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very embarrassed, snorting pills
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very embarrassed, snorting pills

I have been snorting percs and vicodins. I am now going through withdrawal, trying to get off, but part of me can't wait to do it again. I want to be clean, but yet I don't. I am ashamed, no one knows this except my best friend. Please help. I feel like **** right now, going on 36 hours with only one pill as i could not sleep and had terrible restlessness and had to do something to get me thru. One pill in that amount of tiime is nothing for me, I usually do 8 a day.
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Avatar_n_tn
I've never snorted a pill, but can imagine the withdrawls are the same.  I suggest (as always) a good, workable tapering program.  

Shave a little off each day, until theire is nothing left to shave, then you're done.  

Don't "save" the shavings either, toss it in the sink.  

TB
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Avatar_n_tn
good sound advice.
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Avatar_n_tn
I thought so too, but I have tried this in the past and it never seems to work out. I guess I am not asking for advice on what to do, cold turkey or tapering, I am more interested in support to get me thru this. I feel so depressed. the thought of never doing pills again is almost too much to bear, but staying on them is killing me. Has anyone else felt this way? How do I get thru it?? What makes some of you say this is it and just be done, no matter what, and screw the pills forever? I have a terrible love/hate relationship with them.
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Avatar_n_tn
I really feel you man.

I'm going through the exact same thing right now myself. I've had that same 'love-hate' relationship for about 16 years now, and I often wonder if I can ever get to a point, to where it will finally just 'go away', and I'll never have the desire to take one again, unless I really need to for pain (I have kidney stones, which started all of this **** up again) Your question really 'struck me', because that's one I've been asking people, doctors, etc - for a long time now, but can't seem to ever really get a definite answer myself.

"Once you beat and get through the withdrawals - how do you deal with the 'psychological factor' afterwards, or "How do you get back to that point in life, where one can live without the drugs, be happy, and never really 'desire' them EVER again - and actually enjoy living once again?"

I'm about to begin my 'detox' starting tomorrow. This will make over the years, about my 5th or 6th time, trying to clean up. I already know that it's very possible to get past the withdrawals & detoxing effects - but I'll admit, so far, I've never really been able to beat that 'second part' - and that's just simply learning to live life happy again, without the drugs - for real. Everytime I've ever managed to clean up, I still find myself 'missing it' most of the time afterwards.

For example, I've been off heroin now for nearly 2 years, but I still think about it all of the time, and still 'missed it', WELL afterwards. Granted, I didn't really 'crave' it like I used to - but I find it hard to live, having to walk around all of the time, with just about everything around me reminding me of it, and how much fun & 'euphoric' those days were. Everything used to be so 'enhanced' by this drug & made things just absolutely wonderful, and made myself more active, creative - you name it.

Now things just look & feel kinda stale, if you know what I mean.

My goal this time around (with 1 year of percs, vics, and oxy's, on an extreme daily basis,  under my belt - damnit) is to try & get through the dreadful detox part again - but then seek other ways to hopefully beat that second half, once and for all. I think I would literally prefer to saw my right hand off - if I could just go back and live a 'normal' lifestyle, like when I was young (before any drugs or medications). It's very difficult to stay clean if all you have to look forward to is a life of remembering 'the good ol' days' and constantly mourning the loss of that 'good ol' friend'.

I really feel you brother.

If anyone else in here can shed some better light, success stories, or how it's possible to truly 'enjoy' life after meds - please chime in. Some of us seem to REALLY need that help.

I'm experimenting with 'accupuncture' and 'Hypnosis' this time around - only because I haven't tried either of those yet and figure I've got nothing to lose anyway. If anyone else in here has tried either of those and had success, once again - please let us know. Sounds like we could all use ANY other help that we can get right now besides the Thomas recipe alone.

There's got to be more of a way than just forcing yourself afterwards to 'stay strong' and "try not to let it get to you" - or "just don't think about it". There's got to be a way to kill this damn demon once and for all - not just be forced to 'learn to live with it'. I've tried that SEVERAL times now - and I'm pretty strong when it comes to willpower - but this demon you can't just live with, I'm sorry. Like I said earlier, I've been battling this stuff, on and off for nearly 16 years now, and I keep losing each time - even after long periods of staying clean - only because of the constant memories. There's got to be a way to somehow almost 'erase' these memories & euphoric associations for good, or else the quality of life itself, will always be the lesser.

