substuting addictions

[hippy]

yes doctor , do you beleive in the addictive personality,
and have you noticed in your experence, that addicts
have a strong tendency to leave one addiction and replace with another.
why do you think we do things like this, it almost
seem s  so self destructive, do you think addicts have
death wish.
and lastly what are your thoughts on the self hatred issue
seem to have, how does one get past self loathing after a
life of useing  and destroyingone's own life.

[southernbelle]

hope things are going well for you and i hope your knee is feeling better this morning.  your question(s) are my thoughts exactly.  what will really cure us?  will we just replace this with something else?  i really believe addiction is a disease.  i now it takes a choice, but something happens in our brains and we can't control ourselves.  at least i know i can't.  i would love to just be normal.  i know i have an addictive personality.  i'm hoping the psychiatrist will help.

[hippy]

thanks for asking about the knee,
it hurts ,pretty normal for this
time of the year, when the weather gets
really coldmy knee's hurt like hell.
last year i had to get a few cortazone shots.
the doc told me to stop kneeling on them
unde any and all circumstances. it worked.
but it took disciplin, one of my many short commings.
any way the pain is back full throttle.
so i am back to ice and advvil, heat and the wrap..........

anywayin the grand scheme of things life is grand,
i wish all the best for you and yours.


igot the new anne rice book  ,so that will distract me for a
while.
as far as being normal, i can relate to your feelings on the
the subject, i have always felt  that i had to struggle to be average, the problem is we are not average people we are extreemest.  we have the ability to be the best at what ever we choose, and we can point our addictive personality in a certian direction and get all kinds of results.
we just have to have the willingness.
another way of putting it is
we need to point our obbsessive personalities in a positive
direction.
we ushally get great results, it's like getting the reigns
on a wild horse,.
peace  your freind  the H MAN.  HIPPY/

[lisabet]

I really appreciated the above post where you asserted that if us addicts would learn to channel our obsessive, addictive personality in a positive direction we could do great things! That has really gave me pause for reflection, and gave my tattered ass self esteem a much needed boost! You're right, we're all capable of great things; sometimes we just need reminded. Thanks, hippee. Always read all your posts, but this one really jumped out at me today; just what I needed to hear. Love and Peace to you - Lisabet

[saveyourself]

Hey All, Just checking in, I got 6 hrs sleep last nite for the first time in 20 days, 4 in row, up for 1 then 2 in a row. This is the first good day I have had since day one.  I know the sleep really helped.

It is funny how my addict mind thinks, I have ran out of valium have a few clonodines left and my vitamins. Now the major withdrawls are coming to an end, but since I have become so good at self diagnosis I felt I would need another two weeks worth of vals. I now have to see this addictionoigist instead of my regular dr.  I sat in that waiting room for two hrs after the schedule appointment, I walked out and it caused me to miss my NA meeting. Major resentment until I prayed and relized that was a God thing. I do not need valium amymore but any way my disease can substute anything to feed the demon of addiction, I have got to be on guard.  Went  to a great meeting this morning, had coffee with a good recovering friend for an hour after the meeting.  My wife and kids are out of town until tomorrow,so I did all the laundry, dishes and cleaned up the Christmas stuff, then went to church, which had exactly what I needed to hear and now I pray I can get some more sleep tonite.  I have gotten more accomplished today than the entire last 20 days.

Thanks again to all who have helped me get through the most horrible WD I have had in 25 years.  I really had my doubts if I could get through it.  To those that are new, there is a lot of caring people here, but you need to post and be truthful where your at cause we have all been there.
Strength and Honor
Greg

[Rex1]

Greg - way to go! Your on the road back now. Be watchful. It crept up on me but with the help of folks here and God, I fought it off. All things are possible.

Rex

[Nod]

You described - Obsessive Compluslive Disorder - thats me, except the Obsessive is overboard in my head and the compulsive is whatever I can do to eleviate the obsessive for as long as I can.  Unfortunately, thru a DR mess up I was intro to hydro and that became my overboard compulsive part which helped eleviate the obsessive part - unfortunately only a short term fix to long time problem.

What funny lives we lead.  Anyway, on the tapper (again) and doing well..about 7 more days till clean.  Then fight the depression bug. Not that new to me so should be okay.  Just wish I could stay clean for more than 3-6 months.  Then again, being OCD sure makes it a struggle.

