trying to kick my monkey

Hello People:
My name's Donald and I have been more than less an addict for over 35 years. I started by sniffing glue and gas .... whatever the other kids were doing. In time it went to alcohol then pot,pills,then one day I found myself doing something that I allways promised myself I would never do. I stuck a needle in my arm. This led to a ten year haroin habit, in 2001 my wife of 30 years overdosed on methadone, coke and restoril. We were at the time sepprated and I was living in Vancouver BC, She in Sask. I was so lost and destroyed that she died " she was my first and only love" that I just stopped caring about my own health. I would push a point of h just to see if I could, I was so ****** up by her death, well two months after her death I overdose not once but three times.I am so fortunate that I had a friend who would allways look up on me because he knew what the story was and that I was so ****** up, self pitty, sorrow whatever it was but this person cared the first two od's she got to me in enought time so the EMT's could give me the narkan witch by the wat is a very rude awaking LOL. anyway my third od was on thr street I had a few Rigs already loaded and I was walking down from the bus depot in DT Van if any one knows the place and was heading to china town were I use to live " close to my source LOL " well anyway to make a long story short I did anouther wack right on the street just under the georgia viaduct I didn't even have time to pull the needle out I was just one dlack rush.
I realy thought I was dead they say the narkan didn't even wake me. I don't know how it is I'm alive today but by the grace of God. Its the third time in my life that I have been legaly dead that time beeing the secon the first was from a gunshot to the heart and the third was a few months ago, which is the reason for my attemp to rehab.
You see the great powers that be thought it was wise for me to get into the methadone program in exchange for their generosity in not sending me to prison for drug possesion, " I had a gram of #4"  they considdered that the fact that I had just lost my wife and as well as a very true and beautiful friend that watched me desroying myself and was powerless to do anything about it.
So this is were I am, Back home in Sask. Canada and on the meth since 2001 I was up to 220mg. a day till my last kiss with death. I was getting monthly carries and one day I got realy pissed after visiting my wife's grave. I came home and that is all I remember I woke up in the hospetal feeling like my body was turning inside out. I swear to God that I had no intentions of killing myself but being blacked out on booze I can't truely say. All I know is that was the awakening that I feel God put in my heart, I started to decrease my dosage well asking my doc too. I am now down to 55mgs and I am looking forward to the day I will be free of this big ole monkey, which by the way is far more harder than H to come off of. when I was on 180mgs I thought i wuold make a little money so I sold my carries 3 days worth. Bad mistake I swear that I litteraly crawled the three and a half block to my meth clinic in Van.
My questiopn is, to anyone who is in a simmilar situation as I am to please let me know when it is safe for me to got cold turkey and to tell all the people out there that if they think methadone is the solution or answer to addiction therapy please don't you will only trade an illegal dealer for one sanctioned by the government.
I wish to hear from long time hard core addicts, the brothers and sisters who know the score. Till then peace out and lots of love to you all.

[whathefu_k]

Man, that is a brutal story. My heart goes out to you. I don't know much about meth- not my thing- but I'm sure some others will chime in there for you soon.

[toxictome]

wWelcome to the forum. I dont' have any experience with meth, but there are many  here that do. We'll help you in any way we can!!
Someone will be along shortly...take care and good luck!

[skippysizemore]

Check my journals anytime. I don't know how to taper, but I am at 19 days Cold turkey from 20-30 mgs. Was on methadone for 4 years. I feel your pain. Please take a look at my journals there is a lot of good info in there, Thomas Recipe is a good thing to check out also. Good luck and I will be praying 4 you......

[opi]

wow man,,,,,,that's rough....dono bout meth but i know about VAN....been there lot's...
H is to good n easy to get....you might wana move out of van man.....then get off the meth.......vandamncouver......i just did time with a dude from there and he had to leave or die..................................hasting is wasting away....shanon hoon lyric(blind mellon).
good luck mang..

[newmanagment]

i am a long term hard core addict, but not H , cocaine. let me tell ya this, after getting clean the battle is staying clean. it is real easy to fall back, so ya got to make some changes in your life. I heard you mention God a few times, and that may be the first thing you need to do , is getcha life right with God, however you know him. then ya gotta change it all, people places things. as opi said , ya might want to move. good luck and much love from one long term to another....

[Clamity2]

I'm praying for you now. I was an addict for most of my life. I used most of what you mentioned. The meth I used was crystal back in the early 70s I'm sure the reciepe was different. Anyway.   You can get clean. Think of yourself as a warrior and this addiction is your mission to get over. It hurts getting clean. There is no other way that I know of but alot of people here have good advice and lots of love and support. welcome!!

[rezdog69]

thanx man even hearing from anouther addict that dosn't wanna take ya back to the monkey is cool.
peace-n-love ta ya

[rezdog69]

Thanx man peace-n-love

[rezdog69]

Will do skip, buy ya gotta tell me how to do this thing, am new to the puter thang.lol.

[rezdog69]

Hello opi:
good ta hear from anouther "Wastings and Pain" peep I am out of there and back home in saskatchewan so thanx for the hearts out.

[rezdog69]

Thanx and God bless you too.

[worried878]

Good luck to ya...click on her name and you will see a box....view her profile and you will find her journal...feohmoon is also WD-ing from methadone..she is on here often...she can help u too

[swtbreezie]

Welcome to the forum.  WoW after than many OD's I think I would go into treatment.  I wish you luck I know you can do this.  I'll be praying for you.
swtbreezie

[mr.lucky66]

I can relate. I spent 25 years on and off methadone and am so glad I'm off. It wasn't easy but worth it. There are many ways to get off methadone and I have tried most and many are good. "METHADONE, THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT" all the best

[nuredshuz]

click on   feohmoon's profile and view their journals.  They are familiar with methadone tapering and they are now at least a few days clean.  You may even want to message them cuz they are wanting to help others in their similiar situation.  I say they cuz its a guy and girl that are engaged.  There are a few others on this forum that have beat meth and h addiction.  It can be done and I know you can do it too! The good people here really want to play it forward in recovery.  Im glad you found this sight, you will surely find some hope and help here.  best of luck to you ~ peace