Aa
well it happend i lost my wife
i was going to start wed. going into withdrawel but it wasnt soon enough my wife left me i lost everything i have now i dont know what to do she said i have to many mood swings and she wasnt in love with me any more . now what do i do i have no reason to stop but i want to anyway but i dont think my wife will take me back now even if i did. like i said she told me she wasnt in love with me no more. my heart is broke my life seems worse then it ever has and nomatter how many pills i take my tolerance is so high i feel nothing . i can take 15 10/325 and nothing happens but i stay out of withdrawel. what should i do. im so lost and destroyed by all of this...............
can a person ever recover for good ?
i don't think that's a question we, addicts, can answer, sunshine.
I believe we need faith that we recover for good but we all need faith to live for good every day, every month, every year of our lives, addicts or not . Life is tough for all the people and as addicts we should ensure of taking the right decisions not to use again of course but humans are not only made of scientific facts and rational decisions, we just keep living trying our best and we fail and we stand up again, we get sick, we get wrong and also we smile, love, dream, we keep walking ...
this thread was started precisely when i was going through wd's. I was still very shy to start writting here( another country, another language, you know....) but i've just kept reading everyones experiences and words and believing that i could do it too.
I abused pills 15 years, it was not easy to say the least, getting rid of them, it's not easy staying clean either and i'm still rebuilding myself cause i had to start from zero in emotional terms, my brain was not used to living without the instant relieve a pill gives and i'm still learning how to do it now but the only thing i know for sure is that i was destroying my life, myself, my soul with the pills and i can do it better.
of course i believe that i'm recovering for good but for ever ? well, if i love someone, i'm not going to live with the fear that what if it's not for ever and so on cause nothing in life is for ever either.
it's always an everydays fight to achieve anything and keep it and what i know is that i'm not going to live with the fear that maybe it's not for ever me staying clean.
i'm clean since that september, 2008 ....unbelievable to me then :)
sure, i'm still struggling but i was also struggling while abusing and every clean day to me has been for good since that september because of that so i don't worry if its for ever , that's fear and i don't want to live with that fear, there is not point in this.
good luck and sorry if my answer doesn't make a lot of sense to you :)
i don't think that's a question we, addicts, can answer, sunshine.
I believe we need faith that we recover for good but we all need faith to live for good every day, every month, every year of our lives, addicts or not . Life is tough for all the people and as addicts we should ensure of taking the right decisions not to use again of course but humans are not only made of scientific facts and rational decisions, we just keep living trying our best and we fail and we stand up again, we get sick, we get wrong and also we smile, love, dream, we keep walking ...
this thread was started precisely when i was going through wd's. I was still very shy to start writting here( another country, another language, you know....) but i've just kept reading everyones experiences and words and believing that i could do it too.
I abused pills 15 years, it was not easy to say the least, getting rid of them, it's not easy staying clean either and i'm still rebuilding myself cause i had to start from zero in emotional terms, my brain was not used to living without the instant relieve a pill gives and i'm still learning how to do it now but the only thing i know for sure is that i was destroying my life, myself, my soul with the pills and i can do it better.
of course i believe that i'm recovering for good but for ever ? well, if i love someone, i'm not going to live with the fear that what if it's not for ever and so on cause nothing in life is for ever either.
it's always an everydays fight to achieve anything and keep it and what i know is that i'm not going to live with the fear that maybe it's not for ever me staying clean.
i'm clean since that september, 2008 ....unbelievable to me then :)
sure, i'm still struggling but i was also struggling while abusing and every clean day to me has been for good since that september because of that so i don't worry if its for ever , that's fear and i don't want to live with that fear, there is not point in this.
good luck and sorry if my answer doesn't make a lot of sense to you :)
sorry to hear that man, i didnt read all the posts cos im getting ready to hit the bed before i saw this thread so if someone allready mentioned this im sorry but your wife does still love you, she just doesnt love what you have become. she loves and misses you the way you were not what you are now. its very hard to love someone like you or my wife, those pills make you become almost inhuman, you become a monster who seemingly doesnt care or love anything and eventually after feeling unloved for so long your wife cant handle it any more.
if you really love her then prove to her you can get clean and stay clean, when the old you comes back, the one she fell in love with she will probably want to be with you again but do not hurt or lie to her again. the more you go back to using the less she will ever believe you can change. i know theres a real person in you somewhere just as there is in my wife, i just wish i could have her back and get rid of this cold hard ***** that is living in her body.
if you really love her then prove to her you can get clean and stay clean, when the old you comes back, the one she fell in love with she will probably want to be with you again but do not hurt or lie to her again. the more you go back to using the less she will ever believe you can change. i know theres a real person in you somewhere just as there is in my wife, i just wish i could have her back and get rid of this cold hard ***** that is living in her body.
