treatment of drug addiction

[santoo]

Respected sir/madam,
                    my brother vipin kumar got addiction to fortwin injection, he is addicted for about 6yrs his age is 27yrs. He wants to get rid of but failing. He want to be treated. In what way it can be possible. We belongs to India.  If you want some more information let me know I will mail you again.Please help him sir.If you yourself can't give treatment please let me know the other sources in India itself.
                                     hopefully yours
                                      sachin kumar

[hippy]

i am  sure there are N.A. and AA meetings in india , the  people who attend those meetings ,would have the most information about getting your brother some help, and where to get it.

[jafco]

I found this link for drug rehabilitation centers in India on the internet. I have no idea what city you live in, and I know India is a very large country. If these centers are not close enough I'm sure they can help you find one that is. There is help out there. Good Luck to your brother. He is lucky to have you looking out for him.

http://www.sanskritiindia.com/dairrc/home.html

Jafco

[angst]

What is fortwin?  Maybe the name is indigenous to the locale.

[jafco]

Pentazocine, known here as Talwin.

Jafco

[angst]

Thanks Jafco, I had not heard it called that before now.  Talwin can be just as difficult to withdraw from if he has a 6 year addiction.  The sites you gave him hopefully will help.  You are a godsend.

Santoo,  if you can, stand by your brother.  He will need you.  Find a clinic and see if they can give him something to detox on other than nothing at all.  He will have diarrhea and pain like never before, but he can make it.  The best thing for me when I went through withdrawls was the support of my family.  Good blood building food and their company sure helped once I could eat.  Good Luck

[Nod]

I've posted here over the last 2 years or so and stop by for suppport every now and then.  Just wanted to say I am officially 5 days clean and feel great.  I tappered myself off a 150-200 hydro habit over the last 6 weeks.  Hard part starts now. As I look back on the addiction and the control it had over me, I'm just amazed, embarrassed, ashamed and thankful to be thinking clear again.  Keep the faith out there, you can do it if you want. I'll continue to read here for support to stay clean.  
Take care all,
NOD

[hippy]

good to hear you have 5 days ,im doing good, 24 days clean with the recipe,spring is here and the sunny day tomorrow will be one of the things i enjoy these days.
i was awake every hour last night. so i will probley sleep better tonight. i have heard people suggest xanax or valume ,but im staying totoly clean. plus they just would zap all my energy.I have never taken vitamine's so dilegently in my whole life, they are really helping.. im hitting a na meeting on tuesday.I heard you talk about the hard part, at 24 days . the most important thing for me is to stay busy, to eat good. and always have a good book. It's good to read all the post, tho it does seem strange when people from other countrys post., i mean it's good and all. I have to remember that this site is run by harvard. if i was looking for answers , harvard sounds good.
I found this site by accedent. it has been a godsend.

[angst]

Hey, I hope you are enjoying these warmer months.  I also keep at least one good book at hand.  I am learning to take it easy, not to stress myself out over philosophy.  I take what I can use and leave the rest.  
It is great to hear from folks all over the world.  I'd love to visit the UK.  This forum gave me a little piece of that.  Variety makes my life more interesting. It is good to hear you posting.  I enjoy listening to you.  And I'm glad you are doing so well.  Keep on keeping on, ava.

[jafco]

Angst - Thanks for the kind words. Far from being a godsend, I just happen to be a very adept <sp> internet researcher. I was able to come up with that information within minutes. If you know the right searching techniques you can come up with needed answers on the spot. Isn't it amazing that as little 10 yrs ago, something like this forum would not even be available to people like ourselves. That's the godsend.

Nod - I hope that you meant 150-200 mgs. and not pills. I congratulate you on your success. I have just completed a slow taper myself, from roughly 120 mg of hydro a day and have reached "ground zero" today! It has been uncomfortable but manageable. As you've said, now comes the hard part. I suspect that over the next several days I will experience some full blown withdrawal symptoms. I'm taking "the recipe" and hoping for the best. I'm not trying to anticipate, but I'm prepared for whatever comes my way. Hopefully, since I've tapered slowly, and haven't gone cold turkey, things won't be too overwelming. It's comforting to know that all these good people are here, if and when we need them. In addition, it also helps to reach out to others, as it takes your mind off your own problems at the same time. Everyone is a winner in this situation!

God Bless

Jafco

[GOD]

Hey, SKIP!

Why don't you post what you sent me this morning? I think it is a powerful work, and most of these people here would get it.......

Just a thought.

Jess

[skipper]

jess:
do you really think so? i sent it to one other person...i think
i'll wait and see what she has to say. ya know my whole life i've
not only been addicted to drugs, but also words. i see the pro-
cess of writing as a method of getting all the **** that bounces
around inside my head. very little of what i have ever written
has ever been "finished." my main desire is to extract from head,
and put on paper in the purest, most symplified manner i can.
when i have accomplished this, i usually lose intrest in what ev-
er happens to it after that. it would be intresting to hear what
other addicts think of it, but expecting that kind of honesty,
well it might be just too mush! intrestingly enough it did start
out as a post. my wife talked me out of it because of it's dark
and somewhat disturbing content. hell a lot of stuff i post has
later to be found (usually in an altered form) in stuff i write!
what can i say? i truly am addicted to words, and they can drive me just as crazy as drugs can.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[angst]

