tapering n going CRAAAAAZZZZYYYY anger, murder muder muder kill kiil kill

[nowordeleftpasswordsthatis]

Hiya, i hav never posted ion anything b4 but saw sum real support here, and am rather n dire need of sanity/sleep/serenity! desperate! I have been tapering off methadone after about 2 yrs or so, maintained at 75 for 2 yrs, did 1 mg a week for a month, then 2mgs a week for maybe 5 months, then stopped for about a month, returned back to 1 mg per wk. hav thus far never gone back up, got down to 20, been there for 3 months, going Fn CRAZY, real life has been hard year (house fire, flood, homelees, worse ****** sobriety in history, then my "HS swtheart died, od of course, also my 4 yr olds dad, major trauma, HUGE daddies girl etc.) but im rather used to ****, so I feel emotionally my ANGER/HATE/wanna kill a b is not situational at all, I feel like this is sooooo much hate n anger inside of me I feel like sum juvenile delinquent f.  I feel like way more then sum avril lav f the world bs, I feel lik a lil PUNK ready to rip heads off (of humans, but equiv to punks n toads etc, lol) .  I feel ter guilt cuz when my baby needs me most I am useless n crazy, when will this go away.???  shud I suck it up n do an increase??  I am NOT the er type AT ALL EVER, not n addiction nor now, but at times I think I shud go to psych er, hand em my kid (the LOVE OF MY LIFE!!) n check in.  I cannot function lik this at all n of course hav zero support, I am at 20 n rd bout others doin sub trtment etc. im open to any anall suggestions PLEASE
thanks, sorry so long xxx

[jifmoc]

Hi! I get your anger!! When we're trying to kick this sh!t we wanna just scream. It's so not fair!! I can't take this anymore!!! etc. etc. But, you know these are just feelings. And opiate usage makes us crazy on top of everything else it does. I've not been on m'done but I ingested many a pain killer and lemme tell you that anger is an emotion that I was suppressing w/ my pill usage. Now it comes out because I'm feeling again. The way you are feeling right now is not the "real" you yet. You have to wait until you are free of chemicals and your brain will even itself out. Listen to gnarly, he knows all about m'done and have successfully recovered from it's effects. If it helps to remember, this is just a feeling...anger won't kill you. And it will pass. Keep reading the post on here and you will see where peeps started and the progress they make. No one is special, if we can feel sane, you can too!! Just gotta ride the wave...

Keep posting and consider aftercare (NA/AA meetings) you won't feel alone in those rooms. That's a promise:)

[gnarly_1]

Hi and welcome to the forum...methadone is a monster to kick but it is kick able I was at 150mg for 7yrs  and did a similar taper I got off of it in 8 1/2 mo but I tapered faster then most but I remember getting stuck at certain doses  20mg for me seamed impossible I was stuck there for 6 weeks I remember screaming at my wife...''im going to be a junkie for life  I just cant do this'' but it finely went away enough to keep tapering got down to 10 with no problems below that it was going in and out of withdrawals I hope this post give you some hope that you can do this the thing about addicts   we want it and we want it now and that dont work with methadone there are a few things that you can do get up to walmart and pick up a 3 in 1 vitamin calcium/magnesum/zinc...take 4 with breakfast and 4 with dinner in a few days you will feel a whole lot less withdrawals this was God sent.. for anxiety there is a herbal ''lemon balm take a drooper full in a Camellia tea and it really helps the nerves the big thing with you is the anger it will not work in the recovery picture  you need to surrender your only going to poison your chance if you dont get it out of the equation  this is a long process you cant jump around like a 2yr old and expect the world to change for you it works the other way with recovery you must surrender to it you do not have the control on how fast how rotten you feel and burst of anger are only going to lead into frustration detoxing off methadone is a slow but dilbert process it will take as long as it takes regardless of how you feel  it took me a good 90 days to finely start to see the light  now we have had members come around in 30 days but it is rare for most it a 60 to 90 day grind just know it does get better with time so regroup yourself surrender to it and and just do it one day at a time you will have good and bad days this stuff is very cyclic just when you think it is over it comes back with a vengeance we will help you along the way  as for the anger...I would lye if I told you I did not get it but it is a whole lot ezer if you can keep your composure keep posting for support we have a lot of members make it and im sure they will chim in.....Gnarly