I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough for me. There's got to be a way.
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Avatar_n_tn
Waste to snort pills with Apap or other mix. You actually do better sublingually or orally. there is an extration method but I wont share it here. We are here to quit,
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Avatar_n_tn
you really hit it, it's the after phase that kills me. i can always bite the bullet and do the detox, done it before. It sucks, but the thing about missing them and thinking about them and looking back is the worst part. I always have this little thought in the back of my mind that I am going to do them again one day. I wish I could just HATE them, but I feel dead. they liven me up. this is my third day and I feel like a walking zombie. I can't sleep and I feel like ****. I know what you mean about the feeling before drugs. I used to be happy and upbeat without drugs, I wish I had never tried them, but too late now. I wish someone would say they felt great and never thought of them again. Like you said, there has got to be a way. I have got to be free of this.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hello everyone, Im new to this site, but have alot in common with everyone, I have snorted norcos, and I must say it really hurts. either way. how ever you do your deeds, we're all in the same boat.
I do know what 100% will combat your w/d and eventually alleviate the problem.

Exercise Exercise Exercise!!!!!!!!
(hopefully if you are physically abe to)
The Dope releases endorphins and seritonins in your body (some of you probably know about the science of it all)and when you exercise and work your self until you "feel the burn" your body achieves that same dope high. I run 5 miles and I feel genuinely better than when i take norcos. but we all know how pricly they are. Exercise and allow your self to have some shred of will power.Im going to say it ...Quit bieng a b*&#H!! Im going to tell you the advice I took when I got locked up in jail for a month. obviously on 23 hour lock down no one is sliding vicodins under your door. I meditated, did pushups till i was exhausted, jumping jacks. all that. after a few days the only thing i was pissed off about was being in jail. not not having vikes. sounds crazy, but that was an eye opener for real!!!
but long and the short. I love Vicodins and somas. but when they are no where to be found. wow, what a horrible feeling.
you cannot think you can casually take these things. I'm sorry if Im not sugar coated enough for anyone. but these things will put a glaze in your eye like a lyon at the zoo. dont wanna chase life and all of its OTHER enjoyable  facets. remember when you DIDNT TAKE VIKES?? I do... I use to conquer the world. now Im slowin down.

All I can say is F##% this feeling!!
Hope my sincerity helps;)
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Avatar_n_tn
I absolutely agree with the exercise thing. It makes me feel so alive and high. The only time I really feel good is when I'm high or I'm worn out from a nice 5 mile run. I run most days

I'm in the right place here I see. I'm in the process of giving the vikies up. I've never been through withdrawal (nor do I want to) after taking 3
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Avatar_n_tn
hang on hun, have been where you are too many times to count. withdrawwrels are horrible...insomnia,diariah and the cold sweats are the worst for me.feels like you are crawling out of your skin...body is freezing yet dripping with sweat at the same time.
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Avatar_n_tn
I've been reading this forum and see a lot of people going through hard times. I've been there too. Over and over and over again...fnally i told my doctor. She put down her notebook, her pen, she sat down on the patient bed next to me and said, "the only way you'll change for good, is the day you find someone or something, that you love more than pills, and more than yourself..  We started a tapering program and i quit a few times. and always went back. her words always hung in the back of my mind.  Every time i went back. I'd ask myself...why do i want to go back so bad? ANd it was always the same.  Because than it felt like i had something to live for, something to look forward to.  Escape the fact that i'm so miserable.  A year later I met my husband.  He was in medical school at the time and had no idea i had this problem. A year after that i got pregnant. and bam....that was it....i haven't touched a pill since....not saying it was easy or that i'm never tempted...but it's been 5 years and i'm going strong.  To EVERYONE...life can be SOOOO beautiful...it's amazing...always try to think things through before you act.  I know its hard...i spent SOOOO much time talking to myself...it was like there was 3 of me..the one that said it's ok...then id' say, "it's not ok you loser' then i'd say..."ok...stop...don't be hard on yourself...it's not ok but your not a loser, be strong..bla bla bla' i would liteerally walk around the house and talk to myself out loud...EVERY DAY during withdrawls...but it worked...i dunno...i'm not advising anyone becuase i know when it comes down to it...the choice is OURs. We all know what needs to be done and that it's GOING to be painful..but the results are breathtaking.....I truly am rooting for all of you....
  sincerely, christina
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Avatar_n_tn
Damn how many of us are doing the pills, this is crazy i just started doing pills a year ago or so, i started slow like 1 pill now and then i didnt even want to do it by choice, just when they was around, when other people was snortin them and i wanted to get a better high then smokein weed, then it got to the point where im buying them then when i aint got them i still feel fine, now i spend 100 buxs a day, on percicet or oxy's,(could be worse everyone i know is shootin herion) thank god im against that but what if im not? im been tempted but talked myself out of it but i allso talked myself out of doing pills im so confused, pills are ******* up my brain its not that we crave pills we are lettin our bodies get use to being painless when im on pills im num when i aint got them i feel every pain i didnt know i had, today is my frist day with out pills in over a year, its not that i cant find them its that im broke ive lost about everything i spend atleast 100 a day sometimes more if all i can find is oxys,

