someone help me please, oxy addict

[CarrieMe]

I don't even know what to say, what to ask, how to talk because I've never done this before, but if you read this, please help me, if you can. I'm addicted to oxycontin, and I can't seem to kick it. I never thought my love would come to this, i took them one time when I was really young and completely nieve as to what it was. I knew nothing of what this drug was or that the good feeling you got when you did it was a "high". Now I'm pregnant, and I want to stop so badly, I don't want to ruin my child's life as well as my own anymore, I want to quit cold turkey, but that has only lead to agony and sleepless nights. I've cut back but I'm scared I may never be able to get off of these satanic drugs!

[road2recovery]

i have never done oxy, but you are sure not alone...Glad you are here..Somone will help you...But one thing i do know is you can not go c/t while pregnant , you can really hurt the baby.

Someone with more experience will help, don't leave us k
r2r

[CarrieMe]

I won't leave, I am so desperate, this is my last resort, I really need to talk to someone, I'm fighting off the cravings as we speak.... I have been for six hours now

[Ga Guy]

Hun, first off..how much are you taking daily? Secondly, what is your options as far as treatment? Can you do an inpatient detox? That's your best bet..but, some people don't have insurance or the means to do that. Also, there's some information on my profile page that may be of help..just click on the blue GaGuy link to the left of this post. Keep in mind that everything you take should be discussed with your doctor. Talk to us..people can suggest things..but, we need to know everything you're taking and how much.

[NautyOne]

How preggo's are you????  Does your doc know anything??  Im guessing not.

Nauty...................

[CarrieMe]

I was taking over eighty milligrams of it a day, sometimes up to one hundred and sixty... and then I was like this is ridiculous, it was making me vomit, it's like I couldn't live with it or live without it. Over the course of a week I'm doing forty to sixty milligrams a day, just trying to push through the pain, the cold sweats the hot sweats, the shakes, the bone and muscle aches, the severe headaches, annxiety and  loss off sleep by doing just enough to make me feel better when these symptoms reach their worst. I'm just scared that I've finally found something that's stronger than me. I can't go into detox, I can hardly pay my bills right now, and i have no insurance, so that isn't an option unfortunately....

[CarrieMe]

I feel too ashamed to tell my OBGYN I thought when I first got pregnant what I would be able to quit within a week or so so I didn't need to tell her, and now I've lied to her about doing drugs and I just can't seem to drag the truth out of my moulth to her.... but I can't even hold my head up anymore eaither, I can't believe I am doing this to my child, what kind of a mother am I

[avisg]

welcome,  You can make it threw this . I agree with IBK , if you have not talked to anOBGYN then
you really do need to ... They can help you come up with a taper plan for you ...You dont want to put your body into to much shock. How far along are you ?  
avis

[avisg]

carrie, you really have to tell her ....Cold turkey is not a good idea when you are pregent .... You are a good enough mother to know that you have to stop the meds for yourself and your child ,i know it is going to be hard but plz plz tell her ......
avis

[CarrieMe]

I hate to say it, it makes me hate myself all the more, but I'm a little over four months pregnant. When I don't take any milligrams I feel like my uterous is going to fall out, it hurts so much and I hate it even more because it shows my baby is hooked too....

[allaboutmary]

I have read many posts here from pregnant women.  You are not alone.  You are not a terrible person.  You have an addiction. Don't let that stop you from telling your doctor.  Hey, there are alot of doctors addicted to opiates.  Stay on this forum, so many nice, helpful people here that will try very hard to help you.   Mary

[lurker]

Do not go cold turkey while pregnant - that is harder on the baby than the drugs.  You should tell your OB right away - they will probably keep you on methadone and then when your little one is born they will briefly detox her/him with Morphine taper.  If you don't tell and they notice your baby having signs of withdrawal and drug test and get a positive, they will likely call CPS because you lied about it.  I know it will be hard, but you should be treated with compassion and kindness and if you are not, find a new OB.  You and your baby deserve that.
Keep posting...you will find compassion and concern here.

[CarrieMe]

I will, I will tell her, I just don't know how to bring it up, how to drop that bomb on her. I am still taking just so I can get through the day, but I hate that I seem to need this drug to feel normal

[allaboutmary]

Can you copy this post ? If so take it to your doctor, just incase you can't get the words out.  Let her read this. I think you will be surprised at the compasion people have when you are honest.  I so feel for you right now.     Mary

[CarrieMe]

I didn't realize how hard it would be to get off of them, I never had a real reason too before I was pregnant, I figured my life would just figure itsself out, silly I know, then when I got pregnant I thought, okay, a reason to quit, and now four months later I am feeling weaker and weaker, I had never thought of that, that if I didn't tell they'd take the baby away if they found out. I thought it'd be the other way around and they'd take the baby if I told them.... but I will copy this post, that's a great idea, because I am so desperate to tell someone, anyone, so they can help me, that's why I came here. This secret, this lie, is eating me up , inside and out.

