vicoden addiction

[sheri0509]

IVE BEEN ADDICTED TO VICODEN FOR ABOUT 2 YRS NOW.  I WAS IN A ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR 14 YEARS WHICH IS WHY I WAS PUT ON THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. I STARTED OUT USING ON WHAT WAS PRESCRIBED AND THEN IT BECAME MORE AND MORE.  I CAN TAKE UP TO 40 ES A DAY.  I NOR ONLY GET MY PRESCRIPTIONS I ALSO BUY ALOT OF THEM FROM A FEW FRIENDS.  WHEN I DONT TAKE THEM I HAVE NO ENERGY AND JUST LAY AROUND THE HOUSE.  WHEN I DO HAV THEM I CAN DO ANYTHING.  THEY MAKE ME HAPPY AND GIVE ME ENERGY.  I LOVE THE "WAVE" THAT I FEEL WHEN I TAKE THEM.  I START OUT BY TAKING 17 AT TIME TO START MY WAVE.  DONT TELL ME I NEED TO GO TO REHAB, I KNOW THAT BUT CANT DO IT. (ITS OUT OF THE QUESTION.)  I KNOW I HAVE TO BE READY TO GIVE THEM UP BUT IM AFRAID OF THE WITHDRAWLS.  IM SPENDING AT LEAST $400 A WEEK ON MY PILLS THAT I PURCHASE OUTSIDE OF MY PRESCRIPTIONS.   HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN IN MY SHOES?  WHAT ARE THE OTHER ALTERNATIVES OTHER THAN REHAB.  I HAVE A FAMILY THAT NEEDS ME AT HOME.  (I DABBLED IN OTHER DRUGS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND WAS ABLE TO QUIT COLD TURKEY WITH NO PROBLEM)  THIS IS DIFFERENT THOUGH.  I NEED THE PILLS FOR MEDICAL REASONS I JUST NEED TO CUT DOWN AND TAKE WHAT IS ACTUALLY PRESCRIBED BUT IM TOO FAR INTO THEM.  ANY SUGGESTION?

[Jenn2day]

umm...ya me too....the wave...I like that! Tappering down would be wonderful...I would think for you...but this is my first day on here and only my 3 1/2day with out....so thats Alot...but anything can be done if you want it to...

[Jacqui805]

One question:  You were put on Vicodin because of an abusive relationship?  I don't understand.  I feel for you though.  You're taking a HUGE dose and are obviously taking it for that "wave".  If there's anything I've learned from being here this week, it's that all of us are on things for whatever reason, and all of us will stop at some point.  Nothing goes on forever.  You might stop because you need to, you want to, you can't get the meds anymore.  When this happens, you're gonna go through w/d.  The way I'm lookin' at it is that the longer you're on something and the more you take it, will only make it worse.  Just for that reason alone, why not stop now?  If you're getting these meds from a doc, they should be willing to get you off.  Or are you taking, as I assume, considerably more than you were prescribed?  If so, are you afraid to go to the doc and tell him/her?  Make the decision to stop first.  Then, think of all of your options to do it.  Like:  On Suboxone, Methadone, with the aid of anxiolytics like Xanax, a 12 step program.  Take it one day at a time.  Day one, decision time.  Do you want to stop?  That needs to come first.  I wish you all the luck in the world and encourage you to come here often.  If it weren't for the kind and good people here, I don't know how I'd have gotten through thus far.

[sheri0509]

I GUESS I DIDNT CLARIFY WHY I WAS PUT ON THEN AND THE MEDICAL REASONS.  AFTER I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP AND GOT INTO A NEW ONE, GOT MARRIED, HAD ANOTHER BABY IT TOOK ITS TOLL ON ME.  SO MANY YEARS OF ABUSE CAUSED ME ALOT OF MEDICAL REASON WITH MY BACK (WHEN I GUY HITS YOU THEY GO FOR YOUR HEAD AND FACE OR IF YOUR IN A FETAL POSITION TRYING TO PRETECT YOURSELF YOU GET KICKED IN THE BACK.)  SO AS I GOT OLDER OLD FX'S, DISLOCATIONS, HERNIATED DISCS, ETC... ARTHRITIS SETS IN.  THATS WHY I WAS PRESCRIBED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.  THATS WHY I STILL NEED TOP TAKE THEM.  THE OLDER I GET THE WORSE IT WILL GET.

[LONESOME]

MAN I'M IN THE SAME BOAT HERE AND VERY SCARED OUT OF MY MIND BUT I REALLY WANT TO STOP I HAVE AN APPT. I THINK YOU WANT TO STOP AS WELL SO JUST DO IT, GO GET HELP I KNOW IS NOT EASY I'M SCARED TO BUT I KNOW I'M WORST IF I DON'T DO ANYTHING I'M SO SCARED THAT I HAVEN'T CHECK MY BLOOD IN ABOUT 8 MONTHS NOW BECAUSE I THINK IT WILL BE BAD NEWS, I KNOW YOU CAN DO ALL THESE PEOPLE HAVE GONE THRU IT IT SEEMS AND SOME CAME THRU WE CAN TOO

[hopsing94]

Hmm yes you do need to quit,you are killing yourself and being on 40 vics a day guess what your not there for your kids. Sorry to be blunt. You need to look into possibly getting on suboxone and finding another way to deal with the pain. There are alternatives. If you can't do the sub you need to atleast taper down to a lower dose and quit c/t. Tapering can be hard,it takes a lot of discipline. $400.00 a week could do alot for your kids.

