trying to fight the urge

[ljj28]

I have three tabs left. I am having such a battle in my head. This morning before my alarm even went off, I had a text from a dealer saying he had them for me and he would even meet me at work! I haven't responded... I have been telling myself I'm going to get through the worst wd's this weekend. At least I can lay in bed without having to be at work, but then my demons tell me, oh come on, you can prolong this one more week. I'm trying so hard to stay strong. It's so hard. It's like I literally have the devil and angel on my shoulders. Does anyone have any advice on how to shut that bad voice off that is going to make me loose my resolve?

[ljj28]

yeah I have a script for Prozac waiting on me. I have never been on antidepressants so maybe that will help... I know what you mean though, not happy with or without. It *****. I am just trying to keep my mind off of it,and when i have a weak moment I jump back on here to see if anyone has advice. So far this forum is great!!!

[nessyness]

I feel you on the money what a waste! I got off vics once before i used this friendly little drug called Ultram what a MISTAKE that was. I was a wreck physically and emotinally getting of the ultram sucked for 2 weeks and then i was ok but i was depressed so i started using norcs here and there or vics now im on a steady habit of 3 a day and i know its only gonna increase...I know it dont seem like alot considering i was taking 12 to 15 before.....Im just scared when im on nothing i dont remember how to be happy but im not happy now so hell idk! maybe it will be better with the depression this time i just started zoloft a week ago Im so ready to learn to be happy sober.

[hopinforhappy]

Get up, get to a NA or AA meeting to get some strength.  Either erase the text if you need to or if you have the strenght, text back and say not to contact you again.  Block the number.  If you are serious, prove it to yourself.  You are the only one that can.  Close the door, don't leave it open "just in case".  I am on day 154. Get there with me.  You can do this, we are here.  Start the process and you will find you are braver than you ever thought.....

[itzmekellie]

...i luv u 2!!!
...and I HATE this **** that sneakz in & tries to steal our LIVES......u have a friend in meeeee :)

[ljj28]

I love you. :)

[itzmekellie]

When I have had to fight my demons, I have to remind myself constantly that I am in WAR with the enemy...and all itz troops, i.e. the dealer...if you give in now, you will only have to go down this road again in the future...if you stay true to your plan / yourself, then you are that much farther ahead in this game...Of course the dealer will deliver...he doesn't give a DAMN about you...you are $$$ to him...
I remember the day I truly 'saw the light' was when my dealer told me "here's the secret, you have to learn to control the (drug)...NOT let the (drug) control you!..." ...What I heard was coming from a man who claimed to be a 'friend' & giving me advice, who was only looking to keep me in HIS 'control' ...Get ANGRY at the power that this **** has had over you!!!! DON'T give in...YOU can do it!!!!! You're on the right track!!! Don't let go!!! FIGHT FOR YOURSELF!!! You ARE worth it!!! ...itz not about wishing you luck...itz about reminding you that you have the strength to do this...luck has nothing to do with it!!!  Don't let go babeeeee!!!!!!!  muah!!!

[ljj28]

I do REALLY want to get off these things. But like nessyness says, my brain is being controlled this substance right now. When I think about the money I have spent over the last two years it makes my stomach turn. They don't even phase me anymore either. My tolerance is so high I'm just taking them to not get sick. It's such a vicious cycle.

[daisy699]

Just keep reminding yourself that once you get through this you NEVER have to feel like this again!! Of course we can always convince ourselves of a reason to put it off or use today just to get through work, or the weekend will be a better time to wd,but my experience has been when the weekend comes ther's another reason to not start detoxing or a better reason to get high! Stay strong and push the devil's voice off your shoulder..a minute at a time if you have to. You can do it don't give in and tell your dealer your broke or sick any reason to get him to stop cantacting you until your a little stronger! GOOD LUCK..STAY STRONG

[ImGettingClean]

i meant, if your REALLY Want to get/stay clean, you know what to do...

=)

[nessyness]

I know exactly what your going through i have 5 vics left do i get more untill i can have a few days off....theses pills have taken over my brain all i can think of is getting more or quitting i have been on this sight for days just reading....I know im ready i just have to suck it up and be done. So i say to you jjust Dont.....lets not give these demons another week to destroy are mind and body!        If you need to write me i Know where your at im there too.

[ImGettingClean]

Yes, just ask yourself how long will this continue...if i take 10 more pills, after that, then what? You'll be back in the same boat you're in, just deeper into the addiction....

I'll be honest, you can't get/stay clean unless you REALLY want to get/stay clean...

if you REALLY want it, you know what to do...

Nick