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tramadol - i'm dying :(
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tramadol - i'm dying :(

I have been addicted to Tramal for the past 2,5 years and I have decided to once and for all stop these horror pills. I took up to 400mg in one dose and later in the day I would take another 200-300mg..
Yesterday I took 350 and now I decided to stop these pills from hell. Instead I took some gabapentin and valerian root but I am not doing good at all.. The worst is a massive anxiety and tension I feel inside myself and I feel tempted to blow it out with valium but I don't want to swap addictions.. The tension is so bad that I feel like loosing my mind.. I can't afford going to a doctor so I guess I have to go through this on my own. As long as there's no pill supply around in my house.. I work in the medical field and have very easy access to trams without anybody even suspecting that i'm dealing with an addiction.
Please god help me!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Summer:
           You are going to be ok. I had the excact problem with another drug and I went to the doctor and they helped me. I thought maybe they would say too bad your fault but they were really nice about it. I see you cant afford to go to the doctor so is there some kind of free clinic that you can go to? Someone else will share about this drug because they have experience with it. The other thing I would do is ask God for help even if you dont believe, just tell him this is bigger than you and you need his help. Warning on the Valium, detoxing off of that was the VERY worst I ever had to go through.....DWT951
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thanks for your support and replying to my message. I feel it helps to be in this forum to distract myself.. still feeling like crap but the valerian root made me feel a bit better. thinking about taking some more of it instead of valium. I have never been addicted to valium and honestly what ive heard about the Withdrawals from it.. it sounds horrendous.
I am actually moving countries (moving back to my home country) and i think i'll get professional help over there. It would be nice to be clean once i go back home leaving my addiction behind therefore taking away a free therapy place wouldnt make too much sense as ill be gone from here soon anyway..
i'm trying to pack my things for the move but feel like i have no energy..
miserable day 1 :(
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Avatar_m_tn
You have to take the V for several days to get addicted and if you get real bad it may not be a bad option. I just know myself, I have two speeds, stop and go.  My doctor offered me another med to assist my taper and I turned that down. You do what you need to do and dont start knocking yourself around. (it's not helpful) I have a feling if you keep moving this day is gonna get much better. In case you didnt I said a prayer for you.
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271792_tn?1334983257
Summer, I am glad to see that you will be getting therapy once you arrive home. Please understand that there no geographical cure and moving will not fix the problem. So make sure you follow through on that and best of luck!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
i am right there with you.  taking low dose of hydro for first 5 days then tapering off that.  i used to be addicted to vics but stopped. been doing okay taking 3-4 hydros last couple days w/o wanting more.  no buzz either thank goodness.  funny, more afraid of the tram w/d than the vics.  i am kinda diggin the mind over matter stuff but i know the pain is there and very real.  trying to trick myself.  quite the actress i am doing this while taking care of 2 kids.  trying not to be too much the mean mommie.  my stomach is in knots.  i actually slept last night first time in awhile.  my son sleeps with me and is all over the place so i wake up alot during the night.  he kicks me in the head and pulls my hair with his feet.  my daughter would have a sh*t fit if she knew what i was doing.  shes a mouthy one that girl.  

one thing is i am soooo ready to be off of everything.  not to have to go grab my pills all throughout the day.  looking forward to that.  I wish you luck and know that i am right there in your shoes with ya.  talk to me if you want. i am a good listener.  

t~
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i'm glad to hear you managed to recover with the help of professionals.. you can be so proud of yourself.
i didn't end up touching the valium (thanks to ur advice) which is right besides me in a box but i touch it only in case of emergencies if the valerian root doesn't work. The valerian 500mg pills have been my best friend and helper against anxieties today which besides depression is the worst effect of the withdrawals..
day one is almost over here and i am looking forward to put mysef and my imbalanced brain to rest for a few hours. thanks god i have no major sleeping problems
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1285097_tn?1323783841
sound like you have having a rough time sleeping with your son being all over you. is there a way he can sleep with someone else for a few nights at least till you're better?
WE CAN DO THIS and WE WILL BE CLEAN OFF THESE PILLS!!!!
how are you feeling now?

