almost there.I promise it gets alot better.
I stayed on clonidine and phenobarb for 8 days and I felt alot
better 4 days later.It took until day 20 to feel human again.
Everyone withdrawing from opiates can benefit from clonidine.
                 Stay tuff!
                    bmac

[Chezz]

Where is everyone at. Day 3 evening sucks
Chezzz

[OxyDout]

really?  huh, I think your right on this one, I need serious help.  In 1 week I have managed to start using and also started selling Percs/vics, and oxy to make money.  I'm really fuckn smart, excuse the language.  Anyway, I can't handle this, not on my own anyway, so I'm glad you have taken an interest groovy, thanks again.

GWH

[groovygirl]

ha!  i knew you were here lurking!  and yes, i think you need to be here right now - me too.  i know you have always valued skipper's input, so i thought i'd put the word out to him that you weren't in a good place right now.  i could use some words of wisdom right now myself, so don't feel alone in your stuggle.

[GOD]

Hey, Guys... If I have Time after work, I'm going to go and hang with the Skipper IN PERSON today.... I talked to him on the PHone lase night,and he's doing better. He was riding me about my laziness! (It's nly a 20 minute drive to his place from where Im at.) So, anyway, I'll finally get with the Skip in the "Real world" soon... Hope you guys are doing O.K.----

And Hey, GWH, I hope you DON'T turn to selling to support any new habits you may or may not have picked up... As Skipper said before, It's a whole new animal when you're detoxing around a toilet in JAIL. You don't need that in your life! LISTEN TO ME!

Good luck to all out here,
Jess

[hippy]

yo kid , you don't want any of that blood money.
if you are gonna use , use.
but don't screw other people up.
you know it's wrong and the hammer always comes
down fast on people like us , people who are trying
to do whats right.
the worst thing we do is beat ourselves up,
and we might deseve it but we are sick people.

there is something wrong with us.
we need the help of others
and we NEED TO HELP OTHERS.

I ADMIRE YOUR HONESTY , GWH
give yourself a break.
beleive me you do not want any part of jail.
and you are a really closing in on it.

peace

[OxyDout]

thanks for the posts guys, but I have to be honest, I think i'm gonna go through with this, atleast for a couple of weeks. I can't tell you that I won't because I know I have gone too far already.  I hope you can appreciate that.  I dont know, I need the money, and I need the drugs to taper back off........ IT SUCKS.

[OxyDout]

HEY WELL ATLEAST MY SCREW UP HAS BROUGHT THE "OLD POSTERS" BACK TOGETHER.  I'M SOBER RIGHT NOW, DON'T THINK I AM BACK TO OLD HABITS, THE TRUTH IS YES, I HAVE USED FOR A 7 DAY PERIOD, BUT I HAVE TAKEN MINIMAL AMOUNTS, FOR INSTANCE YESTERDAY WAS THE MOST I HAVE TAKEN, I TOOK 20MG OF OXY IN THE MORNING AND 2 VIKES AT NIGHT...... I'M NOT BACK TO WHERE I WAS BUT IF I KEEP THIS UP I WILL GET THERE IN NO TIME AT ALL.  

HERE I AM THINKING THAT I'M SOMEWHAT INTELLIGENT YET IM SO STUPID, I CAN'T EVEN SEPERATE GOOD FROM BAD, HEALTHY FROM BILE, THIS IS AWFUL.

[percsnomas]

Just thinking out loud..... if your Volvo only travelled 7 miles at 20-30 "rpm", u  really don't require much "fuel" to return???

[OxyDout]

who asked you, and what the hell does a volvo have to do with this........  but to add to your statement.............

i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know

youre right youre right youre right youre right youre right

i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot i'm an idiot

[percsnomas]

your not an idiot, you just like that ******* car toooooo much; and I don't want to be right, I just want you to catch "it" now before you do require lots of fuel to taper!!

[Chezz]

I am not 100% on your situation. Although I have read alot of post lately about everyone here, yourself included.

Try and not beat yourself up over this. You can get back on track, IF YOU want to.
You have so much support on this forum it is amazing.

Try taking a sober moment like before you take any meds for the day. And ask yourself is the high worth it?

I am on day 3 and would probably be asking for your # for some percs. But I have decided the high isn't worth the risk of the rest of my life. I have read stories on this forum from people who have been high for 10-30years. I consider myself lucky that I decided I was worth it early enough.

Everyday you continue on this path, makes it easier for you to stay there. The sooner you get rid of this **** in your life the easier it will be.

You know, I know, we all do. Just listen to what you feel inside.

I wish the best for you,
Chezz

I also hope you be careful.

[Witchywoman]

hey there, I too was wondering where you were. I wasn't sure if you were back out there or just taking a break and needing some space.  

We are here for you, no matter what.  Like I said, we are all on the same boat, all addicts in different phases of this horrible disease, and if we have to support each other, no matter what.

I for one appreciate your honesty.  It is so hard to admit when you slip and go back out there.  Come back to yourself as soon as you can. You need you.  We will be here for you no matter what, so keep coming here no matter what.

love,
WW

[skipper]

gees i turn my back on you "kids" for a day or two and look what
happens...ya start taking care of each other and ya' don't even
need me! ok so one at a time:

groovy: good job on flushing gwh out. ya' know i'm sorta glad your already hitched up...'cause you really seem to have your way with the men folk...smoke stack did say you are really cute too. a cute and smart women...sounds like irish rose (i never had a chance of escape once she came along!)

jess: hey i'm looking forward to hanging out tonight. i just hope
i'm not to normal looking.

hippy: when i said "kids" i was talking to you too!

gwh: first of all, let me say i've really enjoyed the picture of
you and the girl friend. a little help from photo shop and i can
take you right out of the picture....sorry about not sending you
any...i've tried but they all come bouncing back. acording to jess i'm awfully "common" looking...now about your use of dope-
the more you have, the more you will use. the more you use, the
less you will have! please be careful! whatever ya' do just keep
posting, ok? until we all get as good as groovy at flushing each
other out- well we just can't run away anymore!!

i can't make it without all of you guys! so please keep posting or i will become lost again.

i'm pretty sure i've gotten a new job! yesterday i joined the
international brotherhood of electrical workers. 18 years ex-
pierence got me out of an aprenticeship. as a journeyman data
comm i'll get free Cisco training after 6 months. i will miss
my co-workers and supervisor from my last job...but i will not
miss the hostile enviroment!! everyone who was ever fired or laid
off wound up in a beter job....i thought i would be the except-
ion... but i seem to have landed on my feet this time. i really
am quite pleased with the way things seem to be working out!!

gotta go for now, but keep an angel onyour shoulder!
kip

[hippy]

hey skipper  alway inspiering to read you notations.
good luck with the new gig.
i got laid off last week and then i get tennis elbow,
i thought my arm was fractured, some friend from new york
was talking to me at the na meeting last night and gave me this
tennis elbow brace and it took 70 % of the pain away.
i have been taken motrin to no avil ,what else is new.
pain pain pain, i aske my father 76 how his pain was treating him
and he said with out his pain he would be lonly.
i thought taht was cute he has 37 years sobrity in AA his
clean date is st. patricks day.
hey gwh i pray out loud every night and i'll be thinking of you tonight'

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, thank for the posts and conern I appreciate all of you. I have no choice but to be honest, what good would this forum do if I lied to you, that would be pointless.  Anyway, i'm already at the point where I need to taper off.  I am trying to find methadone as it always gets me off the hook, its the mental part that sucks, but the methadone always gets me on the right track.