I'm not sure if you can see it in your shoes but other people in your life are seeing it. Your wife and maybe friends and co-workers. If you ask around I'm sure people will tell you that you are not yourself. Of course that's true. You certainly aren't.
Instead you have a monkey. Monkey's can count. They count time, they count pills and they count money. That monkey has a name it's called Percocet. You've given the monkey too much control over you and now the monkey is ruining aspects of your life you no longer control. Do you understand what I'm saying?
I found one other person here on this list to confide in. I share fears and concerns with them and they keep me real. I could "monkey" him but I don't. I think he sees pretty well and I think that with his experience there would be tell-tale cues in my writing that would let him know I've lost control. You need that. Find someone here you can relate to and get hooked up. You don't have to write every day or even every week. Strange thing is that if that other person cares ... from even a thousand miles away they'll write one day out the blue and help pick you up if you are down.
I danced with Oxycodone 10/325's for 1.8 years. This "other" person knew the drug wasn't working for me and he knew that put me in dangerous territory. I have *REAL* intense chronic pain and that pain can steal my thoughts completely. I can just sit and wish I wasn't hurting. It *****. I read stories here of people faking pain to get medicine and I'm so jealous. I wish my pain was fake but oh well. So anyway, I started managing my pain on my own. I started not taking the oxy when there was no pain but then taking 3 at a time when there was. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think that's how my doctor wrote that. I did that for about 6 weeks then decided it's time to get back into the "take as prescribed" lifestyle. So I did.
My "other" ego here helped me and advised me to seek out other options for pain and I've done that. This other person has been a close friend even though he's old enough to be my father we share a bond. That bond allows him to call BS on me if he feels like it and it allows him and I to share story after story about our kids, families and such. I know his situation and he knows mine. I'm sure he's helped me way more than I him but deep in my heart I really hope I've lightened the steps in his journey a bit too.
So my point in all of this is... It's time to calm down and get control back. *YOU* have to take control of *YOU*. Those little white pills with the round shape and the straight edges are the song of the siren and you've got to figure out if you are the man in your life or the amber pill bottle is the man in your life. You and I both know the answer so for you it's just a simple thing of saying to yourself over and over, "This is my life. I'm in control."
Now buck up and get it done. Fight, fight hard. If you can find a friend here then do it. You won't regret it and ... it may just save your life.
Don't put anymore friends or family at risk. Your time is now. Protect those you love by making better choices. Don't put off until Wednesday what you could start today. If you took 15 yesterday take 13 today. Hold at 13 for 2 days then drop off 1. Hold at 12 for 3 days then drop off 1. Hold 11 for three days and drop off. Repeat until you are taking 2 every 6 hours for 7 days straight then jump off. You'll hit the ground kind of hard and roll for about 18 hours. Then pack up your parachute and start your journey down the trail leading to the rest of your life.
Find a good point man and don't look back. You can do this.
Instead you have a monkey. Monkey's can count. They count time, they count pills and they count money. That monkey has a name it's called Percocet. You've given the monkey too much control over you and now the monkey is ruining aspects of your life you no longer control. Do you understand what I'm saying?
I found one other person here on this list to confide in. I share fears and concerns with them and they keep me real. I could "monkey" him but I don't. I think he sees pretty well and I think that with his experience there would be tell-tale cues in my writing that would let him know I've lost control. You need that. Find someone here you can relate to and get hooked up. You don't have to write every day or even every week. Strange thing is that if that other person cares ... from even a thousand miles away they'll write one day out the blue and help pick you up if you are down.
I danced with Oxycodone 10/325's for 1.8 years. This "other" person knew the drug wasn't working for me and he knew that put me in dangerous territory. I have *REAL* intense chronic pain and that pain can steal my thoughts completely. I can just sit and wish I wasn't hurting. It *****. I read stories here of people faking pain to get medicine and I'm so jealous. I wish my pain was fake but oh well. So anyway, I started managing my pain on my own. I started not taking the oxy when there was no pain but then taking 3 at a time when there was. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think that's how my doctor wrote that. I did that for about 6 weeks then decided it's time to get back into the "take as prescribed" lifestyle. So I did.
