why do i seem to always have some addiction

[dollyflower]

my whole life, i have been addicted to something.  is it my personality?  i am a fun loving good person.  i kick one habit, then throw myself into another.  in high school i was addicted to cocaine, then when my nose wouldn't stop bleeding, i quit.  that day.  then i went to pills for about a year.  always been a smoker, except when i was pregnant, did'nt do any thing each time.  i was a heavy duty achololic, from age 21 till a year ago.  i would drink every single day, starting in the am.   nap before anyone got home, then start again after dinner.   a year ago i started cocaine again, this time i smoke it.  have no desire for booze any more.  haven't drank in over a year.  just did'nt taste good anymore. no meetings, just did'nt like it.  is there a reason for this?? and when i do anything, its to the extreme.

[duckandcover]

I just answered your other thread so I'll drop a quick response to you here.  You mentioned in your other question that you use only once a week.  If that's true then judging by your past behavior I'd guess that it's about to start getting a whole lot worse for you.  There's no great mystery here.  This stuff's addictive and dangerous and you know it.  It sounds like you may be having a moment of clarity.  Get help.  Get into a program and start figuring yourself out.  The "my whole life" excuses won't make you better.  You need to take steps.

[dollyflower]

thks

[toomanytimes]

I think a lot of it has to do with our brain chemistry-its not normal for some reason- there are many theories on what makes our personalities addictive.  For me anymore, its not why-but how i am going to deal with it to stay clean and live a productive, stisfying life and raise healthy children, to be happy and free.

[worried878]

agree with toomany...it is just a matter  of fghting this tooth and nail from here on out...it is not the way i want to live my life and i want to be in control of my choices from now on...easier said than done i know but i am gonna fight it with every ounce of will power i have got in every bone of my body...u gotta reach a decision with ur mind and let it know who is in charge....me..i am in charge....i sound convincing dont i ...LOL...gotta convince ourselves we have control of our minds

[NautyOne]

not uncommon to give something up and find another to take its place.  Some people are just habitual.......doesn't have to be drugs, it can be anything.  Addiction is a strange disease in whatever form it comes in.........sex, drugs, picking, food, anger, nail biting, whatever we need to release or relieve stress.  It's about finding the cause.

Nauty..........

[addictedme]

Maybe you dont" always have some addictions",,maybe you have the disease OF addiction. Drugs legal or not,sex,shopping and a whole bunch of stuff are symptoms of the disease,,like gambling even.And its really easier to put it all in one basket so to speak,,otherwise every time you beat one symptom another pops up.

[dollyflower]

i have the shopping problem also

[malenurse57]

We all have  problems the big question is how we deal with them. I would suggest a counselor and go from there.
Good luck and God bless

[dollyflower]

lost my dad 5 years ago on my daughters bday.  2 weeks later my husband of 20 years died in a freak accident, 1 week after his 41st bday.  my uncle died that year on xmas.  i don't think i had a chance to greeve properly.  no excuses, but i would never be like this if my husband was here.  i'm not saying poor me, but i think that has a lot to do with my problems.  i  was in shock for 2 months.  i don't know how to greive, it was all thrown to me to fast.  i don't cry for death anymore.  

[worried878]

well maybe u r due for a good long crying spell...lock urself in the bedroom and go for it...cry till u are done and u look like a puffy head!  LOL...i am not good either at this but crying can be good for the soul dolly

[ready2help]

I agree - the disease IS addiction, and the behaviors are the symptoms. So much current thought on the disease of addiction includes that the root is in some sort of emotional trauma. We all have some kind and degree of trauma just getting to be 21, 31, 41... Then, add to it genetics and environment and choices....there you are!

Now that that's out there.  :)

Dolly, since you can identify your lack of necessary grieving as a core issue, going to a good therapist to work on healing that part would seem like a good bet. You might find some relief in it as well. There are many that specialize in grief work! Good luck to you.

[dollyflower]

everyone tried to get me to go to therapy.  i guess i want to handle it on my own, not admitting i may need help.  i don't know, but i stayed away.  i guess i don't want anyone knowing what my life is really like.  don't know.