Hey skipper,
I would like to read what you sent this morning.  I do not want to impose, but many of us addicts are idealist.  We read a lot and are transformed by philosophy.  I hope you do not take me for being too forward.  My email is ***@****. I check it pretty often.  I  hope you will share with us, but do what is best for you.
Keep on keeping on, ava

[skipper]

ok, i hope they don't delete this thread! (it may not be that
good!)

coming along with Jones

five days of rain and all the other
stuff that always comes along with Jones.
damp basements and Bup - but i
don't know where it is or ever even was...

all i know is if you go far enough
along, and it's usually real soon enough too.
it will hit me in the guts, after watching
me from the basement's shaddows...

yeah it's been watching me, learning
carefully of my every fear and weakness - and
then it's five days of rain, and all that other
stuff that comes along with Jones.


so people, there it is. it's more than kind of where i'm at! i
hope someone get's something out of it, and maybe now i'm rid of
it!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[angst]

Thankyou, you just wrote volumes in that post.

[jennyfla]

Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts, you're one deep thinking guy!
It's watching you, we all know how that feels, but you stand up and look it straight in the eye and tell it how you are so much better than 'it'.
My husband calls it the 'monster'.
He says the 'monster's' coming!  That's the feeling of withdrawal breathing down you neck as your hairs start to stand up.
I'm feeling 'the monster' right now, it's knocking on my door and i'm going to stare it in the eyes and spit in it's face!
My 2-year old just starting talking about monsters, she thinks they are under her bed.  I pray to god that she never learns what a real monster really is!!
My children are genetically predisposed, and i will do everything in my power to make sure they never know this hell!
I hope to god the medical world takes addiction a little more serious and comes up with better ways of helping all us poor slobs out here!
One word of advice, get your butt outta that basement already!!!  Is the renovation almost done, that basement is no good for you Kip!!!
Keep an angel on your shoulder!!!  ~i~
Lv Jenny

[skipper]

hey know what?

when i finally learned what addiction was all about, i (almost)
felt let down. just like the rest of the "straight" world, i
thought i had it figured out where it was at and what it was a-
bout. well now i'm not so sure. when i first started using i had
a preconception of w/d. the first real habit i ever had really supprised me! our narcophobic society has dissemenated so much
mis-information about drugs that i for one went into all of this
not knowing up from down! well after 35+ years i've learned a
little bit anyhow. still, opiates are often stange little voices
that whisper *far and wee,* and to this very day i'm not always
so sure where i'm at with them. but Jones, he's always got kip's
number! (and he always whispers to me, all far and wee.*

*sorry about that EE Cummings, i'm a thief!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Hinkster]

Hey kip,
  Heres alittle something I wrote for you.
          
                  Ode to the Skipper
                 (captain of our ship)
              We've got a man around here,
                   We call him the Kip.
Theres no fooling around shoots straight from the hip.
       His answers sometime will get you to glow, and
          and others by God you don't want to know.
        His mind is available all through the day, you
    can pick it or pull it but HE'S got the final say.
       He hurts like us all but would never let on,
         He's strong as an ox yet gentle as a fawn.
    We all love this man and hate to see him in pain,
    we need him around here, what with so much to gain?
         Reading these forums your on such a trip,
               We've got a man around here,
                    We call him the Kip.

[oc head is me]

i was doing oxycontin for 2 months straight, and about 100 milograms a day. i have been clean of it for 11 days. but i just took 5mg of hydromorphone. will i go through withdrawl tomarrow from taking it? i have heard hydromorphone is stronger that oxycontin. will i go through withdrawl again?

[oh please already]

BRAVO

[oh please already]

skipper you took my breath away and thats a feat you know how i tend to ramble on and on-dont wast the talent you have its soul-raching              i just got back from store,it seems i left out the 5htp from my rcipe so i thouht to get it,to see if it works and the pharmist says it has been recalled,that people died overdosing on it and that it was a deadly mix with suderfed.so is that true? or does anyone know where to get it(i dont think this counts as drug sharing as its a vitiam but if it is sorry-disregard my post please-

[angst]

hydromorphone, dilaudid, is stronger than oxycontin.  if you only used once, you will not have withdrawals.  i am an addict, and i cannot use successfully.  i was a dilaudid junkie.  i am strong and mean about drugs today.  i have a different set of friends, places to go, and things to do.  anyone who offers me drugs is not a friend of mine.  if you want sobriety, you will stay clean, too.  Jails, institutions, and death.

[skipper]

oc head:
although 5 mg of dilaudid (hydromorphone) is a nice little shot of
dope i hardly think it will put you back into major withdrawals.
25 years ago i used to abuse this opiate extensively. it is roughly
equivlent to heroin in strength (hence the nick-name, drug store
heroin). you might notice an increase in cravings, but i doubt it
will amount to more than that.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[groovygirl]

hi skipper...how are you feeling?  i loved what you wrote...it really spoke to me.  i had a truly hellish weekend with no bup since thurs - can't get in touch with the clinic i spent a TON of money on until tomorrow...i need them to increase my dosage a bit, but i don't think they are going to.  bup is very hard to come off if you don't wean waaay down first.

i talked my pharmacist into giving me enough to get thru for the next couple days.  it was weird...i just told him exactly what was going on, and although he didn't have any in stock, he didn't question me and ordered some - it arrived a couple hours later.

