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who should we tell about our addiction, and who are we accountable to.
by hippy, Nov 08, 2002 12:00AM
i saw this question below, asking do we or should we tell
our husbands and wives about our useing.
should we tell our children, and freinds.
i myself have told my wife everything then agian she is a recoverind addict for 18 years and has a better understanding then most wives.
my children know i am a recovering addict, but i do not go into detail with them.
It has been my experence that we need to be accountable to someone.accountabilty is a big issue, involving honesty.
most of us have lived this secret life hideing pills spending ungodly amounts of money and sometimes even to the point
of destroying our money situation.
being honest is very important but i think we have to have caution in this area, there are lot of people who think
once and addict always an addict.
one thing i found , once we have found someone we can trust we need to let them know when we relapse.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
our husbands and wives about our useing.
should we tell our children, and freinds.
i myself have told my wife everything then agian she is a recoverind addict for 18 years and has a better understanding then most wives.
my children know i am a recovering addict, but i do not go into detail with them.
It has been my experence that we need to be accountable to someone.accountabilty is a big issue, involving honesty.
most of us have lived this secret life hideing pills spending ungodly amounts of money and sometimes even to the point
of destroying our money situation.
being honest is very important but i think we have to have caution in this area, there are lot of people who think
once and addict always an addict.
one thing i found , once we have found someone we can trust we need to let them know when we relapse.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THANKS TO ALL
Jeff
Would you mind posting your email addy again? I know it was souldancers or something. I have some things I would like to ask you.
Thank you!
Leah
Suzie
Jeff
Loose lips sink ships
(FDR)
Mariposa...Eres espanol?
Ultram gets a bad rap from addicts and I agree that the addict should avoid using them if possible. The fact remain that repeated follow up studies indicate that ultram has a very low addiction profile. More than 97% of those reporting addiction to ultram are former addicts. I think when taken as directed this is a very safe medication. The last thing we need is another drug schedualed by the FDA. Doctors not politicans should decide who gets what drug.
Peace
Come on... Masturbate once a week or even once a day should not harm you in anyway. There are people out there that masturbate excessively such as three to five times a day. They don't know that kind of frequency would harm. So after couple years later. Their penis got limp. And they have to seek help from experts from HerboLove.com website. It's so pathetic. If one can just control the urge or be inform about the consequences of "EXCESSIVE" masturbations can do to them.
I have stupid friends that got so horny that they masterbate daily. Before they reach 30, they have impotence and premature ejaculation altogether. Their girlfriends left them because they are Losers on BED.
Men! Just don't over-masturbate!
God Bless you!
the problem is not the act but what you think about,
like thinksing about someone famley member or something in that vain, . i must say i find the whole post quiet imature.
so could you let me know how it fits into this fourm and it point.
I don't know about your friends Jason but the idea that masturbation leads to impotence is extremely hard (no pun intended) for me to believe. I suspect that someone is pulling your leg.
i missed the point.
must of went over my dull brain.
so could you clue me in.
hippy
ther e is a rehab for teen the bridge , in my area and they charge 250.000.ooo a year. i found this out when i was speaking there and chairing an h and i .monthly meeting for na, and some of the kids there like our speakes from na so much that they decided to leave and just go to na. the rehab proceded to kick us out of the place and canceled any further na meetings.
tey lost 15 kids to us that month and lost millions of dollars
they would have gotten from the goverment and ins. companys.
that 21 years ago and 12 of those 15 kids are all still clean and going to meetings they are all from the phila area. i know all of them, and have been to most of there weddings. over the years. 2 died of od's and one died clean in a drive by taking a wedding invtation to his father in south philly.
Anyway, thanks so much for always listening and answering my posts. I wish everyone else here would do the same. I try to help as much as I can, and I know there are alot of good people here who help, but sometimes only the same FEW listen and answer
The point is, if I was still using and had been "high", there would have been NO WAY I would have reacted as quickly. So think about all the close calls we avoided when we were using, and how easily we could have hurt or killed ourselves, our families, our loved ones. For me it is a lesson that clean and sober is the only way to survive, and that "escaping" reality can only lead away from this world, and you CAN take others with you, so you're not just putting yourself at risk, but those around you as well.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and I hope you got my point. Sorry if I rambled a bit, but I thought it was a good lesson for us all. Now I need to clean this place up.
