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waver71

V64t25
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Avatar universal
I need you clean we have to save the world!! I need your clean time, it gives me hope
NO MATTER WHAT right?
Helpful - 0
1742220 tn?1331356727
Tony, hope our correspondence helped, I just wanted to let you know that I'm in support of you whatever you choose.  I haven't ever taken Lomectil (sp), so I hope that one works for you.  very admirable how you keep trying!  :--)))
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2107676 tn?1388973859
You sound much better Tony and thanks for the update.
You are in my prayers as well.
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2083449 tn?1381354708
Great to hear you are feeling better, Weaver! You've been in my prayers. I hope your transition to the new med goes well! Take care!
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Avatar universal
Okay, transitioning from lithium to Lamictal starting today. I reported this post to be put on the bipolar forum, but it didn't move. I will start a new one as I deal with the changes in these meds. I just wanted to let folks know what the doc decided. I said no to Risperdal, due to the many side effects and my fear, so she agreed that Lamictal was a better choice. Wish me luck everyone. All that fight to get off opiates has lead me full circle. I am feeling a little better each day, so should be okay for awhile.
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Avatar universal
Hey Tony... I'm just seeing this... I know how scary it can be! See what the doctor has to say and trust that in time this will all get worked out. Your doing good by reaching out... No matter how or what form it takes!!! You have a HUGE support group here! We are all in your corner!!
Helpful - 0
5986700 tn?1380791380
Oh Tony, just seeing this now.....don't give up friend, I know how painful it is just existing in your own body (brain).   I haven't been able to talk much lately as I'm feeling ummmmmm feelings......I hate feelings.   I stopped taking my ad a few days ago (again).....so I'm feeling a little surreal....ever see the "Dali" painting of the giant melting clock?  Well if you know S. Dali, I could be in any one of his paintings right now and fit right in.

Anyway I've been thinking of you and wondering how you've been and sad that you're going through this now.  So glad you're going to dr. today.  Let us know how it goes.......you are a treasure Tony and an asset to existence.   Don't give up hope.   Hugs xo.
You can pm me any time.
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2083449 tn?1381354708
I'm glad to hear you are doing better! You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how things go with the doctor tomorrow. Best wishes, Weaver. Hugs!!
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Avatar universal
I am continuing to calm down and will see what the doc says tomorrow. I am not quit as hopeless as I was, thanks to all of your encouragement. I don't feel it but am choosing to believe I will balance out. It worked for opiates, so I am trusting you are all right. I will be okay, no matter how I feel now. I mean, an 8 yr methadone addiction took more time than I has taken lithium, so 2& yrs of bipolar will take more than a few months. Thanks guys, I'm pulling out of it. I will keep you posted on what comes next.
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Avatar universal
Hi Weaver.  I don't know you that well, didn't even know your name was Tony.  But when I came on this forum about a month ago you were very supportive and inspirational with your words.  They gave me strength and hope I could get through this...and I am.  You helped and inspired a lot of people on this forum...not just us rookies.  

Keep up the fight buddy and get the meds straightened out.  I'm praying for you.
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2107676 tn?1388973859
Hi Tony
Just checking in.  If you get a chance, please let us know how you're doing.  You are a huge part of this forum and we really care about you.