[pothead]

Hello to everyone.  This is my first time and I will be brief.  I am a mariujuana addict and a tobacco addict.  I want desperatly to quit both.  I cannot quit one without the other.   Today is my first day in 4 months not getting high and I want tomorrow to be my second.  Today was one of the hardest days of my life.  What I would really like is some "support".  I have found just reading through other people's comments is helpful.  

thank you all

[pothead]

Hello to everyone.  This is my first time and I will be brief.  I am a mariujuana addict and a tobacco addict.  I want desperatly to quit both.  I cannot quit one without the other.   Today is my first day in 4 months not getting high and I want tomorrow to be my second.  Today was one of the hardest days of my life.  What I would really like is some "support".  I have found just reading through other people's comments is helpful.  Specifically I would like to be able to chat online with others who are on the road to recovery

thank you all

[groovygirl]

hi and welcome.  i was never so into pot i couldn't quit, so i can't speak from my own experience.  however, one of my best friends has smoked daily for many years.  he cannot quit very easily either.  i'll tell you this tho...a few years ago, he did manage to stop for about 9 months...he did it because of an ultimatum (sp?) handed down from his girlfriend.  he started working out, eating well, etc etc.  he began seeing his friends and family more....well, you get the picture.  he told me he was so motivated, and for the first time in years he felt like he was seeing clearly and really living.  well, they broke up and back to pot he went.  i really see how it magnifies his moods.  he is generally depressed, so pot seems to make it all the worse. he is very successful business-wise, but the rest of his life...his emotional life is non-existant.  he wants to quit also, but is having a very hard time.  i'll ask him when i talk with him today, if he has any suggestions for you.  i think it comes down to a matter of willpower and perhaps counseling? you won't have physical withdrawal like us opiate addicts, so that is a great thing.  maybe if you start something to take the place of it...like walking or some type of excercise that will help? i wish i could help you more, but it's not really my area.  you've started the process, so hang in there and write when you need someone to "talk" with.

[Hinkster]

kip...sorry if I might have embarressed (sp) you yesterday. I
though you seemed kind of down and I was trying to cheer you up
alittle. I'am no writer, boy does it show, so I think I'll do
what my ex wife said and keep my mouth shut. I'am going to take
a break for awhile but I promise to keep reading.
Tom

[groovygirl]

for what it's worth, i liked your poem about kip.  he really is the backbone of this forum, and i feel the same way about him as you do.

i think it was sweet, and you shouldn't be embarrassed by showing your appreciation for someone in such a creative way....don't go away.

[skipper]

groovy:
thanks for the complement! so little of what i've done in my life
deserves an "ata boy," or good job, or even a simple thankyou. i
truly am addicted as a words, and they make me every bit as crazy
as drugs. sometime i'ld lie to share some more writing, but may-
be this isn't the right place. i wouldn't want a newcomer seeking
help to stumble into my writing. maybe sometime i can sneek some-
thing that isn't so dark, or at least something with some "light"
in it.

how was the weekend without bup? now don't take this the wrong
way...did you learn anything. when ever i go through drug w/d
the words really get to stewing around in me. w/d seems to be
accompyed by a tremendious surge in creativity. my favorite auth-
or (well one of) is WS Burroughs. in his famious novel "Naked
Lunch," he talks of taking his morning shot. he has a very dif-
ficult time hitting a vein. while probing his flesh, looking for
a vein, he has a tremendious rush of nostalgia. he finally hits a
vein. while cleaning up he wonders if this fix of nostalgia is
what all of us junkys are really after...now this **** really
hits me where i live, literally!! are the reasions for my semi-
continious detoxing hiding (and delivering) some creative agenda?
oh well - earth to kip - time to come "home" and finish your
milk!

i'ld like to thank everyone who responded to my writing yester-
day! it really gave me a small, but very intense amount of grat-
ification! thankyou for the opportunity to speak to all of you
as equals!

hinkster:
your not the first to write about me! a poet friend of mine de-
scribed me while i was living in iowa city. all i can remember
is a line about "the high white house of kip's syringe." not
the kind of stuff i want my grand-kids to see, at least not when
they still have a modicum of innocence! you my friend, may be the
first to ever speak (in poetry) of kip having value and being a-
ble to affect someone else in a positive manner...thankyou!

ok i'll shut up for now...one more thing...i'm depending on all
of you guys to tell me when i should shut up...of course this is
really nothing new, is it?

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[groovygirl]

if you'd ever like to share your writing with me, i'd love to see it...you can email me at ***@****.  i too am a writer - i'm a freelance journalist for one of the papers here in boston.  i enjoy my creative writing much more, but one does have to make a living...sigh.  i am writing and illustrating a children's book - whether it will ever see the shelves of a bookstore is yet to be seen, but the fun is in the creating i think.

[groovygirl]

sorry for the added post, but i wanted to answer your question about the bup-less weekend.  it was sheer hell to begin with and became even more miserable until yesterday i begged my local pharmacy to give me enough to last until the doc in fl got his ass in gear and sent me some more.  i still cannot believe they actually gave me some...they even had to special order it....and i didn't really have to beg all that much.

the lesson i learned?  don't run out again? hahahah  seriously, the lesson i learned is start tapering at the beginning of my next order and stick to it religiously - do not waver on it or else i'll be in the same boat as over the weekend....must have willpower!!!!

i personally like to hear about how you are doing - good or bad.  now we all know you are human and not the superman i had made you out to be in my mind.  we are going to love you, and there's not one damn thing you can do about it!  isn't that how it goes?  have a good day...the sun is actually starting to come out here in dreary old new england.