Hope you're doig well.  Sounds like you are.  Take care,
your friend, Nod

[hippy]

yo nod , in the narcotics anonymous basic text
it defines drug addiction
it says obsession to use drugs is the mental part,s
it says compulsion to use drugs  is the physical part,
the thrid part is the spiritual part.
it basicaslly says the disease of addiction is 3 fold,
mental , phyical and spiritual.
by writing inventories, we find out who we are, and WHY WE USED,

I KNOW THAT I AM AN  ADDICT, EVEN WHEN I TAKE AWAY THE DRUG'S
I STILL HAVE  PROBLEMS WITH ADDICTION
I FIND WHEN I AM CLEAN FROM DRUGS I STIL USE THINGS TO ESCAPE MY OWN LOW SELF ESTEEM AND SELF LOATHING...
THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES IN MY CLEAN TIME WHERE , WHERE I WAS TOLD BY SOCIETY THAT ALL I HAD TO DO WAS PUT DOWM TH  DRUGS AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE, IT HAS BEEN MY EXPERENCE THAT THIS IS
A LIE. DON'T GET ME WRONG PUTTTING DOWM THE DRUGS IS A VERY GOOD BEGINING. BUT IT IS ONLY THE BEGINIHG OF GETTING BETTER.BEING AN ADDICT, ONCE I PUT DOWN THE DRUGS OUR WORK TWARDS THE ROAD OF RECOVERY HAS JUST BEGUNN, ONE OF THE NEW FOUND PROBLEMS IS GROWIMG UP.AND GROWINNG UP AND MATUREING CAN BE A *****.
BEING RESPONSABLE FOR OUR ACTIONS IS ANOTHER DIFFICULT TASK.
CHANGE IS A TOUGH THING FOR ADDICTS, WE SPENT YEARS GETTING COMFORETABLE WITH FAMILIAR PAIN,SOMEWHERE ALONG THE ROAD OF
LIFE ADDEICTS SEEM TO MISS THE LESSON OF HOW TO BE MATURE AND RESPONSABLE.  WHERE THIS LESSON COMES NATURAL TO THE NORMAL PERSON, BUT FOR US ADDICTS WE MISSED THE BOAT LIVING OUR TOTOLY SELF CENTERED LIVES.THE FUNNY THING IS MOST OF US ADDICTS THINK
WE ARE FINE, ALL THE WHILE WE LIVE OUR LIVES IN DENIAL.
BREAKING THE CHAINS OF DENIAL, IS  A DIFFICULT TASK.
WE THINK  WE ARE FINE AND WE AREW NOT FINE.WE NEED TO
GET WITH THE TRUTH ABOUT OURSELVES

[saveyourself]

This staying clean has its rewards, but man it has it's challenges.  I am really grateful and happy that you to did not use.  It s 4 am so sleep time. Peace Brother
Strength and Honor
ps Have you found and been to a support group yet?

[saveyourself]

Good morning all,

Great post hippee,  I am now renewing myself with the text you draw some of your wisdom from, I know the rest you speak comes from another old Book and from above.  God bless you brother, I went on my walk with my shepard about 6am, made twice as far as I have been able to since I started a 11 days ago.  Then did some weight training.  I go back to work in a week, so I am working on being able to make it through the day.  I can feel the power coming back. You know it really is amazing how opiates when you stop them can take all strength and vitality away.  It's the devils drug for those of us who are addicts.  I have a new found respect and empathy for those need their pills to live a decent life and be able to control the use.

What has really helped besides the board, I am going to meetings every day, 90 in 90 days as recomended by my old sponser and the text.  The last few days every meeting I have gone to, I feel like finally I am home where I belong with people just like me learning a new way of life without using.

