so upset ive relapsed :(

i need to talk i ws 92 days clean and last night i did cocaine again, my nose bled this morning more than it ever has i feel like such a loser, i didnt do a lot maybe 5 small lines but it was enough :(
i feel so down and ugly today if that makes sense like i look in the mirror and dont see the same person i saw yesterday, i hate it i was starting to feel so good again and now i feel worse. I think im going to have to stop drinking to as this is the reason i went and got it, and its no one elses fault but my own i brang up the topic i shoulda just kept my mouth shut but the alcohol was talking!

Any one know how to set my tracker back to zero please?

[corey411]

Sorry this happened to you. Just learn from it, dust yourself off and get right back on track. It's good that you realize that the drinking triggered it. I don't drink as I don't like the high but many have posted on here about it triggering them to use again. The mental stuff should be bad for a few dats but try to learn and move on. Don't beat yourself up. God bless. Corey

[lb87]

thank you i will try and learn i hate this i just want to stop ive relapsed so many times now when will it ever end :(

[sunshinedaydream3]

keep your head up.
92 days is a ridiculous accomplishment, i can't tell you how many times i've failed.

theres nothing you can do to change last night, all you can do is change today.

everything is going to bee all right, and if u don't give up then you will be feeling alot better really soon.

it takes a really strong person to quit any kind of addiction.

it takes an even stronger person to fall down, but get right back up and not let one slip up turn into a few days, a week, a month.

keep on pressin lb, its going to be alright.

[lb87]

thank you for the kind words it is this that i need right now, i have set my racker back to 0 and i am going to start again this time it wont beat me and if it does ill have to keep trying until i get it right! my goal is to make it to xmas without touching i find trying to pick a time and get to it works, what a waste of lifwe though having to do this :(

[10356]

I think the waste of life is not trying to do this.. Every-one of us has had a slide I'm sure.. I had given up Alcohol on my Anniversary July4 07 for one of the very reason you mentioned it lowers my will power incredibly.. You will feel better very soon.. Keep trying and keep living.. Lesa

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You have made quite an accomplishment already......and you know that for a high from coke you will experience a corresponding low for a day or so after the fact.......Not uncommon at all to fall short a time or two before you get properly oriented........the key for that one lies in what you now do - - just keep quiting.....try and be easy on yourself - - most of us really beat ourselves up way too much and are our own worst enemies..........best of luck to you.......

[worried878]

If u dont pick up again i am not sure i would count it as a full blown relapse....but that is me..i call it a "bump"  I think u would have to delete your tracker and start a new one but not sure....if u want to call it a relapse then that is what u need to do...i have seen some use once and start at day 1 and others just admit their mistake and go on with recover and do not count it against clean time..mentally it may not be good to take away the credit for how well u have done so far by changing ur clean day...but it is how u feel and ur defintion of relapse...messing up is almost normal as we r human...going back ito using is not what u want for sure..pick urself up and go on...look back at it only to learn from it

[wannabefree330]

The fact you came back and told all of us takes a great amount of courage.  As everyone else has already said, pick yourself back up and just keep moving forward.  I had a great sponsor tell me once "When you lose girl, don't lose the lesson".  I know you feel like you have lost, but you have gained a HUGE insight here.  The fact that you recognize drinking set this whole thing off is enormous.  I think you hit the nail on the head.  When ever we take ANY mind altering substance, we lose all control of our inhibitions.  You still have a choice though......the choice is whether or not you take that first 'mind altering substance'.
Don't let this event pass by without recognizing the valuable lesson it has taught you.

[lb87]

thank you all, you make so much sense. i have set my tracker back to zero as i wont it to be totaly clean time, but i still know that i went three months, ( i had one small "bump" during that time also) so i feel it is right now to set my tracker back as i have done it twice now. this time i will not need to set it back again i am sure of that! i still feel **** today but not as bad i thought i had ruined all the repairi had donr to my nose but i havnt it isstill better and will get better even more so in time. x

[SharonR463]

I stopped using cocaine in Feb. However I did relaspe a couple of times. My reasons for doing it may be different then yours. During this time I have been taking vicoden for my shoulder. I do relize i have an addiction to the vicoden, but coke was more of a habit. I looked at the whole pictures to figure out why I did coke and I thought I needed to complete projects and get things done. Which i did but the next day i felt so bad i lost a day. I didn't like how i felt afterwards. So when I want it i keep telling myself how i feel afterwards and that helps alot. Try taking omega 3 it helps!

[lb87]

omega 3 why is this?