ultlmate motivation

I.ve been reading alot of the posts from success stories but i cant seem to put them down yet. Will it take me hitting rock bottom before I can begin the process? Are there any words of wisdom out there or what made you finally decide to clean up? I'm wondering if some of you are secret therapists planted by the govt. because some of your answers are so therapeutic. Just kidding or maybe I'm a little paranoid.

[10356]

Hi Whoa.. I sure hope you do not have to hit rock bottom.. you will get clean when you are sick of your life on the pills. being a slave in body and emotion takes it toll.. the fun goes out of the process when you only take the pills to feel "normal" and I use that word loosely as there is nothing normal in being a addict our how we feel.. Hope you decide to jump off the crazy train before you find your bottom.. take care of yourself as you are the only one that can.. lesa

[whoa1]

Thanks for being kind enough to answer.

[chronicmistake]

I was on Opiates for 6 years, I think, I lost count!  One day there was a little spark in my brain while I was on my exercise bike listening to my fav music.  I got mad and told mysef that this is my choice to live like this and I can do this!  I did a fast taper in week and suffered most of WD during taper and very few during CT,  I use Thomas recipe,  I knew that if i did not stop I was going to get in a car accident, die, get sick or get in trouble at work.  I did not want to hit bottom so I took control.  It is not easy but can be done one day at a time.  7 days clean

[ymerej]

Hey there. I know exactly what you are talking about. I mentally tried to quit several times but went right back to the easy way out. Something just snapped this time. I am only 6 days out right now but have not been this set in my ways in over a year now. Feel kinda weird today, but I am still not budging. You know those days where you aren't on as many pills as you are normally are and see things even just the slightest bit more clearly? Remember those thoughts, they are motivational. People always say take it one day at a time and I agree to an extent. But it is still pretty nice when you think about yourself 30 days from now, not nodding off or snapping at anyone. Not completely depressed and broke. When you think of how beautiful this one particular day is. That is what is keeping me in it. Good luck.
BTW what and how many?

[worried878]

Mostly just a buncha addicts here...nuttin exciting  (:
Fiinancial concerns as i was buying pills and sinking into debt is one major contributor to why i stopped.  as my habit got larger, my pocket book did not...no win situation.
Tolerence can build up so quickly
Running out or panicking about running out was a huge bummer as well...always knowing where to find em...sometimes not the best folks too associate with either
I think the final straw was the started making me feel down..no euphoria anymore and no matter how many i took,,i couldnt recapture that fun happy buzz i used tio get from hydros..it was gone and not to return
So there i sat alone, , on a saturday buying pills that made me tired and unmotivated...started self isolating at home more and felt more alone..didnt feel i could socialize without a large amt of narcs on board and even then I would sometimes get the blues when i used.

It just wasnt any fun anymore...u know u make 2 columns on a paper...one side titled good things, the other bad things bout these pills
One day, there was noting, not one thing to oput on the good side..so i quit
Everyone has a different bottom to reach before throwing in the towel on drug abuse
Some never do throw in the towel and will use til they die....or end up in prison,,or bankrupt and even losing everything they love to the little white pill.  This little white pill is not ur friend and will never take the place ot the folks who loved u that u slowly lose due to ur addiction

We r all different...different bottoms we much reach, diff triggers that cause us to use,,,but we all need aftercare to stay functional..aftercare is the only true medicince an addict has to acheive longterm recovery...and an adduct will fight aftercare tooth and nail at times,  Stubborn, head strong personalities addicts often are..and it hurts them to not be more open to recovery
We cant do everything on our own,  It is jhealthy to reach out
I have described the time in my life after 5 yrs of using as being "sick and tired of being sick and tired...cos i was sick and tired using or not using!  Suddenly what i was doing was just pure stupid.  I am an intelligent person and I had let sumpin stupid control my life!
after reasoning thru what i had done for 5 yrs it hit me...Laura, u r not this stupid!  I do not like someone playing me for a fool...and i was letting a lil white pill play me for a fool//i let my self play myslef for a fool

I let go,,,,,and life ony get better

[dominosarah]

I am thinking here if you think there are secret therapists working for the government you are at rock bottom.  What are you willing to do to change things up for you?  Getting and staying clean has to come within you.  You have it in you to do this....What are you afraid of?