SO HERE IS MY VERY CONTRAVERSIAL QUESTION AND PLEA FOR HELP.  DOES ANYONE LIVE IN THE BOSTON AREA THAT HAS ANY METHADONE, OR IS ANYONE WILLING TO SEND IT MY WAY VIA MAIL FOR SOME MONEY. GOD HELP ME I KNOW YOU WILL ALL WANT TO PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD BUT THE ONLY THING THAT HAS HELPED ME GET SOBER IN THE PAST IS TO USE 1 40MG WAFER OF METHADONE.  I WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATIVE IF ANYONE COULD BE OF HELP. YOU COULD EMAIL ME AT R_BACCARI***@****  I KNOW I'M OFFENDING PEOPLE BY ASKING THIS SO PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME UP TOO BAD.

As for Groovy, I couldn't agree more, she has always been there to help me out of the dark and into the light, I don't always listen but she has been there non the less.

PLEASE HELP ME

gwh

[dreamin]

Your post are filled with a lot of anguish, I wish I could help.  It brought tears to my eyes this morning..please keep posting today..I am worried about you.

sheila

[Tuss-ex]

I probably shouldn't even post this, but I am on this new honesty thing and I would feel remiss if I did not say something. I lied to myself for over a year at the beginning about my addiction (believe me it is easy to do).  Then I tried stopping, bettween the sweats and the puking I literally ran to the nearest Doctor to get what I needed.  That was when I new that I had a very happy monkey on my back.  Don't be mistaken that is not when I quit, oh no I joined up on a multi-year ride of constantly seeking prescriptions taking medications until the end all I wanted was just avoid the w/d's (I was really not getting very high anymore).  Please be very careful, your doctor is wrong -- dead wrong.  Please don't take this as any harshness to you at all. You pratically were given a recipe for addiction and most positively physical dependence.  If you want to test this theory just cut the narcotics in half for a few days.  Watch out for the benzo's and stuff. The w/d from them are bad and not to be done on a whim.  See what your body will tell you, if you have researched the board as you say then you will know the tell tell signs of w/d.  Then at least you will know the truth.   Believe me I am the last one to preach to someone. I know I would not have listened before now, but just don't lie to yourself -- know where you stand -- then you can at least make an informed decision about what to do.

God Bless

[skipper]

gwh;
hey what's up? you doing ok? been real busy today, myself. the un-
ion is kind of yanking me around....so i may not be back at as soon
as i thought.

anyhow...whatever your up to, please keep us posted. ok?

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[samar]

MY OH MY Groovy, you really got something started didn't you?!  That has to be about the best "thread" I have seen since I have been lurking here for a month or so.........Skip, bmac, gwh, jess, dear WW, chezz, hippy, tuss, dear sweet, and Sean, Sean, you really touched me somehow......Hope I didn't miss anyone.......  (just fine - I really hope you are Just That and I pray for you just as I do everyone else..........)  

Thanks for the posts EVERYONE.  I am coming off five years of Vikes and it sucks.  I don't REALLY want to face it, not today right? But I HAVE to.  So, here and now it begins right?  NOW?  No, no just kidding....NOW!!  The BEST is when I read posts from people like bmac who say how GREAT it is to be opiate-free!!  I CANNOT wait!!   Thanks for Thomas and his recipe, for people like Witchywoman who is still here, and Mr.Mike (are you still here?)  I have been lurking for awhile......Peace to all and for kip, I want the sweetest of angels on HIS shoulders.....  :) smag

[groovygirl]

please gwh, that type of question could get you kicked off this forum - that would truly suck.

i wish i could help you with your request.  i have wondered and asked so many times why you don't try to get methadone the legal way...there are clinics in your area.  maybe you really need to be on some sort of maintenance program.  why are you so determined to not seek help?

skipper - you are so sweet - your words always brighten my day:)

[OxyDout]

man, you always bear down on me, I don't know why you think i'm so determined not to seek help, i want help, I need help, but there are no clinics here, or so I thought, but you know of one, tell me where it is!!! seriously, I would love to know where it is, I would appreciate all info you could give me. thanks again groovy.

gwh

[Sean5110]

Day 3 and things are shaky (I've cut my dosage by 2/3 which is kind of fast but I was taking so much, tapering would have taken forever if I'd have gone slow...) I'm down to 80mg of hydro (8 pills). I am surprised that I feel as crappy as I do while still taking this much hdyro. It's all relative, I guess. My brain has been trying every angel to get me out there to get another prescription.

What is hardest is the sadness. I just feel sad for my wife, my children, as if I've been away on a long vacation and I've missed the true closeness of loved ones. I hope and pray I stick this out. I'm tempted to just go cold turkey to get it over with but I know I can't (work and home responsibilities prohibit complete down and out time).

I woke up this morning feeling ill and gloomy as can be. I took 2 hydro (my usual dosage was 5-7). It helped but there is no "high". I'm simply keeping from getting overwhelmingly sick. It kind of makes it harder, I feel like ****, am filled with lonliness and remorse, and I'm not even pill-free! Mentally it feels like I've started my clean time. Maybe that's because I'm at least trying to do the right thing, trying to sacrifice my selfish wants (a MUCH higher dosage) in favor of what is good for me and my family in the long run. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm on my 3rd day of clean time: It's the first days in months that I've been moving toward doing the right thing.

