the weather is bad and is making me feel trapped and anxious.

[haley726]

the outdoors have been my savior the past week and now it is raining and my mind is going crazy. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. What do I do when my "hobby" is unavailable? I've been pretty strong through this and I feel it slipping away all because of a rainy day. I need some encouragement fast!

[tgtiffany]

Maybe photography?  I love photography!!  You can do themes and stuff to make it more exciting with photos.  Like in my class I took a long time ago (lol) we did a "broken" theme and I took a picture of a guardrail on a bridge that was broken in the middle.  Or like big and small, contrasting things, patterns, etc etc.  Or maybe walking or jogging?  Just some ideas to help :)  

[haley726]

I'm in FW. And I have to literally use every bit of strength (mental and physical) to get up and in the shower. After that it is a bit easier. I really have to find a hobby though cause right now, for 2 more weeks until boys are out of school, I have nothing to get out and do. That surely doesn't help with the motivation part of this.

[tgtiffany]

Yeeup!  Sure is!!!  Where in TX are you?  I'm in SA.  Glad you were able to get out today too!!  I know going outside helps me a lot with motivation to do things and depression...but it's just the part of actually forcing myself to get UP and go outside in the hot that is the hard part!!  

[haley726]

I'm in texas too. And I used to love the rain. I guess now that I am sober I just feel like I am trapped in my house if I don't have anything to do. When I was on methadone all I did was sit in my house, so maybe that's why. I am just trying to get back to where I was before. Today I got out though and I feel pretty good. I know I slipped up yesterday, but that's okay because I didn't let it derail everything I have done so far... That's a good thing for sure.

[tgtiffany]

What's your hobby outside anyway?  Maybe just do it in the rain :) If it's running or something like that you know?.... I love when it rains, but it rarely rains here in Texas, so maybe that's why haha.  

[tgtiffany]

I love t_nuh_had_nuf's view on the dancing thing.  It really does make you feel better dancing around the house like an idiot. lol.  When I was depressed just after my daughter was born I'd hold her and dance around singing to her.  Just make an upbeat CD with all the good songs that you like and put it on.  Your kids are young enough they won't think you're stupid lol. You are AMAZING! And you CAN do this!!! Keep your head up and smile...and keep dancing crazy ;)

[dominosarah]

What are you doing for aftercare?

[gnarly_1]

HI WAS just reading threw your post and seen one addressed to me sorry I missed it should have seen it sooner but as for advise its really a personal choice in what you do we have members who have dinner wine or a beer once in a wile for me it out of the question
a buzz is a buzz is a buzzz dont mater where it comes from and alcohol drops your inhibition and has been single handed the # 1 cause of people going back to using as a general rule from what we see here as a whole the forum preaches abstinence from all mind altering substances at least those that can get you high....I relise people need antidepressants and in my case im bipolar I  need mood stabilizers but non of these are abuseable you dident set yourself back physically but mentally you let your self down and it can be hard to gain back our confidence that we can do this....use it as a learning lesson pick yourself up dust yourself off and start fresh sobriety can be a tricky game to play but once you play it a wile you will get the hang of it keep pushing forward seek God everyday for strength and you will get threw this thing good luck and God bless...Gnarly          

[haley726]

what a wonderful way to end the day. I did have a slip, but I didn't hide it and I don't plan to. I have too much to live for and I haven't had as long a battle as many others I have talked to. And you hit the nail right on the head with trading one addiction for another. This is how most people justify their actions I think. I'm not interested in flip flopping back and forth from one to another. I am only interested in getting happy, healthy, and finding a way to get and stay sober. It wasn't too long ago that I was that person (4 years). Before I had been a "good time girl" but in now way was "addicted" to anything. My addiction all started with that 1 doctor everyone has found that will medicate you  as much as possible. I can't get that time back, but I'm glad I have God in my life to get me through this because all he needs is a small step in the right direction. And I am thankful it has been a relitively short time that I have suffered from this addiction and I could realize what was happening before it was 20 years later. You know what I mean? I give that to God. Thank you for your blessings and prayers. And He is in me and I feel Him working on me even when I fall.

