testosterone

[notgoingdown]

ah went to family dr a few days ago. one of the things he talked to him about was his greatly decreased sex drive. ah & I have talked a few times about how these pills effect his sex drive. last time he 'quit' he even brought up the fact that he was feeling a rushing return of his drive. I think that time he only lasted about 15 days before he went back to the pills. This time tho he is being much more careful to make sure I never find any pills. He still insists that he hasnt taken any in over a month so of course he isnt going to admit that the pills is what is wrong with his drive now. His dr told him that it is perfectly normal for a 51 yr old man to start loosing testosteron. He said he will run some tests to see if his T levels are low and if so he can prescribe something to raise the levels.

My question is if ah continues to abuse pills and his tolerance continues to grow would he also have to keep going up in dose on whatever the dr prescribes for this? Do testosterone levels go down in connection with the amount and strenght of opiates used? IE, vicodin causes it to lower a bit so they just dont think about sex, percocets cause it to lower more to the point they have trouble getting aroused and then oxy's just wipe the T level and the sex drive out?

For the record, I dont think ah gives a rat's a$$ about his drive... I dont think  he will even get the test done as he doesnt have insurance and he said the dr said it is VERY expensive... he just thinks it he needs to look like he is concerned about this.

[maryjanel]

I am speaking from a point of view as a wife of an opiate addicted husband.  The sex drive is gone completely when my husband is on heroin.  I don't think he missed the lack of sex while on heroin, I sure did.
I understand what gnarly has said about sex not being the only aspect of a marriage.  

However, I can tell you that a healthy marriage WILL have sex as a regular aspect of it.  To have sex in a marriage is one of the ways that a couple gets closer and remains closer to each other.  Hence, the fact that sex is gone definately tells a person that the closeness has dissipated drastically.  You mentioned the lies.  Wow, do I understand that.  The fact that you are lied to also is a telltale sign of closeness being depleted.
I can suggest an at home drug test for the drug you suspect he is on.  You can ask him to test for you to prove to you he is not lying.  If he does test for you and comes up positive, it can really help to begin the process of truthfullness and possibly getting closer to sobriety for your husband, and closer to each other in your marriage.
My husband was lying to me for almost a month about not doing heroin.  I read a post from someone on this site who said it was his girlfriend who asked him to drug test for her at home, and he realized he oculdn't lie to her anymore.  He broke down and confessed, and it was the beginning of his path to sobriety.  
When my husband finally tested for me, (after over two weeks of asking), he came up positive for opiates.  He also tried to LIE STILL and tell me the test was wrong.  I asked some people on this site about accuracy and suboxen, and I found out he was lying.  I confronted him gently on his test result and told him that it was for sure heroin still in his system, and he then confessed to doing it three days prior.  After that, he has been more honest with me.  His pupils are no longer pin point, and I am proud of his choice to at least be honest with me a little bit more.
I still worry about him because he will not attend an N/A meeting, or even look at this site, (which I think will save his life), but it is not about MY husband here.  It is about yours.

You feel your husband is worth it.  I believe he is worth all the effort to show him you care about his sobriety.  You love him enough to fight for his sobriety, and you need his honesty. You can tell him the lies are actually worse than the action of taking the drugs itself because you have no idea where he is in his battle, and you cannot help him get clean.
He also has to WANT to get clean.  If he outright tells you he loves his "high" and doesn't see a problem, then I would most likely choose a life without being near the addict.  An Alanon meeting or two may help you with the things you are going through.

I pray for you and your husband.  My God bless your family with honesty and a desire to get sober and stay sober for many years to come.
Love,
MJ

[notgoingdown]

you are right that a good marriage is built on more than sex. one very important thing is trust and right now my marriage is revolving around the lies he tells to keep his pills a big secret.

[gnarly_1]

HI testosterone levels fall from narcotic abuse first its slow but as the addiction progresses it gets worst...theirs not much you can do about it except for quit taking the pills...
I was on methadone and it brought my sex life to a crashing halt...I had no desire at all
I think my wife and I would make love every 3 or 4 mo just to say we did it.....it was really hard on our marriage....the good news is you get it back once you stop...it took a wile for mine to come back but its normal now ...thinking back it was a good 60 to 90days b/4 things came back around...a good marriage is built on a lot more then just sex I have been married for 28yrs this june and we made it thew the sexless yrs but im happy im clean now and all is better in that department until he quits work on other parts of your marriage... you can make it work without sex...its no fun but a marriage can make it good luck and God bless.....Gnarly