[NautyOne]

How pregnant are you?  How far along?????

[NautyOne]

ooops nevermind.........

[NautyOne]

I'm not positive about this, but if you don't tell and you have an addicted child you can get in trouble, possibly lose your child.......anyone, am I right????

Nauty.................

[Beargizmo]

Best of luck to you, Carrie...you came to the right place for some help..Your doctor I'm sure will be prepared to help and will be more understanding than you might think..but as all have said, you must tell her..

Stay in touch with us here..we care about you and your baby, and more importanly perhaps YOUR life as well..

Jim

[avisg]

that is what lurker said in her post

[banana911]

lots of good words.  i am in agreement with talking to a dr immediately.  either your OB or an addiction specialist?  both?  

its tuff.  we're with you.  you are doing the right thing.

[CarrieMe]

the thought of losing my child makes me want to vomit... I can't lose this baby, I can't, I just wouldn't survive through that, not after carrying it full term, I already love it so much and that's why I'm here because I need advice, I want to kick this so bad, I never meant for it to go this far

[CarrieMe]

thank you all for you comments, I have been crying this whole time because I really needed some advice and encouragement. I have felt so alone in this, so isolated, with nowhere to turn and no answers. But next time I see her, I don't care how hard it is, I know now I have to tell her, I just can't do this on my own... and our lives, me and my babies are not anything to mess around with or guess at... really thank you IBKleen, banana911, beargizmo, lurker, asivig, allaboutmary, gaguy, road2recovery, please keep talking to me as you can, you have already helped me more than you could ever know

[CarrieMe]

are you sure they won't take the baby away if I tell them too... am I in a lose lose situation? Omg, I feel like I'm going to puke... I love this baby so much, I have to be sure they won't take it away or throw me in jail if I tell...

[formernurse]

I don't know what state you are in, but all states are basically the same.  Showing your md this thread will show her you are serious.  As a former nurse I can tell you your problem is not unique.  When your dr. knows she will help you and your baby.  (what do you think it is a boy or a girl).  You will not loose your baby by trying to protect it....honest.   Babys that are born addicted without anyone knowing are in danger.  They sometimes have sever respirtory problems and the wd on them is so sad to see.  You can do this and everyone will be here to help you through.  Stop stressing and tomorrow make an appt. with you md.  Tell the office girl its important for you to get in immediatly.  The sooner your md knows the better.  

[CarrieMe]

I think it may be a boy, I'm almost positive that it is, and I will find out soon enough, but I'm sick of anxiously awaiting each doctor's appointment to make sure that my baby's heart is still beating. Thank you for your advice, I feel more confident now knowing that you are someone from the field and you know what they can and cannot do...

[Greatgreebo]

Carrie,

I used to be a social worker (for quite a while). I had SO many young mothers on my case load that were hooked on opiates while pregnant and kept using and that is how I ended up involved because they did not want to quit. You are not like that....it's pretty plain that you want to quit and do right by your baby. You are not alone. Come clean with your doctor. I don't know what state you are in but state's really want babies to stay with their mothers period. By getting help from your doctor now you will save yourself a whole lot of heart ache later. Tell your doctor and don't be ashamed. BELIEVE me, you will not be the first or the last that has told her this. Keep posting, keep breathing and realize you are not alone. Tell the doctor because it will get a LOT of the stress out of your life so you can focus on a good, slow taper. It will be okay.
Take care,
Greatgreebo

[CarrieMe]

yes, i do feel a little calmer, just still a little guilty that tomorrow I will have to do a little bit to feel normal, because as of right now, I've been fighting the cravings off for seven hours, and I'd just love to not do anything again, but I will listen to everyone's words and continue to do as little as possible (just because of what you all said about the dangers of quiting cold turkey when you're pregnant) until I talk to my doctor about this and see what she says i should do. I feel so much better now that I have a plan, thank you so much, and I will post back to let everyone know what she said and what I'm going to do....

[CarrieMe]

thank you so much for writing into me, I'm so glad that there are people on here that know what's going on from an addicts point of view and from the authorities point of view, I feel so relieved to know that it is unlikely that my doctor will look down on me as a horrible person, or plan on taking away my baby as soon as I deliever it.... and for so long I've felt like the only one in this position, thank you for reminding me and showing me that I am not the first, and I am not alone, I have options.

[Greatgreebo]

Carrie,

I'm glad to be able to help. I've got a couple of college degrees...a great job....a lot of knowledge and an addiction that I have to fight every day. You are in good hands here and you will make it. Stay strong and focus on your future with your baby and without drugs!! You can do it. Keep posting 10 times a day if you have to.

greebo

[CarrieMe]

thank you so much, I hope when all this is over and I'm clean, I would love to become a counselor or someone who works with teenagers and addiction. I feel like if I can help one person, just one, my whole horrible experience will have meant something. I feel that you all have handed me my strength back, which I have felt robbed of in the past few months, I felt like I would never have it back again and that I'd always be this weak, drug addicted person who hated herself. Now I see I can safely get through this, and I can learn from it, and use it to help others where no one had helped me, help them in the early stages, or even before they get hooked on this terrbile drug. I will have a future without drugs! And I will be happy, clean and safe, as will my child, I can do this.