Sean

[dreamin]

I am probably no the one you needed to speak to, but I am listening.  Loneliness is the worst feeling.  You are not alone. I am here and willing to help in any way I can. this too shall pass.

sheila

[bmac]

Sean you're right,It sux that you feel bad already.Just try and remember all those ill feeling you are having is the mindgame thing we have been talking about.Don't get confused over your
past drug use,this time is different because like me,YOu have no choice.Remember that.You say you feel sadness and guilt,of
coarse you do,man you have been doing some heavy duty using
and it is going to hurt.period.
Remember that you are the one that has made this decision
that it's going to ruin your life,so stick it out and go get some clonidine.I have said this so many times here on the boards.
It will help with that shakey,mind fog feeling.Can't you go to a doctor and just get what you need?Go to one of those docs in a box and tell them you need it and why.Do something to help with the physical because Sean I promise you no matter how hard you want these withdrawals to stop,It's going to hurt!!!!!!!!!
You have valium and I used phenobarb,but I had the clonidine.
Also b6,zinc and magnesium will help.L-tyrosine if you need
the energy boost.God Sean you are just trying to talk yourself
into this or should I say trying to talk yourself out of it.
Taper until their gone then let nature take it's coarse.Like me
the alternative is losing it all.And like you If I stay clean
I can have it all.You know my situation and You can't refuse
to do what's right.Drugs or no drugs!
Don't mean to get on your case but somebody needs to and I
don't think it should be your wife,chill out!!Deep breath!
              Post on Sean!
                Bill

[Sean5110]

Thanks Sheila. You folks are a godsend compared with the alternative: go through this without uttering a word to anybody (unfortunately, that's the position I'm in). Just writing and knowing another human being is somehow connecting is a comfort in its own way. We are all so similar in the most important ways: we've betrayed our higher selves for the sake of easy pleasure, have struggled with the horror that we're hooked, and need to pass through a cold dark tunnel back into the light of LIFE. For those of us who get there, our lives become beautiful as we embrace daily living on life's terms. Relationships become meaningful and we become useful. For those of us who don't get there, life never really starts again; existence is what happens at best as we peer at all things through a medicinal fog, making bargains with DEATH: our synthetic high in place of the joy/pain/integrity of drug-free living.

I'm sad that I made that bargain with DEATH seven months ago. I'm sad that my decisions these past months have affected my family for the worse. I'm sad for everyone who lives the quiet desperation of addiction. I'm sad that I've been away so long...

[bmac]

RIGHT ON!! Good post.
                         bmac

[dreamin]

There you go, making me cry..excellent post..thank you so much for sharing

[OxyDout]

too many tears for one morning, smile, be happy :)

[dreamin]

I admit to being the worlds biggest baby.  My friends rate movies by the "sheila" factor.  That means how many times will Sheila cry through this movie. I try to be tough, but I don't have it in me...

How are by the way?

[OxyDout]

thats funny, I'm doing ok, not great, but Ok, I'm using again, minimal amounts, but I'm using, Its still not like before though, for instance, when i was really using I would get an 80mg oxy and would blow the whole thing, or eat it..... I got an 80 3 days ago and still have some of it, Its sort of like I'm doing what it takes to stay focused, rather then to get high. does that make sense??

[dreamin]

it does make sense. Just trying to keep that feeling of normalcy (is that a word?).. It's a hard thing to just hang on. but we do it a minute at a time sometimes.  The w/d is awful and I say that anything one can do to minimize that pain is a good thing.  

I wonder sometimes if I will ever not want what i want now..

[onestep]

Ok Ok I'm sorry but I've got to say something......I've been dealing with addiction **** for 34 years or more. I do ok...but I remember doing really "insane " **** to get what I " wanted " thought I needed....you know what I mean. Yes I've asked friends, looked in medicine cabinets of family, the whole crazy world.

Now sometimes you don't want to take someone's inventory...make judgements....or just plain **** someone off...however sometimes it helps to call the question....!! GWH....what in the hell to you think you accomplish for yourself and everyone else here when you ask for drugs to be sent to you ??? I know your hurting...I'm there too....but I'll be damned if I screw with those here that are in the spiral of mental, spiritual and physical health.....Go to a hospital....ER...or doc in the box...you will get temporary relief....but you really need 30 days without anything. I'm thinking about doing the same thing...it's not going to be easy on the pocket or home life...but I've tried tapering and left to my own devices....it's just not going to happen. The 30 days I did twenty years ago got me off all the other stuff
I was using and did a great deal for me.....it got me on a schedule again...eating right....etc.

Now from reading past and present posts I know your not going to like what I've said....but it's the truth...you can't deny that...and I didn't type in caps yelling at you...I'm speaking from the heart and intimate knowledge of what we all are going through.....Hell I'm trying to quit smoking for Christ's Sake...I can't even control that....It's hard to belive that we lived without this stuff until we started using....the body didn't need it when born !!! I was two steps away from blowing my head off a month ago...then I found this place and realized I wasn't alone in the depression and the effects of the drugs...I've kept thinking that doctors and drugs were the quick fix...make everything go away...but they don't.....only you, if you find the strength can make this happen....and it's going to hurt like hell....the question remains : Is it better not being a slave ? Many died fighting for their freedom over these 2000+ years....slaves everywhere I mean throughout history.....We are slaves to these drugs...they rule our lives.....


Enough babbling.....good luck.....

[OxyDout]

well said, I agree, and apologize........ seriously, I mean that.

[dreamin]

how are you doing?  keep posting today..

[Im Just Fine I Am]

sorry to interrupt this thread.  couldn't post a new question and have tried for several days.  I've had read every post on this forum for some research that I'm doing in my medical classes at school.  I take a host of prescription drugs but do not see it as a problem.  I guess the only problem is when the medicine causes problems for you in your life or for your family.  For the past several years every single day I take 10 oxycontins 10's, and i take 10 vicodin, 10 fioricets, and 10 valium.  This has caused no problems in my life.  I get all of it through prescription and my presciptions only cost me $5 each.  I do have certain times of the day that I take these.  I don't go above or below my same dosage every day which is what must keep me from being an addict.  I have a wonderful husband, three great kids, am a supervisor at my company, am going back to school 5 nights per week, am very active in the community and my church.  I wish all of you the best and hope that your life will also be great and full of hope soon.  Thank each of you for the help you have given me on my research paper.  Good day all.

[groovygirl]

i really feel for you right now...i know you wouldn't have asked something like that unless you were feeling truly desperate.  what are you going to do now?  asking for help last winter was the hardest thing i've ever done...confessing my addiction to my friends and family was humiliating to me.  however, if i hadn't done it, i would still be taking 35 pills a day...i know i would. if you can't talk completely openly with your gf or your family, maybe you could find the strength to talk with a doctor? please think about it...you do have options other than what you are doing now...i'm worried about you.

[groovygirl]

you can kid yourself, but you can't kid most of the people here...if you are taking 10 pills a day and you have been for several years, you are in for a world of trouble.  it will catch up with you...your liver is probably going to start screaming at some point soon.

so, we are all part of a research paper you are doing and that's the only reason you are here?  you're not here because of all the meds you are taking and from fear that you are an addict?  maybe you should re-think your reasons for coming here.  i wish you well...

[Im Just Fine I Am]

no i take 40 pills per day.  but only 10 of each kind which must be what keeps me from becoming addicted or from it causing problems.  yes thank you for your posts everyone.

[Sean5110]

Thank you, that is the first time I've laughed in a couple of days! Did you say for several years, every day, you take:
10 Oxys
10 hydo
10 valium

but this is not a problem???? I guess it depends on how you define the word problem. The damage to your liver alone, I would imagine would deter a physician from keeping that regime going.