[jennyfla]

Don't you ever shut up, don't you dare!
I love your writing because it comes straight from you heart and you're not afraid to say exactly what's going on in your mind at the moment.
You think deep, and you are able to put your deep thoughts into words, and it really has a lot of meaning for many of us.
You may not even realize how much you really help, but you do, so keep up the good work, plus i think it helps you to get your thoughts out.
You tell it straight, just like it is, and addiction is hell.
If anything, any newcomer that stumbles upon your words will take them as a warning, if they aren't too far into a mess, maybe you can open their eyes a bit before they have a hard time finding their way back!
Hope you're feeling better today!
Lv Jenny

[angst]

I enjoyed reading your creative writing.  Skipper's hit home.  I hear the voice of my drug of choice calling.  I learned not to ever romanticize it.  I do not want to go back to needles and the cut throat dope men (many are women).

Hinkster,  it is more than masculine to write about a friend who has helped us all through the really shitty times and rejoiced at our achievements.  Tom, you did good by skipper and all of us who channel our creativity in other ways.

Good going,guys!

[skipper]

tom:
what angst said!

[hippy]

I run to stay alive! How far will i run?
As long as the illussion continues!
How far AS long as!
How far as long as!
One is space,one is time!
These are part of reality!
Our mission is to trancend apperents into the relm of the spiritual.
But he mission is far from reality.
The truth is i am surrounded by illussions,
more clearly stated as lies and more lies
AND ONCE AGIAN I HAVE MISTAKING VANITY FOR TRUTH.
I am the IDLE one , i stand around spiritualy speaking.
As much as i stand on the inside, on the outside ,how far will i run.?
I run from one distraction to the next without so much as a blink or a nod.

I am the IDLE-IDOLITOR!
I am the clever coward!
I am hungrey for wisdom,
but i squander knowledge!
Alone i my misery i bask in the warmth of self deception!
I go halfway to everywhere
and wind up no where.
This persistant repetitive agony avails me nothing.
My illussion and violent godless loneleness is familiary satisfing in defient childish way.

MY OWN DISUNITY HAS SPLIT MY PERSONALTY
SO MUCH THAT I HAVE BECOME MY OWN SPECTATOR.
IN THIS RELENTLESS FESTIVAL OF DEATH
WE CALL LIFE.

[angst]

Thank you for sharing your writing with us.  I was touched in more than one way.  I often wonder if life is hell and afterlife is heaven.  Maybe we just die and that is it.  Your poem was deep and very appropriate for what many of us is going through.  Thank you very much.  Ava

[hippy]

thanks,
Iwas not sure if it was fitting on this fourm,but it is about addiction .
I was just thinking about poetry and this fourm the other day and then i saw a poem on here.  I can not spell very well but i read all the time and i love poetry and words.
like the word grace,  or gracious, or mercy,or gratitude they all mean thank you. so thank you to all on this fourm we need
this type of outlet to understand ourselves better, so we can realize we are not alone in our problems with drugs ,and the  ways  to escape them , drugs  when eve i abused them alway in the end told me the same thing , i was alone ,i  was different,
i was not good enough, they  in the end always just told me give up on life.
I have spent my life learning not to listen to my head, regarding  this subject.

[angst]

Well said regarding poetry and addiction.  Variety is one of the best thing on the forum.  It would be boring if we all talked and said the same things.  Right, no?

[pothead]

Thanks for your comments GroovyGirl.  I was hoping to be able to chat with you, but I don't ever see anyone in the chat room here.

[tlk]

I think a lot of us are writer, some amateur and some profesionally. Or creative in another way. The posts here are wonderful. When I sit down to type I can actually get of this **** out of my mind where it's hiding in a recess, waiting to overwhelm me. So keep writing! It's therapy for us all.

Pothead -- I was never a pot smoker, but two of my sisters use daily. I think your problem will be that pot, maybe even more than many of the other drugs that some of here used, is very mind-altering. So even if you aren't going through W/Ds, you will be clear-headed and that will probably feel very strange to you after daily use of weed. Your challenge might be to get used to that feeling. Of course us opiate lovers also had to go through mental changes, but were so overwhelmed with the jonesing that it might not have been as obvious the first few days.
I might be totally off base here, I'm just thinking back to the few times I tried pot and what it did to my mind. I couldn't function at all, but I suspect that people who enjoy it and use it regularly need it to function and feel normal. So in that respect, you will go through what many of us do; needing the dope to feel normal. You have a big challenge ahead of you, but you can do it, just take it a day at a time. Things will get brighter, but don't get into the thinking that might hurt you, such as how you can't imagine life without ever getting stoned again. Just think of getting through the day, at least at first.

Sorry if this doesn't help, just trying to apply my experience to your predicament. tlk

[Hinkster]

Hi All,
   Thanks for the encouragement. I will NEVER say anything here
to hurt anyone. We need each other and its an honor just to be
here. When we get down theres always someone in here who is
ready to jump in and help us out. Also lets laugh once in awhile. It keeps us loose and our minds off the things that brough us here in the first place. We can have some fun.
Tom

[angst]

Hinkster,  I agree not to say things to hurt others here.  I've tried to be as honest as I know to be.  I enjoy the creative outlets on this forum.  Since, I'm relatively new here, and most have made me feel welcome, I do not know what the forum was before.  I've gone back and looked at the archives.  I hope any person with a problem of substance abuse can come here without being ignored or judged.  If the information given is wrong, someone else can fix that.  I am just an addict.  I like to concentrate on what we have in common versus what we have in difference.