My "other" ego here helped me and advised me to seek out other options for pain and I've done that. This other person has been a close friend even though he's old enough to be my father we share a bond. That bond allows him to call BS on me if he feels like it and it allows him and I to share story after story about our kids, families and such. I know his situation and he knows mine. I'm sure he's helped me way more than I him but deep in my heart I really hope I've lightened the steps in his journey a bit too.
So my point in all of this is... It's time to calm down and get control back. *YOU* have to take control of *YOU*. Those little white pills with the round shape and the straight edges are the song of the siren and you've got to figure out if you are the man in your life or the amber pill bottle is the man in your life. You and I both know the answer so for you it's just a simple thing of saying to yourself over and over, "This is my life. I'm in control."
Now buck up and get it done. Fight, fight hard. If you can find a friend here then do it. You won't regret it and ... it may just save your life.
Don't put anymore friends or family at risk. Your time is now. Protect those you love by making better choices. Don't put off until Wednesday what you could start today. If you took 15 yesterday take 13 today. Hold at 13 for 2 days then drop off 1. Hold at 12 for 3 days then drop off 1. Hold 11 for three days and drop off. Repeat until you are taking 2 every 6 hours for 7 days straight then jump off. You'll hit the ground kind of hard and roll for about 18 hours. Then pack up your parachute and start your journey down the trail leading to the rest of your life.
Find a good point man and don't look back. You can do this.
I know u r hurting...my daughter's husband has asked her for a divorce..for no reason other than his freedom..and she is falling to pieces..she does not use drugs...but she is making it somehow..like we all have to do...my divorce was shattering as well...feel the pain and try and pick urself up...the pills get us nowhere...absolutely nowhere but to places we dont want to go.....now would be a good time to do something positive for urself...work towards a goal..who knows what the future can bring..a future full of pills will bring nothing but heartache and pain...u r in my prayers and i hope joy comes ur way soon
Hi,
I have been in your exact shoes. I lost my first wife to a cystal meth drug problem. I was devistated. The thing was, it made me stop using. Everytime I got high, it hurt my heart so bad, I just couldnt take it and never touch the stuff again.
If you have a family, i so hope this can be worked out by you working on your addiction.
Funny thing with mine was, after she was gone awhile and I got over the intial shock of it all, I discovered we really wernt that good together anyways. We got back together briefly, she was still using. So we just shut the door on the relationship. I met someone new in my life after I was clean and have been happy ever since. Now i find myself years later battling an addition of OC and am watching myself close so I dont reapeat the same mistake all over again.
I so wish you the best.
-Dez
I have been in your exact shoes. I lost my first wife to a cystal meth drug problem. I was devistated. The thing was, it made me stop using. Everytime I got high, it hurt my heart so bad, I just couldnt take it and never touch the stuff again.
If you have a family, i so hope this can be worked out by you working on your addiction.
Funny thing with mine was, after she was gone awhile and I got over the intial shock of it all, I discovered we really wernt that good together anyways. We got back together briefly, she was still using. So we just shut the door on the relationship. I met someone new in my life after I was clean and have been happy ever since. Now i find myself years later battling an addition of OC and am watching myself close so I dont reapeat the same mistake all over again.
I so wish you the best.
-Dez
I agree with what the posters above stated.
You are in a very hard situation. You stated your wife is your only support. I strongly suggest you stop into an NA or AA meeting ASAP....that support unit can do wonders for someone with what you are going through, believe me, but most importantly, beleive in yourself. You have to do this for yourself, whether or not you have someone.
Change can do wonders for people even when we dont' want it to. I too was faced with what you are dealing with but my husband (now ex) was using too, we both were and when you are on drugs, you arent' the same person.
Good luck and keep us posted!
You are in a very hard situation. You stated your wife is your only support. I strongly suggest you stop into an NA or AA meeting ASAP....that support unit can do wonders for someone with what you are going through, believe me, but most importantly, beleive in yourself. You have to do this for yourself, whether or not you have someone.
Change can do wonders for people even when we dont' want it to. I too was faced with what you are dealing with but my husband (now ex) was using too, we both were and when you are on drugs, you arent' the same person.
Good luck and keep us posted!
You have a lot of good advice and you do have folks here for support and to bounce thoughts off of.
I just wanted to relay one thought.
