Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
why do we use drugs ,when we don't need them.
this question is a real tough question, for addicts.
im speaking about all the addicts who abuse drugs
. looking back i started useing to fit in
,peer presure, i found that drugs made me feel better, and took
away all my emotional pain, i knew i was doing something wrong
and drugs became a way of life, along with dishonesty,
and stealing, and dealing the whole life style.
and i started at age 13 and by the time i was 18
I HATED MYSELF AND THE WAY I LIVED AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT. and that is why i used, i hated me.
when i did try to get clean ,i would get a couple weeks together
and then this obsession to use would come over me FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOES AND IT WOULD SAY TO ME, YOU CAN COME NOW OR YOU CAN COME LATER ON TONIGHT BUT WE ARE DEFINITELY USEING.
AND I ALWAYS USED.
AFTER A NUMBER OF YEARS USEING DRUGS BECAME LESS AND LESS OF AN ESCAPE, it was no longer about getting high but about just getting ok ,so i could make  through the day or the job.
the more i used the more i hated my self, it was a vicious
cycle.
the only way out  was totol abstinence,andto learn  how to grow up, i think most addicts stay at the age of 16 untill they make
a concience effort to change.

just some thoughts, hippy
Cancel
136 Answers
Page 7 of 7
Avatar universal
talking about positive things is the thing i want to hear more
of , like how the receipe is a life saver, and  how the people
on this fourm are so supportive
and may a add they make mistakes , we have to allow for that in
other people, we as addicts have unrealistic expectations
on others.

so allow for a few screw ups now and  agian.
it is raining  hear in philly  im working the 2nd shift
tis week, so i will out from 2 to 10.

stay positive  
peace!!!!!!!

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Good morning Michael. You got mail. ;)
I had a question or 2.
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
hi everyone, I have been absent for a while, but i have been reading when I had the chance..I am doing ok, had a work-busy week..but doin ok..

I have to comment on the letter from pimp**** , wow..jess, no offense, but are you absolutely sure of your accusations, if someone comes here and post for the first time, in the off chance he is who he says he is, weren't you kind of harsh?  I probably have no right to throw in my two cents, but ..ouch

pimp**** - I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you..you are in some real trouble, you need to seek professional help, just call NA or AA, and talk, start talking..


sheila

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Good Morning Shiela!!!
Nice to see you here on my 1st morning back. I posted yesterday what has been going on. I will send you something later when I get a chance. I am trying to catch up on what has been happening.
I hope everything is going well with you!!! ;)
Chezz

I keep posting in the meantime so I haven't got much reading done since everyone else woke up! ;)
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hey everybody. How is everybody doing? Its 8:36am here, and I am so tired. I want to go back to bed but I slept like all day yesterday. I was getting these terrible headaches. But all I took was aleve, so I am still going.(13) Why do I not like this number??? Maybe it is just me? I saw the topic question. For me, I would start out wanting a buzz. The usual. After the second day of staying up though, I would do it to stay up. I knew I had to. (Yeah!) Well, I would buy more, and stay up. The buzz was not really as much of an issue anymore. The hallucionations from psycosis maybe, I nicknamed "The Shadow People" Were always there. Oh well. It's over now.
Everybody stay cool,
festertool
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
sorry I can't bring myself to call you that.  You have made a start.  It all starts with just one step. you have done that.  Anyone who has been there knows the hell you are going through.  we have all been there.  Unfortunately, there are no easy answers and the more answers you get the more questions it creates.  Keep posting here, the people here will help you, trust me on that....
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks, it does make me feel a hell of alot better knowning that people are willing to listen, and that other people go through this everyday also.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
hey guy,

I understand you are doing a bit better, pain wise anyway.  That is really good to hear.  Just because i haven't posted doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of everyone. Have you heard form Sean at all?  let me know what's up with you today.