Tlk,
Your days will get better.  It is all new when you get clean at first, especially if you used a lot for pain or addiction.  I've got to go for a minute.  Ava

[tlk]

Thanks Ava. I do feel better, forced myself to get going and got a lot done. Here's to hoping six months from now will be even better. I've found tremendous support here which I think has really helped me get through the past few weeks. Thank you everyone for your help. tracy

[cdh]

First I would like to say hello to everyone,
I am a first time poster. I have been reading the posts on this site for about 2 weeks. Y’all sound like some really good folks.

I am a chronic pain patient and have been for at least 2 years. On top of this I am a recovering alcoholic and an addict. For the last year I have been prescribed 80 milligrams of oxycontin @ 4 times a day. I also use the Actiq 400mcmg every eight hours or as needed for breakthrough pain. What scares me is I have yet to notice anyone on this site using this much dope. I do not swallow my oxy I snort it, sometimes 2 to 3 pills at a time. I always run out of my prescription early. I do not even get a high anymore I just maintain. Yes, I am sick of it but could not imagine living my life without my drugs.

Anyone got any suggestions on how to get off this much dope?

[tlk]

I couldn't post a new question, but if anyone can help here, please let me know.
When I was taking the opiates for pain I was also prescribed Neurontin for the nerve pain. I never really took it, as I was more interested in the hydro. I have been getting these horrid headaches and shooting pain in my neck and down my legs. I won't take opiates, and it's really not that bad anyway.
I did take two Neurontins this morning (I'm precribed three at a time, so this was less than the dose). It totally took away that burning sensation and pain. I'm exhausted since I only slept for a few hours, but this really calmed me down, almost like a Xanax. Is this dangerous for me? I feel really out of it and am going to lay down for a bit. If anyone has knowlege about taking this drug, please let me know. I can't go to the doctor and they don't return my calls. Thanks, Tracy

[GOD]

Hi!

I have neouropathic pain/nerve damage, and was taking neourontin for about 6 months. It really does help with pain, but for me it had the side effect of making me feel somewhat retarded and slow. I was taken off of it, as it REPAIRS damage to an extent, but once it has helped and done what it can do for nerve pain, it loses some effectiveness after a while (at least in ME). Make sure not to take more than your prescribed dose, or it can put you into a stupor that you aren't aware of when it happens. the highest dose is 900 milligrams 3 times per day, and I was on one third of that.. 300 3 times per day. I think that's what hyou are on (3 100 mg pills 3x per day)-- and that is the most common dose. The doctor tld me not to worry about an addiction with this drug, BUT if you take it regularly, and are going to stop, you are to taper off gradually since your body needs to get used to the different chemistry slowly. It did wonders for me, but I'm glad to be off it now. It always made me tired, and it had the unfortunate side-effect of giving me the runs half the day!

Good luck!

Jess

[angst]

cdh,
i was taking a much stronger drug iv.  this last relapse, i am an addict, i would have died if i had not gotten back to the methadone clinic and fast.  i was shooting anything from 3or4mg to 6or7mg of dilaudid.  the more money i could come up with, the more i shot.  with your high usuage of oxy's, methadone might be the answer.  you are using quite a bit.  i would not jump off at that dosage.


tlk,  the neurotin is a new, not brand new, anticonvulsant.  i believe it might fall into the class of neuroleptics.  mr. michael will correct on that.  it is safe to use as far as i know.  i've never known a neurotin addict, but you do have to taper off once you are taking it for fear of seizures.  it could be that you found something you can take for neuropathy.  i'm glad you are here and posting.  ava

[tlk]

Thanks bot of you for the info. It does help with the pain, but I can handle most of the pain naturally, so will try not to take it. It's actually a pretty high dose: 900mg in one dose. I only took six and I was out for the past few hours, still feel out of it. Since I'm already on an anti-convulsant (Trileptal) for seizures, I don't think I should mess with this. I got the two from different doctors, and while my addiction doctor knew about the Trileptal my neurologist didn't know about the Neurontin; I didn't mention it because I never took it back then, was just sitting in my med cabinet. Now I wonder if I shouldn't be mixing. I'm still trying to get rid of these monstor headaches, feel today's coming on. I tried the sinus trick, Excedrin Migrain, Advil Migraine, the list goes on. Only thing to help is Imitrex and I am once again out of that. Oh well, another battle to fight. As they say, what doesn't kill you...

[angst]

tlk, you are right about mixing your seizure meds.  i had forgotten about that.  i've been pensive for about 2 or 3 days.
i have to get quiet and  try to figure out why i feel this way.  that has always been a problem.  trying to understand why i feel the way i do is not easy for me.  i do not think i am repressing anything.  i need to do a couple of things, but they have closed the last of a good discount store in town.
i hate to drive.  i will have to get hair color and make up.  i also want to get a haircut - a skate cut for the summer.  i can wear one well with a weight line and 1/4 inch shave on the neck and over the ears.
i am putting things off when i need to get my behind in gear.  tomorrow is a new day.  i have to pick up my take homes every Friday, and i try to make group therapy.  if something is really bothering me i try to get in a counselling session instead of group.