[atthebeach]

sorry to hear you arent having such a good day. you will have some bad days. you have to resolve in your mind to use is not an option. since you have addiction issues in your family you have to be careful about trading one addiction for another. be careful of what could be a trigger(."I've never had a prob with alcohol, but it obviously made me weak enough to take a couple pain pills." )  the alcohol became a trigger for you. get up dust yourself off and move on. if a righteous man falls seven times, he will get back up.you are not defeated. the LORD is with you, remember this is very much a spiritual warfare, you fight girl with all you have in you. you beat that demon down. rebuke him and he shall flee.
greater is HE that is in you then he that is in this world.
did you take that shower? or two? tomorrow is another day.
praying for you
continued blessings
debbie

[country_girl100]

I understand with the mom issues. My mom has NEVER been addicted to anything, but tells me to "just stop". Yeah, if only it were that easy right?? She thinks I choose to do this and yes I did choose to  take that first pill, I don't choose to be dope sick when I dont have them. That is the part she doesn't understand. The physically addicted part. So, your mom is an addict, but tries to diss you for being an addict as well?? that is really messed up!!! The sensible thing for her to do would be to join you in trying to get clean. That approach would be so much better for the both of you! Have you tied asking her to get clean together? or does she not wanna get clean etc??
Yes, I rememeber the past and not having to chase pills pr spend my last dime on pills! Seems so long ago!! i have been addicted to some sort of pill for about 8-9 years now. I see people that are clean and wonder "how do they do it?", "how do they get out of bed and have the motivation to do daily stuff?" I was one of those people about 6 months ago (was clean for a year and relapsed), but i thought of pills EVERYDAY!!! So, you are right! It is a battle and a daily battle unfortunately! I always thought when I got clean that that was it. It was over and done with!! NO WAY!!! Please don't let my screw up discourage you. i am so scared that my posts might do that to some, but you are a strong young lady and I know you can do this. Haley, YOU ROCK!!!!

[haley726]

the brutal honesty I get is ironically from the one person that can't overcome her own addictions... my mother. I love her with all my heart but I just feel like slapping her sometimes and saying "really, really... Look in the mirror". But that is a losing battle for sure. I just have to be honest with myself. And you do too. I don't know your story, but I DO know you can remember way back when you were happy living life, not chasing drugs. It will always be a battle apparently, so just think about how good you will feel to win the battle every single day that goes by without drugs. Those are good days. And, no, no one in my family that has started their drug of choice has made it this far. And that makes me feel strong and happy and good. At the same time sad and sorry for them...

[country_girl100]

You are very welcome! I have a very dry sense of humor as well and I am glad you do also! After I read my post I thought, she might not like that "how dare you!!" comment! Was trying to make you laugh even though you are going through this hell!!!  Addiction runs in my family also. I read somewhere once that some people are more prone to become addcited to drugs due to heredity. Addcitive personality. If that is true then I definitely have one!! I understand about not wanting to go down the same road. Has anyone in your family ever made it as far as you have? Do you have anyone that you can talk to? The only people I have right now is you all!! Haley, it is gonna be up to you to choose a different path than your mom, sister, and aunt. I have to get really mad at myself before I can actually take that 1st step and I am so damn mad at me right now!! You seem to be the same way. Sometimes I think it would help me if someone screamed at me or something! Brutal honesty I guess. Do you feel that way too?

[ImDONENoMore]

OH and I agree with countrygirl - toss the vic's!

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm sorry about the family stuff you have going on that can be rough.  My sister is a cocaine addict and an alcoholic so I think I understand what you're going through.  Guess the only thing I can offer about that is to take care of yourself first.  That might sound selfish but it's really not.  We can't help our loved ones if we aren't well ourselves right?  Least that's what I tell myself.  Hang in there and be PROUD of your 16 days.  That's a huge accomplishment!!!  :) p.s. and thank you for the kind words you made me smile.