Sundown
if i do not it means i am out for a while , but i read the post twice a day morning and night.
peace and good luck.
ps. it is always good to get a recomendation from someone
when dealing with these places.
the only one s i would trust is the christian rehabs.
tho i have never been to detox or rehab in my 30 years of
involvement with doing drugs and not doing drugs.
i can not stand to be confined. by the way a lot of the people who work at the rehabs and detoxs are aa members and na members who can't get a real job.
and i love na, but there are a lot of a holes there to .
for some of them it is a ego trip and thwy forget where they come from. to me they are prostuting there questionable recovery.
i think recovery should be givn freely as it was given to them
Hippee--thanks so much for always being there! To me, this is better than any AA meeting...I find that MEN always try to use my vunerability there...And it's not my imagination..a couple of people there said that there are some holes in AA..some men go there just to get women who are in treatment..pretending that they understand..blah blah blah..but I do know all AA meetings or PA meeting are not like that. Just some.
"Loose lips sink ships" is an expression you do not hear very much any more. At one time it was cliche. It was an expression used by President Rossevelt during the second world war. I meant that if you had any information about shipping keep quiet about it. ie my boyfriend being shipped to France this week on the Queen Anne. If the information got out then the German u-boats would know where it would be and shink it. It was sort of a flip remark. What I meant was to tell as few people as possible and be very discrete about who you tell.
Lizzie
Medical offices, hospital and especially detoxes do this all the time. It is called a double billing schedual and it is against the law. You can make a big deal about it by getting a written bill from the detox and then sending it to the insurance company. It will probably be a waste of time. In my opinion dextoxes are the biggest waste of money. They give you inadaquate medication, treat you rudely, bring you to an AA meeting and kick you out when your insurance runs out. There is nothing that they can do for you that you can't do for yourself. In my city there is a 7-10 outpatient, methadone or bupenorphine, your choice and that will cost you $200.00 cash. If you need support go to 3 12 step meetings a day and ask someone to help you. AA/NA people are usually very good about supporting those in very early sobriety. If there is no outpatient detox in your area, this site has many detox methods to fit almost any drug and budget. I have posted the Joseph recipe a few times. There is also the Thomas recipe. I see no reason why both cannot be used at the same time. Either way I suggest you **** these money sucking, insensitive assholes that run these detoxes and use the very knowlegable people on this forum to help you.
Peace
Gotta run...
CATUF
(Lizzym),
You are so right, they are a bunch of trash. Luckily our mental health center here is free, but you are mixed with psychos, schizos, violent criminals etc, both male and female. And then they are really rude to addicts constantly claiming they are not a detox center. One alleged nurse, on the job trainee, Corazon Buan actually tried to kick me out without any doctors approval last February. She thinks she's some hot ****. Wait till I find her somewhere around the island!!!!! No psychotechs to protect her!!!!!!Many fights ocurred between patients so don't feel that it is unusual to have some ***** thinking she is rough stuff for having a longer addiction like she was proud of it or something. Plus, remember everyone in detox is probably bitchy coming down from thier highs! She was probably court ordered and she took her frustrations out on you. Take care and good luck.
(Hippee), I should have read the top first about the loose lips thing. You sound better in these upper posts than the earlier ones. We all have our moments.
(Jason),
Get a life and a grip please!!!!!!! Why not plug sex into your search engine to get your jollies?
Chatahan.........wildcat
I posted after yours showed.
LizzyM, congrats on day 17. That's great.
I posted after yours showed.
LizzyM, congrats on day 17. That's great.
I posted after yours showed.
LizzyM, congrats on day 17. That's great.
I posted after yours showed.
LizzyM, congrats on day 17. That's great.
I have no idea about that wierd glitch. I was simply typing and boom, it posted and three times of all things. How wierd.
LizzyM,
As I was saying congrats and great work on day 17.
Catuf,
congrats on day 40. As LizzyM said, I wish I was there too! You are both doing well, I am encouraged to read that.
Chatahan.......wildcat
ha ha ha see what i mean , some time things just don't make sense to me.
it'ts like i got to figure it out in code.
personally i don;t think anyone is reading a bunch of addicts
. as far as you comment about obsession and compulsion,
that is the nature of addiction. step 1 na basic text.
all addicts suffer from it.
when i was talking about i was refering to my 25 years in the na
12 step program. as far as taking med s , never have and never will for that.
i just work the steps. live just for today , pray in the morning
and at night , go to meetins , help other addicts, and do my best to stay involved in my community. coach basket ball
with the grade schoolers.
donate time with helping the eldery, ect , ect.