[tlk]

I think that's a common thing with us addicts; trying to figure out why we think and feel the way we do. Sometimes I wish I could just forget it and feel, not analyze it. But I guess I can't change my behavior unless I understand it, huh?
I'm sorry you're down. My moods are all over the map. Please feel free to write to me about how you are feeling, anytime. Good luck with all the errands. I need a cut so bad I'm wearing a ballcap everywhere. And the heat here is a *****. tlk

[angst]

have you ever lived down south?

[hippy]

hi everybody,
just going one day at a time here, Ya and i knew a lot of people
over the years got cleaned up for a while and then picked up ,and would start using the same amount of drugs that they were using at the end of thier addiction, most of the time with dire consequences. especally heroin/hydro/oxy.
As far as tolerance goes, i always just used more and more ,or got stronger drugs.  the thought of getting back to normal as i stay clean in any area sounds good.,I hope any of the damage i have done to body (liver) ect. can recover.
Well  im 43 and i know my body takes a little more time to hael  than it used too.
On to good news my grand son turns 4 sat. and i am going to take him to see his hero spiderman. I wish i was 4.. I never spent 1 hour with my grand father' he was to busy or not around.
seeing my grand son is one of life's true joy's .
hope everone is well                 peace

[row]

Is valium a good way to aid in the detox process. Its not my choice of drug. I was taking 5 80 mg tabs of oxy a day about 2 weeks ago, now down to about 5 percs and a couple of vics. By the 20th I plan to be at 1-2 percs and then just quit with only the help of the recipe and valium, is that ok????????

I have about 7 -10 days off.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated sine I am freaking out about the unknown.

Courage to all!

[angst]

Be careful with the valium.  It can be very habit forming.  Going into this with blinders off, you will do better.  I am not saying not to take something (valium) to help with the withdrawals, just know that you need a limited amount so you do not get addicted to it.
Good Luck with your plan.  I hope it works.

[tlk]

Angst -- I've lived in Texas since I was 8. Before that my dad was in the military so I moved every year: Virginia, Oklahoma, New Mexico, several Texas cities, Maine, etc. I was born in Tex though and this is my home. The heat is a *****, but I guess I should be used to it after all these years! 95 degrees this week and counting...

H - I'm glad you get to spend time with your grandson. I might take my kiddos to Spiderman too, if the lines aren't too long. Actually thinking of going on a date with my husband, which we haven't done in a long, long time. Want to finally go to an NA meeting tonight, but that is one thing that causes tension between us. He seems to think now that I've quit it's all over and I'm cured! When I say I need to talk to people about this he says to talk to him. I can't do that. I don't want to tell him all the awful things I've done, and I know he would never understand the compulsion I felt to use. His dad was an alcoholic and addict (it killed him a few years back) and my husband went completely in the opposite direction, won't even take a Tylenol. He did take Vics a few years ago after a car wreck, liked them too much, and promptly quit. Would that we could all do that! Anyway I'm glad you sound happy. Have fun with the little one. tracy

[row]

Angst,

Thank you for being there for me and everyone else it looks like.
I read all your stuff. I am very emotional today and I have no work so I only took 1 perc and 1 valium,
I Happy about that but I really did not want to take anything. I just felt so bad and could not even move. I am trying to quit before the 20th but the fatigue is my worst enemy. I really dont get any other withdraws except the fatigue and depression/anviety, I cant move and it scares me. It feels like I am dieing. the 1 perc and 1 val seemed to give me enough energy to say THANK YOU FOR LISTINING TO MY WHINING.

I know other people have it worse than me but to each is own.And I ll tell you what I pray for them too. Not a religious man but very spirtual. My cousin who died 3 years ago of a brain tumor asked me why I was crying when he came out of his coma, He told me that he saw God and you know you God is, he said think of all the wonderful people in your life and in the world and put all there faces together, a big smiling face and that is God, God is you and me and everyone. Its strang in life that how us humans come together and really pour out or love and concern for one another. I always look at that executive with the big house and money and I know deep down there is love and love and understanding conquers all we just have too find a way to unleash it, with or without withdraws.

We are some of the most courages people in the world right on this web site, battling demons, fear and pain. There are others all over the world too, some starving some being abused some with no place to go and that kills me everyday knowing they are victims and I did this to myself. The worst part is that we did it to ourselves and that makes it shamful, BUT what I believe in is the power of redemtion. A person can grow and change and repent for mistakes and misdeeds and be FORGVIN. Faith rests with the individual and the power of redemtion, which begins with accepting responsibility for ones actions. Only with great effort which I see here on this site, all of us can traverse the distance between the person who we are and the person which we once were or want to become. Its not enough to admit this is what Iam and therefore that excuses the behavior.