this is just our minds saying we need this aslong as i have something to put in my noise im fine, im wish there was something out there that tasted like percs so i could just have something to tell my mind that i have it... i donno i am allso considering suicide...
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Avatar_n_tn
I can't believe this post was 16 hours ago and noone responded...so sorry.

Drugs can cause depression and suicidal thoughts, you need to talk to someone and you need to share your thoughts with someone you can trust not to leave you alone or check yourself into the hospital, where you can have help with the depression and w/ds.

Remeber that w/d symptoms are oppisite of the drugs effects, narcotics relieve pain,w/d makes you in pain. It does go away, there are also replacement therapies. Many times going on a replacement therapy until depression and anxiety is under control increases long term sobriety.

In simple terms look at withdrawl (withdrawal) like this. The chemicals have messed up your bodies natural mechanism for balancing itself and dealing with stress. It sees the state of having the drugs as "normal"; the withdrawl (withdrawal) syptoms (symptoms) are its way of trying to right itself. You need certain chemicals your brain etc normally produces to feel normal, if you take drugs that mimic them, then your body no longer makes them itself. It takes a while for it to catch on that it needs to start making them again itself, in the meantime you feel like ****. It can take quite awhile for the repair work to be done. Think of it like a  broken bone--it just takes time to mend and often times needs protected by a cast--your brain needs time to heal and sometimes needs to be protected with antidepressents. Will you need to be on them forever? Maybe, if so, so what. It is usually a lack of some sort of coping mechanism that makes us addicts in the first place, and in the big picture antidepressents are like taking something to lower high blood pressure. I know there are descenting opinions on this, but it is something to talk to a proffesional about and your individual situation.

PLEASE call someone NOW.

Remember all you have to do is decide to live for the next minute or even second. If it helps know that almost everyone going through w/d has suicide at least pass through their mind, its more normal than abnormal.

Please post (after the call) and let us know you are OK.


Darke (CADCll)
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Avatar_n_tn
I live in an RTC and i recently snorted a vike and now these people found out and they are making me write a paper on the effects but to be honest i don't know if it'll help. I am so confused if im not snorting vike im fully in my eatting disorder. I don't even know what to do anymore! can someone please help me??? my life feels like ****.

Misty
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352798_tn?1343321200
This is an old post. Copy your and start anew one. Post a Question button at the top of page.
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Avatar_n_tn

Well im better im off the pills for now, VERY tempted to do them i just stay home because everyone i know is doin them, i spent the last  month of feb in jail for possion of drugs, ive been off pills for over a month now i feel good i dont wake up feeling like ****, i just smoke a joint.


im not adviseing anyone to go get into trouble and go to jail as rehab,

but then again it helped me alittle im not sayin i wont ever do them because ive been tempted alol since ive been out the last 4 days but im going strong **** them pills!


Rekoms
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Avatar_n_tn

Well im better im off the pills for now, VERY tempted to do them i just stay home because everyone i know is doin them, i spent the last  month of feb in jail for possion of drugs, ive been off pills for over a month now i feel good i dont wake up feeling like ****, i just smoke a joint.


im not adviseing anyone to go get into trouble and go to jail as rehab,

but then again it helped me alittle im not sayin i wont ever do them because ive been tempted alol since ive been out the last 4 days but im going strong **** them pills!