[janet19]

I think we are all a little paranoid lol. Maybe we are little therapists, but we are not out there looking to work for the secret government. We all seem to be like little therapists, because we know what addiction is about and how it can ruin lives. We tell it from our hearts and deep down feelings and some of our most ultimate of secrets.

I knew I was an addict, but that wasn't stopping me from popping those beautiful little pills. Those wonderful little pieces of magic. The lit up our lives so dramatically and we knew we had found the answers to all our problems and knew exactly where to find that ultimate high of happiness and well being for mankind.

But then one day those beautiful little pills of magic turned into a dark hole and began to swallow us up one at a time. Our wonderful little pieces of magic lost there glow and went down the drain somewhere. We are not sure where the disappeared to, so we quickly started to search for them, but all we could find was fogged, they turned on us, we felt used, disappointed, and then...........

[shadow740]

Well, I saw the other people in the room turn into demons and I hadn't even shot up yet, so at that point I felt that the drug itself was demonic and the last thing I wanted to do was put it into my arm.

Seeing people turn into demons can be kind of frightening and life changing.

[whoa1]

I guess Im afraid of being stripped down to reality and facing numerous problems that I have dealing with an alcoholic husband that I should have left years ago, you only have to guess why I stay he gets something I need to survive. Also. last time I tried to stop I was on the phone to suicide line ready to check in to a mental hospital thinking yhey would give me some methadone or something. I am prone to panic attacks. Do you think its easier to quit when you r out of pills or when u have a safety batch on hand just so the desperation is not so bad and you can prove to yourself that you can overcome the urge.

[shadow740]

whoa1,

people get upset when I talk about going to a methadone clinic...

I say this for a few reasons:

1) they don't always prescribe methadone
2) they do daily doses
3) they drug test you weekly and if you fail just one time you are out of the program
4) they offer group
5) they now taper you off if you do go on methadone and suboxy
6) you see actual addiction specialists

the fact is that whether you go to a methadone clinic or a doctor who specializes in addiction...you need to go or you will face recidivism.  that's the statistics.

opiates change your body in a big way.  a regular GP is used to seeing colds and flus and will transfer someone with cancer or high blood pressure to a specialist.  you need a specialist.

IF you choose to go cold turkey, or wean off or (if you're stupid) score methadone or suboxy on the streets and read some internet article and try to self-medicate...you could be putting your life in danger.

I know people get ticked at me saying this, but it is a medical issue and should be treated by a doctor, not with an at home remedy like its a cold or flu.

Okay, let the stone throwing begin...

[narla]

I abused alcohol for 34 years and codeine for 20 years my reason for stopping was my health,I had a blood test and my liver was inflamed and damaged.I wanted to live,I quit both with the help of my doctor,an addiction therapist,Medhelp and family.
When you are ready it is doable and the people here will be there to support you.


Denise

[chico1969]

OK, not to throw stones or antything Shadow, I realize where you are coming from with the methadone treatment - your husband/boyfriend is using it right?  And it appears to be working for him.  But remember when I spoke to you about MY FRIEND who has been on methadone fro tha past 20 years? - well she is actually a CLIENT of mine - and NO I'm not a therapist, but I am a social service worker and I work in the mental health field.  So you can see my dillema with the hypocritical lifestyle I have been living these past few years.  I have heard of dr's and RN's getting hooked on this crap also - but never thought I could be so weak.  Ha ha.

The point is, the client I referred to before - I actually HAVE been in the doctor's office with her as her support and the doctor's are the ones keeping her on this crap.  She was weaning for a few months and really getting down, but then she broke up with her husband (who must have been controlling her pain meds and meth - oh yes, she has been prescribed both at the same time) and she hit rock bottom at our office doorstep almost in a drug induced coma.  Afterwards, doctors still will not wean her methadone and she is a 67 year old woman with past heroin/percocet addictions.  She will remian on methadone for the rest of her life.  So yes, I do have my thoughts on this crap and I feel obligated to share my experiences with others just to let them know to be careful and get informed before they jump on the bandwagon of the "miracle cure" cause that IT AIN"T.

It makes my blood boil when I see her scratching the "bugs" on her body so badly that she is bleeding.  My heart goes out to her, but her mind is shot - she is finished.  Don't let this happen to you - get informed is the best piece of advice I can offer to anyone here considering methadone.  I for one am not a fan.