the greatest help have been: Valerian root, taking walks and eating (which i try to keep balanced), indulging myself in things i used to love. i feel i lost my interest in a lot of things. i even stopped socializing.. for about 3 months i havent been meeting up with people because i am in such an emotional mess and feel anxious around people..
this is what the PILLS FROM HELL have done to me.. i used to be a very social person
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i'm so happy i've made it over day 1.. this may not sound like a great achievement but for me it has been a hard piece of work. thank you so much to the inventors of valerian root!!! This herb has taken the edge of the anxieties i've been going through.
i used to struggle with a codeine addiction but for some reason I feel no cravings for it anymore.. it's the tramadol that is acting like a bucking bronco. i feel i really need to get off the pills i am taking.
every night i take 2 stilnoct but am tapering down slowly plus i am on lexapro 40mg (a kinda high dose)
who wants to challenge me to get off at least the tramal and stilnoct and decrease the lexapro to 10mg until the end of july? i so much feel i need to stop being dependant on medications
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Avatar_f_tn
hey.  i am okay i guess.  today has been rough.  nauseaus alot and very hungry but when i eat, i get stomach probs.  but i am starving. i need to get my son into his bed.  not just for now but always. lol  it's just me and the kids so noone to put him with unfortunately. i went to cvs earlier and had rubbery legs and was just out of it.  it did feel good to get outside though even if it was hella hot.  i do feel better when i move around but still tired doing so.  i took a nap today which felt okay. wasn't a deep sleep or anything. glad you are doing well.

i have to travel tomorrow though.  going about 1 1/2 hrs to the east to see my dad for fathers day.  not looking forward to that.  
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good that you were able to take naps. they bring you over the day and even if you don't fall into a deep sleep.. it will get your mind off the tramadol.
ABout the food.. eat light things.. It is better if you cant eat than if you were binge eating.. so don't be too hard on yourself. if you can't eat, then just eat an apple or drink a glass of milk, something light.

Have a safe trip tomorrow and also this day will pass ;-)

i am about to go to bed now (its 22:23 here) and can celebrate my first day CLEAN without touching any tramadol woohoooooooooo

i feel kinda ok.. for the sleep i will take my stilnoct (which im also tapering down) and some valerian root. The worst times for me usually are the afternoon hours 13:00-18:00 but i got over it reasonably well.
Hope it won't be hell tomorrow as i'll be working...
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Avatar_f_tn
Awesome for you!!  Hope you sleep well. I am going to go get some prune juice and eat only lightly from now on. This hurts. good luck at work too. you will be okay. keep me posted.  

t~
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Avatar_f_tn
hey where o you get valerian root?
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you can buy it in any pharmacy.. in my country they sell it in some supermarkets under the supplement/remedies section..
when you buy it make sure you buy it in a high dosage.. some tablets come with 50mg of valerian root.. you can buy i think up to 800mg tablets.
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not doing so well today.  i have to drive 1 1/2 hrs and my son just wont let me sit still.  this is not  going good.  i need someone to help me here at the house.  gonna have my friend come over and stay with me next week and help with my son.  he is 3 and all over the place.  relapsing is not an option because a:i have no money to buy them and b:the place i got them from are having a stock issue to my state.  this is why i had to stop when i did.  well, among other reasons.  been thinking about it for a long, long time.  i really need some encouragement right now and i know that is not ya'lls job but please help me with that when you can.  thanks.
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also, when do the initial stages of w/d stop with this crap?  i am on day 3.  i hate the bajiggity feeling. hate, hate, hate!!!!!
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@ theirmommie: how are you feeling by now? What i find it that these intense bad feelings are worse in some hours than during other hours..It is very good that online pharmacies don't ship to your state.. this couldn't be better news!! It takes a certain pressure off you, at least you won't have a "choice" unless you proove to be very creative.. keep writing on here when you feel bad, the typing in itself and knowing others will read this is therapeutic in itself.