[Jacqui805]

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.  I'm surprised that your doc didn't get domestic violence help for you.  I know you're scared, it's no picnic.  BUT, you take so much that I can't even begin to think of all the adverse effects to you and yours.  Please take that first step and decide to do it.  Then call you doc for an appt.  Get into a pain clinic for ways to help you cope with what happened to your body.

[sheri0509]

THATS WHERE I AM GETTING THE VICS.  I DO GO TO A PAIN SPECIALIST.  I GET 3 INJECTIONS IN MY BACK PER MONTH.  ALSO TO HOPSING,  ALTHOUGH YOU FELL THAT IM NOT THERE FOR MY KIDS THATS NOT THE CASE.  MY HUSBAND IS A GODSEND AND IM NOT A JUNKIE PER SAY.  COOKING, CLEANING, HOMEWORK, BATHS, BASEBALL, DIAPERS ARE ALL DONE.  SOME DAYS ARE SLOWER THAN THE OTHERS.  I NEED THE MEDICATION TO MOVE IN THE MORNING.  I DONT JUST TAKE THEM TO GET HIGH, I DO HAVE REASONS THAT I NEED TO TAKE THEM.  I HAVE TO GET INTO A HOT SHOWER IN THE MORNING AND LET THE HOT ATER HIT MY BACK FOR AT LEAST 15 MINUTES IN ORDER FOR ME TO STRAGHTEN UP.  ITS JUST BEING ON THEM FOR SO LONG YOU BUILD UP A TOLERANCE.  YOU NEED MORE AND MORE TO MAKE THE PAIN STOP.  NOW BELIEVE ME THE INJECTIONS HELP BUT THEY ONLY LAST FOR ABOUT A WEEK AFTER GETTING THEM AND THEM IM DEPENDANT ON THE MEDICATION.

[sheri0509]

SO FAR NOONE ON HERE HAS HELPED ME, ALL IVE BEEN TOLD REALLY IS IM A BAD MOM.  IM NOT EVEN CONSIDERING TAKING THE SUB AFTER THE RESEARCH IVE DONE ON IT-----HAS ANYONE REALLY OUT THERE BEEN IN MY SHOES??  CAN ANYONE OUT THERE HELP ME AND NOT CRITICIZE ME.

[hopsing94]

aww yes the wave. they make me feel good. c'mon 40 a day. You need to take a good look in the miror. I'm not discounting the pain by any means but read your post.

[hopsing94]

Sheri. read some posts on here. You will see that this medication can actually make your pain worse. When I was abusing I had pain and had to have them to just get out of bed also. Only problem was I wasn't taking them for pain. I've been there. You have a serious problem with chronic pain and these meds are not helping you they are making it worse. Hun you need to get some help,they are controling your life wether you know it or not. Your running out early and buying $400.00 a month from friends. Sheri I don't mean to harm but it took someone telling me the facts before I could face the truth.

[sheri0509]

I SAID UP TO 40 A DAY DEPENDING ON THE DAY....RAINING , TOO COLD,  TOO HOT.  DID YOU EVER HAVE THE **** BEAT OUT OF YOU ALMOST EVERYDAY FOR 14 YEARS?  NOOOO, SO U CANT EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND.
SO FAR TODAY, 10 VICS AND 3 SOMA AND I STILL HURT.  BUT DINNER IS IN THE OVEN, LAUNDRY IN DRYER, HOUSE IS CLEANED AND BABY IS TAKING A NAP.
WHAT HAVE U DONE SO FAR?  I DONT NEED PUT DOWN I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY HAS BEEN THERE.  WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?  DO YOU EVEN HAVE A PROBLEM OR ARE YOU JUST ON HERE TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD?

[jim811]

First....how ya doing?  I was on a bad patch 50mg and a number of percs each day...2 b normal.  That sux and I do have a legit reason for the meds and can get more if needed but truth b told...I enjoyed the wave :-)  cool way of putting it.  In the morn, before coffee, I'd take my meds, drink the java, and then the wave would come....oh yea ... nice.  But you have to decide if you want to stop...do you really want to?  I treid ct and that sukked the big one...I relapsed after almost 3 months cuz I thought no way I'm going to feel like this for so long bu then I tapered...3.5 weeks and then quit...

10 days clean today..do I have legit pain ... u bet but I'm careful what I do...exercise, ..a few more things...no meds except exedrin pm to sleep and i;ll stop that this weekend.

I'm cool without the pills and feel better off them...one word ... freedom ...now that's an ...OH YEA :-)

Peace,

Nick

[enemy48]

The only thing you can do is try to see just how much pain you're really in.