But seriously, if that post was not just pulling our chains, what could be the reason for such a diet? Maybe the problem would become evident if you were to attempt stopping. If this is a chronic pain thing and that's what the doctor orders, well, bless you and if you ever think that things should be different, please talk to us. Is it just a coincidence that you happen to be doing research on addiction and your days are filled with heavy duty pill popping?

[Im Just Fine I Am]

Hi Sean,  Well the pills are prescribes to me for a variety of reasons by the same doctor.  I have MS, osteoporosis, severe migraines, one kidney due to donating the other, no spleen due to a car accident, one lung due to a childhool illness and also had polio when i was two years old so I guess that's why I'm on this medicine and why I must stay on it.  I guess I'm just lucky that it causes no problems.  I have my liver checked every three months through bloodwork.  Cheers Samantha.

[GOD]

Looking at your post, I see that you're taking 50 pills per day that you say are prescribed, and since you take your "prescibed dose", that you are not an addict.

Does your doctor sell/prescribe you this much medication out of a trailer in Mexico? NO 1 (one)doctor would prescribe the doses that you are currently taking. The only way you could be possibly be getting the amount of drugs "Legally" that you are is if you are doctor-hopping. You know, one doctor is prescribing 6 oxys and 3 valiums per day, your other Doc is prescribing 4 Oxys and 4 Vicodins for breakthrough pain. the third Doctor is prescribing 4-6 fiorinal and 6 Vikes per day... Etc, Etc...

Look at your situation VERY CAREFULLY. I know a few addicts who "don't have a problem" because they *snort* their heroin, and don't shoot it up.

I'm not here to judge you, but your post is a cry for help wether you intended it to be or not. We care about you here, so keep looking around and KEEP POSTING!

Jess

[GOD]

I re-read your post, and saw that it is 40 pills, not 50 that you take daily... And I saw what you wrote to the other poster concerning your physical condition.  still think that your doc is not doing this the "Right" way concerning your dosing. Why not 5 20Mg oxys? Why risk all the Acetamenaphen with the Vicodin? Valium and Fioricet don't mix well...

Just my opinion, though...
If your current regimine of RX is doing you well, good luck to ya!

Jess

[Im Just Fine I Am]

Hi Jesse, Thanks for your post.  I have to say I do feel a little concerned now.  My doctor is the same one I've had for years and years and he is old and maybe he has no clue of what he is giving me.  I'm thinking of checking with another younger doctor.  Now I wonder if this doctor is even really checking my liver enzymes.  I didn't know of all the tylenol that is in these drugs.  Is there tylenol only in the vicodin or is it also in the oxycontin, valium and fioricet?  Thanks in advance if you know these answers.

[sweetusa]

Hello I am new to this forum, I have been wanting to do this for a very long time,Im shaking right now IM so scarred.IM ADDICTED TO Hydros for about five years now. And I want to stop taking them but dont want to quit cold turkey because I dont want the withdrawals. I dont think I could quit cold turkey anyways. My Doctor gave me Ultram this time and not hydrocodone. Like he usually did for the past five years now. I had five hydros left and wanted to make sure I wasnt totally out so I would take a Ultram and then saved the hydro for a better time, but that didnt work because the Ultram wasnt like the hydros they are no good, and they made me lightheaded and a heavy feeling so I talked to my Doctor and he said that is one of the side effects of Ultram, to cut the pill in half and take it that way. And I thought that really sucks because the whole 50mg of the pill wasnt doing nothing for me, and then I had to cut the pill in half, of course I didnt do that so I took a hydro and felt much better with that, but then I only had two hydros left so I did a very bad thing and I feel so crapy for doing it I bought three hyros from someone and took one. but taking the hydro and then waiting 8hrs to take the Ultram, and now I feel very ill from taking both of them so I stopped taking the Ultram of course. and freaked out because again only had two hydros lefted, I tryed to talk my poor husband into going to the hospital to fake a pain and try to get some and he said no I Wont do that. SO I bought ten of them using my rent money, I feel really sick doing that, because I am christian and normally wouldnt do that kind of stuff I wont go to my Doctor because I dont want him to know, I am scared, and I need help really bad so someone please help me. sweetusa

[GOD]

The toxic dose of tylenol is anything above 4000 Mgs per day.

Tylenol content:

Vicodin comes in 5/500, 7.5/500 and 10/500 (5,7.5,10 are Milligrams of Hydrocodone, and the "500" is Milligrams of Acetamenaphen)
Fiorocet has between 325-500 Mgs Acetamenaphen per pill.

Anyway, you are taking between 8,250 and 10,000 Milligrams of Acetamenaphin on a daily basis. THis is NOT good for the old liver.

One of the reasons that OxyContin was developed was to combat the "Tylenol problem" that pain patients would eventually run into if their doses of vicodin got above 10 pills per day. OxyContin, and MS Contin contain NO Acetamenaphin.

I think your right in consulting a new doctor if your current Doc is prescribing you current doses. But talk to your current Doc about the situation first. He may elect to take you off the Vicodin altogether, and replace it with a higher OXY dose, or maybe MS IR for breakthrough.

Good luck,
Jess

[dreamin]

We are here for you ..How are you physically? how can we help? keep writing and posting.  Let us know how you are doing!!

[dreamin]

WHERE DID YOU GO?

[The Golden Slipper]

I am a fioricet addict and I can tell you for a fact there is tylenol in fioricet.

I can't imagine what I would be like if I mixed the fioricet with valium!!!

Please keep posting

[sweetusa]

Thank you for you post, well physically I got back problems, Really bad headaches every so often, and Mentally I have anxiety, and also I have thyroid problems. I started taking the hydros for my back and I now I take them for no pain at all. I alsoake them to help me sleep now and found if I dont take one then I dont get back to sleep. I only have nine hydros left and will have to stop taking them if the doctor doesnt give me anymore. And I really want the support to stop taking them, Im to scarred to tell my Doctor. And I dont want the withdrawals.Please help me I dont know what to do and I need the sopport to stop taking them, what do you think I should do, your opinion. ( IM 29 yr old married woman with three kids and dont want this around my children, I want the best for them.)
                                   sweetusa

[skipper]

so, i'm just fine i am:

i'ld welcome you to this forum, and tell you there is always room
for just one more junky but....since your not addicted, and your
doing "research" on us when your not supervising at the co. you
work at, when your not active in church or donating organs....i'm
sorry lady but i think your full of ****. take it elsewhere please.
if you are taking all the oxy, hydro,benzo's and fioricets you say
you are and don't think your addicted....well try going a day or 2
without. while your doing that you can study medical school stuff &
clean up the mess in your head.

it's ok to bullshit us, but you shouldn't shoot your whole wad all
at once.

kip

[Chezz]

I want to call my doc. This is sooooooooo hard. I was pretty upbeat yesterday. Same this morning.

This afternoon is killing me. I want some meds.
For the pain, and of course the addiction.