@everybody
had a rough day 2.. first of all I overslept.. woke up at 7.15 while I had to be at work at 8.45.. not really a big deal unless your place of work is 35 min drive away.. by some miracle i made it 5 minutes late only.. (by another miracle the cops didnt catch me speeding)
Most of the day I was being a b*** at work.. as a nurse I should be good with people however today I was really grumpy and was very impatient with people. I worked a shift in a hospital today over the nursing agency..
This 90 year old so sweet lady almost got the f word from me and there were several other horrible situations where I didn't treat people the way they deserve to be treated.. normally I am kind and patient.. where was this personality of mine today?
I was sweating so much and had a runny nose.. and was in a real low mood. a few times i went to the toilet an called my boyfriend almost in tears.. of course he noticed that i was different today however i can't tell him about my addiction problems..
the worst of the day was knowing that just a few steps away full boxes of tramal were calling me.. nobody would have noticed even if i removed 30 tablets and put it into my bag... imagine to be craving, sweaty, sick, depressed while the remedy sits right next to you but you don't allow yourself to touch it..

this is day 2 and it's nearly over..
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Avatar_f_tn
that is awesome that you had that temptation right there and did nothing. that means you are ready and serious. good job!!  can't say i would be able to do the same.  

this morning was bad for me but once i got to my parents house, i felt awesome.  don't know why.  no w/d at all.  but then i got back home and now i feel sick again.  not sure what is up with that.  maybe its my house.  this is where i took all the pills and there is an energy here or something.  tomorrow is day 4 and i am hoping that it will be a good one.  it had better be damit.  lol  

keep up the good work.  i could not imagine working on day 2.  you are a trooper, let me tell ya.  i look up to you.  

t~
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p.s. with oversleeping i meant: i woke up at 7:15 and had to be at work at 7:45 (not 8:45)

glad to hear that the visit to your parents home hasnt been as negative as you thought. you are on day 4 today this means you are now more than half way through the withdrawals!!! You go girl!!

I had my car tested today and it didnt pass for the road worthiness cert,felt ok the first half of the day but then i started to feel tensed and anxious. I went on a spree at holland and Barrets after having read about the thomas receipe but i couldn't afford to buy all the amino acids separately, this stuff is expensive as hell!!
I bought a bottle of Gaba, a bittle of Ester C and another bottle of "Maximum strength amino 1500" The pills are huge and i can barely swallow them.. the dosage is much lower than in the recipe but i will take 4 tablets 3 times a day and this should be better than nothing.
Now i just got home and feel really tensed and anxious inside. This feeling is as if you are trapped inside yourself and can't get out.. a mild version of the feeling of being held under water and not being able to breath while you can see people walking by peacefully not noticing you.
day 3 in the tramadol rodeo.. it feel like it has been 10 days since i last touched that stuff
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by the way.. even while i am at home i still have 30 pills of tramal in a box at home.. some people might think that this is crazy for a recovering addict but i feel this is easing my panic. Had a hell lot of cravings but when i look at these tablets i feel nauseated and sick in general. i hate them!
to increase the load on me i also quite rapidly decreased my lexapro from 40 to a more "normal" dose of 20mg..
it is stupid what im doing however i feel the valerian root absorbs this emotional shock of withdrawing..
i want to be off all pills once and for all!!! go to hell tramadol!!!!!!!!
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271792_tn?1334983257
Having pills around and attempting to recover is simply foolish. If you hate them, then get rid of them. You are going to find out the hard way just how much the disease of addiction is mental.

I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.
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Avatar_m_tn
Keep at this and keep fighting. Honestly the W/D's from Tramadol was by far the worst I experienced with anything so it's a very, very tough thing to do but very necessary. People think it's safe being a non-narcotic option but it's incredibly tough to come off of and you need to be careful. It was the worst for me up until Day 3 and that is when I finally was able to shake the restless leg and sleep a little bit but it seems everyone is different.
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thank you for your encouraging words. only when one is in these shoes it becomes clear how much every single reply of encouragement means and how uplifting it can be.
im just about to finish day 3, so your words gave me hope.
i'm feeling extremely depressed right now, is it the w/d's from the tramadol? is it due to the fact that i am in an almost helpless situation relationshipwise where we both love each other so much but circumstances may force us to part ways?

i have nobody to talk to and feel the depression like a sharp pain in my body and my heart is racing..