I have a bad back & fibro---------.  Surgery and all, and still bad back.

A RN once told me that the more pain medication I took, the more pain I thought I was in.  People here told me that too.  So did my ex hubby who quit.  

Not all of the pain goes away, but people have proven me wrong.  I definitely don't have near as much as I used to when I used pills.  It's true.

Did you ever hear that before?  

[sheri0509]

THANK YOU, THESE ARE THE COMMENTS I NEED TO HEAR!!!! PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT AND OVERCAME IT!!!!  YOUR POST WAS REFRESHING. AND YES I DO ENJOY THE WAVE VERY MUCH ESPECIALLY WITH COFFEE, THE HOT LIQUID SEEMS TO MAKE IT MORE EFFECTIVE.  I WANT TO SLOW DOWN, I KNOW I CANT STOP.  MY BODY PHYSICALLY WONT ALLOW IT.
BUT I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO AT LEAST START BY CUTTING IT IN HALF.
YES IM ADDICTED, YES, SOMETIMES I DO TAKE THEM FOR MORE THAN THE PAIN, BUT WITHOUT THEM I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION.

[sheri0509]

NO, IST TIME HEARING IT AND 1ST TIME ON HERE

[Jacqui805]

I know that no one meant to make you feel badly.  First off, you're a wife and mother and we all feel guilty about something/everything, probably just being a woman does that to us!  So I think we're bound to take something personal if anyone even hints that we're not all we're supposed to be or doin' all we're supposed to be doin'.  I think when someone mentioned you not being completely there, it wasn't meant as an accusation or anything other than someone probably thought you couldn't possibly get through your day with all those pills, PLUS the problems that made you need them in the first place.  It was meant to be motivating I'm sure.  I certainly don't want to speak for others but I just know that everyone here is so good and here to help and/or be helped.  If something sounds off to you, remember it's hard to get someone's meaning or inflections in type.  Also, remember you're gonna be more sensitive to things right now, and when someone says something that bothers you, ask yourself all that they could have meant.  We all hope you make the right decisions for you and continue to get support here.  We're all with you.

[sheri0509]

THANK YOU.  I WILL TRY NOT TO TAKE THINGS THAT OTHERS MIGHT SAY AS OFFENSIVE.  IVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE, NEVER ASKED FOR HELP, BUT AFTER WATCHING INTERVENTION ON ON DEMAND ID THOUGHT ID DO SOME RESEARCH AND  TRY TO TALK TO SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE.

[jim811]

Hi...if you're interested, you can look at one of my previous post...the taper schedule is in there...I found that when I tapered, I could go longer and longer without the narcs...i used exedrin during the day and at night the epms...aleve didn't do a thing 4 me...

I have the pains but want to get healthy again...you know the bod things, good skin, good hair, etc...i'm close to u in age and i think we have a whole lot more livin 2 do....:-)

Peace,

Nick

[sheri0509]

THANKS NICK , I WILL

[hopsing94]

Stick around there will be some others that can tell you how they have dealt with chronic pain and their meds. There is alot of help here. That is why we are all here.

[worried878]

I was put on them for pain as well...neck fusion and have been in chroinc pain for 20 years...I never managed it until 2-3 years ago with lortabs tho...and my pain has not gotten better but worse...i have bad sinuses too...I have become so tolerant that I can not take enough to help anymore...I had cosmetic surgery  a while back and thought I would die because I could not get pain relief because my tolerence is sho high...I feel bad about taking them   worse than before I took them...and like you it  would cost me around 1200 bucks a month to buy them outside of my scripts and I cant afford it...I am isolating myself as well...I am without a significant other but in a way I am glad...I am having a really bad day today and am tapering to quit...I have already taken all of mine except a .5 mg dose and I can not get anymore today because my friend has my doses and will not give them to me...this really sucks but I feel good that I am trying and will be done with this next Wednesday..,.I hope...I am in pain today and working and I am really worried how I will manage later....But I know I can not manage taking them like I was before...I realize I can never take them again

[jim811]

Hi worried...

congrats on your taper...it takes will to do it but if you see the future...and looks like u have....then there's other good things waiting 4 u...

Hmmmm cosmetic surgery....ur probaly a hottie :-) ... Right On!

Peace,

Nick

[Missy2008]

I can back up what enemy48 is saying.  I was on vicodin then norco for pain from an accident on the slopes that resulted in many broken bones and nerve damage. I was very lucky I wasn't paralyzed.   I got all my meds from a Pain Specialist and believed (because the doctor said it) that I'd be needing them for years to come. I was taking the max 8/day.  

I went to the ER for something unrelated and the doctor there had a looooong talk with me about pain meds and pain doctors. He told me that sometimes pain doctors are innocent enablers and basically dared me to try life without them and see if I felt better or worse.   I came to this forum 10 days ago and got the information I needed and took the leap of faith.