[allaboutmary]

Yes you can ! Go Girl !  We are behind you all the way.  

[CarrieMe]

this sight is bookmarked in my computer, and I will check in every day, even if it's just to talk to everyone, just so I can stay strong and focused... to be reminded that there are plenty of others out there like me, I'm going to do this! and I can say honestly that is my first real ligitimate good feeling coming from me and not a drug for over a year...

[Greatgreebo]

Stay strong. You CAN do it. We are here for you.
Ride your natural high today and imagine how good it will feel to get your own emotions back!!
Keep in touch.

[sarah611]

I'm pretty new to this forum, but have already had some great responses, and as I have some experience with what you are dealing with, I thought I'd offer my 2 cents...When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child ( a beautiful, healthy, bright, now 14 month old girl), I was only doing about 1 or 2 vicodin a day, so it was pretty easy for me to quit.  However, at about 5 months pregnant my sciatica was so painful that my ob prescribed me percocet.  I should have said "No", but I was in so much pain, and my ob assured me that the dose I was on would not cross over into the placenta....big mistake on their part...it started the cycle all over again, with me thinking my baby wouldn't get addicted, even if I kept taking them (from friends, or whoever), as long as I stayed within the prevoiusly prescribed amount.  I did this for about 2 months, and was finally feeling so guilty and hating myself, that I told my ob.  Don't underestimate it...it will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but it is also one of the most important things you'll ever do.  My ob (like most) was very knowledgeable, and very fair and understanding.  With her help I tapered down and my daughter was born with no difficulties whatsoever.  However, after she was born, I started right up again, until 5 days ago.  Sorry to be so long winded, but I thought you might like some first hand experience.  And as everyone else has said and you seem determined to do...call your doctor....I will be sending you good luck and encouragement vibes!  :)

[CarrieMe]

thank you so much everyone, I'm going to go eat now, the baby is kicking as we speak, probably because it knows it's dinner time. It feels good to have my mind and heart back, even if my body is in agony and protest right now. I'll just focus on the future, on something bigger than me, and I will keep in touch and let everyone know what my doctor says. I am honored that all of you took me in and cared enough to make my problem yours. You are all amazing people, and it gives me hope like I haven't felt in so long to see that there is still goodness like all of yours out there in the world. Stay strong.

[formernurse]

We are waiting to hear from you.  Please let us know how you are

[CarrieMe]

Thank you everyone who helped me yesterday, sorry I wan't able to post back sooner, I was at work all day. I called my doctor's office today and told them that It was vital that I get in tomorrow, even if it was only for five minutes. They told them my doctor was booked, but I told them that this was an urgent matter and I had to get in just to talk to her, she didn't even have to do the examination that I am overdue for. So tomorrow night at seven o'clock wish me luck and send me strength, I will be in there trying to get up the guts to tell her.

I do have a question though, for anyone, but especially formernursde because you have background experience in this. My boyfriend's brother is here and he's critisizing me telling me that I'm making too big a deal out of this, that if I really wanted to quit I would have done it, and that if I really wanted to quit that I would just stop and do it cold turkey. My boyfriend stood up for me and said that it's different because there's a baby involved. My boyfriend said that it's way too dangerous for me to just quit cold turkey because the baby could go into shock, but his brother said that we are blowing it out of proportion and I should just stop. He said quitting isn't that big of a deal, but I've been doing them every day for over a year now.

I guess my question to everyone, and attention formernurse, which one of them should I believe, my boyfriend's brother is really making me doubt myself and feel like a ****** person, please help and send me your input as soon as you can!

[formernurse]

Sorry I've been gone.  
You are going to see your md today.  Listen to her.  Unless your boyfriends brother is a md or works with addictions he knows nothing about it.  Hope you take a printed copy of these commets to your Dr. and let her see how hard you are trying.  I don't know about cold turkey when there is the baby involved.  Your Dr. will know.  Please post so we can encourage you.  If you only knew how many people are praying for you and that little new human being you are carring you would feel so strong.  Love you.

[alexandra fox]

If addiction was as easy to fix as just "really wanting it and just quitting cold turkey" this board would not need to be around. I can't say a word about the pregnancy stuff bec I just don't know, but I can say lots about addiction - it is a cunning, baffling, powerful, insane making brain dysfuntion that totally hyjacks a persons normal self - YES it is possible to stop, ABSOLUTELY, but don't add to your burdens by putting s hit on yourself darlin' or taking on what your bf brother said.

All the best at your doc's appointment, I hope you will find that a great burden is lifted by sharing your situation.