sheila
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
we are all in this together, pimp.  you can do this if you really want to.  but i'm finding out, you really have to want to be free of this stuff.  nothing lukewarm.  it's all or nothing.  BUT, if you give it all you got, then you can't lose...you can only get better.  i read somewhere that it doesn't kill you to get off drugs, it kills you to stay on them.  gotta get to work now.  no matter what's going on, I wish peace and love to you and everybody else.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
where did you come up with that name,
it say's a lot
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Well i think this me being " fake " is pretty much over with. Me and jess exchanged a few emails. I didnt really think i'd have to come here and prove myself to anyone.. I just wanted somone to listen to me is all... I do understand that i need to get some sort of help. I just dont know how to go about it the right and best way. I am worried that they will just blow me off.. Maybe thats silly to think that? I dont know.. I dont want to be looked at as some kid that just gets " high " Because thats very far from the truth.. I dont take drugs for the high...This is the first real time ive actually talked about this to anyone, other than to myself in my own mind. YEah my girlfriend knows.. But she doesnt really understand how this feels.. how sick i feel all the time.. She doesnt understand that you CAN be dependent on something... And to a earlier post... No I dont drink.. i dont mix any drugs.. i dont snort anything up my nose.. i dont smoke weed. I seen somone say people fake suicide and such on here. I dont believe that was mentioned in my post at all.. because i have never thought about suicide. Thank you dreamin for your post.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Um it's just a name i have used for a few years.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
BRB. Gotta say good morning to the wife, and "tuck her OUT of bed" LOL   ;)
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
it si hard to write that word,
anyway how are you doing, where are you at as far as
the pills , do you know about the receipe
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yeah ive read about the recipe. I do plan on trying it.. ill try anything that will help. And the pills? I still take them everyday... Depending on what i have ( percs or vicodens ), around 5 or 6 a day. I dont go over what the bottle says, I never have..
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
you should go to a na meeting,
there are some really good ones
there, i have been to quite a few in ohio.
there you will find people just like us.
addicts at the end of thr road
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
hey, I remember in one of your short (wink) you mentioned taking nerotnin..My dr has mentioned that to help with my serious migraines.  could you tell me a little bit about that drug?  please

sheila
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I hope that my post to you last night wasn't taken in the wrong way.I just made my experience a lot worse because of stressing so much over it.I just don't want you to do as I did.
Are they going to fix the L4/5 level? If so ask your neuro doc to look at the S1 level while he is there.I let my wife look at your test results you posted and she said to tell you she sees a lot of people come back because the surgeon didn't look hard enough at the S1 level.Your neuro doc will explain this to you I am sure.
I hope in the future you don't take anything I say the wrong way.
I only try to help you not get you pissed at me.I am sure you are not,knowing you a little I am sure you would tell me if you were.Get better and relax a little and let the nerve relax a bit,it will help.
                            bmac
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hey buddy. I posted below.
I would never take anything you said and get pissed.
I just wanted to make sure you knew I was STRESSING. I know that is the worst, and doesn't do any good.
I reread my post and thought the same thing. I sounded like I was freaking out.
I just really needed someone here to talk to. I feel like a poor little boy who didn't get picked for the team!!!!
It just gets lonely sometimes when you move so much. Plus after being out of the country for so long and not knowing anybody back in the states. Kind of expensive to call Japan!!!
Sarcasm - I just wish I had some frrrriiiieeennnnnnddddsssss. ;)
Chezz

Thanks for the extra info on the tests too. I haven't met the neuro yet. But I am going to do some checking up on him and then make sure this is taken care of properly. And that he knows my whole medical history and what tests, ect that I have gotten done in the past and that I REALLY want to get this done right the FIRST time.
Thanks again.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I have sent you my email address and you are welcome to email me anytime.I am here 24/7 most of the time and I am addicted to
the internet so I spend too much time typing but until I bought this PC I couldn't even type my name much less a
conversation.Now I can type(two fingered)100,000 words a minute.
Anytime!!!
                  Friend!
                   Bill
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
nope..i didn't..

enough said
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I can't seem to stop smoking either.I have tried and made it 4 months before but I just can't stop.PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!
Of course my brain says no way.Matter of fact I need to go smoke one now,bye!
                     bmac
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I try and keep my posts SHORT!!! LOL
My fingers just take a little while to cool off when I am typing so they just keep on going! ;)
(Honest-I did plan on making this short-I bet you are sorry you asked-OR that I answered!!)