Hugs
Pat
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6538759 tn?1386250196
I'm so sorry you are struggling and are in so much pain.  You are such a gift to so many people here, myself included.  You give such awesome, inspirational advice and your posts are so giving.  I love the spirituality you share and it's so inspiring.
I know how hard it is to get your meds straight; my mom was bipolar and also had borderline personality disorder and I know how tough it is to deal with both the mania and depression.  Please believe in yourself and the love of your family as well as all of the people on here who love you.  You give so much of yourself on here; it's your turn to be on the receiving end.
I hope everything goes well with the dr tomorrow, keep us posted.  Your are in my thoughts and prayers.  Sending peace, blessings, and hugs :))))
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Avatar universal
Hey Tony god is it hard to see you like this we are a lot alike I have been exactly where you are with medication and it not working bi/polar is a real mofo some times  just remember it is a imbalance in your brain making things so bad around you it is preceded in the brain but not in reality just take it one day at a time it may take a few time like it did for me when the lithium quit work fir me if you need to talk im out here I will send you my number so check your message try to give yourself a break you will get threw this Hang in there and keep posting for support addiction  and bipoler fell a lot alike at times just remember it can be arrested and recovery is possible with both ....................Gnarly............................
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2107676 tn?1388973859
I have a very close friend who is bipolar.  It took them forever to get her meds adjusted but they finally did.  I know that they finally figured out lithium didn't work for her.
When she had her manic episodes I didn't know what she would do but I still loved her and to be honest she was hilarious.  She is a very private person and to see her acting without fear and not worried about anything was so unlike her.  Then came the horrible crash.
Anyway, she has been fine for years now.  She is very happy.  
Don't ever give up hope.  I know it's been such a long, hard battle for you but they just might find the answer before you know it.
You aren't crazy.  You might feel that way but you aren't.  Is it possible for your wife to go to your therapy session with you so she is aware of what to look for if your meds need further adjusting?  It's so hard for you to notice until it gets bad.  
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4522800 tn?1470325834
Hey Guy!! I think you are better then you give your self credit. Since we have been talking over the phone, I got so much from you..YOU really helped me out more then you know..Maybe that is what you are suppose to do..Help other so you can not focus on your issues right now..Can you go a run some meetings or walk around and help others out there on the street..Kind of like the "Preacher Man"..I think you need to keep busy and helping others is your BIG thing. I know that you know, I do not know much about Bipolar but what or how you explained it compared to when I was snorting my Dones with the Adderral..I do not have ADHD so the Buzz was off the charts. I just have a deep gut feeling that if you keep helping others you will do better..I love you Man and you will always be one of my Heroes..lol
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Avatar universal
I won't give up on purpose, I just feel my spirit fading away. I will keep doing what I can as long as I can. I thought life off opiates would be a new opportunity, and it has in some ways, but it's hard to explain how tired I am. I will get new meds tomorrow, but I really fear what will happen if they don't help or make it worse. I can handle physical, even emotional, but losing control of my mind is simply exhausting. I am trying not to give up, but I don't always have a choice with this mind. I gave up for a few days, I became self destructive and angry after awhile. I didn't chose to give up, I just did. Good think noone gave me a lethal dose of anything, I may have taken it without even knowing it. I lose track of everything, I never feared that before, but I can't keep freaking out with my kids and wife crying and wondering if I will be dead or disappear any minute. I hate being crazy, I really do. Not good crazy, 5150, a danger to me and others. i will make it through today, and will make sure I see my doc tomorrow, but my will to live is not very strong. It's probably just depression, it should pass.
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Avatar universal
Dont give up!!!  Let the dr do what needs to be done. It's gonna be okay
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2083449 tn?1381354708
I completely agree with Pat! C'mon Weaver, please don't give in or give up. We are here, we love you, and we are listening. You will get through this rough patch. I'm so sorry. I'm praying for your strength!
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2107676 tn?1388973859
Okay stop right now.  This is NOT your fault.  People do love you.  Your family does love you and they don't want you to leave.
It's up to your doctors to adjust your medications to balance you out and please, please be patient.  It takes time.  You have to make sure you tell them everything.  Don't be embarrassed or feel horrible about something that you can't control.
You HAVE been doing great the last few months so let that give you hope.  Once you get your meds adjusted, make sure you let your therapist know exactly how you are feeling.
Please Weaver stay as strong as you can.  You are so worth it.
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Avatar universal
I feel myself giving up, my chi is spent. How do I stop feeling cursed since birth? I want to leave my family for their sake, it feels unfair that they have to deal with me. I hurt anyone who loves me, on or off drugs. My hope keeps getting smashed and I feel horrible about how I act while manic. I can't seem to make it stop. I was building hope for the first time these last couple months, but now there is nothing but doubt. I won't use opiates, or don't think I will, but I really hate not know exactly what I WILL do. I really am not okay, this is the hardest time I have ever had, mostly because I have been trying so hard. I am living in fear right now.
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6726276 tn?1421126668
Ok, what would you like to talk about?  It's your nickel,dear.
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Avatar universal
Wow, just saw this. I was out of my mind and couldn't focus enough to type. Honestly, not sure what happened exactly. It is a but scary my mind could do this without my assistance. Thanks everyone for holding my hand through that. Adjusting my meds tomorrow, I think my bug eyes scared my therapist a little.
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Avatar universal
Hey dude you ok. ????
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4522800 tn?1470325834
OK Guy..We just talked today over the phone..NOW whats up with this..I am LOST..lol
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