Hippee,
You are so right, I am obsessive/compulsive too or I wouldn't be on this computer for hours at a time.LOL You answered so fast I didn't have time to explain my mis-reading plus that strange computer glitch. Take care and God bless.
Chatahan.........wildcat
my youngest sister is on the big camen island.
where are you. im in pa. next to the willogrove air base.
im a 42 year old grand pop my grandson is 5 and my kids are in collage.. i started young.
peace
i just bought a new book the shadow of god, by goodman,
15th centry history about sulliman and his 100,000 moslems
aginst 500 christian nights hold up in the fortress at the
island of rodes in grese. boy is my spelling bad or what.
and i even have websters next to me but i am to tired
to look up the correct spelling of rodes amd grese
im just lazy. just call me mr sloth
good night all
Hippee,
I am way out in the middle of the West Pacific on Guam. I am 46 with a 23 year old son somewhere I hope he is still alive and I don't know about any grandkids from him. It's a long story partially explained on that long thread down a ways. Have a good rest.
Chatahan......wildcat
I'm getting back to my old self in so many ways it's almost scary. There are some things that I thought were simply no longer a part of me; lost not through hydro abuse, but just to changes through the years. For example, I have always been known as a teller of stories. In any old conversation someone's comment would spur a memory of an interesting event and out it would come from me in story form. That characteristic has just been missing for I don't know exactly how long -- at least 3 or 4 years; the stories just didn't come anymore.
This week they started coming again. : ) As I sit here and think about why the memories that fostered the stories refused to surface I realize that along with all the physical decline caused by the hydro-abusing life style, there is the fact that I was only nominally present in most conversations -- I was either buzzed and paying far more attention to that, coming down and wondering how I could get away to take (or find) some more, struggling to just make it through the day because of withdrawal or in that post wd period where life is hard and emotionally flat and you spend all day telling yourself that you really don't want hydro (despite the fact that you'd kill for "just a little").
Another reversion is the re-found ability to "think on my feet." I was at a point where I shied away from situations in my work where I had to quickly respond to unexpected issues and questions. I had chalked this up simply to the natural loss of naive enthusiasm that younger men bring to the bar. After 15 years, I tried to tell myself, I was just over that and was unwilling to go through the charade. A not so subtle voice told me that this was not true, that in fact I was losing a fundemental requirement for my work due to the abuse and I tried to block out the voice saying "what if it's gone for good?" This was sort of a two-fold problem: I'm not sure to what extent it was a) actual LOSS of ability or b) freezing up due to lack of confidence brought on by recognition of some diminution in that ability.
In any event, the old ability is back along with the feeling that when I'm so engaged I'm doing what I was meant to do and very much alive. How ironic that in the name of seeking feelings of euphoria and lhappiness, I robbed myself of the very things I enjoyed most - the things that made me feel the most alive. I would say it was less the actual effect of the hydro and more the physical abuse my body suffered when I was binging. At the beginning of a binge I did just fine, indeed my mind seemed to be in high gear. But as it continued, I was trying to make it through more and more nights with only 3 or 4 hours sleep, more and more days where my total food intake wouldn't amount to a halfway decent breakfast, and more and more days with zero exercise -- I was a walking Zombi! But it doesn't matter if it was A or B -- even if it was "only" B, B comes with binges and for me binges come with hydro: I am unable to catch a hydro buzz on day 1 and then not again until day 15 or 20, etc. I go for the buzz on day 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5, with each day finding less and less of a buzz from the hydro, but only an anti-crash fix.
Another thing that is a big turn around is the way I feel in my body. 2+ months ago I felt like I was dragging myself through the day, every day. My body just felt like a heavy weight that I was forced to carry with me. Further, I was weak and had lost any sense of tightness or power in my body. EVERYTHING (except sitting and smiling when for a moment or two the hydro seemed to be working) was a terrible chore. Now, with the benefits of a) normal eating and sleeping and b) working out at least 3 times a week, my body has become virtually weightless. Where a set of even 5 or 6 stairs made me feel like Sisyphus, I now find that I'm at the top of long stair cases before I realize that I broke into a run without even thinking of it. As with the inability to engage my mind to the degree necessary to really do my job well, draging myself around feeling like a weak old man added to an overall sense of worthlessness.
