trying to remain "detatched"

[thelida]

My boyfriend is in denial of his opiate problem.
I love him, but he's having such a hard time (depression) that he's never there for me...and when he is, he's really not.
I've gone through the saddness stage.  That was getting me so depressed I was having a hard time being mom to my 2 girls (they aren't his).
So, some defense mechanism within me transformed my sadness to anger.  I got so mad that he was putting himself through this...and pulling me with him because he is such a part of me...and therefore pulling my kids down too because I am their world, and when I'm that depressed I can't give them what they need and deserve.
So the anger stopped that depression.  Any time I would start feeling sad I would get angry instead.  "Anger is a Gift" was my motto.
But then the anger started taking its toll on me.  I started becomming highly aggitated with all aspects of humanity.
OK...the anger got out of control.  What else is left?
I have been trying to be as emotionally detatched from all of this as I can be.
Otherwise I'll either leave him, kill him, or attempt to blow up the world.
I don't know.  Maybe I should just fall apart and cry in front of him.  But I don't think I really have it in me anymore to do that.  
So, here I am attempting the Buddhist thought of non-attachment.
It's just hard to not loose control of my emotions when we talk about this. He denies it and I get mad.  It sucks.

[Marce4]

Good Morn. Have you tried going to AL ANON??? I don't know that much about it but I've seen many people onthis forum suggest this for loved ones of the addict.  Your children are so important and they need you and you need them.  You unfortunately cannot make him see  his problem if he's not ready. He has to confront this on his own and if you are able, then you will be there to support him when he does.  I was also so irritable and nasty to my husband and he several times suggested it was the pills. That made me even angrier because deep down I knew he was right but I wasn't ready to admit that to myself. I finally got real when I noticed how I needed more and was draining our bank acct and was becoming testier between doses.  We all have a diffrent "rock bottom" but I think you need to care for yourself first and realize that he is responsible for his recovery!!!!

[girlybuff]

Al a non teaches the person with an addict in their lives to detach wtih love, to own their own emotions, not to have their emotions dictated by what kind of day the addict is having and to have their own life DESPITE what the addict in their life is doing.
You could call information to get your local number or try the phone book.
Good luck....

[thelida]

Thanks.  I didn't even think about alanon.  My family was trying to get my cousin to go there cause her husband was really bad with his drinking.  
Well, I think my boyfriend is avoiding me because he doesn't want to bring me down.  We don't live together, and lately we haven't been seeing much of eachother at all.  I have only seen him once during this month, and then it was only for about 2 hours.  He never anseres his phone when I call him, and he only calls me about once every 4 days or so.
I guess it's good and bad.  It's easier for me to not get too emotional when he's never around.  But I just miss him so much.  And sometimes I doubt he'll ever come back to me as the man I fell in love with.
Sucks because I didn't want a relationship (was single mom for many years and content).  He was my best friend and convinced me we should be together because we already love eachother so much, and we can make it the greatest thing in the world.  This was back in August.  OK so we havent been together for real long, but we have been best friends for 10 years.