In closing,I have felt like alien, outsider to this world and our society when I hit my teens. I knew at 13 when I smoked my first joint I had found something that allowed me to tolerate this crazy,materalistic, war ridden, murderuos planet, not to mention high school that I had been born into.  They worked for sometime, the price of drug use spiritually,morally and the depths we sink to in the final stages were pathetic and evil for me, looking back it would have easier to feel like an alien and live life on lifes terms without the drugs.  Now, I look at it as gift to let others know, you do not have to use and there are solutions. Another book, I get a little carried away only because this disease is killing so many people in a slow miserable way. I have found out in the last week 5 guys I knew real well have died in the 4 years I was from NA. 3 of them died clean, the other 2 didn't.
Strength and Honor
Greg

[hippy]

good to see your post'
i just got in from hooking up a cable tv
for blind freind of mine, talk about grateful.
he is so up beat, he works with my wife and fed ex.

ya i can relat to you thoughts on the world from
an addicts view.
when i was with the really bad crew i felt like a good guy
and that i did not belong.
when i hung ot with the really square . jock type good guys
i felt like a really bad egg, and that i did not fit in there either.

as far as the na basic text, i pretty much know it backwards and
fowards, one of my favorite chapters is the JUST FOR TODAY
CHAPTER.
I  also read relapse amd recovery when i first got clean
'becasue it was the only thing i could relate to  after
going in and out of the program for 8 years from 1976 to 1984
ages 16 to 24,
and my sponser used to tell me constant attendence of meetings
was easier then regular.
so being the addict that i am and taking everything to one extreem or the other , i went to meetings everyday for 6 years
in a row in the begining

prace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[saveyourself]

I am still lauaghing over your last line, with respect of course, my goodness everyday for 6 years.  I certainly understand it, had I followed that route I have 11 years, but as we both know today is the most important time to count as clean.   Man, you were an addict, for me I got involved in service work GSR, H&I and of course lots of meetings.  

We should contact the Guiness Book of World Records, that could be a record breaking and historical amount NA meetings in a row.
We would have to figure out how to keep your anonimty and see if any one has beaten that record.  You should of got a trophy or plaque.  Really you got something even better, a life thats happy, joyous and free.  The prettest girl in philly and A life  and family you you never imagined would come to you in this life time.

Speaking for me  NA and recovery has given me more than I deserve and Grace has given me such abundance in ways that humanly cannot be explainsd.  For some reason that last line is still making me smile.  Thanks, been short on smiles the last few months.
God Bless
Greg

[hippy]

hey hey hey, whats up how you feel,

life is good, i hpoe the same  goes for you.

i am going over to my new next door neighbor
to a little get to gether , when they ask me why i do not drink
i tell them , when i do drink i break out in hancuffs.

at that point they let it go, this neighbor is the youngest 55
, of all my surrounding neighbors,
they are all so normal ,--definition of a normal person
ONE PERSONALITY OR LESS,.
ME IM AN ADDICT WHICH MEANS  WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM  FULL OF
PEOPLE I TRY TO FIGUER OUT WHO THEY WANT ME TO BE.

ANYWAY GOT TO RUN  TALK TO YA WHEN I GET BACK.

PEACE

[suzieneedshelp]

Great thread once again! Man i feel so honored to have found this site and you people as well as the other forum.  AS for us addicts, well i am definitely obsessive compulsive and it can overwelm my life.  Aren't there some drugs (NONNARCOTIC) that help OCD?  Actaully wut i have foudn is that you addicts are most deep introspective mature people.  I do not agree that you al are not mature.  Wut is mature anyway?  WE love to have fun and that is a good thing.  Never stop playing that is wut i say!  You show  great knowledge and wisdom.  It is thru the bad times that we learn.  n  Thew struggles of our souls. Our depth of loneliness and efforts to fill tha t empty space with sumfin, drugs were a mere  bandaid for a deeper need in our souls.              
Peace and love esp to my hippster!
Suzie

[Nod]

You pretty much have me nailed.  Any harder I'd be bleeding!  Your insight sure gave me some things to thing about, not only about myself but how it affects my family as well.  It sure is taking a toll on them.  If I lose them I lose everything. I lose them, I lose me and anything I have to live for.  Being OCD and an addict can be devestating.  Your right, I need to grow up and have more responsibility especially with my wife and kids.  

It's more than just being an addict, its about self esteem and caring more about those (family) I love.  The addict part just keeps me from being the person I should be.  I try so hard but something seems in the way, and its all me and my escape from reality however I can get "away."  Guess that's the "it" I need to figure out.