I took the nuerontin after I was having pain for awhile, during my last episode about 3years ago. It was supposed to help with the nerve pain. It also helped me sleep if I am not mistaken. I only took it at night. It also did help cut down on the amount of meds I was taking.
I wish I remembered more about it. But at the time I felt like a guinea pig. I really didn't like taking the percocet for so long and got tired of it.(If you know me-I have integrity and don't have a reason to lie to you all) After about 4 months of pain and the meds I really wanted to just get better. I also was at the apex of deciding to resign from my job or trying to wait it out and hope that I would get better. I was making alot of money and TAX FREE in Japan. So I wanted to try everything I could to just get better. This was my dream job, and I was 23.
You know the rest of the story. I resigned and finally got better after about 9 months. 3 months living in Hawaii and doing physical therapy everyday. Plus a plethra of tests.
So I tried, honest to god, about 30 different medicines. Everything you could imagine. From anti-depressants to blood pressure meds. Everything.
So my memory is not very good about all the meds.
But one thing is for sure. I CAN'T write a SHORT post. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks Bill I got your email address. But I will be honest, for some reason I even have a hard time emailing my FAMILY.
Kind of surprising since I seem to like to TYPE so much!
I will email though. Things are going to be tough around and after surgery time and I could use the Friends to lean on.
Thanks.

You have got me beat! 100,000 a minute. Your puter' must be SMOKING.
Which is what I am going to do! I wish I would have quit when I quit the meds last time. Right now is not such a good time! lol
Thanks again,
Chezz



BTW - Dreaming, did you quit smoking for good>?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal

Dreamin,

I used Neurontin four years ago for anti-convulsant and OCD problems. It also is good for deep Neurological pain in some people. You can not just crash off of it though, you must taper so as to avoid seizures.

I took an old bottle of it while I was in the midst of the DT'S last February, and I believe it really helped and may be the only thing that saved me from seizures to the max. I went off it again once they put me back on Klonopin, because Klonopin is more effective for temporal lobe partial complex seizures.

Neurontin also known as Gabapenton, spelling? will make you drousy and helps promote sleep. I hope this helps.

Chatahan
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Brian,

I kept on trying and trying to get the yahoo IM to see your cam, and it still doesn't work... I know that I'm using the right handle. You did give it to me in 2 separate e-mails.

Tell me the TRUTH, now.... You weren't just "pulling my chain" about letting me SEE YOU on your cam to prove my whacko theories wrong were you?!

I'm sitting here, READY TO APOLOGIZE to YOU and the WHOLE FORUM.

Just give me the proof that I asked for;