Rekoms
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Avatar_n_tn
whats up all
i feel all you guys and gals pain i have been on percs for 10 years.im taking 3 to 5 pills a day perc 10/325 i dont know if that is norm for everyone or am i just a 3 to 5 pill a day guys alone
feeling pain all over when i dont take any is this normal?
or do i have something wrong with me
im afraid to go to the doc cause i dont want my wife thinking im a drug addict.whats to do here any info
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228936_tn?1249097848
You say you are snorting about 8 pills a day? Not not too bad and even less narcotic gets into your bloodstream than if you were taking them by mouth. Is snorting part of the addiction? One person here before was snorting his suboxone to get off off pills and that didn't make sense to me. all the best
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352798_tn?1343321200
This is an old post. Please copy your post and click the Post a Question button at the top.
It sounds like it is time for you to quit.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi France, My name is MikeWithFamily, I read your post and understand where you are mentally; I was there about 3 weeks before I finally made a decision to quit. I am now going on week #5 and feeling better than I have in years. Its wonderful to be off of them. My relationships with everyone has improved significantly, particularly with my wife. When I was feeling the way you are, I could not put my finger on why I was feeling the way I was. It was wierd because I desperatly wanted to stop, yet I desperately could not imagine how I could cope without the pills. Then, like I said about 3 weeks after that. I just could not stand it anymore and prayed hard. I prayed and prayed and prayed. What happened next was and still is an amazing experience. The Lord led me to this website where I asked for help and within minutes I was surrounded by 3 or 4 loving people wanting to help me so bad, I could feel their desire to bust through the computer to help me...lol. Seriously, I did.. Anyway, I received some great advice; one of which included calling my doctor and asking for help - perhaps asking to be put on a Suboxone Plan, which I am on right now. Suboxone will mask the withdrawal feelings of not taking the drugs anymore. You will have absolutely no urges or desire to take pills...and I mean none! It gives you a chance (at least this is what I am doing) to develop healthier habits to occupy your time and start new routines of what you do when you get out of work, when you have friends visiting, etc...I have yet to find the proper words to adequetly describe how the last 5 weeks have been. What I thought was impossible, was not only possible, but it was an incredible blessing. GOD came through for me. I still wonder why and how he would do that for me since I had been doing everything other than honoring him for the past 4 or 5 years. But the LORD Loves me, and he Loves you too France. I am going to say a prayer for you right now.....I asked the LORD to provide you with courage to kneel down and pray and to give you the wisdom to ask him for help and forgiveness along with strength to endure. Seriously France, just pray. Ask the LORD to lead you and he will. I will continue to pray for you France. If you feel something tugging at you, do not dismiss it...succumb to it and you will be on your way. God Bless
MikeWithFamily
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Avatar_n_tn
I just found out that my little sister (15) started snorting pills with her friend.  Thank God this has only been going on for 3 weeks and has all been fouind out.  It is now out that the school that she attends is full of this.  There is a huge investigation and a lot of people will hopefully get help.  The parents are reacting in anger wanting as many people to be taken down as can be since their child is also involved.  It seems to be that the parents are acting more vindictively that in the best interest of getting their child help.  My heart is saddened by them wanting to be vindictive and focus on that than just letiing the chips fall and do their best to help their child.  
Through this it seems that the kids involved do not understand what the medications they choose to snort can cause them.  My sister and her friend snorted a blood sugar med that drops sugars by 100+ point.  This can cause them to go into a coma or death.
If anyone has advice on how to educate them or any tips on quidence, since I am a firm believer in "if you have been there, you have the best advice"  I am turning here.
My advice to you all is that if you have family, turn to them and the most important is to turn to God.  He loves you and promises that his love is never conditional.  I am sure that there are many churches that can help.  There are many people in this world that have overcome.  My brother was very heavy into drugs (any and all).  My family has seen it's share of drug use and we AS A FAMILY have come through it with the help of God and our church.
My prayer is that you all find the way out of this.  I am sorry that for what ever reason your lives have lead you to the point of using drugs, but these can be healed.  Remember the first step to recovery is forgiving yourself.  Then God can heal your heart.  I hope you all have someone you can turn to for help.  Just speak up.  Please turn to someone.  There is no return from death it is the ultimate end all and an unforgivable sin.  There is someone in your life that you can help even through your own pain.

If anyone has advice please let me know.  Be sure to address any e-mail in regards to this or I will not open it.

***@****
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402205_tn?1230484605
You should really post this as a new question. You will get a lot of help if you do that.
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Avatar_f_tn
im so sorry to here that your fifteen year old sister is using pills this is not at all the road she want's to go down believe me i am 27 and have five kids i want so badley to be clean she has a whole life ahead of her i cant imagine being so young and having to go through such a thing. i will pray for your family that they will get your sister the help she need's the'se kids have no idea how dangerous these pills can be she is luckey to still be alive . please keep posting you can find some great info on this site there are alot of great people here god bless you  Holly
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Avatar_f_tn
i just recently stopped doing pills vics percs oxys whatever can take away the pain.  i had to stop because it was so expensive and i cant hear out of one of my ears because of snorting so much i am 24 and my ear is already jacked.  has anyone else experienced ear problems fron this?
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Avatar_f_tn
You not the only one that snorts pills so don't be ashamed. I'm a huge snorter myself--something I never would have dreamed I would ever do just a few years ago but yet here I am.  Just try to get clean one hour at a time.