[shadow740]

There is no miracle cure for drug addiction.  There is no one size fits all.  My only concern is that people see a doctor, and if one doctor isn't cutting it then they should see another one.  There might also be a reason why they won't wean her off--specifically that her system couldn't take it and she might die.

I know people who have gotten off of a perk habit by biting the bullet and not going on methadone and I applaud them.  I know people who have gotten off of coke and those who fell back on it.

I would not/will not say that methadone is a miracle drug.  The only miracle drug I know of is aspirin.  What I have a problem with is when people tell people NOT to get on it when a doctor with their chart and health history in front of them is advising them to beon it.  People should suggest they go to another doctor, instead.

None of us are doctors (well, maybe a few) and even if we were we wouldn't make a medical suggestion without their history, lab wok, etc in front of them.  Nor would a doctor declare any drug like methadone or suboxy "bad" because for someone that could be the difference between life or death.

A 67 year old woman with heroin in her past and perc addictions would be hard pressed to find a doctor who would not want her to be on some kind of medication because she has probably destroyed a lot of her internal organs.

I am not "pro" methadone.  I am anti-opiates of any kind.  They are a destroyer of lives.  

I am, however, pro life and pro doctor's care.  I'm sorry that people don't see that.

If you can do it without help and stay off drugs I would be your biggest supporter.  I'm sorry if I am offending anyone or have made people feel that I am anti-getting off drugs without medication...because I am NOT.

IF a doctor is helping you wean off, if a doctor is monitoring you...I am good with that.  I just get frightened watching people on here talk about going it alone.

[chico1969]

I would not, have not and would never tell someone to NOT consider methadone.  I merely offered MY take on the drug (oh yes it too is a drug) and that is that I feel it is not all what it appears to be.  I don't mean to offend anyone either with my opinions, because they are just that - my opiniion.  What I am saying to those out there is to GET INFORMED first before even thinking of methadone.  On this forum I've only been here 5 days and I've read posts from people saying that they were buying methadone from the street deserate enough to use for their detox off whatever opiate they were on.  Now THAT to me is dangerous and I am more frightened for those people than for the people doing it cold turkey - that's for sure.  Just my opinion.

Wow, I must be feeling better - I actually have something positive to offer - an opinion.  Even if it doesn't match everyone elses it is mine and I respect others agreement or disagreement of it.

[vicki595]

Shadow...What are you saying here??   You don't like us talking about going it alone? You mean cold turkey?  You don't agree with THAT?

That's too bad...there are many people who have "sucked it up" and gone cold turkey and are doing fine now.   Some folks WILL NOT go to a doctor and we've "seen" them all.   I,personally,am not an advocate of methadone. It has it's place but rarely...I don't care for Sub either.  Both are huge money makers and not for me.  It's another addiction and a bear to get off of...

I do agree with one thing:  Everyone should see a doctor!  I wish it would happen now!!
But,I really don't believe in "pimping" methadone with every other word as you do. It's far from the answer...

[Punkinhead75]

When I came in I was angry and violent.  Had many fits of rage.  I couldn't sleep well and always needed a drink.  I would tear the house apart looking for the wifey's speed stash.  I was out of work and way in dept.  I starting to suffer from alcoholic hallucinations.  I didn't even know that could happen.  One day I almost killed my wife with my bare hands.  To make a long story short that is when I started to want to change.  I got into an IOP as well as AA mtgs.  I relapsed once about 1 1/2 yrs in.  Came back and have been doing well ever since.  I came into the rooms because I was miserable and in a lot of pain.  I stay in the rooms today because I am happy and free.  I would have to say that I hit bottom.  The trick with bottoms though is that they have trap doors.  As long as and addict is alive the bottom can get deeper.  Identify with the stories and understand that that could be you.  It is never too early to get cleaned up.  Please join us on the path to a good way of living.

[IBKleen]

War stories. Exactly what I thought would happen here and exactly what I reported. .Hell, I could go to the corner and listen to this....

[loveJwhite]

my opinion on methadone and suboxone is this- it is our healthcare's way of making money off addicts...so us addicts don't buy off the street(which is illegal) and THEY make the money. The irony in it is unbelievable. Another little glitch in our government and healthcare.

[chico1969]

What do you mean by that? Go to the corner and listen to what exactly?  I'm sorry to sound dumb but I don't get what you mean.