Finally, and most importantly, I find that I have returned to a point where feeling good is the rule, not the exception. I'm generally happy most of the time and very happy some of the time. I'm honestly enjoying the little things that I recall making life great -- a vivid sunset, a beautiful mountain view, a 2 year old walking on my stomach and chest as I try to read. Staying off the hydro and making SURE I get rest, food, exercise and the recipe, I have found a sense of well being that I'm not sure I ever had (at least not for a long time, WELL before I ever heard of hydro). This is probably the best change, for I had long felt as if I would simply never be happy or enjoy life w/o the hydro. I believed I was doomed to day after day without joy. But, I was willing to accept that burden because life with the hydro had become mostly misery (talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't -- here there was the one thing in the world that could make the world good, but it not only didn't work most of the time anymore, it was making the world bad most of the time).
Well, it's now way past my bedtime -- gotta mind that sleep.
Sorry to ramble on for so long.
CATUF
Catuf,
Congradulations on passing the main withdrawals and back into the world you once knew. I am glad to read you are doing so much better now. I hope to get to that point one of these months. I had that a couple of years ago but the booze relapse on and off since then has taken a toll. I hope this time I can get off and stay off. 30 days is usually the cutoff of the cravings for me. If I make it to the big 30 then I should be fine.
Again, congrats and take care.
Chatahan..........wildcat
I'vr also found it much easier to talk to the people around me. I no longer keep the door to my office shut in hiding, but talk to the people I work with. I'm finding out about THEIR lives over the last 6 months, as I missed ever hearing about any of it. I can finally laugh again, and be interested in others lives, rather than what was my miserable exitstence.
Wishing you well.
Sundown
BTW How's Guam?
about what i wrote , go back and read it.
i said it what you are thinking that is sick, like thinking
some one elses famly member, what i was say in a round about was
what about when you think of somes mom.
to me that would be sick. and that road of sickness
is a long road.
by the way are you the the person giving this board all the
problems, just a question.
if you have read me you know this is no place to screw around,
people lives are at stake here.
what is your beef with mr. michael.
he is who he is.
thall shall not judge.
you would not want to walk in his shoes.
you seem to have difficult time in your own.
peace and i am here for ya any time
The worst thing I have ever done to get my pills was to call my dentist and tell him I needed a tooth extracted, (and he and I are friends anyway..fellow parrot breeders) in which I did, but because of work I couldn't make it into the office to get it removed for a few weeks so he would give me more then ten pills. I Lied to my friend and told him I couldn't get in the office sooner. I am ashamed of that and he is the kindest most caring and trusting person I know. Okay, so I got that out of my system.
Chatahan. I just read down on the threads today and saw that you posted to me. I'm sorry I didn't see it until today. Did you get all that mess straightened out with your Ultram prescription? Tell me what happened.
Badgirl, As far as sex drive goes when on narcotics? Mine was null and void. But I would still do it because I love my husband and we always had a wonderful sex life. Now that I am 39 days clean the sex is GREAT! WOW! (sorry if this is a little too much information for some of you)
I want to talk about Ultram though. I have mentioned before that I have had it prescribed to me and I hated it. I would take two at a time and it really didn't help with the pain, but I never took more because I had read about people having seizures.
Now, I also mentioned that my dad is on it. This man is nuts when it comes to taking pills, he will take handfuls of asprin, ibuprofen and ultram (he says no more than three Ultram at a time), all at one time. When I was on lortab on a regular basis he would just help himself to them and then I was always short and the pharmacy and doctor thought I was taking ALOT. It wasn't until my husband caught my dad helping himself that I knew what was going on and started to hide my pills. Even though I am an addict, I hardly took more than the two every six hours that I was prescribed simply because I didn't want to not have the pills and waiting for the day when I could refill. Is it possible my father is getting a high from three Ultram? Yesterday he fell down the damn stairs and landed on his forhead and I had to take him to the emergency room. ( He fell down the stairs of our deck and landed head first in gravel that got embedded in his head and he had to get stiches and also a very badly sprain hand) Now more pain pills in his hands and in this house! My percodan for my back that I threw out again, his Vicodin for his injuries and ME trying to recover!
I still have not given in to the percodan even though the pain is bad. I was able to go shopping with the kids, get my son's spiked hair cut he has wanted for a month, colored both of their hair (temporary junk) for a dance last night and car pooled a bunch of kids to and from. For that time I didn't think about the pills, but the moment i walked in the door I did. It really would feel good to be in a little less pain.
I have decided to go to a Pain management doctor next week if I can get in. Can someone tell me about this type of treatment? What can I expect? ect ect.