You must act yourself into thinking properly. And not try and think yourself into acting properly.
You can do this and be a lot better for it.
I just wanted to relay one thought.
You must act yourself into thinking properly. And not try and think yourself into acting properly.
You can do this and be a lot better for it.
Hi,
I am so sorry that you have you go though this. From the posts you can see you have lots of support.
I agree with allot of the posts above.
I also fell out of love with my husband, The drug one.
I didn't know if the man I married was still there but he is.
I also left my husband for 10 months b/c his addiction drove me away.
I wasn't even looking at myself, also an addict.
I knew if I didn't get myself better,my marriage was over.
We deicided together to start suboxine.
It was the right choice for us, not everyone but for us it is.
Once we began to see clearly we can also see all the damage we
had done to ourselves, our marriage.We go to counseling now, seperate & together.
Get yourself well. Find a NA meeting so that you can talk face to face
with other people who are going through the same thing.
I believe once you get yourself together your wife will see you in a
new light. Do you have kids?
Stay strong and get well for yourself. it has to be for yourself
not for your wife. Things will fall into place the healthier you become
hang in there.
best of luck to you
paaddict
I am so sorry that you have you go though this. From the posts you can see you have lots of support.
I agree with allot of the posts above.
I also fell out of love with my husband, The drug one.
I didn't know if the man I married was still there but he is.
I also left my husband for 10 months b/c his addiction drove me away.
I wasn't even looking at myself, also an addict.
I knew if I didn't get myself better,my marriage was over.
We deicided together to start suboxine.
It was the right choice for us, not everyone but for us it is.
Once we began to see clearly we can also see all the damage we
had done to ourselves, our marriage.We go to counseling now, seperate & together.
Get yourself well. Find a NA meeting so that you can talk face to face
with other people who are going through the same thing.
I believe once you get yourself together your wife will see you in a
new light. Do you have kids?
Stay strong and get well for yourself. it has to be for yourself
not for your wife. Things will fall into place the healthier you become
hang in there.
best of luck to you
paaddict
I kno u dont want 2 feel the pain right now.im pretty sure u just want 2 pop sum pills and forget about it for a few hrs. if your ready 2 quit this is the time to do so. your wife isnt there to witness your mood swings or your sickness. maybe she just said that she isnt in love with you to make you realize that you are fuckin up. maybe she feels this is the only way you would stop using. when i use to pop pills all my family members told me they didnt love me anymore and that if i loved myself and my kids i would stop. but i didnt listen . but when i did decide to give up the pills they were all there with hugs and encouragement. they love me but they didnt love how i was sooooooooooooo addicted to the pills, or the way i acted when i was high. like i said she might just be saying that 2 get u to get YOUR **** together. Good Luck!!!
Jeremiah 29:11...God is saying to YOU...For I know the plans I have for YOU, plans to prosper you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!!
Hang in and Hang on....Help is on the way. God knows your heart, He will help you. Reach out to HIM. I will be praying that God will use this to clean up your life so you can feel better about yourself and boost your self esteem. Women love strong men and God wants to make you strong. Put your life and wife in God's hands and go do what YOU have to do and God will be right there with you to see you through.
I don't mean to sound so preachy but I have been the recipient of God's Grace so many times and it is when we are our weakest that HE is strong.
Hang in and Hang on....Help is on the way. God knows your heart, He will help you. Reach out to HIM. I will be praying that God will use this to clean up your life so you can feel better about yourself and boost your self esteem. Women love strong men and God wants to make you strong. Put your life and wife in God's hands and go do what YOU have to do and God will be right there with you to see you through.
I don't mean to sound so preachy but I have been the recipient of God's Grace so many times and it is when we are our weakest that HE is strong.
you won't REALLY know what she feels until you have a solid, clear mind. you are not going to make ANY good judgements clouded on pills. ever.
so you have no CHOICE but to get clean. then, after a while - after she sees CONSISTENCY (which isn't over night, my friend) then, you will really know.
listen though, if you are having major mood swings, it may be a good idea to see a therapist/psychiatrist. you down have to live with the ups and downs... with some work, that stuff can totally get under control and be a thing of the past.
you have some work to do, my friend. but life is not over. in fact, for all you know it is just beginning. truly - it could very well be a new, great chapter in your life, whether you can imagine that or not right now. it's true.
you also have more support than just your wife. you now have us.
it's time to turn everything around.
i say quit NOW. why wait til Wednesday? but either way - this is a new beginning bulldog. it really is. let it be...