[loveJwhite]

What is a war story? Should I have not said that? I don't want to get in trouble.

[mentalmary]

reported? i think it is good for people to know the bad things that have happened to people ,maybe they will think twice about another dose...and not all addicts are on the corner what a horrible stereo type

[mentalmary]

it was an uncalled for comment about addicts and the life style...and i dont appreciate it...i dont and never have hung out on corners

[loveJwhite]

Could someone tell me what a war story is?

[Punkinhead75]

People telling war stories to me is when we sit around talking about all the things we have done in our past in regards to our addictions.  I took this. I drank so much of this.  When I was high I did this and that.  Generally there is no talk of any type of recovery.  Just kind of rehashing "the good old days."


Does this help?

[vicki595]

Okay guys...that's not what IBK meant.  I know exactly what she meant:

If she wanted to hear anything with the words "shooting up",she could go stand on the corner. In other words,she doesn't want to hear it on the forum. It's a "war story/description" and we hate it!!  It's not necessary to use those terms to get a point across. We try not to use "drug lingo".  It was not pointed toward: LoveJ,Chico,or Mental.  You're fine!!    To be honest, it was pointed toward Shadow.

We try very hard to keep the forum fresh and supportive. Sometimes,certain language is a HUGE trigger for folks...we disourage it...It's,also,mentioned in the forum guidelines...

[loveJwhite]

Oh. I didn't do that. I just gave my opinion on methadone and suboxone.

[chico1969]

Whoooahh everyone - slowwww dowwwwn.

Nobody is attacking anyone here - LoveJ - I agree with you on the methadone thing, but the thing is that for me, in Canada we don't have to pay for it even if we were prescribed it from a doctor.  It is free to us and I'm sure that is hard to believe to most of you on this forum because you are mostly US.  But that should dictate to you exactly how much I feel against this drug - I don't want it even for FREE!!!

But, then again - THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION AND I don't mean to upset anyone.  Maybe it works for some - I do believe it has a place in those who are taking astronomically high doses of opiates and heroin, but for some of us here on this forum looking for answers and a bit of knowledge and solace I still think it's dangerous to point anyone in the direction of methadone by speaking of past success stories.  IT too is only another drug with horrendous wd symptoms - 10 times worse than the usual wd from most opiates so I'm told.

[10356]

by whoa1, 2 hours ago
To: dominosarah [This user is a Community Leader for this forum]
I guess Im afraid of being stripped down to reality and facing numerous problems that I have dealing with an alcoholic husband that I should have left years ago, you only have to guess why I stay he gets something I need to survive. Also. last time I tried to stop I was on the phone to suicide line ready to check in to a mental hospital thinking yhey would give me some methadone or something. I am prone to panic attacks. Do you think its easier to quit when you r out of pills or when u have a safety batch on hand just so the desperation is not so bad and you can prove to yourself that you can overcome the urge.

[10356]

Sorry Whoa.. it seems you got lost in a debate on methadone..  I'm truly sorry you find yourself in a loveless marriage.. this is not the way it should be. If your husband has insurance coverage I would make a app. with a Dr. and speak to him about where you are at in your life. also insurance would cover therapy.. I went and it was a life saver for me.. if insurance is not in place I would go to a crisis center and try to get therapy that way.. you do not have to live like this.. there is so much more then the tiny world we live in with addiction.. we loose our esteem our courage it strips us of our will. You are here so You are searching.. this may be the start of your journey.. opiates are not meant for anxiety.. by speaking with a Dr. they can get you on the right meds to treat this.. I hope you stay around and take comfort that you are not alone in your struggles.. we are here to support and encourage you.. warmly lesa

[mentalmary]

wow good catch...lol

[rainbow574]

today is me and my husbands first day to try and stop hydro we have been taking about 7 a day for 3 months and i feel like i am going to die any suggestions

[10356]

Hi Rainbow Welcome to the forum. I would suggest going to the top of the page and starting your own thread. there is a green post a question button on the left. You will get more responses for yourself.. Congrats on both of you deciding enough is enough.. There is much more to life then hunting for our next fix.. I wish you both well. lesa

[shadow740]

How am I pimping it again?  If you read the entire posts I said methadone CLINIC, meaning... a place where you go for CHEAP TREATMENT by a MEDICAL DOCTOR, as opposed to buying methadone off of a dealer or trying cold turkey at home ALONE.