$#!%!%!T%%@!~~~#

Chezz

[Sean5110]

You've come to the right place in that we all know what you're going through. I know you are scared to run out of your hydros, but it sounds like that will happen sooner or later, as it does for all of us, regardless of whether you get a few more for now or not. The real issue is that you know you need to quit. Your withdrawal pain can be seriously diminished by medications prescribed by your doctor. He should understand your situation and be prepared to help you. It sounds like your husband already knows there's a problem, so you should most likely have his support. The key is, sooner or later we all come to the moment of truth. Delaying the inevitable is just that. And, you'll find many here who can vouchsafe for the fact that life without the pills is much much more satisfying than with them.

Keep talking to us.

Sean

[sweetusa]

Hello Skipper I agree with you. She came here because she needs the same help we do. I am a addict, and this is my first day on here and I can admit it. My apinion is she is crying for help and needs our support. The same as we do. I am so glad there is stuff like this on the internet to help us.

Im fine I am,
I know how you feel, I am married with three children as well and I am active in my church as well. I went to this website alot and read everyone of them to I think that is the first step.........the second step is posting your message....... The third step is admitting to your addiction. We have all been there I havent been to my doctor and told him about my problem because I am to scared to do that, the only people who know are my husband. And all of you. And of course Our Lord. Just remember we are here for you, we are all here for each other I came here today too because I need the help and the support as well. Just please come forward.

To Everyone Also I think some Doctors are a joke now days, My Doctor has been giving me vicidon for years now, you would think he would say to himself I better not give her anymore because she will become addicted, but no, some of them dont do that, I think they just dont care, they just write out the perscription and say go now you are on you way. And no Im not blaming the Doctor totally, I put totally blame on myself.
                                     Sweetusa

[bmac]

Sean I think you have the right attitude.I like the part where you said you know what you have to do!I think that's what I meant in an earlier post to you,it just didn't come out that way.

To Sweet USA,  There are many here that can help you.
We all have either just gone thru it or are still going thru it.
I came here about 3 weeks ago,withdrawing and going nuts.I got good advice and used it to my benefit.I am 30 days clean from
hydro's.oxy's and then methadone.Atleast 12 years of it.
Withdrawals are going to be there.Theres nothing you can do
to stop them but you can find ways to make it more comfortable.
Learn how to taper or better yet find a doctor to detox you at home.Clonidine is going to help.The recipe you can find here
will really help the fog and the confusion going on in your brain.It is listed all over these boards.The famous'Thomas
Recipe'.Keep on trying to get clean.
                 Peace,
                 bmac

[bmac]

About the doctor thing you said.There are many docs out there
that don't give a damn about whether or not you get addicted.
But in the same kind of way there are alot of doctors that will help you stop taking drugs.First you have to tell your primary doc that you are addicted and need to be tapered off.If
he/she refuses go to another one.This country is full of very
good medical people who know addiction.If your doc took you off
narcotics and put you on Ultram,cold turkey that doctor isn't
much of a professional.Coming off years of hrydo and oxy can't be done by just cutting you off,that's ridiculas.Find a doctor that will either detox you or taper you.Don't let bad medical people make you suffer.I know what I am saying on this matter.
I had to find the right help and did,and now Im 30 days from the
last pill.Aug 18th is a day I'll never forget.The last day I
used narcotics.Get help from a good doctor.
        remember to keep posting and you will find a great amount of info on addiction here.
                      take care,
                       bmac(Bill)

[sweetusa]

Thank you so much for the support and the advice, Why I am scared to go to my Doctor on this is because I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I have seen my doctor for 15 yrs now and my parents go to him and I am scared he would tell them and that he would turn me in or something. Im just plain scared on what to do. And I dont know if he would taper me off or just tell me to just quit. I dont know what to do. HELP ME PLEASE!           sweetusa

[Chezz]

The position you are in right now is one of the hardest we all face in our Quest and journey to be free from pills.
That is so good you are reaching out.

I also feel your Dr. already knows you have a problem and is just starting to deal with it by giving you the ultrams. They are no where near the "high" of hydro. That is the goal I see. He wants to ween you down on the ultram.
On the 1st point of discussing this with him. Patient/ Dr. confidenciality issue is a strong legal issue. He would not discuss this with anyone, if he has an ounce of integrity.

You are on the right track already. Looking for help, not more hydros.
Keep posting, and be honest with your addictiion. That is when recovery begins in my humble opinion.

Chezz

Having a pretty bad day on day 4

[dreamin]

Hey,

I was wondering what happened to you, I am so sorry that you are having such a bad day, just remember, that this day will pass and that you got through day one and day 2 and day 3..I know it's hard, but you can do this.  As hard as it is, being addicted is harder..your heart know that and so do all of us..

thinking of you

Sheila

[hippy]

hey there , taht doctor is not as bad as you might think,
i have substuted ultram for vikes and perc's  in the past.
i was taking 10 to 20 vikes a day , and would run out and
5 or 6 ultram  a day would hold me over pretty good ,
when it came time where i would then run out of ultram
the same old **** would hit the fan.
one thing was for sure i did not like ultram but it got
me to work, and i have found it much easier to taper
off of, tho i have knon and read where some people
got addicted to it and it has just as nasty withdrawls
as opiates.

[Chezz]

Thanks Sheila. Your post brought me to tears. It has been so hard mentally.
I want to call my doc for meds. But I know if I do, I would want to be sober again, in another week or two. Cause believe it our not I didn't really like how they made me feel. The rage, rollercoaster, ect.

My back just went out 1 1/2 months ago. So I haven't been on the meds that long. I just told my doc I was sick of the side effects of the meds and would rather see how far I could go with dealing with the pain. He doesn't see why I am putting myself through this when he will treat me for the pain and then work with me to get to see the docs that can help me for the long term. Then deal with the addiction and getting me off the meds I am overly honest with my doc and I trust him. I just feel better mentally when I am off of them.

It is so confusing and frusterating.

[bmac]

I understand your position BUT if he is any kind of professional
he will help you.Tell him first off that to tell anyone of your condition is against the law.If he has been prescribing
all the meds you are on then he knows your position.
Coming off of opiates should not be taken lightly,especially
by you doctor.If he doesn't really know how to help,ask him
to give you clonidine(bloodpressure meds)and some phenobarbital
or valium for the withdrawals.No matter what little town you live in addiction is addiction.Don't let some old country doctor
tell you to stop cold turkey.That is unethical and puts you at risk for a unhealthy couple of weeks.Try real hard to explain that you want off but can't just stop living during the withdrawals.If he won't listen I am sure someone in your town has gotten help.Don't just go thru the hell of withdrawing
without the meds that are useful to us that are withdrawing.
If the Ultram isn't helping ask for something else,my God
he's got a pipeline of scientific medicine at his disposal.
If he really cares about your wellfare he will find a way to make you comfortable as possible.I just can't see giving Ultram to stop opiate addiction.What in the world is this guy thinking.
Get help or make him help you.
                                  bmac