xox
mj
so you have no CHOICE but to get clean. then, after a while - after she sees CONSISTENCY (which isn't over night, my friend) then, you will really know.
listen though, if you are having major mood swings, it may be a good idea to see a therapist/psychiatrist. you down have to live with the ups and downs... with some work, that stuff can totally get under control and be a thing of the past.
you have some work to do, my friend. but life is not over. in fact, for all you know it is just beginning. truly - it could very well be a new, great chapter in your life, whether you can imagine that or not right now. it's true.
you also have more support than just your wife. you now have us.
it's time to turn everything around.
i say quit NOW. why wait til Wednesday? but either way - this is a new beginning bulldog. it really is. let it be...
xox
mj
I agree with Lady67. You need to get back to being your old self again. The you she fell in love with, not the you she sees now. Not what you have become. You can do this. You can get clean. You're just feeling overwhelmed right now. We have all been there. You're feeling scared and panicky. It's ok. I think there's still hope, but you have to act. You have to decide what's more important and take action. Feel the pain and the fear and do the right thing. You don't have to go through detox alone. We're all here for you. You can get support from all over the place.
Sweetie, she isn't in love with "you on drugs". That is what my husband told me. He told me it was killing him to watch me do that to myself and not being able to help. He sat down and cried and told me as much as he loves me, he can't love me when I am taking the pills.
You are going to have to show her the person she fell in love with and married. Like I said earlier, once you are on the road to wellness, things will look up.
You are going to have to show her the person she fell in love with and married. Like I said earlier, once you are on the road to wellness, things will look up.
I have to say for myself..that I am not in love with my husband anymore..we are getting divorced..however..there have been other things that contributed to that..i was a drug addict to..well still am..just not using..he will not quit..and even if he did I wouldn't go back..but..like I said there is other things..as much as it hurts right now..you still have to get clean for YOU..not to get your wife back..if you are lucky enough for that to happen..well that will be an added bonus..i hope you understand what I am saying..my heart is breaking for you..and for me..but i want you to hear the truth...
She is probably really hurt and she believes she doesn't love you anymore. That is what happens when people get hurt over and over. They shut down and numb themselves. Only time will tell if she still loves you...but now she is hurt and has probably been thinking about this for a while. All you can do is take care of you. When you are healthy you will be more appealing to her and then you will know if you have a chance. Try not to worry about that now...take care of you..ok?? Good night, I am off to bed...I will check in the morning to see how you are doing!
do you think she really isnt in love wiht me anymore or id jsut hurt and wants me to hurt the way she has or ive really pushed her to her limit
thank you for your advice ill take it to heart . i just want to be sober and get my wife back
I know you are confused and I am sure if you keep posting you might come up with your own answers. I know talking helps me get my thoughts together...don't beat yourself up, you are where you are and you can't take it back you can only look forward and make better choices from her on out. You can do this, don't give up. You have a ton of support here...
I am so sorry...I know things are seeming really bad..but it will work itself out..I know that sounds lame now..please get yourself clean because thats why your in this mess...it will never get better otherwise..if you give up now..well that will just add insult to injury..your wife is hurting too..I know..because my husband is a drug addict. and i am leavingn him.It's no fun for anyone..stand up tall and do what you got to do...
It's not over!! Don't give up!!! There's still hope!!
You have a fighting chance of getting your wife back and living a happier, healthier life if you start an aggressive detox program as soon as possible. Call me crazy, but I think your wife will reconsider her decision if she sees you taking steps to get off the drugs. Consider tapering if you just can't handle c/t. Talk to your doctor about this. You need to explain to your doctor what's going on. Make another appt. this week and have him put you on a detox program. Start this week. You can do it. It can be done.
You have a fighting chance of getting your wife back and living a happier, healthier life if you start an aggressive detox program as soon as possible. Call me crazy, but I think your wife will reconsider her decision if she sees you taking steps to get off the drugs. Consider tapering if you just can't handle c/t. Talk to your doctor about this. You need to explain to your doctor what's going on. Make another appt. this week and have him put you on a detox program. Start this week. You can do it. It can be done.
this isnt my first time comming off but everytime it gets harder im so scared and my wife was all i had as my support
your right nomatter what this wed. i am going to for the last time of many finnally get the hell off of these things they arent doing me any good look at what they have cost me already. your right i put my wife second to taking pills. im just very hurt and confused right now
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