whiney again.....sorry

[newlife52]

120 days today off pain meds after 19 years on...yes I am very proud of me but here is what is making me nuts....need to vent!

Literally NO motivation
I do not talk anymore......I was quite the talker but now my poor little brain struggles to think of anything to say. And because of this I won't go out with friends and I do not work so I sit in my thoughts which are negative...I try to flip the switch to positive but I'm stuck..

Now with this said I do believe this is not forever but it feels like it.  

So I certainly do not hope any of you feel like I do...just blah everyday....I do want to hear if anyone is still struggling at 4 months.

Now.....I'm going to take my dog for a walk and hope when I come back I find some words of encouragement from all you wonderful people!

[motye51]

Damn your smart!  I love that excuses.....!

[newlife52]

No excuses just my reality.  I need a ride to the 1st meeting then will hopefully meet someone who is willing to take me there.  Not driving ***** but I am fighting and will not take another pill

[IBKleen]

I don't mean to be hard on you honey. I too am disabled with crippling back pain. I have a hundred excuses for not going to a meeting but I never had an excuse for driving 30 miles to get a pill. You need to work your recovery as hard as you worked your active addiction. I know you can do it!!

[newlife52]

I hear you but I have some disabilities and can not drive so I have a friend taking me to a couple meetings a week for a while and I am doing some online meetings!

[motye51]

I totally understand where your coming from......I actually had to laugh (with you, not at you) when I saw stuck in the negative.  I shared this at a meeting the other night....I have removed the drugs and alcohol, but I'm STILL left with what's between my ears, ME!  I can keep myself in this stuck holding pattern until I decide I've stewed long enough, or until I talk to my sponser (which I'm still not totally good at, but I'm a work in progress!)  At 4 months, I still had very little motivation but I also didn't expect to be able to run a marathon either!  I think we need to give ourselves a break for a little while...someone told me early on, detox was the easy part.....now comes the hard part!  Keep charging forward remembering that every day without drugs is going to be a better day!  (Sometimes I think I need to listen to myself!)

[IBKleen]

No time like the present...you could easily talk yourself out of it by next week. The best time to go to a meeting is when you don't want to.

[newlife52]

I am finally getting to meetings next week.  

[VICourageous]

Time & Patience..It takes time for the Brain to adjust back from the removal of these Substances..If you look up Addiction in a more Scientific way you will see what happens up stairs in our brain that will affect the body..Hormones are unbalanced all the way.

Fred57 hit on a lot of info that I too have been reading and stunning. It is true and it will take time..Meanwhile keep working on Behavior changes. Go to meetings and pick up on all you can about this disease with others who share there experiences as well. It does take some WORK and I mean tons of WORK to change your old life style.. Stay away from people, places and things that can cause a Trigger or give you a mind twist. Wishing you the best..Take a deep breath and let it flow. It all will come out in it's own TIME frame.
Bless

[IBKleen]

Aftercare has been mentioned to you every single time you post. Have you done anything with that? Sitting around in your own thoughts is very dangerous. Remember that your best thinking got you here. You cannot do this alone and if you continue down this path I fear that you will talk yourself into just one...

[Badbackdad]

Im having the exact feelings and side effects from quitting. I was on pain killers for 7 years and have been off 6 weeks. I survived the first 2 weeks, then anxiety and depression hit at week 4. My pain Doctor suggested I see a pchyciatrist that specializes in addictions. The anxiety and depression Im having are not controlled with exercise and massages. In my situation im dealing with bad knees and I run two major oilfield businesses. My point is , that you my need professional help and guidance to get through this period. I am, all of the relaxation techniques only go so far. If your anxiety is affecting your work or social life, you may need additional help. Ask your family doctor for a referral. Im struggling but I know that with the correct support I will get through this. You can too!! Look for any and all help you can find.

[tooter212]

Oh LuLu I pray all goes well. I'm going home today. Will have rehab at home. I haven't slept since I've been here. I think .the Dr fixed me up! I'm taking 10mg hydrocodone every 6 hrs so that's nt bad.

[Fred57]

4 months clean is quite an accomplishment !  Don't be discouraged.   19 years is a long time and your body is still adjusting to life without opiates.  What your experiencing is PAWS ( Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome).  Depending on substance, dosage and length of use, this can last anywhere form a few months a to a couple of years.  Now, don't freak!...It does get better.  Everyday you are off opiates you will feel a bit better overall.   That's not to say you won't have completely bad days, but your body is working hard to achieve a level of homeostasis, and this unfortunately results in some nasty mood, pain effects, and apathy.  Keep telling yourself , 'time heals all wounds'!  

Also, be good to yourself and employ the suggestions of others on this blog.  Try massage therapy, yoga, meditation, and acupuncture. Find support groups in your area to help you heal.  NA is a good program.  Don't get caught up in the stigma...its really only in your mind.  Force yourself to pursue a hobby you always wanted too.  I know, PAWS makes you feel like doing nothing, this is why you must fight so hard to get outside yourself and find an activity that is soothing to your mind and soul.  Idle isolation brings thoughts of relief thru medication and I know you don't want to go back to that.  Do your best, and each day will get a bit better, and one day you'll suddenly feel like your old self again and wonder where it came from and why it took so long.  Just like the addiction, you didn't see that coming either..it just happened slowly over time.

  Keep coming back to this site and let us know how its going.  Good caring people here truly want you to get better and will unselfishly offer you support.  Most of all, cherish the 4 months you have amassed.   It is a remarkable accomplishment!  Remember the dismal past as a reminder of the hurt, but don't dwell on it. Keep your eyes squarely forward and looking to the bright future that lies ahead for you in a life free of the downright satanic grip of opiates.

[Amandag78]

Also, if you type into the search button on top right "4 months clean" a heap of posts and journals will come up. Some really great info for you xx

[Amandag78]

Hey my beautiful friend, congratulations on your 4 months !!!
Lots of luv and hugs xoxo

[gnarly_1]

Well most of us think the worst is the 4to5 days of withdrawal but actually it is the ''mind screw'' that comes after for that you will need to work in it  the solution for me was the rooms of N/A...time to google a meeting on your area and go this will help you handle life on lifes terms this is a critical step to long term sobriety

[lulu747]

Hey Sweetheart-

Keep walking that dog and keep moving forward.  You will break through the wall one day soon- I know it.
It's time to put yourself first and really invest in your future.
This is the way to healing....
I am always here if you need to vent and as I'm having surgery tomorrow I anticipate that I'll be in bed and online a lot.
Feel free to 'novel' me any time (:
Love,
Lu

[Sonrissa]

Hi newlife,  I totally understand what you are saying. I got a serious case of the blahs as well. I still have them sometimes. It's funny, I used to talk and talk, and socialize when I was taking pills. When I quit, I just wanted to be by myself. I didn't want to talk to anyone, including friends and family. Plus, I am extremely shy to begin with. It's hard, but you just have to put yourself out there again.  As far as motivation, I would make lists of things that needed to be done like cleaning out a closet, washing my car, sorting through old clothes, etc.  Then, I would just start doing the things and crossing them off my list. It really helped. Even if I only did one thing a day, I still felt a sense of accomplishment, and I started getting motivated to do more.  Maybe you could try taking a class for fun, something you would enjoy. Or, maybe something like a book club, where you have to interact with people and socialize.  It will get better. Hopefully soon for you.  

Take care, and all the best. Congrats on the clean time.