I feel 10 times better without the pills than I did with. I'm not BS'ing you.  The ER doctor explained that after a couple of years, the pills can actually make you more sensitive to pain, that's why you feel like life will be horrifically painful without them.  Then when you go thru WD, you do get muscle aches and pain for the first week and that reinforces the idea and you panic.    I ran that by my pain doctor and his reply "that's BS, ER doctors love to tell chronic pain patients that to scare them."  

Guess what - the ER doctor was right! Yesterday was Day 9 for me and the muscle aches started going away and now I have energy like I haven't had in 2 years!  A month ago I felt my injury pain even with the norco!

I think people here were concerned with your amount, not as a judgment, but because of the toxic level of Tylenol you're ingesting daily.  The toxic limit is 4000mg.  that's 8 pills if there is 500mg of Tylenol in each or 12 if there is 325 in each.  40 pills at 325mg is 13000 mg of Tylenol, which is triple the max/day.  That's why the pain doc will only allow so much per script.

You want to be there for you kids, that's why you take the pills, but the amount you're taking is going to damage your body and ultimately take you away from your kids.  That thought is what gets a lot of moms to reduce or eliminate their pain meds.

Can you explain that to your husband and gain his support around the house and let him dispense your meds while you taper?  

Best wishes to you.

[worried878]

thanks for the compliment but I do not feel like a little hottie right now! lol

[sheri0509]

I ALSO HAVE HAD MANY SURGERIES, MY EX STOMPED MY ANKLE SO I COULDNT RUN AWAY, MY BONE WAS STICKING OUT IN 2 PLACES HE CRUSHED MY FACE MY RIGHT ORBIT WAS CRUSHED (NEEDED A PLATE AND SCREWS TO PUT BACK TOGETHER, HE KNOCKED OUT 5 OF MY TEETH FRONT RIGHT TOOTH BACK, BROKE MY JAW IN 5 PLACES, BROKE MY NOSE IN 3PLACES.  HE KICKED MESO HARD THAT HE BROKE MY HIP, (THIS WAS ALL IN 1 BEATING)
I WAS IN ICU FOR 2 WEEKS-  HE WAS PUT IN JAIL STILL IS-SENTENCED TO 8 YRS.  I ALSO WAS RAPED THAT NIGHT AFTER I WAS LAYING UNCONSCIOUS.
BUT MY MIRACLE CAME ALONG AND RESCUED ME.  YES IM SEEING A THERAPIST, NO SHE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THE ADDICTION--IM DEALING WITH TRUST ISSUES AND BEING ABLE TO BE A LOVING WIFE.  IM NOT READY TO TELL HER THAT ROADBLOCK YET.  I WANT MORE NOW.  I HAVE 3 LEFT AND BEFORE I CAME ON HERE CALLED A CONNECTION TO TRY TO GET MORE FOR TONIGHT AND TOMORROW.  MY HUSBAND KNOWS I TAKE THEM I GIVE HIM A FEW HERE AND THERE (HE WORKS SO HARD FOR ME) BUT HE DOESNT KNOW THE EXTENT OF IT.  WHAT WOULD HE SAY?  WOULD HE UNDERSTAND?   WOULD HE LEAVE ME?  I DONT KNOW....

[hopsing94]

Sheri you know your husband best but if he knows you are taking them and you cry out for help to him I would think he would do anything to help you. You need that,with what you have been through you don't want to do this alone. Tell him,let him help you and lean on him. Please before it gets worse.

[hopsing94]

P.S. welcome to the forum and i'm glad you didn't get mad and leave.

[worried878]

if you quit..he will know something is wrong..if you do not quit...he will know something is wrong eventually...it snowballs...this thing will not get better..it will get worse and destry your life..that has not happened to me yet...but i attend meetings and i really do not want to go there...lose everything....I do not have someone who loves me with me right now..if i did and i knew he truly loved me...i would tell him so he could help me

[worried878]

and it sounds like u have had it really tough...but your life sounds good to me as of now.....I have had it tough as well...will not go there...I can not use these for reasons not to quit any longer

[sheri0509]

HE KNOWS I TAKE THEM, NOT THE QUANITY THOUGH, HE TAKES ME TO GET THEM BECAUSE I CRY TO HIM AND TELL I HURT SO BAD, HE CAVES IN.  HE KNOWS WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH SO HE APPEASES ME.  IF I GET 50 I TELL HIM I ONLY GOT 20.  I HIDE THEM.  I KNOW IM WRONG BUT IM SO PROTECTIVE OVER THEM I DONT WANT TO SHARE OR WANT HIM TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME

[hopsing94]

Is he taking them on a regular basis also? If not then good. I don't see how you can be a disappointment to him for want to be you again. You have to be honest in your relationship. He will trust you and respect you more for telling the truth rather than getting caught lieing about it. You have a reason to be taking them and it got out of control,there is no shame in that. Let him know you are scared and you want his help. If he is using also then things are different.