We need to accept the resposibility and accepting the resposibility is changing the behavior. Changing the behavior is so hard and I am trying to get off drugs so bad, so bad that I cry at night and wonder how I let myself become this. We need to maintain a certain level of decency and accountability. St Marks Admonition:

"What shall it profit a man or woman if he or she gains the whole world  but loses there soul"

I am sorry for sounding too preachy but I hope, when I am healthy and better I too can give back to the world, to this site, to people who are in need. And everyone here has so much courage it really touches me. It touches me to my soul, to the point of tears. It makes me realize what is so important in life. Not material things(those do help) but emotional things, love, hugs, talking to a friend, taking a walk, turning off the TV and reading,hugging a friend hugging anyone, some people are takin back by hugs, Iam starting to love giving hugs to friends and family. My dad was not the most emotional person but he is a good man but I feel I have taught him that a hug is so powerful. Just wake up one day(if you have energy and are not on the toliet, ha ha) and give someone a hug and tell them you love them. Nothing in the whole wide world can take that away, NOTHING. It is the most powerful thing in the world, hugs and love and touching and feeling all that is around, money cant do that. Money is fine dont get me wrong but I would like one person to tell me that money gave them the same pleasure as hugging a child, a friend and mom a dad anyone.

Sorry everyone, I am going off a bit thanks in part to everyone here and Angst for answering my crys and fears.

I WILL MAKE IT, I AM SCARED, I WILL HUG, AND I WILL LOVE. I WILL LISTEN TO ALL OF YOU AND I WILL CRY, I WILL LIVE AGAIN AND I WILL LAUGH AGAIN, I WILL ENJOY THE TIME I HAVE HERE ON EARTH AND I WILL BE KIND, I WILL BE KIND, I WILL BE KIND.

Thank You All!

Row

Thank you all and I will pray for everyone in the whole world that there will be one day, just one day without pain, abuse, violence, anger, sadness, and desperation.

"We Will Get By" " We will survive" The Grateful Dead

[hippy]

keep posting.thanks.
Ya ever here the one>
I GOT CLEAN TO SAVE MY ASS AND FOUND OUT IT WAS ATTACHED TO MY SOUL>

[row]

Thank you! And I will keep posting! I am going to my first NA meeting tonight at 5:30 but it seems these people are way ahead of I wish I was there, no physical pain, I am afrarid of the pain.

See you

[hippy]

try not to let the fear get to ya, i have it to. But i just keep going. NA is a good place i have been going to na meetings since 19 75, i had 14 years up untill 3 years ago , it was alway good to me , the more i put into it the more i got back, most of the people in my life are members.          peace

[angst]

Thank you for the post.  I've said live and let live, but I hope no one dies because I did not care.  This forum as a whole is much stronger than any one member.  We practice what we preach here on the forum when someone new is welcomed and helped.
I am thankful to you and others on this forum.  It is a blessing to be able to come here and tell others how I am doing things.
Hope the NA meeting goes well.  Be ready for hugs when you walk in the door.

[row]

I think I relapsed and I took 20 mg 0f oxy, 2 valium and I drank 2 beers. I want more today for some reason. Shoot. I am upset today. I dont know what to do and Detox seems so far away even thpogh its only on May 20th. i have not put oxy in my body for 2 weeks now I did. I am upset more than I feel ok.

Sorry, but I am trying!

I think I am also being selfish, but as soon as I can help people I will.

Row

[angst]

It takes time to withdraw from the various drugs. You could go to an addiction doctor, come clean,  accept his/her help for detoxing.  When you get home with new meds, flush most of what is left. You may keep a few, just to see you through the toughest of times.  Find a list of local NA meetings and go.  They are addicts like the rest of us.  Be prepared for hugs at the door.  Hold up your head.  You are no better or worse that the other addicts.  You need lots of positive reinforcement.  You can get that here.  You are welcome here.  We(the forum) will help as much as we can.  Good luck.

[row]

Thank you!

[Daiseyd]

I read a posting from some time ago .. below
I recently experienced the same thing this weekend .. first time ever feeling this way .. I did go to the hospital .. i was terrified .. It turned out the last Bump I did was of like 80% proof stuff .. and I didn't know ... I honestly thought I was going to die .. my poor boyfriend was freaking too . I went to the hospital and had a heart rate of 130.. normal I guess is between 70-100. Believe me this was my perfect excuse to QUIT .. problem is .. is that it is a social thing .. I only do it 2 or 3 days a month ( fri or sat usually ) and I only usually do on average .5 grams ... My fear is how do I adapt ? for 2 years now this has been habit.... ?
****************************************************************
Subject: Am I having a cocaine overdose?
Topic Area: Drugs
Forum: The Addiction Medicine Forum
Question Posted By: Ckivlan on Tuesday, May 29, 2001


I was in this forum a few months ago with questions about cocaine and alcohol. Well I am back with another question concerning cocaine. Memorial Day.... Did a few backs of cocaine with a friend and felt great! Went home around 2:30am and layed in bed and thats when it all began. My eyes were rolling in the sockets... my heart began to race... I began to sweat... I couldnt breathe very well. I was breathing but it felt like i could not get enough air! I took a hot bath and felt like i was going to faint... took a cold bath...i was freezing. Anyways, I tryed so many things to feel better up until 6:30 am when i finally began to calm down. It is now 12:17 and i slept about 4 hours. My heart was racing so fast I was about to call an ambulance but my mom would kill me before the cocaine would! I was having these weird convulsions. My arms were shaking and my fingers haven been shaking for months. I really felt like i was dying.... I can't explain how horrible I felt. My question: Was I having an overdose??? or was I just going through something that everybody goes through when they do too much cocaine? Couls I have died??? my EXTREME question... I am a 20 female in Miami, Florida.... I dont have a drug habit but i do tend to use cocaine about once a month and i always over do it... I am leaving into the Navy in October so I hope that will help me alot... if I use cocaine again and i feel my heart racing and etc.etc.etc.... can you PLEASE reccomend something to help when im experiencing this? Is there a special remedy? ANYTHING... please name a few things. Thank you so much.
*MiStiCiLLuSionZ*
***@****

