took my kids' meds

Often I deal with the guilt of having taken most (probably over half over the years) of my kid's Ritalin. My daughter ended up dropping out of school in 10th grade, and she is still trying to get her GED and struggling with it, now in her 20's. Even after years in and out of AA, I've never heard anyone else say they did this. I love my kids and was always there for them, but this is a form of neglect and abuse I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for. We have always had a great relationship, but she failed academically and in her self-esteem because of me.
kt

[shelby74]

Have you ever talked to your daughter?  Does she know?  

Shelby

[liscamdave]

I think all addicts who have kids have done something that they regret. I feel as though I was neglectful at times. We have all been there. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself as we are just a product of what the drug can do to you...

Take Care

[pacnwgrl]

I have a stepson  who also needed Ritalin.  He refused to take it.  Then when he got older he learned it had street value and tried to sell it to his friends, that's when I withheld it from  him.   I didn't take it for myself, but.  He's a high school dropout  (his choice) and now in and out of prison for drug offenses.  
  I'm not sure the Ritalin would have helped him much; so you can't be sure it affected your daughter by not taking it...  that probably doesn't make sense, but I'm trying to say that Ritalin was only supposed to help them focus, not  really overtly  change their behavior...  
   As hard as it is, forgiving yourself is what you should do...  

[fishmeal]

maybe some pro counseling would help?

You have been working at least two step by telling us and her.

[kimmieb]

Wow, I can feel your pain and heartbreak through your words.  I really can.  But, as someone said, any of us who've ever used/abused meds before have somehow, some way, sometime managed to neglect our kids -- whether it was because we wanted to take the meds and veg out instead of play tea party with them or go to the park or play a board game or help with their homework or fix dinner for them or whatever.  So....I've been there, too.  I may not know the intensity of your feeling, but I know where you're coming from.....cuz I feel it pretty deeply too, even just reading your post.  I commend you for coming out with it and admitting it to your daughter.  I respect that.  I'm sure she respects that, as well.  As far as forgiveness is concerned, you've mentioned that your daughter forgives you.  That's HUGE.  You must have one awesome daughter -- way to go.  And, just that alone is also a reflection of you as a mom :-)  All you really have to do now is to ask forgiveness from God (if you're a believer....I hope so....but if not....please don't take offense.....cuz I am one).  The MOMENT you repent for what you've done and ask for his forgiveness, it's done.  You're forgiven.  The slate is wiped clean.  You go on from here, treasure that relationship you have with your daughter with your whole heart, and do everything in your power to nourish it and continue to be a great Mom from her on in and help her with her struggles to the absolute best of your ability.  You're a strong, courageous woman who deserves the forgiveness you can't seem to find within yourself.  Just open up and let that forgiveness in.  Many blessings for you and your daughter.....     ~K.  

[charlenekt]

Yes, I have talked with her about it and she forgives me. I have forgiven myself, but I just can't stop thinking about how it's all my fault, the problems she has with self-esteem, etc.
kt

[someoneouthere]

While you may not have heard anyone confess to doing this, I think it is probably more common than you think. I would guess that many people just don't confess to it. Don't be too hard on yourself :)
You took the right steps with AA, and I would say continue counseling if you can.

I've heard many stories of adults taking their elderly parent's medicine, and this isn't much different. I think you should feel proud to know you stepped up and admitted to it, and the fact that you do in fact feel guilt shows that you are a compassionate person. I'd look at it from a more outside level, you didn't do it purposely to harm your children, and there's no way you could have known what consequences would have come from it -- also, there's no way to say that even with the meds, your child would have taken a different path.

Good to hear she's forgiven you, now you need to find a way to forgive yourself and try to move on (easy for me to say, i know ;)

I wish you the best of luck, just try to go one day at a time. Live and learn, just do your best to not repeat the past or go back to your old ways of taking someone else's medicine. Sorry, the post isn't on this reply page....but have you seen a psychiatrist to see if you maybe actually do need some meds of your own? Maybe you have a legitimate need for some type of med to help you with this.