[sweetusa]

Hello everyone.
I do want to add that yesterday evening before I bought the pills, I was cooking dinner and I thought if I just burn myself. I will have to go to the ER and maybe I will get some vics. SO I asked my husband to take the kids to the store and get something for a excuse to do that to myself. The funny thing is God was diffently looking out for me I poured hot greese from a fry daddy on my hand. It hurt like heck, and I rinse the greese off and it hurt alittle bit but didnt break the skin or anything, just a little red. SO I warmed up my soup and poured the very hot soup on the same hand, burned when it went on but still nothing, boiled some water and did the samething, yet nothing, boiled some water this time in the micorwave and nothing again. It just sting alittle bit and the water was boiling hot. and today looking at that hand it doesnt look like I didnt anything to it. God was looking out for me that is for sure. Im very embarrased to tell you all this. But I cant believe that I went that far to try and get some pills. That is pretty sick. Im am so glad I fould this site. SO I can have the support that I need and to support others as well.And this is why I need to quit because it is going way to far, I dont want the hydros to control me anymore. Also I was wondering what is Clonipin, I dont know if I spelled that right but what does it do i have never heard of it thank you so much.

Sweetusa

[GOD]

THis story was forwarded to me at work, and it couldn't have come at a better time for me...

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.

The young man held out his package. I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this. The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears.

He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me, it's a gift.

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The father died a few months later, there was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?

Someone in the back of the room shouted, We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one. But the auctioneer persisted, will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?

Another voice shouted angrily, We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids. But still the auctioneer continued, The son! The son! Who'll take the son? Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son, and he shouted, “I'll give $10 for the painting.”

Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. “We have $10, who will bid 20?” “Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.” “$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?” The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. Going once, twice, SOLD for $10.

A man sitting on the second row shouted, ”Now let's get on with the collection.” The auctioneer laid down his gavel, “I'm sorry, the auction is over.”

“What about the paintings?”
”I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything.

God gave his Son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is, The Son, the Son, who'll take the Son?; Because you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

--author unknown

[sweetusa]

Jessesarphy,
Thank you so much, that met so much to me.I cryed and cryed when I read that, I am Christian and that was a message to me and everyone else from our Lord, Im still in tears because that really touched me so much. and cant thank you enough. God Bless You all. Sweetusa

[sweetusa]

To everyone,
Hello Im sorry I am writing alot today, but Im having such a hard time with this all. I took a hydro but that is good for me because the last one I took was 5:00am this morning so that is real good for me. Usually I take around the clock every four hours. but I havent for a couple of days now but I really want to but IM trying to take this one day at a time. That is all I can do. My kids and my husband and me are way more important. Thank you for all of you support everyone. Can someone tell me about how to taper off of them like how they did it? and What is that blood pressure pill that helps with withdrawals.? I dont have withdrawals yet, but I know it will come when Im totally out of the pills. that is going to be so hard but I need not to think on how hard it is going to be, just how better my life is going to be. Is part of the withdrawals fustration and agitated because I do feel that and depressed. Please help me with all my questions thank You so very much. God Bless You all. Sweetusa

[groovygirl]

i meant to say 40 pills not 10, but i guess you and everyone else got the picture anyways huh? i have to agree with skipper that you are full of ****, and i hope you realize that the people you are trying to mess with here are here for very serious reasons.  we are all very experienced with the meds you claim to take - it sounds like bull.  

what i want to know is why did you really come here in the first place?

[OxyDout]

you are both too funny, 40 PILLS A DAY BUT NOT ADDICTED MY ASS!!!sorry i just wanted to say that.  anyway, i'm doing ok, hey skip, i found some darvocet and man it sucks but its helping me get back to where i was......

groovy, i hope you don't think i'm still avoiding the additional help, i'm not, but i called the clinic, they make mandatory meetings and meds every day and want people to stay 6 months!!! i'm sorry but i only need a week of meds, the counseling i could use for a while if it was with the right people, but i see myself being worse off if i go there, what do you think..........plus i don't like the idea of them giving me 1 dose of methadone a day because it would be too much, i have taken 15mg in 1 day which is minimal and i only took 5mg at a time.... if i went there they would probably have me take atleast 20mg all at once!!!

anyway, this has been a great thread, lets keep it alive.

[JustinTime]

Hello everyone, first timers here.  I am not feeling overly great right now,it's the morning after.  feeling a little shaky, guilty..and i wanna hide.  i hate this feeling both the emotional and as well that the phyiscal, combo of lack of sleep and mild alcohol withdrawls i got going here. not a good feeling. i quit once last year, stopped for 2 mths.  relapse really bites. chronic, progessive and incurable, wow, i talked to myself in the mirror today, trying to do a bit a self counselling.  i need to reach out, this i know, and right now, this is how i am reaching out, is thru here. i can't wait until tomorrow morning,i will be well rested, no hangover, i will feel physcial good. today will be a long day for me.  but it will be a clean one. i am usually good for a couple of days, and then my mind leaves me and i run off to the beer store again.  my heart feels heavy and i am scared. tellin myself, i am women, hear me roar,and right now, i am sober, good for me.

[groovygirl]

it wouldn't hurt to tell them what your situation is and see if they can help you out...they might be able to give you as much or as little as you need.  you've been on this see-saw (sp?) for a long time now, and it might take months to get it back under control.  at the very least, you probably should make an appointment with an addiction specialist to see what your best course of action should be...you can't do this alone...not many people can - myself included.

[OxyDout]

yes mom

[dreamin]

How is everyone this morning?  As far as nights go, mine was ok, not that anyone asked..(smile) Chezz how are you on day 5 and gwh, how are you doing??

[GOD]

Ever since I've been sober (about 3 months) I STILL haven't had a "Good night's sleep"-- Always drank or drugged myself to sleep in the past... Maybe my body doesn't need more than 4 hours per night, but I really miss a good 8 hour sleep!

BUT, Being sober makes it all worthwhile!

Jess

[OxyDout]

I'm doing ok, I am doing a great job of cutting back, yesterday I had 6 darvocet, and thats nothing, trust me.  

Jess i know what you mean, after 5 hours, i wake up very restless.... its weird, i wish i could just sleep in, i think it does take a long period of time for your body to adjust.

[dreamin]

you were in a pretty dark place yesterday.  Has that passed? I thought about you last night and tried to send good feeling your way..

sheila

[skipper]

groovy:
i'm glad someone else smelled bullshit....and as to being study
material for some one elses research...i don't really believe a
person could "glean" much useable info by reading the posts here.
the true "value" of this site is mostly at the emotional level.

i don't even mind having my "leg pulled" either. but as bob dylan
said in the song "like a rolling stone," "you never understood,
that it ain't no good to let other people get your kicks for you." so "just fine i am," allow me to translate that for you (i doubt your hip enough too). it's REAL BAD MEDICINE to have your fun at someone elses expence! what goes around, does have a way of coming around (you know BAD KARMA?)!!!

anyhow groovy, i lost my job. 18 years at that place....i'm pretty disgustted with the the whole university game  at this point. i did get a 90 day severence package....not much for 18 years. i hope this union job goes thru, as i'm 51 (not a good job hunting age).

well i'm off to the doctor to get as many things fixed as i can
while i still have health insurence

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[percsnomas]

Good luck on the union job coming to fruition....just wish i could snap my fingers and turn all your invaluable advice and support into a "better" severance package!!

