what do i do am at my wits end

[neverendingstory29]

Im really trying my best to save my marriage here and my husband is on a rollercoaster ride of cocaine this has been four days now that we havent hardly spoken and i have been lying in the spare room the worst of it being that it doesnt seem to be hardly affecting him please help i dont know what to do anymore? i just feel so lonely right now

[cathy5841]

i am so sorry to hear this, but unfortunately it is common with coke addicts.  you can not help him until he sees his problem as a problem and wants help.  there is alot of support for you here, i wish you luck...bit you have to take careof you now...

[scaredmom330]

first and foremost, you are a victim of his addiction!!! I can't say that enough, and like cathy said unless he wants help there isnt really anything you can do. we are all here for you. take care and keep in touch

[nurseone]

You have to take care of yourself at this point. Protect your self and do what you need to do to remove yourself until he admits he needs/wants help. My best wishes your way.

[yelsea]

I used to be in his same shoes. Coke is a ***** of a drug, but if I wanted to use it, I would. Nothing could hold me back. The most important thing to realize is that he is in the grips of his addiction. He is very sick right now. He is probably not doing this to hurt you, but I know in my case I was in so much pain that I convinced myself that Coke was my medication and I needed it, and it wasn't until I got clean that I realized how much I was hurting other people. Addicts are very self-centered people.
The first thing I would do in your situation is tell him that you think he needs help, and offer suggestions (rehab, detox, half-way houses, etc.). Be firm, but not agressive, and let him know that you will NOT put up with his choices because they are hurting you. Let him know that you want to help him, but if he won't take it, you need to step back and take care of yourself. You don't have to put up with his disease.
I've had to leave a long term boyfriend who I loved very deeply because once we both got clean, he relapsed and continued to use like he used to. It's painful. It's still painful and it has been some time. I'm not saying you have to give up, because every situation is different, but I know in my case, my boyfriend had gotten all the help he could and he was still refusing to stop. I had to cut him off completely. It was a little easier because he was in jail, but it's never easy leaving someone you love, no matter if they try to stop it or not.
After you make your choice, whichever way you go, I suggest going to an ALANON or NARCANON meeting if you can find one in your town. These are support group meetings meant for people who have addicts/alcoholics in their lives. My mom went to one while one of my brothers and I were using to deal with what was happening. I think you can find a lot of relief in these meetings and also support to do what is right for you. It helped my mom a lot, I hope it helps you. When I hear stories from people like you I am so grateful that I put it down. It was hard, but it is so worth it to be a human being again.
Be strong and stick to your convictions.

[lboogie7729]

I feel for you because I'm a former addict (meth, not so much cocaine) and I've been in relationships with coke addicts and friends with coke and heroin addicts. The first thought that popped into my mind when I read this was how much access does he have to your finances? I had a boyfriend that I lived with when I was 20 and was naive enough to let him co-sign on a credit card. He was working and clean at the time and I was going to school full time so I thought it would be a good idea for both of us to build our credit. He relapsed and contacted the credit card company to get the credit limit extended without my knowledge. He maxed out my first credit card and eventually paid back the $500, but the second credit card he ran up about $2400 in 3 weeks buying gift cards and stereo stuff to trade for crack! I didn't find out until months later because he had the bills diverted to another address. Creditors are still contacting me to this day, 11 years later, and they've had the juice running so the total is around $5400. Addicts will lie, cheat and steal. The victims are usually the closest ones to them. Are you close to any of his family members or friends? I would talk to someone close to him to get some back up. He needs to be confronted and stopped before things get completely out of control. Seriously, lock up your jewelry, hide anything of value and put your safety and mental health first. I know what it's like to love someone in this condition and they usually can't help themselves and don't want to. I know from experience you cannot change another person, but you can be a good influence and offer support and love. Just don't let yourself get taken for a ride, you don't deserve to suffer because of his addiction. I know in marriage the vows are in sickness and health till death do you part, and he is obviously sick, so I'm not saying that it can't work out. But he needs to get into a rehab facility to detox and get into counseling to find out why he is out of control and how to get his life back on track. I don't want to scare you but addiction is a dangerous thing, to the addict and those around them. Do what's best for you, seek counseling, maybe look into Narcotics Anonymous to see if there is a Narc-Anon meeting near you (like AA has meetings for loved ones dealing with addicts) I wish you the best and hope things work out the way you want them to. Be strong and know that there are people here to listen and support you!

[mtgoat911]

addiction is a family disease, coke addicts are known to bale out on family for days at a time, when he runs out of money he will be home
it will be a difficult descion
i would change the locks , leave a note on the door, rehab or the streets
my husband continued to use after i got clean, he came to work one day and i was standing in his office holding his drugs
i said its me or methadone
cant have bothand i did not want to see him on methaodne anymore
he went to detox, and a halfway house for 3months
then i allowed him back home
it was a tough time for us
he's been clean  4 yrs
best wishes, and one last suggestion,  if you do not attend alonon or narcanon meetings, atleast buy
a courage to change, it maybe available free online
and check out
no more letting go


xo