VERY SIMPLE.

~~~~JesseSarpy~~~~

P.S. Brian has a pretty decent little website. It is his handle + .org

I find it somewhat revealing that it is, indeed, a portal to all sorts of fun "Hackware" as we in the IT Systems Security Feild put it.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I'm not a psychologist or anaylist nor can I spell correctly sometimes..:-) but this I know after being a double amputee for the past 35 years....spending two years in the hospital from 14 to 16 years old when I was electrocuted and fried to a crisp...and all the surgeries after ( now up to 99 ) pain hurts and so does life....your still young and if your being honest about things...realitively new to the addiction thing ( you say you don't / haven't done anything else ). Well STOP NOW. I've been fighting this **** for the past 35 years...20 years ago I was really bad and checked into a program for 30 days. You can't do that I know..I know....but you can start somewhere....If you really WANT to change...start with your screen name....small step but one forward.....then make a phone call to the local NA / AA or Mental Health Clinic in your town or city and begin the process. This forum is OK and there are a lot of people who care and give advice....but you must do something for yourself.

I experienced the blood pressure thing myself....it's primarliy two things....w/d's and your head....take a few deep breaths...go for a walk...hell at your age...bike ride..frisbee anything man....get your body moving and your mind out of your butt.  Me I'm 49 now...smoking since 15 and it's difficult to get around on one arm one leg BUT I get up now at 5:00 am and get to the gym....I went on meds for the blood pressure but will wean off them because my exercising will lower it. I drink a gallon of water each day. Believe me when I say that earlier this summer when I first found this forum, I felt like I was alone in my thoughts...then talking here to others opened my head a bit. Deep inside I knew the answers and you do too, but it was good to see it in front of my face.............Besides coming here...DO SOMETHING ! There are, I believe, those that just sit in front of their computers and cruise these places for attention...don't get hooked on that part of recovery...you have a life to live...live it.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Um well i have used this handle for years now. I like it.. and its what people know me as.. I really dont see why a screenname matters much. But everyone has the right to their own comment. I just dont think being judged by a screenname is fair, or by the way i type, ect.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hey everybody!

Pixi,
Loved your post. How is it you always manage to make me smile? I am glad we're both crazy. lol. The shadow people are gone now so we dont have to worry. I was a little confused this morning from all the commotion but the nap helped. Stay cool.

festertool
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal

Pimp,

I don't think I was that rough on you and I never read anything on the thread about suicide, so I have no idea where you csme up with that one.

I did suggest you see a doc for your hgih blood pressure. The mention of booze was just a thought because many addicts also use alcohol and I know that can raise blood pressure. I also suggested you attend N/A or A/A meetings for help and that the people on this forum have been very supportive.

I was a little harsher in tone than usual. Probably because of the swearing and accusations that no one here or anywhere else would ever listen or help. I was in pain and tired, therefore a little on the crabby side.

We all want to help, but as many have said, you also have to want to help youself. Keep posting and I hope you find some answers that are helpful to you.

Oh, by the way, I know we should not judge a book by it's cover but your handle sounds terrible, like you really think lowly of yourself. You may want to find a more uplifting and positive handle. It will show you want to feel better about yourself and how others perceive you. Just a suggestion. Take care,

Chatahan
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal

Jessearpy,

The name Chatahan was the last typhoon to make a direct eye passage over Guam, just this past July. I used to be known as wildcat, my tribal name used, but the re-registering would not allow it, saying it is already in use.

I am really into nature and cats so wildcat is fitting. The typhoon and it's backup five days later named, Ha'long really trashed my place and caused alot of work and major stress. I kind of took to the name Chatahan though so I decided to use it.

It is a part of nature too, and goes with one of my favorite phrases, what goes around, comes around. My tempor used to be worthy of being called a typhoon but since stopping the booze, going through many recovery steps and taking the Klonopin and Ultram for the pain has chilled me out quite a bit. Pain has a way of making even the kindest person, angry and nasty. That's why it is so important for us to keep the pain down to a minimum if possible so we can function in a positive way. I'm babbling now, it's 2:30 am so I better get back to bed. I awoke in pain, took my middle of the night dosage and then decided to check the forum real fast. Real fast turned into over an hour but now I am feeling better and tired enough to sleep okay.

I hope you are doing well and feeling good today. Take care.

Chatahan

P.S.-If you want to email me anytime, the address is
         ***@****



Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Good morning to you fes.You are sounding better every time you post.Day 13 is a BIG accomplishment!stay on the path,it only gets easier from here.Besides,those shadow people can be really scary!lol

pixi
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I sent you an email this morning. :)