[GOD]

I Like the Bob Dylan Reference!

"How does it feeeeeeel?"

Still having fun with detoxing my Aunt... She ran out of Klonopin last night, so we had to pick up some more Benzo.. Got some valium, and giving it in little doses every 6-8 hours now. ****, you people on the forum were right about the Benzo withdrawals being the WORST and most dangerous! She didn't have a siezure, but was getting muscle spazms, and slightly delirious last night until the Valium was administered. What a bunch of horseshit to deal with... Thank GOD I'm not having to feel all that **** personally, but seeing someone else suffer tends to hurt one's soul...

Have a good day, Skip, and to the rest of you: PEACE!

Jess

[groovygirl]

skipper - i really am sorry about your job...after 18 years, it certainly is a kick in the teeth to just be laid off like that.  what exactly is the union job?  what type of work?  didn't you have some sort of "IT" job - computer stuff?  could you do consulting?  no age is a good age to be looking for a job these days...i know a phd that is flipping burgers - these are tough days. if you can afford to take some time off to relax and get your bearings, maybe it will be a blessing...i lost a job once, and it ended up being a great thing - i started doing something else that i was much better suited for and much happier doing.

jesse - your aunt is lucky to have you at her side.  i wondered if valium really helps with detoxing.  i've heard people talk about it but never used it myself.  does it help with the chills?  chills and stomach cramps are the worst part for me...the depression and lethagy suck too. i hope you are doing well...i've missed your posts...you haven't been here as much as before.

gwh - are you out there dude?  get your butt back here!

[GOD]

THanks Groovy...

Kinda hard to post as much when your HELPING someone ELSE detox. I posted ALL THE TIME when I was Using/Detoxing...

You've been not as active as usual with your posting too! Maybe we'd BOTH better type a little more...

CHeers,
Jess

[Sean5110]

I remember years ago I was admitted to the hospital at the outset of heroine withdrawals and was treated with valium. It worked great. I have used it a little to kick hydro and it did seem to work. Unfortunately, and I'm so ashamed to admit it, I caved yesterday and went pharmacy shopping for more. It was a bad choice and I can't say anything in my defense.

Given the fact that I'm relapsing, or at least, putting aside my tapering, I wouldn't usually be letting anyone know. That's the way it was years ago; I wouldn't let my family, friends, AA relationships (even though I was a drug addict, I chose AA over NA) know until I was ready to try again. Cyberspace is different I guess. Even though I haven't met any of you, I still feel nervous making this admission. Maybe it will help me to try again sooner than I would otherwise if I were just keeping it to myself. I am sorry, to those of you who have taken the time to give me such incredible encouragement. Please pray that I may have the grace to direct my will firmly in the right direction.

[OxyDout]

whats up Groovy?

Yes I'm out here and I'm losing my mind, I had 20mg of oxy this morning which you should know is nothing for me, I can feel my body starting to slump, I feel awful.  No matter what you post, you always put a smile on my face, your tough love and your sarcasm is awesome!! Seriously, I think we argue about certain things because we are very much alike, both a bit stubborn, both know it all, you know what i mean.  Anyway, I emailed you my question, but I will ask you and whoever else reads this.

Here it is:

I have had 7 knee surgeries, all by the same Doc, I used to get tons of vics from him which is how I got started, I never told him I had a problem but he may have guessed, not to sure though.... Either way, I haven't seen him in about a year and a half, I scheduled an appointment with him for Sept. 30th.  Should I come clean with him and tell him I have had a bad problem with drugs.  I plan on telling him that i have been in a lot of pain (which is true) that I have been addicted and I fear getting more drugs for my pain. I will then ask for a small script of Methadone, does this sound like a good Idea? is it possible?

[groovygirl]

if he feels he knows you well enough and feels that giving you some is the right thing to do, you may have a shot.  i still think that if you want to go the methadone route, you need to have it administered by a professional - plus you need to have someone to talk with.  you've done this methadone thing before - many times and it didn't work.  initially it worked, but it didn't stick.  i know i sound like a broken record, but doing this alone like you have been isn't working for you.  if you tell your friends, family, gf, you will be more accountable when/if you relapse, and you will have them to stand by you for support.  it's great that you come here and have all of us, but i think you need face-to-face contact with those you love...if they truly care about you, they will not desert you...have faith.

[groovygirl]

p.s. gwh:  all mighty and powerful??? hahahahha you crack me up!

jesse - yeah, i need a break from all this honesty from time to time - plus every now and then i come across someone who really turns me off and then i become disillusioned with this place and need to break away for awhile.  

if you stay away for any length of time, you come back and many of the people you knew are gone...i'm glad you're still here:)

[skipper]

hey people!:
just got back from the foot doc. had more minor surgery. basicaly
the same thing as last spring only the other foot. this foot doc is
a pretty nice guy... he let me take pictures! so i clicked off a-
bout 30 digital pictures at 3.3 mega-pixal resolution. i didn't have too good of a vantage point to shoot from, so most aren't that
good....except for one where the doc is lifting off a nice sliver
of bone. too bad i couldn't post 'em huh? ah well i never said i
wasn't strange....

will post more later
keep an angel on your shoulder
sore toe kip

[OxyDout]

yes you are a broken record!!! i don't know why you think i'm so against getting help, I'm not, and I already told you I HAVE TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND, I HAVE TOLD MY FAMILY!!!! don't worry I still like you :) and yes, you are the ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL GROOVY ONE

[GOD]

You know where to send those pics!

***@****

I'd like to take a look @ the foot. I'll be taking my Camera out to Beaver Lake this weekend to get some shots of my Aunt's "Mansion" on the lake... I'll send you a couple of those!

Say "Hi" to meaty boy..

Jess

[OxyDout]

definitely send me some pics of your aunts house, PLEASE, I'm serious.

[GOD]

You bet...

It's a pretty nice place for her to detox... worth about 2,000 G's (that's 2 Million dollars for those of you in Rio Linda).

It would be nice if she could really ENJOY her new place, so I'm hopin' and Prayin' that it will all work out well...

Later(Z)
Jess

P.S. Where's Christine been at lately?

[OxyDout]

I don't know I'm worried about her, I emailed her and she didn't write back. I will have to try it again.

CHRISTINE IF YOUR OUT THERE PLEASE POST SO WE KNOW YOUR OK!!!!!