[sheri0509]

NO, ONLY WHEN HE HAS A REALLY HARD DAY AT WORK.  A FEW A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK

[shelly405]

Give all your meds to your husband. Tell him to give you 4 every 3 or 4 hours. Do this for a week. It's gonna hurt - And I am not talking about your back. You need to go back to following the prescription, and if that means giving them to your husband, then so be it. If you don't want to stop period, fine. Anything is better than nothing. There are many people here that take scripts  as prescribed.

Do you think you can trust both yourself and your husband to despense your meds for a week?

[3434]

One would think that if you've been hooked on pills for so many years, You would be able to spell the pill VICODIN correctly?? And thats alot of pills to be taking and not thinking of rehab. If you go C/t you will get VERY VERY SICK.  GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

[Calzy]

When you are hooked on pills for so many years, you eat them not read them. How does a comment like that help anything.

[hopsing94]

Well like I said before you know him best. If you think he would be willing to help you then yes tell him. The amount your taking will take time to taper down from. First thing you have to do is set your amount for each day wether its 10 or 20 or 30 and start with that. You do that many and only that many each day for a week,next week drop off 1 pill and keep doing that for a week and so on and so on. 1 pill less each week. I would suggest starting at 20. Your taking alot of tylenol with these pills. There are some other things you can do also to help with withdrawls. If you look at Goingtomakeit journal you will find The Thomas Recipe. Start it now and this will help. You need to get clean to find out what your actual pain level is. I feel for you because it will be painful but you will see things can be better. Since your husband takes some also probably not the one you want to hold them. Maybe for starters don't buy so many from your friends and by all means come here everyday and get the support you need.

[hopsing94]

way to go man. Good to see ya,how are you.

[sheri0509]

THANK YOU - I WILL LOOK INTO THAT.  NOW, I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ON MY SIDE.THANKS FOR THAT.-----TO 3434---SORRY I DONT LOOK AT THE FRIGGIN LABEL IM A POPPER.  GET WITH IT.  ONE LETTER, SHOOT ME,
I HATE IGNORANCE!!!!!   YES, EVERYONE I AM DEFENSIVE RIGHT NOW, I AND MEETING SOME VERY HELPFUL PEOPLE O N HERE AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT.  BUT THEN THERE ARE OTHERS WHO JUST HIT THAT SPOT.  YES IM ADDICTED TO VICODIN (IS THAT BETTER)  I THANK EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN KIND THIS AFTERNOON.  MY SON WILL BE HOME SOON , SO WILL MY HUSBAND AND I DONT WANT THEM TO SEE I WAS ON THIS SITE JUST YET.  ILL BE BACK TOMORROW AND WELL SEE WHAT THAT HOLDS.  ALL TAKE CARE, BE SAFE
TALK TO YOU ALL TOMORROW
SWEET DREAMS

[Lotsatrout]

I just want to mention one thing that "might" help you think twice about such large doses of these meds in a 24 hour time period and I'm only mentioning this because it is VERY important and no one else has mentioned it....  First of all, I truely sympathize with your situation and it sounds as though you have been through things that most of us will not experience.  You have my sympathy....

I realize through your posts that you are not not taking 40 every day but let's say that you were taking 30 a day.  I'm assuming that these are 5/500 vicoden since they are the most prescribed.  (30) 5/500 vicoden amounts to 15,000mg's of acetametaphine (Tylenol) in a 24 hour time period.  The MAX daily allowance is 4000 in a 24 hour period.  Anything above this amout puts you at a VERY high risk of liver damage.  Tylenol taken at these levels can be EXTREMELY toxic to your liver.  

Let's say this 30 a day habit went on for only 1 month.....  

Recommended daily allowance = 120,000mg's per month

Your intake = 450,000mg's per month.  

That's 350,000mg's a month more than the recommend "monthly" allowance.  I'm just trying to stress to you that eventually something is going to give and I certaily wouldn't want it to be the biggest organ in my body....  Stay around and keep posting.  Everyone is here to help whenever we can....  Best wishes...

Trout

[hopsing94]

You too.

[sheri0509]

THANK YOU, THATS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID!! I WAS 1 LETTER OFF---EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT---THANKS FOR BEING ON MY SIDE!!!! AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO WILL COMMENT TO 3434 FOR HIS RUDENESS

[Lotsatrout]

I didn't post that to "be mean" or anything like that.  You just stated that this was your first time on this site and I didn't know if you were aware of the Tylenol situation.  I wasn't harping on you or anything like that.  I was just merely giving you some information.  :)

Trout

[sheri0509]

THANK YOU FOR THE INFO, YOU WERE NOT BEING MEAN AND NO IM MOSTLY TAKING THE ES---THATS MY RX THATS MY PREFERENCE-  500'S ONLY WHEN IM OUT OR ANT GET THE ES-BUT I SEE THE QUANITY OF TYLENOL IM TAKING I KNOW IM HURTING MYSELF.  

[hopsing94]

trout your cool man. She was talking about the post above calzy

[BlottedOut]

alot of people will tell you alot of things, but its really all inside, quitting can seem near impossible, but there are so many people that are here to help, we all try to view each others prospective on this and some see it the way you do, some dont, some people are grouchy, some are happy, some people are just depressed as hell, but we all came here to help one another help ourselves, so just keep trying to quit or taper down whatever it takes, keep us posted

[Calzy]

Sheri is crying out on the top of her lungs. Cant you hear that???