god please save me from this
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I am dying!! I feel so depressed and got brain zaps.. s*** i shouldn't have decreased the lexapro along with the trams.. tomorrow i'm back to work.. with loads of trams sitting in front of my face.. dear god, where are you?? I need you SO MUCH!!
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If you really feel that you are dying, get yourself to the ER. this is nothing to fool around with.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ok, so if you're saying, "I am dying!" like as in you're miserable, then that's one thing.  If you truly think that your life is ending, get off here and go to the hospital!  Seriously!
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i wont actively hurt myself and will never do no matter how bad things are.. because i have a family who loves me and i also have a god..
but if my heart stopped beating i'd happily welcome it.
i feel miserable and depressed.. this is not a relationship forum so i wont write about this here.. but i can say my heart just got shattered to pieces in the worst way someone can imagine
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I get it.  Tramadol withdrawal does feel like you're dying.  And add relationship problems to the mix and it can be a real mess.

DON'T try to resolve any issues relationship-wise right now.  Your mind isn't clear yet and you're too overwhelmed by the tramadol withdrawal to focus on that right now.  Believe me, I remember - I wanted to LOSE it on someone when I was detoxing from the trams.  Course I would never do that, but the anger was palpable.  You need to give yourself some time here to heal - and sadly, that won't happen overnight.  I may be considered a "slow" healer because it took me over a month to realize I didn't hate the world or the people in it.  And it was still months after that before I was ready to accept myself for who I was and how I needed to live "drug-free".  So don't try to rush the process.  It takes as long as it takes - and that's different for everyone.

I know how frustrated you feel right now - so if you can, try to take the frustrations out on something constructive - getting housework done, paying bills, whatever.  And tomorrow will be a new day (I know, sounds cliche but it really is true).  ONE day at a time here summer - that's all you can do.  :)
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Mission: Surviving day 4 CT Tramal and CT Lovebreakup :(

it is too late.. my lovely boyfriend ended things.. it doesn't have much to do with my withdrawals.. it is because of other issues.. we were going to get married this summer..

today i had the worst day at work ever.. worked 12.5 hours, ever now and then i disappeared in the restroom to cry. My breaks i spent lying on the backseat of my car crying my eyes out..

took valerian root - my best friend and helper over the past rough days... and returned to the hospital ward at least trying to make some human interaction without breaking out ion tears and i did a good job. Nobody who wasnt supposed to see a tear didn't get to see one.

survived day 4.. working always close to the medication press filled with boxes of tramal.. in my heartbroken state i didnt even bother craving them.. Still get those anxieties and tension but it's well controlled with valerian as long as i take it regularly.

had a wonderful 2 hour phonecall with my mom who is the most wonderful friend i could ever have imagined ..
Thanks god for giving me such good parents
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Oh gosh summer I know exactly what you're saying.  Treasure the friendship you have with your Mom as I know you will - my relationship with my Mom was the most important relationship of my life and since she's been gone, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her, miss her, and SO miss our talks.  She truly was my best friend in the whole world - so enjoy that while you're able to.

It will get better - just hang on for a little longer - I promise you, it will get better.  And keep talking, posting, whatever you need to do to get your feelings out.  Keeping them bottled up during withdrawal will drive you crazy and possibly drive you to use.  And you KNOW you don't want either of those things.

You will get through this - slowly - one day at a time - one hour or second at a time - trust that okay?
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Ohhhhhhhhh, you're doing great to stay clean with all that has happened PLUS being around the tramadol.  I would have never made it through that one when I was WDing.  I'm proud of you, if that helps any.  It will get better soon and definitely won't get worse than right now.  You're right in the middle of the worst part.  Just hang in there!!! :)
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you are doing great summer. keep it up.  i have some major issues right now myself. mostly financial but very bad ones.  been unemployed for 2 yrs has finally taken it's toll on me.  floating bills and such is finally caught up with me.  about having the tram around.  when i quit vics awhile back, i had some left.  up in the cabinet and never took them after i made the decision to do so.  actually, gave them to a friend of mine eventually who needed them.  same with cigs. i quit for a yr and a half and had the same half pack on top of the microwave forever.  never turned to them.  if you have the will power then they are just there ya know?  if you don't want them and are serious, you won't take them.  depends on the person i think.  