[skipper]

groovy:
i'm sorry i really turn 'ya off (it had to have been me). please
don't go away anymore! i'll shut-up i promise. also 'ya got to re-
member, jess and me are just farm boys. jess is much worse off than
me...hell 'ya gotta tell that poor kid when he is standing in a
cow-pie (bovine fecal excrement)!

please cut us farm-boys some slack!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[groovygirl]

skipper - i hope you're kidding - i really dig both you and jess you silly goose.

gwh - i bet a million dollars you haven't told your gf or family about this relapse or about selling stuff...

[GOD]

Golly, Skip...

Now ya' had to let the cat outta the bag, didn't ya'?
Now people are going to be askin' us if we have CARS in Nebraska...(Ooops)

I wanted to let the Forum to continue to think that we were a couple of DEA agents working under-cover as Professors at the local University!

Sheeeeit -n- grits.
Jess

[GOD]

Hmmm...

I gotta agree with the most groovy one on her last comment. Your GF and Parents would probably be pretty pissed if they knew about the SELLING.

[OxyDout]

Thats all I ever hear, its always Groovy Groovy Groovy, what about GWH, huh? where do I fit in, nobody loves me, you *******, you always side with her.

YUP, youre right, they don't know anything about the relapse and or selling. HOWEVER, i haven't done much selling and am reconsidering the whole thing.  I had a night of experience 2 nights ago, man I must have got 100 calls, I never realized how bad addicts are, they call every 5 minutes.  It doesn't go with my personality.

So thanks again mom your always there to set me straight. aka Groovy

jess you mean your not part of the DEA, I thought you and skip were agents. hot dang, another let down.

[groovygirl]

how did the word get out so quickly that you were selling - 100 calls!!!  wow you are so popular now.

so...are you going to tell?  to tell or not to tell...that IS the question isn't it?  i think it would help to talk about it...remember, if they love you and are worth your love, they will not leave you.

love,
mom

[skipper]

hippy:
man laid off and tennis elbow too (imagine my voice in a gravelly
whine (like mickey rourke in "barfly")). that's a bummer dude. what
are you doing here...trying to live my life? i just found out i've got carpel tunnel and will have to decdide what to do. when the
**** hits the...it really sprays all over. what kind of work do you
do? ever thought of doing a "geographic?"

seriousily i hope you find a job as quickly as you desire too. i'm
gonna have to wait a while on this union gig...something                                                most of us addicts are not good at. guess i'll  to "work on that one too!!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[OxyDout]

thanks mom, i love you so much, your my favorite mom.  How can i not tell my mom as she is the most loving individual i know.  

the all mighty groovy one, you are the best, i mean it you are incredible.

EVERYONE LISTEN UP, GROOVY IS GORGEOUS TOO!!!! SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!  ha...... did i embarrass you yet.  

but in all seriousness, i need to find a way out of this, i'm getting very nervous that i will not find any methadone, i'm in serious ****.  

i thank you all so much for your help/support, i will always be thankful for this forum, i just hope i can turn this around.  

GWH

[hippy]

thanks skip,im a union painter 24 years,
i got hurt on the job about a month ago but i thought it was just bad bang on the elbow and it would pass, so i just kept on being a good worker, and they ran out of work about 10 days ago
while im off the 1st week the elbow starts really acting up,
never had any problems before like this, i thought for sure it was fractured, i went to collect unemployement and i am not eleagible untill jan.
well the really bad thing is i have lot of side jobs to do.
igot an exray not borken  so im am off to the ortho dr., i have been told there could be ligamen damage minor.

i have been suffering, and talking to myself , rehearsing my line 's for when the dr. tell im really screwed up.
but then i get right back into reality after about 20 min.

im am taking the large motrin 800  , worthless,
using heat and ice and  wrist brace and an elbow brace.
i see the ortho on wen.
the dr. s keep asking me where did you hurt it. i lie to them and say i don't remember. if i teel them the truth  that it is work related they won't see me.

what a mess.

[skipper]

hey gang:
the pain has kicked in full blast. so has all the dope i've taken.
i am reallr screwed up....and guess what? i don't really like the
pain (that's a no brainer), but i'm not real happy being this fuckd up either. i feel like iv'e jost rolled snake eye in the big ****
shoot of a really fuked up life....i'm a real mess! just want to
let you people know how much i care about ya all, and how i just
culd not do it without yu
keep an angel on your shoulder!
kio

[ultimate high]

O NO skipper.  I've been lurking here for weeks but not posting.  Do you need someone to talk to?  Were you completely clean before tonight.  I was 12 days clean until this evening but I'm still focusing and working on not abusing and only using for pain but today was only abusing so I could function with my stepchildren and not for pain at all.

[groovygirl]

skipper - i hate to hear you sounding like that...i'm so sorry you are hurting.  did the meds help?  i wish there was something i could do...please let us know how you are doing today.

gwh - YES i'm embarassed!!

[pregnant]

Hi there
thanks so much for posting that story. He who takes the son gets everything. At night when it gets so bad I ask myself, "Where is my God?"He wasn't INSTANTLY helping me.
My husband heard me crying and sobbing and helped me and comforted me and I had the most sleep I had had in 13 days.
God used my husband to help me.
KK

[hippy]

hope your pain subsides,
keep on keepen on, we all care.
we all just have to help each other.
with support and encouragement.

i pic up a close freind at the 30th street rail station
sept 30. he gets out of huntingdon prison after 7 years.
i''l be there at 4.45 pm. his name is joe and he helped me get
clean in na in 1984 .  we used to go to conventions all over.
he was clean for 11 years then a marrage fell apart and he started drinking and useing and then he sold 2 ounces of coke
to a dea man, got 7 years to 12 he did a hard 7  fourty stabbings week.
well hes out in 8 days.  
                
                  to all
KEEP AMERICA BEAUTIFUL  STAY CLEAN.
and if it impossible do your best and ask for help.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ultimate high]

HOW TO STAY LIVE LIFE:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop."  And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.  If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments.

[suzieneedshelp]

OMG...I was so touched by Jess's art auction story.  Jess you are a really deep guy.  This site is sooo cool.  Just discovered it today!  Praise the Lord.  I dont deserve this..I dont deserve the help th e good Lord gives me.  I guess thats grace.  Anyway.. I hope to be here along time.  And to be clean one day and supportive of anyone who needs the help I need now.  After I post a message I just wait and wait for a response from you guys.  Its lonely out here when u hide your addiction from the world.
Thanks for Jess, Skipper, jeff, kio, Im sorry i cant focus on who else has responded to me..but believe me when i read your remarks i am soo grateful to you each personally!
A lot of heart in here!  A lot of soul...  A lot of mind power...A lot of spirit...
Suzie

[seikal]

hey all! this is my first post, however ive been watching your comments for months, as you people seem to be the only ones who know exactly what im goin through here

[seikal]

hi, help

[dreamin]

seikal

it is best if you post at the top even if it is off topic...usually people just don't look this far down..

sheila