I don't know how much more clear I can be other than to say that all of us on opiates were in danger of just DYING.  Just one day our bodies giving out.  Quitting while not under a doctor's care is DANGEROUS.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU TAKE METHADONE OR NOT.

That is not what I was saying.

I said a methadone CLINIC because you get CHEAP care, but you get CARE from a PHYSICIAN, as opposed to advice from former addicts.

I am not a medical doctor, so I wouldn't tell anyone to take methadone.  I am not a medical doctor so I wouldn't tell anyone to go cold turkey.

I am saying if you are an opiate user then you need a drug treatment specialist.  Because illegal drugs are expensive, checking into a rehab facility is usually not an option because people have burnt through their mad money and $10K is beyond what they can afford.

Read my posts.  I say go to a doctor and if you don't want to get on a drug then work with them to come off of it without drugs, but work with a doctor.

I am actually a bit offended that people think I'm "pimping" methadone.  That's not exactly fair.  I read people advising oxy addicts to go cold turkey and group when that skips a doctor's visit that is important.  I read people saying methadone is dangerous (all drugs are dangerous) as though it hasn't gotten heroin addicts like myself off to productive lives.  I provided the alternative, because quite honestly at the time everyone else was writing about tapering off and cold turkey...none of which allows for a doctor to weigh in.

What opiate addicts face requires supervision to come off of safely.  If you want to be angry at me...go ahead.

[vicki595]

Shadow...I'm not angry with you...you are passionate and certainly have an opinion.

You don't think addicts should be telling other addicts what to do when there is not a doctor involved.  Often there's not a doctor involved by choice. It's sad but true.

So,following your logic...Med Help should go ahead and close down the forum so that no one is hurting another person.

I promise you...many people have been helped by this forum albeit with "bad advice".

[chico1969]

Shadow,

I didn't say that you were pimping methadone either, I'm sorry you feel so defensive about our comments - we too are only stating our views on the subject.

However, as I stated in one of my posts above this is only my opinion on the drug.  This is the purpose of this forum - for addicts here to share their experiences and opinions about their addictions and what/where has lead them to where they are today and what are their plans for future treatments if any.

I will say it again, I do not feel methadone is necessary in MY case but as I mentioned before it may have a place with regards to those using very high levels of opiates as the dangers of going ct increase along with the extreme wd discomforts.

By no means was this discussion for me meant to offend you or anyone else for that matter.  I hope I did not do so.

[chico1969]

It appears to me that most people on this forum are doing it CT and are looking for similar stories from others doing the same.  I don't think this forum is even meant for any of us addicts to be giving advice on what medication may or may not work nor do I think that we are here to point anyone in the direction of health care.  That is a personal choice.

[whoa1]

I did not mean to start a  methadone debate.  I just want to know what gave you the final push or courage to put the pills down. I guess Im looking for some sort of wisdom or words of truth that can reach down to my soul and make me realize the path im on will only lead to destruction. But I suppose that question can only be answered by me.

[10356]

Hi Whoa.. you would not be here if you did not know the answer.. addiction as they say leads to death jail our institution.. loss of income family friends and self.. lesa

[laurel453]

whoa.. you are right :), that point and this ultimate motivation can only be reached by you.... you know that we always say here too that we can only save ourselves. When some worried relative asks the same question about what they can do to help their loved ones... Sadly  we can only answer at the end that the addict has to want it and save himself or herself...

you know this and you want to find the final motivation, you will do it ... at the end, most of us reached the same point in life when we didn't want to spend the rest of our lives that way because  not only we were wasting our lives on active addiction and putting it on risk but we were suffering so much and everything surrounding us was falling apart , we had lost the person we were and who we deserved to be and the life we deserved to have. I made that list of pros and cons about quitting  almost every day for a long time and i reached the point when my list of pros was full and my list of cons was empty.... i  only  wanted living if i quitted, i was done with the pills and i was done with that life... Wds were the most liberating beginning of my new life even if they were hard and sometimes torture because each day meant that i was doing it :) ... it is not easy , i work everyday on my new life but to me, each day at the end of my active addiction was much more harder and much more difficult .

wish you find this ultimate motivation, it is inside you, be sure ! :)