Downey
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Avatar_f_tn
I read alot of the post and can relate to all. I can remember when I used to be so Dead set against taking any kind of pills. Then I found myself around the age of 26 trying Hydro's out. Started out as 1 here and there with a friend are now ex husband. Now Im 32 and seem my life has become revolved around snorting pills. And I hate myself everyday for this. I deal with the hardest of it is when I run out of pills ..I can be out for just a few hours and feel like I have lost my best friend. I start crying. This last for a few days. The days im without Im always calling people I Know looking for a pill. Then when I do get one Im fine. Its draining the life out of me. I hate living this life depending on pills to make me Happy! Pills have became part of my life just like a smoker smokes a cig. I don't know if I could ever be Happy it feels like Hydro's have taking over my life.
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Avatar_f_tn
I totally understand.I've been struggling with prk 30z for the last year. Well my fiance and I, when I met him I had just gotten out of a 6 year abusive relationship which was extremely bad. I had a serious drinkning problem and we were partying and tryna live it up at which point we came into the pills. From the first night we tried them, we did them everyday after that. Atleast 4 to 5 of them a day each which is 150 millagramz of oxycodone. It got to the point whea I cood not get out of the bed if I didn't snort atleast one and that was just to feel normal. I have quit about four times in the last year a mnth at the most and always went back just because even after the withdrawels I could never kick the desire. I just was clean for three days and broke down and did two an hour ago. I don't know why but I just can't even picture a life without them its sad really. I've noticed that it does have a lot to do with the fact that I donot necessarily value my life or truly have any self worth because of my trauma. It is hard to literally care about me. I have a great job beautiful apt. A nice car iam a tattoo artist and rescue pitbulls as well and still do all these things among my problem, I feel like the pillz focus me on the imp. **** as opposed to reality where I would let my mind dragg me down. I know I can get the through the withdrawel but I'm not sure about the mental part either. The best thing for me really is to just not focus on the fact that I have a problem, I try to look at it like its a phase because I noticed that if I dwell on it, it makes me want to do more. Also what I did was try and think of what I love more than the hie, like family or my dogs my dreams, I tried to think of the beautiful things in life, you have to keep yourself busy, pick up another addiction but a positive one like art or anything think of how yu can use ur addiction to ur advantage for example if you know how much you love pills and what you'll do to get them or get hie, imagine if you were like that about saving money?? You'd be rich! For me its like a disease ill always have to live with. The desire is a disease, either you will let it control you or you can say I'm always gunna have this soo I might as well use it in a positive way rather than swett it, and live my life. (The desire) not the actual addiction I'm saying. What I also do is everytime I think of doing one when I'm finally clean, I think about all the time I invested in staying clean nd if I took a pill what a waste itd be. Its basically always gunna be a battle, but try not to down yourself soo much because it will make it worse, trust me there are people out there just like you....you are not alone. ;)
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Avatar_m_tn
Guys im in the same situation as y'all. Its good to hear that im not the only one struggling man. I have 10mg percs and i abuse them everyday. before that i would always be looking to buy them and i always had that thought in my head where can i get some pk's. I just snorted 2 of them but my tolerance is so high to opiates when i was in the hospital they i.v'd me with the strongest pain killer to the max i could have with ought dying and they were amazed on how i was still able to function. I have a Christian home and my parents and the rest of my family serve the lord. I do love jesus christ but i just have a problem. I honestly think if i gave everything up for God, and started pursuing him i could break this "habit" that i enjoy to much. The only problem is i always think i couldn't be happier with ought them but when you don't have them you have nothing to relie on. Then the thought popped in my head God is alway here for us all day 24/7. I know not everyone has the same beliefs but if i really think about it, its all worth trying anything possible to be happy. God has a plan for everyone us considering we  have committed on this forum. If we God didnt care about us he wouldn't have us thinking about quitting are problems. I think the devil has put opiates in the way of the path God has for us. If the devil can distract us from what god wants then we wont get the blessings God has for each and every one of us. All of us want to change and im not trying to preach im on the same page as you guys but i was just stating a point that im gonna try to change. With God all things are possible.
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Avatar_f_tn
   Thanks for the comment, I'm stiill struggling with this, I run out and think this is it i will try this, But the crying sets in and all I can think about is getting a pill so I don't cry and feel like I'm dead..
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