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

Being honest is the best- its been said that its our secrets that keep us in this addiction- you are getting out. And tomorrow is a BRAND NEW day! Take care.

[haley726]

I guess mainly I'm just trying to stay open and honest and not lie to myself saying this is okay. This site is somewhere I can come and be held accountable for the decisions I make, good or bad. I don't want to be too hard on myself, but I don't want to be too easy either, you know? Anyways, tomrrows a new day so thank you for your support.

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

Haley, for me i found that the 16 years i wasted doing pills and alcohol really took me away from my family. i thought i was "handling" it. But looking back i wasn't. i gradually became more isolated and missed out on alot. Still not to where i want to be but i'm gettin closer.
-if i could go back- I can't. You can move forward. the boys deserve the best you.
Just a note- I got rid of all pills b4 i started. I would have taken them. TEENA

[haley726]

thanks for your honesty. I have a very dry sense of humor, so your response is really appreciated. It helps to here I'm not a failure thoug, because within my family (mom, sister, aunt, etc) they haven't ever been able to kick anything they started. I just don't want to take the same path they keep going down, you know?

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

I've been on this sight only a couple of months and i can tell you that what you have gone through today happens. Get up, dust yourself off- forgive yourself and just move forward. you are still methadone free. shouldn't set w/d back too much.

also- let me just add this-i drank a couple off beers on my 7th or 8th night of w/d- thought it might make me sleepy or take away anxiety-IT did neither -not worth it.

[country_girl100]

HOW DARE YOU!!!  Okay, now that is outta the way  LOL...Congratulations on being clean for 16 days (yes I would still say 16 days CLEAN) from Methadone!! From what I have heard Methadone is one of the hardest drugs to w/d from!! So, good job!!! Most of us on here have relapsed.YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! I have relapsed  and that is why I am back on here. I was clean for a year from a HUGE oxy addiction and relapsed and let it get out of control for the last 6 months!! Hope that doesn't discourage you, but it is something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives!! I am so very proud of you for what you have accomplished!! Getting clean and staying clean is one of the  hardest things I have ever tried to do. Unfortunately we will ALWAYS be addicts and we (myself included) will have to learn how to deal with things w/o adding pills into the equation! For you it's not being able to go outside etc for me it's stress!
     I was also a social drinker and I noticed that everytime I drank I craved more. So, I had to stop drinking at all!!! You may want to think of doing that since you don't have a problem with alcohol thankfully!! I wasn't an alcoholic either so giving that up was easy compared to the meds. As far as finding something to do on a rainy day, taking a much needed nap works for me. When withdrawing our bodies need extra rest so, if you can this might help. Sad thing is when I am in W/D, I can't sleep!! One more thing, you might wanna think about throwing the vics out! I don't know your whole story but I thought this might help. I wouldn't be able to have any opiates in my house. If I do then they get snorted! I am WEAK! Anyway, hope this helps!! Again, so very proud of you for beating this monster!!!

[haley726]

all I ask for is the truth... Sensitive or not, I appreciate it all. Sometimes the best love is tough love. Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me work through my problems.... Someone you don't even know. You have a good soul and you should not ever feel bad for telling people the truth that is right in front of their face. Most of the time that is the best thing they can hear.

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree about needing others to provide insight to what we're going through.  This place has been a huge part of my recovery.  I hope I didn't sound insensitive, I only wanted you to look at your words again and see that you DO know the answer - and that you are a LOT stronger than you think.  :)

[haley726]

I hate knowing the answer... Is that crazy? Ignorance is bliss, but I am not ignorant. I'm ready to get my life back obviously. 16 days off methadone is not something I ever want to face again. I just want to get the "how dare you" reactions from the people that have made it through this, cause right now I have jsutified what I have done because it wasn't methadone. Do I start over on day 1 of recovery though? Is it still 16 days methadone free... or is it 0 days narcotic free?