ultram additction

[Sickofitall45680]

I have been on ultram for 4 years...prescribed the max dosage of 300 mg/day...because of severe recurring back pain following a gastric bypass in 2003 with a 185 lb weight loss. Whether that is the cause of my back problems or not...the pain is still there. I was sent to a local pain management clinic by my family MD- where, of course, I was increased to Ultram (300 mg/day) AND Loratab (30 mg/day) in addition to many other things. Needless to say, my body (and mind) developed a tolerance to these meds. The pain doc refused to increase my meds after 4 months so I told him where to go and began self medicating (buying) large quantities of Ultram and Loratab (off the "streets"). Last month, I went through over 650 Ultram 50s, plus 800-900 dollars of Loratab.  BTW, I went through inpatient "rehab/detox" in August... Only to relapse two weeks after discharge. I couldn't manage the pain - physically and psychologically. While in detox, the MD asked if I was having any type of black out/seizure activity because of the quantity of Ultram I take. To date, I do not recall any type activity (tolerance?). Forward to today, I have not had any type of pain medication for 2 days. Not for lack of trying to find it... Just none of my "dealers" can get anything. I feel like my insides are coming out... I shake, I cry, I truly wish that I could have the courage to just end it all (untreated bi-polar thrown into the mix, too). Guess depression really is part of the withdrawals, huh!. Worst part is... I am a teacher. Couldn't even go to work today. Never thought I would get to this point in my life. Now what? Does it ever get better? Or am I actually gonna have to just run my car into a lake with me strapped inside? If it weren't for my sons, I would have already done it!

[Sickofitall45680]

Ok... so I have been reading some of the related forums.... and.... If my tongue pressing on my palate is seizure activity... thhheeeennnnnnn.... I seize every day. If this is what a "seizure" is then I can safely say that I am doing just that - when I am "using". I thought a seizure was, well, lying on the floor, wetting ones self... more the grand mal type. ????

[avisg]

OK , first off  I DOES GET BETTER....... You have made two days get threw the next two and thing WILL LET UP!!!!!!!! Ultram is my drug of choice . I have been clean for 60 days now I can be done
there is a better life for you ahead ....
You need to get into a psychiatrist they will be able to help you soooooo much ...Lots of people tend to self medicate for bi polor ...as i am sure you know it is dangerous ... trust me when I say you will be so much happier in your life if you can get it under control... You deserve some peace in your life ..
PLZ PLZ call today make an appt.... Start a new life today .....PLZ post and let us know how you are.
avis

[justlikeyou]

im no professional, but id say your in very very deep and will require lots of profesional help to get out,

today would be the best day to make some calls, be honest with some people beg for help and start your long journey back to a good life.

it can be done, but its not easy,

[saraheden]

I was in the same place that you are....I was so tired of it, I just wanted to end it all.  Luckily I found a medication called Suboxone.  Ever heard of it, I think you should do some research on it, and consider it.  I too was buying my meds off the streets.....look into it.  I have hope again, along with the hope I dont have to feel any of the nasty detox side effects.