I need help guys! LOL
Carson..I just loved your post..It was wonderful. I hope you are doing well and i wish you would write more often here.
Lizzy, You are doing great!!! Congrats..I will email you soon! Okay everyone..anyone game and want to exchange pictures! (trying everything to stop thinking about those damned pills, so I am rambling)
Love to all of you
Suze
That was quite a story about almost burning your kitchen out. That was the way I felt last night. Did you consider that your Dad fell down the stairs because of the Ultram? While considered a "non-narcotic", as I'm sure you've read it sure acts like one, so getting a high from it is certainly possible for some. Older people usually have a harder time with side effects like dizziness, loss of balance, etc. from drugs like that or any psychoactive drug. As for yourself, I truly hope the pain management doc can offer you some relief. You shouldn't need to suffer just because you are recovering, although you will need to be really honest with the doc.
As to the topic of sex drive, I can say at first I thought the hydro made things better (for maybe the first week or two), but I sure lost interest fast. Coming off has definitely made a hugh (no pun intended) difference.
Sundown
I did that once with a dentist but I went all the way and had a root canal on a tooth that wasn't to that point yet. I had insurance so they paid about half but I paid a good chunk out of pocket. The first time he gave me I think 15 lort, I called and said I lost it, he immediately accused me of being a seeker, right out asked, called all the pharmacies. I guess he couldn't find anything so he called me in a new one, he did end up after that giving me more scripts just a few. But thats why I think I ended up with my fake root canal to prove then wrong. You know I made him apologize and how dare he and I'm so insulted. He did apologize. I don't know if this was a tactic to get me to have my root canal among other dental work that he did, it may have been. I've done a lot worse, lets just say I should have ended up in jail were it not for a doc in the family and a pharmacist who knew them. So don't feel bad, you could do a lot worse. Just a note though if you've ever looked up drug seeker etc... on a search engine an read what there looking for, dentist are either number one scammed or close to it. Also tells you the excuses seekers use most often, go figure that they lost their script,meds somehow is one of the top. I don't know what to tell you. I just know that at this point I would be scared as far as "do they know" stuff. If you didn't spend a lot or you think you still have some credibility you might say something like my check passed now can you take the hold of my prescription. Depends what you think you credibility is. But maybe too this is a sign to move on and maybe time to stop before you get into any real trouble. Good luck hope this helps.
ld have put me in jail!!!!! Have a great one doll, love Badd
(Starraven),
I am glad to hear from you tonight. That story about the cigs was something. And your father with the Ultram, he must be mixing! That is dangerous for blackout seizures. I was on a similar mix before and had blackouts for two hours at a time.
Pain management Docs check your joints, muscle strength and so on to see what pain you might be in. They may even take exrays or MRI possibly. My pain Doc I once went to just looked at my joints, said I had a joint pain disorder and prescribed Codiene. It took about ten minutes. I detoxed off the Codiene last February.
I am having some shortness of breath but that is the alcohol withdrawal starting to kick in.
As far as the Ultram. I did get the script, but the Doc was really weird like he thought I was drug seeking. He said I would need to talk to him next month if I want more. He says we had an agreement that he was supposed to be in close contact with the psychiatrist at the mental health center prescribing the Klonopin. I told him I could not help that they changed Docs three times in a couple of months and the newest one is a jerk. I was quite angry and he seems to be getting weirder. I think he just wants to make sure I am not mixing the booze and the other stuff again like last February. There are other GP'S here that don't care about the Ultram, but will not touch prescribing Klonopin.
Anyhow, for now things are okay, but you know how it goes sometimes. That's why I hate depending on anything because it can be used against you later. I never took more than two Ultram at any given time and only 50 mg's each and only when I am in severe pain. I could stand one now in fact as I am over due for that and my Klonopin by about three hours. Thanks for asking and for your concern, take care and God Bless.
(Sundown)
Guam is a beautiful tropical island, a part of the Mariana Island chain. It is located about 1,500 miles due east of Manila, Philippines. It has lush tropical jungle, some small mountains, tons of rain which I love and plenty of typhoons which I also love. It is warm year round which I need for my health along with high humidity. Ocean lovers would enjoy it for snorkling, fishing, diving, boating, etc. I love the jungle and go there often to collect plants. I love tropical ferns and orchids etc. Thanks for asking.
I am glad to hear you are safe and caught that fire in time. That could have been a trajedy.
Take care, and congrats on your continued sobriety.
Chatahan......wildcat