i have been feeling really good the past couple days.  not sure if it's a trick though.  i would like to think it's that easy.  we shall see.  

hope you are doing good today.  talk to you soon.

t~
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oh that is a very tough situation on you.. i can imagine this creates a lot of anxieties. you are a trooper surviiving through an addiction and withdrawals while facing these problems. God be with you!

i've had a day curled up in bed crying filled with depression and cried so much.. but it felt good.. worked for 12 hours yesterday with my usual crying breaks in the restroom.. now i'm proud of myself that i survived through it.. it's day 6 now. took some gabapentin when i was close to loosing my mind.. had an onset of restless legs today for the first time in my life.. and a few panic attacks. managed not to touch valium but settled it with valerian root..
i'm shocked when reading the past lines i just typed.. i sound like a desperate junkie. maybe this is what i have become.. an anonymous junkie.. nobody would ever suspect that of me.. people think i'm a stable and self confident person.. who has become a little introverted..
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i was crying when reading your words about your mother.. she surely was a special person and close to your heart..
i'm horrified of the day i loose my mom. shes also my best friend
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And there is no reason in the world you need to think about that now summer - no reason at all.  She's here NOW and that's all that matters right?  So relish these times - you will always have these times to look back on.  And they actually help me now - thinking about all the fun my Mom and I used to have.  I know I was her best friend too - and that makes me smile today.

So enjoy your present - no need to think about stuff like that today.  And thank you for your kind words.  They mean a lot to me.  :)
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you are awesome girl.  i know all too well about the crying.  been doing it off and on for a couple days now. not sure if it's pms or the w/d/depression.  i am very independent, always have been but for some reason the past couple days, i have been lonely.  my friend came over today with her kid and our kids played but right after she left, the loneliness set in almost immediately.  not sure what is up with that. i am sad.  i did manage to get a job also and start training on monday. i will be booking reservations for a hotel from home. but can't seem to even get excited about that right now.  not like me.  so many little joys in my life and i can't muster up one ounce of gratitude.  sad.  i am too not your typical "junkie" person either.  noone would know by looking at me.  same as you. but what does one really look like??  not sure.  maybe, ME!!  

i have begun taking SAM-E which is for well being and mood.  hope it works soon.  i think it's pms mostly.  i have pmdd, not pms. my electric is going to be shut off after the weekend if i can't find someone to pay it.  i am a mess.  too much stress and thinking that maybe now wasn't the right time to quit.  i don't know.

so glad for you that you are still keepin along. that is soooo great. you are a trooper.  hope you have a great nite.  i shall too cry again i am sure.  feels good.  

t~
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The sam-E worked GREAT for me - hope it does the same for you.  :)
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Congrats to your new job. that is good news. and even better.. you can work from home.

i'm in agony relationshipwise so i don't really know whether these intense depressions are w/d related or due to the issues with my bf.. its probably a mix..

oh by the way.. i flushed the trams i had in the toilet.. i've been clean for nearly a week now...
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OMG summer - you mentioned your near week clean as if in "passing" - don't "by the way" that girl!  That is HUGE!!!!

Feel proud of yourself - because you deserve to.  :)
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i am surprised how the time went by without huge cravings. I was always well able to see the trams in front of me without wanting to touch them. this is how much i HATE them. Today while packing I found 3 tram pills, took them out of the blister pack and threw them into the toilet. I didn't feel any regret doing this. Still taking neurontin in moderate doses to keep my mood levels up. they are definetly less toxic than the trams and I must say I feel ok. Spoke with my bf over skype and things may not be over.. i don't know what will happen though.. so i'm still taking 1000mg valerian root twice-three times a day against the anxiety. i have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder before i ever started the trams so i guess i need to learn from scratch again how to deal with it as the tramal made me forget about it for a long time.

Never mind.. tramal is in the toilet and i feel good about it.

I feel a little more normal today. Managed to pack 8 boxes for the move since yesterday i didn't get anything accomplished for my move back home.

Yesterday I was invited for dinner with some good friends. We spoke for an hour about my relationship issue and they helped me so much. After that we had a huge arabic dinner.. I was a little concerned how my stomach would take it as for 4 days I didn't eat anything. But it went fine. I ate slowly and even had some appetite.

