what do i do

[christine2222]

tried ct & failed.Its all i can do not to take a bunch of pills & sleep for a long time. ifeel so hopeless.

[PinkBalletSlippers]

Childhood can be a happy thing or a awful thing. Sounds like you have been through hell. But you have controll over your life now nobody else. You have to get your life on track and figure out how to deal with life without being high. Counseling really really does help. Just being able to talk to someone that wont judge and will listen means more than we ever realize. That along with the taper, Its going to be fast but its going to help get you to where you arent just jumping off of a high dose. Make sure you have the Thomas Recipe stuff and plenty of hot baths or a heating pad. Its going to be so much better in the end =)

[broknbck]

oh, you are so hurt. that is terrible. i am so sorry about your childhood.

well that is the cool thing about life. there are so many different things we can do and different people we can be. (not talking about jobs either) and first we have to like ourselves and who we are. and do not beat up yourself for being an addict. all of us here are and all an addict wants is just to feel better. and what is wrong with that?

surround yourself with people that do like you. when we truely do like ourselves than people around us will too. not sure what was wrong with your parents.

you are really needing counseling or someone good to talk with. i think maybe the drugs were only like a bandaid and as you have realized are not going to fix the hurt.

[christine2222]

I startied using to deal with my parents physical & emotional abuse. They said horrible thing to me & beat me until I was 18. They said I would never amt to anything & they wished Id never been born. I guess if I was high it was easy not to hear them or feel the beatings. I stopped caring about myself a long time ago. When im high i dont have to deal with the pain. they died a few yrs ago & then i was needed to do stuff for them i dont think they ever loved me.how bad a person do you have to be if you parents dont love you? When im high its the only time i can forget the pain & be really happy.but now that doesnt work either. i dont want to try stronger drugs, i just want to be happy again Christine

[worried878]

people worry about quitting long before they actually do the bokeback says....periods of being ok with the pills and then periods of feeling like they control u..u are moving in the right direction and there are lots here to help

[broknbck]

oh i know how discouraged you must feel. it took me 2 whole years of planning and trying to finally do it. but i am sure that you are realizing that it is no longer a choice. it just has to be done.

the hardest part is coming up with a plan for how it is going to be after you quit. when you figured out the changes that have to be made and some of them can be pretty big. then you are looking forward to the after and not afraid of it. and that makes the quitting so much easier. i know it is hard to come up with ideas. but just keep on thinking about it and they will come.

throw some things out here and we will try to help. what are all the reasons you use besides to not get withdrawl?

[kitty_sacca]

Well clearly you would have to do a pretty fast taper but it could be done.  I would take the 6 and break them in half.  Take half a tab 3x a day for 2 days.  That's 3 tabs.  Then half of the half 3x a day for the next 2 days.  That will leave you with one tab.  Break it into quarters and take a quarter 2x a day for the last 2 days.  It's pretty fast but if you want to do it, I think that would work.  Make sure you supplement with vitamins, especially the B complex, and Immodium if you need for your GI symptoms.  If you have a supply of the xanax then stay on it cuz you'll be in trouble if you ct those.  Go out, take a walk, play a game or read...watch an old movie.  Just stay busy and good luck!

Kitty

[avik7]

well the sleeping is something that you will struggle with..its inevidable. if your taking that much to sleep and its not helping then dont take any at all. you will be in the same boat. 1/2 the tabs what little taper you can do will help some. save the xanax for when the anxiety hits. take hot baths if u cant sleep go one walks, drink lots of gatorade, and take vitamins..there are toooo many sucess stories on here for you to be down. i know its hard but you can do this. just do what you have to to keep your mind busy! let me know if there is anything i can do

[christine2222]

only have 6 hydro left that is what im trying to stop.took 6 muscle relaxers& 7 xanex. of.25 you would think i would sleep but only did for a hour. i keep waking up to this crummy world. i just want to sleep & feel better. dont have a dr so sub out of question. plus the idea is to stop not take anything else How could i taper on that little amount. i dont want to get more. i cant control it when i do

[avik7]

taper...its works. i did it. im 8 days clean now. keep your head up!

[kitty_sacca]

Hi Christine!  What about trying to taper again?   It's easier on your system and if you have a "whole bunch of pills" then it's something that might just work for you if you can be strong enough to tough it out.  You seem like you're pretty desperate, and anything might be better than what and where you are now.  

Let me know if I can help....I've been there.

Kitty

[avisg]

Have you considered suboxone ? Taking a whole bunch of pills and sleeping is not the answer .There is a way out of this I know it does not fell that way at the moment but there is .