[angst]

If I were you, I would not touch the cocaine again.  I had a heart attack in rehab trying to come off benzo's.  I had been taking them for 22 years of my 36 life.  They had me on a slow, deliberate, phenobarb detox.  It kept the seizures at bay, but I had an anterior infarct.  I've always had a funtional heart murmur.  I never expected that.
Each time you use the cocaine you are asking for a heart attack or seizure or worse - JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, OR DEATH -.  If you love anyone in this world or yourself, you will stop.  
First-change people, places, and things.  I had to so I could live without dilaudid.  Next change the behaviors you associate with using cocaine.  Next, but not lastly, get into a good NA or AA group.  We work better as a whole not individually.  I hope the best for you.  Keep posting.  I care about you.  Ava

[Daiseyd]

Thanks alot !

Since this was a  very occasional indulgence  I know I can Stop.
I am just not  ready to talk to people close to me  about it as I am quiet embaressed  I let it even happen. I promised myself that I would NEVER  do it  again . And I know I can do it . Problem is everyone around me  dabbles in it occasionally. I know they will never give it  to me once they find this out and  probably  will never do it again as  well ...  but cutting myself off from them would be  very hard .. expecially since my boyfriend  does it .. never  around me  but I know he  does ?

[angst]

the best thing in the world that could happen to you is that all your using buddies know what happened to you.  you have to change
people, places, and things if you want to clean up your act and stay alive.  if you want to live the "cool" life your using buddies are living, you very well may die the next time you use.  Is giving your life to a drug called cocaine that important to you?  
I care about you.  I want to see you live. I'm sure there are others who want to see you live also.  So please stop using before the big one hits you.  Keep posting. Good luck and Blessings.  Ava

[row]

I cant do it on my own and I raised enough money to bypass the Hospital and through rapid detox, has anyone herd about that? I herd its painless and more humane, I feel like am also avoiding what I should be going through. I did however justify it by going through 3-4 weeks of withdraw which included no sleep, no energy etc... while I was tappering. But I rasied the money between friends and family and I go in on Tuesday. Has any herd positive or negative things about rapid detox??????

[angst]

I've seen it done on TV.  The anesthesiologist puts you to sleep.
Then you start getting narcan, and he implants naltrexone pellets into a fatty part of your body.  When you wake up, you are finished.  You'll have the naltrexone pellets to keep you from feeling any further drugs if you take them.  Mr. Michael will have the complete answer for you.  Good luck and Blessings.

[row]

Once again you are there, you are an extrodinary person and you take time from your life and give to us. I will promise to make a vow and tell you how it goes and be there for all of you because I will need help once I return home. Very scared but I will pull through and return to a life I once had. My 3 year old nephew needs me and I need him. Life is good and drugs are bad, Ijust dont understand this joke that has been played on all of us wonderful people. WE will get by!!! I will be back. THANK YOU ANGST SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH You have touched my life and more importantly my soul!

God Bless all and Corage to all!

Row

[row]

Has anyone herd of or is a fan of NALTREXONE.

I really dont want to take it, its just more money, it seems its all about money and from my knowledge it just stops the cravings and if you take a pill it blocks its effects.

I dont think I need to use this for a year.

And also never was a drinker at all but if I go out and want a couple of beers it screws you up if you are taking NALTREXONE.

What do you think???????????????

ROW

[angst]

if you go the rapid detox way, they usually implant the naltrexone in pellets that slowly diminish.  once they are gone, you may need to take it.  i took it once for a month in rehab.  it made me feel no different.  but i was not the person i am today.  i was still stinking thinking.  you have to make a commentment to the rapid detox if it going to work.  find your way and stand by it.  get strong and mean about drugs.  what have they taken from you?  way too much from me.  good luck.

[Jeweler]

I've decided to get off Opiates.   I've been taking them, most every day, now for almost a year.  A few months ago, I tried to taper off.  I was successful... for two days.  I threw another disc out of my back from working with concrete, and had to take it.

But the realization has grown stronger and stronger in the last couple of weeks.  I MUST GET OFF THESE.  No more talk.  No more false promises.  If I don't get off them, they'll kill me.

Where I live, there's no NA.  I'm in the boonies.  Therefore, I've decided to let y'all be my NA if you don't mind.  

I've been taking Oxycodone 7.5/500's.  About 4 to 6 a day, not every day, but the days I haven't taken it, it's all I thought about.

But this is something I've set out to do.  I have gotten serious about God, and asking him for help.  So any advice you have, please don't hold back.  I'm in this like any other addict.  You see, I now can say it.  I have now accepted it. I am one.  But it's time to get clean.  I've given it to God.  

But I'm hoping I haven't gotten to the point where I can't give it up cold turkey.  If you think I shouldn't do it, please post a schedule to taper off.  I could use advice from those like me.

jeweler

[Hinkster]

jeweler...We didn't forget you my friend. As we've said many times go straight to the top of the forum and post exactly what
you have said down here in no mans land. The knowledgeable here
are waiting to help you but have to see you first.
Good luck,
Tom