I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I am really proud of myself to have gotten a week over withdrawals plus a breakup plus two 12/13 hour shifts..

I feel so ready to have the trams finished forever.
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That's exactly how I felt.  I was SO ready to say goodbye to the trams that I never looked back.  It's a good feeling isn't it?  FUC* that shi* - it's over and good riddens.  Life DESERVES to be felt.  Period.  :)
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Hell yeah!! F*CK that $HIT!!!!! :D

i never felt this intensely about trams in past withdrawals. The last time i had cravings all the time. Now NOOOOO
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No is right.  Trams SUCK.  No other way around it.  They just SUCK.  I'm sure I got bleeped here by the "moderators" and I couldn't care less.  Enough said.
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I too am coming off Tramadol. Taken for years for spinal injury after surgery. NOT told about dependance .However ran out of pills after i had been in hospital to have pacemaker fitted.They  forgot to give me all my medication back when discharged.Could not get any for 4 days.I wasnt bothered at that point.However i then got the most awful withdrawal symptoms  what a nightmare i almost wanted to die!
I have got down to 1x50mg  at night and 1x 50mg morning.Still feel a bit edgy though. How do i get lower than 1 pill. every 12 hours.?
I must say reading your posts make me feel .. that i am not alone in this so i do pray for all of you every night at 9 pm.
Keep up the good work all of you.Together we can all be stronger.
I live in UK.Thanks  Kate
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i remember one time being on effexor for a year when i started having panic attacks.  i took it like a good lil girl then was ready to come off and BAM, hell started.  i had to open up the capsules and was physically counting the little spheres of medicine that was inside.  made me feel like a druggie from hell.  the w/d was very bad.  suicidal thoughts, brain zaps, crying all the time etc.  i made my doc put me on xanax til i was all the way off of the effexor.  this was years ago and i don't remember how it went but i don't remember having really bad w/d when i took that small amount of xanax.  i have taken and come of percocets as well.  

this is why it's so hard to get off of the tram.  the anti depressant properties and whats funny, i never knew it had that in it til i came here.  these drug companies should be held accountable for this crap. seriously.  

Why this drug???  why are we having so much trouble with this drug?  we don't quit because of how it makes us feel when we do.  it's hell.  it's not our fault.  i wasn't getting high from the tram.  it had a legitimate purpose ya know?  pain management.  now look at me........big ol' blob of nothing. i even yell at the dam cats.  

"I just want to hit somebody til they feel as bad as I do. I want to hit something. I wanna hit  it hard!!" ~ *Steel Magnolias (M'Lynn)
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oh yeah.. been on the efexor but when i got off it i short term was switched to another SSRI which made it bearable coming off it..

Tramadol is the ultimate drug from hell. During the first 5 days i felt a constant chest tightness and a desperate feeling i will leave my skin like an alien within the next minute. just horrible, i cant really describe this feeling.

Girl, we are on day 10 (me) and 11 (you) which means we are probably out of the worst?

I feel a lot better and don't need the valerian root anymore to this extend.. anxiety and tension have decreased a lot. The best thing of it all is.. i have no cravings!! I hate tramal so much and i know that soon i wont have access to it for a while. when i feel depressed i blame the breakup.. any bad feeling i dont blame the tramal for it (even though im sure it makes 80% of the depression) .. in a way to re-focus my brain.

There are moments when the WDs return.. and every time they do i blame something else than the tramal, so my brain wont even start getting the idea to return to this bucking bronco from hell.
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As strange as this might sound, anger is going to help you right now summer.  STAY angry at the trams - poison and a "bucking bronco from hell" is right - stuff should be taken off the market as far as I'm concerned.

You're making it summer - to the other side.  And the view is MUCH better here isn't it?  :)
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Can you explain the benfits of valerian root please? I hope you are still doing well. I haven't started to attempt quitting dihydrocodeine, but have set a date and I'm trying to sort out the fine detials of quitting etc

I have also abused tramadol, as have family members, and I have witnessed first hand how hard it is to come off this pill, possibly even worse than my own dcodeine addiciton WDs.

well done again.

your an inspiration.
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