[NautyOne]

reeeaaaarrrrrrrr   hiss hissssssss


GO HILLARY  !!!

[shelly405]

Go Hillary!!

If you hurry you might catch Obama!!!
(Might, maybe, fat-chance, good luck, HaHaHa)

Shelly

[flmagi]

Welcome to the forum. We are all here to help you and each other.
I can't begin to imagine the pain you have suffered, both mentally and physically from the abuse. My heart goes out to you.
I'm certain that learning to trust again can be a long difficult road, But I really hope you can find enough trust in yourself and your hubby to tell him whats happening. At least he is aware that you take the pain meds, so it may not be as big a surprise to him as you think. You really can use his support in which ever way you choose to go. Concidering the high doses that you are on, tappering may be the way to go.
Over time, useing pain meds, they stop your bodies natural production of pain killers. The pain meds can actually, over time increase the pain you experiance. At this point, your body is soley relying on the pills to stop the pain. It will take being off the pills completely for a short time for your natural pain killers to kick back in. At that point you will be able to know, the real amount of pain your in and what is needed to control it.  
This whole process will not be easy by any means and you will probably go thru an awful lot of pain.
Any chance you would concider going cold turkey?  Another torture but a quicker way to get back to ground zero.
I read you won't concider the suboxone. This would be the easiest way to get thru this. Please read more info from those who are on it or have been etc. Most people swear by it. It has given them their lives back.
Keep posting. We're here for you.
Magi

[troubleinohio]

Listen to TROUT and the others.

You are up to 40 Vicodin ES a day sometimes? Ive never heard of anyone taking that much every day. I guarantee you if you dont stop you will be dead soon. Not trying to be mean to you, I am just stating a FACT.  That is an extremely toxic level of acetominophen you are putting in your liver every day. EXTREMELY TOXIC!!!!
  Listen Sheri- you say your pills make you super mom right? I thought so too. I have 2 small kids here at home and I thought I was the **** when I was on my vics too. 32 days out now and Ive gotten more done around here than i ever did while on the pills. And btw, I too have chronic pain problems with bad discs and arthritis in my  spine and alot of other issues too. It can be done without narcotics. I never thought Id believe that statement a month ago but I was wrong and so grateful.
   You have to get yoruself off these pills or you will not live long enough to see your kids grow up honey. THats the bottom line...

[sheri0509]

WELL I DECIDED NOT TO GO IN SEARCH OF ANY PILLS LAST NIGHT SO I DONT HAVE A LARGE STASH AS USUAL.  I TOOK 2 SO FAR THIS MORNING.  AND THE WAY I SEE IT TODAY I WILL TRY TO ONLY TAKE WHAT IS NEEDED WHEN I NEED IT. HEY, I GOTTA START SOMEWHERE-  ITS ONLY 8:39AM, AS LONG AS I DONT HIT 40 I WILL BE PROUD OF MYSELF----REAL BAD ICE HERE SO MY PLANS FOR TODAY WERE CANCELLED.  WHICH MEANS ITS A RAINY DAY (BAD FOR PAIN) AND IM  STUCK AT HOME (TO ICY OUT TO TAKE KIDS OUT)  HOPE I CAN FIND OTHER THINGS TO DO THEN MY NORMAL STUFF TO KEEP ME OCCUPIED.  VICS DO SEEM TO MAKE THE DAY GO FASTER.  IM JUST SCARED I GUESS, THIS IS THE START OF A NEW BEGINNING FOR ME POSSIBLY AND IM NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE IT

[road2recovery]

Glad you are back...I was scared too...I will be 5 months in a few days..I have 4 kids, great husband..I know this is not going to be easy...But i know you want to be there for your kids...and at that massive amount of tylenol you won't be...
Start slow, read alot and post alot..
I hope the pain is not to bad..Try hot baths, heating pads, anything...
We are all in this together
r2r

[sheri0509]

UGHHHHHHHHH-----AND THEN THERE COMES THE PHONE CALL THIS MORNING
"I HAVE 72 LITTLE ONES IF U WANT EM"  WHY ME.  I ACTUALLY SAID ILL THINK ABOUT IT AND GET BACK TO YOU, INSTAED OF SAYING YES--THATS A FIRST
TALK ABOUT TEMPTATION ISLAND.  AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MY SENSE OF HUMOR IF NOTHING ELSE.  I DONT KNOW IF IM THAT STRONG  TO RESIST-
MAYBE THE WEATHER WILL BE ON MY SIDE AND KEEP MY GROUNDED TODAY ON THIS 1ST AND MOST DIFFICULT DAY.  