Thanks again my friend, sure is nice to talk to someone who knows what its about and help me save what I have.  
Nod

[hippy]

hi suz. thanks for the complaments,
but i beleive we are all mostly adicts
here at the fourm, i have been told that
one of the few things that seperates us
is our  to ability to surrender.
.don't get me wrong we have differences
but it behooves us to set them aside,
i see myself as no better or worse then anyone
else. this after live a lfe where i suffered
from better then and less then syndrome.having changed
this way of thinking  , i have reaped the rewards of
serenty. looking back  in my early teenage years
i spent alot of time trying to be different or better then,

i was way to judgemental of others and myself, i met this guy in na  back in 1986 and he was a bad egg with a big ego, his nick name was grateful dave i, i thought he was an ******* and i let some of my close freinds know it. my one freind tim said to me
that he was dissappointed in me for calling hin an a  *******
and that i was better then that. so i thought about it , and thought about some more, prayed about it.
so any way the next day i was goin to a spititual retreat
for addicts in malvern , PA. so i left early the next day
and headed down the pa turn pike and as i was driveing
i got behind this car with this really small bumper sticker
,like 4 inckes by 2 inches i could not read it , but for some reason i kept trying to pull along side and get close enought to read it, this went on for about 5 miles, finally i pulled up along side and got close enough to read it out loud to myself,
it read  ONLY ASSHOLES READ THIS BUMPER STICKER.

A LITTLR LESSON FROM MY HIGHER, neddless to say i don;t
call any one an ******* anymore.

a good book on responsabilty and maturety and becoming
more introspective AND GREAT FOR RELATIONSHIPS IS

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.  dr.scott peck.

as far being an addict and dealing with obsession and compulsion,
i think what we have as addicts is a different bsll of wax
the obession compulsion disorder.
as far as meds for the latter , i would ask mr michael
about that question.
my experence with obsession and compulsion , i deal wiyh it with
practicing spiritual principles like acceptance,  and surrender,
the serenty prayer is also very helpful
god grant me the serenty to accept the things i cannot change and the courage to change the things i can.

this prayer used to be called the acceptance prayer,

i had a hard time interalizing the word courage for the longest time , untill one day it dawned on me to hook it up with
the word encouragement, which was domething i could relate too.

peace!!!!!!!!!! hippy

[hippy]

hey nod. i hope you are having a great day.

as far as my post, i naild us, we are addicts
we  and substitute for the same reasons.
as far as being an addict , i can be a blessing in didguise.

we have the insight and experence to help other addicts
tring to change.
we need to focouse on the positive, and live in today.
in my marrage to an addict for 13 years, i have come to the
conclusion after ranting and raving and breaking just about every stick of furnature in the house  in the 1st five years of marrage, ( never threating or touching her) i came to realize
everything i did was a big act (minipulation ) to get my way.

i have came to the conclusion that surrendering to my wif's wish's is the smart move. being a man it is the manly thing to do.i love my wife very much and there is no sense in being a big baby about getting my way or even having to be right all the time.
these  adays i just hand her the remote for the tv.
i stoped yelling and cursing 8 years ago , when one day i was curseing up a storm probly about somthing simle , and when i walked down the steps my  11 year old son was in the living room with 3 of his freinds amd i realized what a fool i was amd how much of a negitive effect it had on my son, i went over to him abd said to him that i would never do that ever agian.
well i stuck to my word and have never down that agian.
and looking back it was a waste of time anyway because my wife never listened to me and my attempt ant minipulation anyway.

peace hippy talk to ya later.

[ROSE39]

HI EVERYONE, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME HERE.10 DAYS CLEAN FROM ABOUT 10-15 HYDRO PER DAY FOR A COUPLE YEARS.THE WITHDRAWALS WERE A KILLER, BUT IM FEELING OK NOW...SORTA!!!! IF THE DRUG WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW, ID TAKE IT IN A SECOND..THAT MAKES ME FEEL WEAK AND PATHETIC.SOMETIMES I WONDER IF ILL EVER ENJOY LIFE WITHOUT THE DRUG?????? SICK,HUH?

[sharonver]

Sounds like you are doing great!  10 days without and you are doing OK!?  That sounds like more than OK! Keep up the good work,we are here for you. Even if you just want to sound off...I can't wait until I can say that I am 10 days without...

Sharon