[sheri0509]

ANOTHER PHONE CALL-BEING IN THIS GAME FOR SO LONG YOU GET A LOT OF CONNECTIONS.  I HAD TO TAKE 3 MORE ES AND A SOMA- REALLY STARTING TO HURT--UP TO 5 ES AND 1 SOMA---WILL POWER STARTING TO DWINDLE DOWN.  BUT STILL DOING OK FOR BEING UP 6 HR--NORMALLY ID BE UP TO 12 OR 13 BY NOW.  MY HUSBAND CALLED AND HE IS SORE TODAY TOO SO HE WILL WANT A FEW TODAY  WHEN HE GETS HOME WHICH WILL GIVE ME EVEN MORE RESON TO GO AND GET MORE.  AS LONG AS I CAN MAINTAIN AND NOT HIT 40 I WILL BE DOING GOOD----YOU GOTTA START SOMEWHERE---IM TRYING GUYS---TRIED TO TAKE MY SON DOWN TO THE BUS, OUR DRIVEWAY IS 75 FEET LONG SLID THE FIRST 15 FEET SAID FORGET IT, ALREADY A 2 YR DELAY YOUR STAYING HOME.  SO THE KIDS SHOULD KEEP ME OCCUPIED ANYWAYS---CONSTANTLY CLEANING UP AFTER A 7 YR OLD AND A 2 YR OLD

[Jacqui805]

Hang in there hon.  Whatever you do, don't backslide.  I read what happened to you and can't even begin to imagine what your body felt/feels like.  I have some wicked pain myself and have been bed-bound until November 07 from it - from 04.  I dig.  Keep your eye on the prize.  I gotta tell ya too that I didn't even know I had decreased energy being on the meds, I thought I just had pain keeping me down.  Being at day 13 off, I cannot believe how good I feel.  Esp. from the past few days.  Even though I have pain, my mood is elevated.  I'm glad you're trying.  Keep it up.

[hopsing94]

Sheri: something I do now and did while detoxing was read. It kept my mind off the pills. Another good thing to do and you can do it with the kids is a jigsaw puzzle. Anything that will occupy your mind without a lot of thinking will be good to pass time and not think of pills. A constant monitor on what you are taking is only going to keep you thinking about them. Just write it down when you take one to keep track and go back to what you were doing.

[sheri0509]

IVE BEEN READING YOUR POSTS AND NOTICED YOUR A NURSE--MAY I ASK YOUR STORY?  WAS IT THEMASS QUANITIES OF MEDS THAT GOT YOU HOOKED OR WHAT HAPPENED?  

[sheri0509]

IVE BEEN READING YOUR POSTS AND NOTICED YOUR A NURSE--MAY I ASK YOUR STORY?  WAS IT THEMASS QUANITIES OF MEDS THAT GOT YOU HOOKED OR WHAT HAPPENED?  

[Jacqui805]

I agree with hopsing.  You know, with the weather the way it is, it's darker.  Studies show that tends to make people feel down anyway.  Put on all the lights, music in the background too.

[sheri0509]

WITH ARTHRITIS, DARK RAINY DAYS MAKE IT HARDER ON YOU EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ITS LIKE I SAID YESTERDAY ABOUT THE WAVE---I HAVENT EXPERIMENTED WITH IT TODAY---I WANT TO!!!!!  TO MAKE THE DAY BETTER, BUT,  BOTH KIDS ARE HERE NOW AND I DONT WANT TO BE ZONED OUT FOR THAT 1/2 HR OR SO BEFORE THE ENERGY LEVEL HITS.  SO IM TAKING THEM AS I FEEL I NEED TO, WHICK IS ACTUALLY KILLING ME TODAY.  AND THEN SO FAR IVE BEEN OFFERED A TOTAL OF 142 500'S AND 40 2 MIL XANAX TODAY.
I DONT TAKE THOSE, I GET THEM FOR SOMEONE ELSE BUT I MAKE $ OFF OF THEM

[BlottedOut]

i now something that has helped alot of people and me on here, put a picture of your kids on your pill bottle, everytime you want a pill instead of thinking bout getting high or the wave youll see their beautiful little faces looking at you and it may detour you from taking to many, good luck sheri we are here for ya

[Jacqui805]

Yes, the dark tends to do that and on top of that the weather can cause people to feel their aches and pains more too.  You know the "wave" and you're aware that you want it.  Because of that, you are responsible for you.  You are aware of the situation so any choice you make is an informed one now.  It'll be tough to hang in, but possible.  You'll swear you can't take it anymore, and stare at the clock, and say stuff like well, just one more-but don't.  Each minute you get through, at the next one remind yourself that you did get through the last one.  It isn't fun, but lots of worthy things in life are hard to get.  I'm concerned about you getting the pills for someone else, because when you get clean, you have this temptation there.  Also, you have that relationship with the seller that you could get more for you that way too.  You need to distance yourself from people who use, your seller, any buyers, etc.  You're tryin' to diet at a restaurant.

[hopsing94]

Sheri: I can see you arre trying and thats good. You have got to quit thinking about the high. This will cause you fail. You also have to stop spiking with your meds. I can only imagine what you have been through and it sounds horrific but dear you have to take your meds in such a way that you quit getting the high off of them. This spiking will never let you succeed. You have a major challenge in front of you but you MUST get your mind set in a mode that these meds are not good for you and they are not for feeling good. They are to help with pain but your body is creating pain right now.You don't know what your pain level really is right now. That my dear is going to be so hard to find out because you are going to have to get clean to find out. That means as you lower your dosage your are going to be in more pain than normal but you have to do this. If you don't make up your mind to go through this with some pain you will not succeed and I truly want you to succeed.

[Jacqui805]

Hopsing is SO right.  I took really strong meds for yrs because of severe pain, and it kept getting worse depite being on the patches.  I can tell you objectively now that some of my pain was due to the meds.

[shelly405]

Hi Sheri,

While my pain is nowhere what you describe, I can relate to your story. Have you considered asking your Dr to just prescribe something else? I was a horrible time with the Vicodin so I had a fit in the Drs' office.
He gave me Nortriptyline - 30mg. and Relefan. 30 Vicodin a month. I am not taking the Vicodin anymore because the 2 he added are enough. And I was in intense pain. After I got over the fear of being in pain, I was able to put the vicodin down. And all the support here really helped. I don't think I could have quit without these wonderful people.
I just got my 10's Unit yesterday, and my son and I figured it out, and it alone is better than anything in a bottle.
Shelly

[sheri0509]

LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT AN EXPERIENCE I HAD WITH A PATCH. DEC 18TH I WAS AT WORK AND WASNT FEELING WELL.  A CUSTOMER CAME IN AND TOLD ME HE HAD A FET. PATCH TOLD ME TO CHEW IT-IT WAS A 75 MIL PATCH--SAID IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER SINCE I DIDNT HAVE AN PAIN PILLS AT THE MOMENT, I WAS WAITING FOR THE PHAR TO DELIVER.  WELL I DID-I TOOK IT AT 1P--BY 2:30P I WAS LAYING ON THE GROUND BLUE NOT BREATHING AT WORK.
WHEN I WOKE UPIN THE BACK OF AN AMBULANCE WITH MY SHIRT AND BRA CUT OFF AND A PARAMEDIC ON TOP OF ME COMPRESSING MY HEART.  THEY GAVE ME A SHOT WHICH BROUGHT ME BACK AND TOOK ME TO THE HOSP FOR OBSERVATION.  I WAS CLASSIFIED AS A ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE.  IVE NEVER TAKEN FENY. BEFORE NOR DID I KNOW WHAT IT DID
NOR WILL I EVER TAKE IT AGAIN.  I WAS LUCKY.  THAT A CUSTOMER CAME IN AND KNEW I DIDNT LOOK RIGHT BEFORE I COLLAPSED.  IM SURPRISED I HAVENT OD FROM THESE YET, BUT MY TOLERANCE MUST BE VERY HIGH.
IT SCARED ME-ILL NEVER TAKE NOTHING THAT I DONT KNOW ABOUT AGAIN THATS WHY I JUST TAKE MY VICODIN BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN .

[Jacqui805]

I touched on this yesterday.  Read my post called drug clarification.  Anyway, you were given a 75 microgram (not mg but mcg) patch.  You went into respiratory failure, reason for OD's.  Opiates supress respirations.  A 75mcg/hr patch is meant to do just that, deliver 75mcg per HOUR.  SO, since the patch is for 72 hours, that means you multiply 75 mcg x 75 hours.  You got 5,625 mcg or if you prefer mg's, 5.62 mg.  You're lucky you're not dead.

[Jacqui805]

On top of that Fentanyl is a potent drug. It is given to you I.V. in the O.R. to put you under.  Any med that is longer acting, should never be chewed, broken, eaten, nothing.  For example Oxycontin (Oxycodone) and MSContin (Morphine Sulfate) are releasing their med over hours steadily.  If you take a regular 'Vicodin (Oxycodone too) 5 mg say, You just get 5 mg total over that full 4 hours.  The same drug, Oxycontin, (same drug as Vicodin) lets say same dose, 5mg, well that's 5 mgs to be released over 12 hours at 5 mgs the whole time.  Chew the regular Vicodin and you get 5 mg, chew the Oxy and get 60mg.  Understand?

[troubleinohio]

I swear I am not trying to come down hard on you but you seriously need to step back and take a good look at what youre doing to your body...taking up to 40-- 750 mg Vic ES's and youve admited chewing Fet patches...you are living on borrowed time for real. You are so lucky you are not dead from this. I really hope you can get yourself down to a much lower level and then CT the rest. I get really alarmed when I read posts like this. Your liver is going to fail you if it isnt already. I wish you the best of luck in getting clean. you can PM me anytime if you want to talk more.  

[Laroo]

I'm only on a few days clean from my med cocktail.  Don't freak yourself out.....I used for 15 years off & on and tapered down to non for 5 days.  You first need to taper down to half of what your taking.  GOOD NEWS IS you stayed with one type.  I say that because the mixing the uppers & downers really makes it harder.  
So get Vitamins into your system & start tapering down to 1/2.  You can do it.