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Im so glad i can make you smile through the haze of being sober and running from the shadow people.lol your doing great!Oh yeah,how did you know I was crazy?What gave it away?lol

pixi
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Are you in Guam.

All I remember from my last bus. trip there was the viking club!
That and a few others. The viking was right across from our hotel, so it was easy access!!!

Kind of refreshing since I was flying in from Tokyo. All the clubs there cost about 70-100US to get in plus the extra's inside like drinks and dances. They don't have a bill smaller than 10US so tips added up. We had many night there that cost 1500-2000US.
So to drop 500-1000US a night in the viking ensured they took care of us, and still cost less than Tokyo. No funny bus. just fun.
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
...sure....
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hey percs,

Kind of hard to have too much fun when your boss is with you. The vice president of the company is there, and you have some top principals from the companies you represent sitting by you!!!
It's more like babysitting than anything. Half our job was to take care of them while they were in town. That isn't to say some of them "needed" a little more assistance than others! lol
Actually, we had one principal that would leave his trip itinerary with his excursion to the Phillipines(sp) on it! LOL We always got a kick out of that.
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks for the info on the video. I am still checking in to it. I wasn't feeling too well yesterday since I didn't get any sleep. I didn't feel like messing with it.
I am going to get my doctor to buy it so she can keep it for all her patients. Especially if it is a series with all different types of surgeries.
I've been told I could sell someone their own stuff back to them for 2x what they paid, so I will give it a shot! LOL
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
no problema!!!!
Yes there's (or was) 12 additional operations in the OPERATION SERIES. However, only one dealt with the back.

I have to be honest, after i viewed the surgery, my very first reaction was, I'm glad I had the surgery first...
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
WOW. Not good.
I really don't want to watch it and I don't even have the tape yet.
I think it will be informative though. Sometimes things are best left unsaid/unseen though. ;)

I am just curious to see it. I have to get the surgery either way though.

The sooner I get it, the sooner I can get back to normal. I really wish I could do it and just get it over with. The same with the meds. I hate taking stuff everyday. I don't like not feeling like myself.
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
...i'm just being honest, and NOT trying to scare you.
I bought it to understand the "real" structures for aftercare, postop.  Was just surprised how deep the discs really lie... you know when you reach around with your hand a feel your spinous process, it feels like your spine is right there.... well now i know why they can perform the surgery from front or back.
Please don't be unsettled, it will go great.... i just wanted to pass on my reaction.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
This is an interesting question...and in an attempt to answer I am in a sense doing this to cleanse myself. I started using (in a sense) when I was 12. I knew where my dad kept his "bottle" and for whatever reason I sat down in that corner that Saturday night, took a couple of sips of the liquid and felt the warmness seeping through my body (I'll never forget it) and thought "I want to feel like this for the rest of my life", hence the alcoholic gene took control over yet another victim.  Off and on during my high school years, I never turned down an invitation to drink, and although I experimented with pills I never had a problem with them (darvocet and then vics) until the last 10 years; my main thing was with alcohol.  At this time, I've cut back on the vicodin from 8-10 a day to 4-5 - and tonight, for the first time in a long time, I've had only 1 shot instead of the 2 or 3 or 4.  I still wonder: Is it 1) heriditary  2) peer pressure or 3)god...who knows?  I'm still confused as I've always been.  BUT---for the first time in years, I'm actually trying to cut back, even though I'm scared to death.  Also, an aside to hippy....you made me boo-hoo and cry because of your post on MJ...I'm usually not so sensitive, but maybe it was the state I was in at the time (when it involves your kids you always are sensitive)---maybe I just needed a good cry...no hard feelings...(even tho' I think it was a bone-head post!)...smile...it's OK hippy - you can fire back;promise I won't cry!!!  :)
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
It will be over before you know it( & aahhhhhh the relief)
Now i (geeez when i don't capitalize the i, i think about the Jessarpy analysis of PS) know everybody is different, but the 8 week recovery time, i'd be shocked if you weren't fully operational in less than half that time.
Anyways, good luck my friend.....i'm off to tend to my lit'l ones for the next few days(off work), while wifey gets a much overdue weekend with the girls in Seattle...look out Nordstroms
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Good job on the meds.....your desire to be free and clear of them is crystal clear; just don't let yourself suffer too much!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am getting ready to try and hobble around the neighborhood. The post is up on the 1st string.

My doc did up my dose of meds. I don't want to. But I did take it yesterday. I felt better. I just like taking them. I really don't want to have to deal with all that comes with it.
I have dealt with this pain without meds before. So the relief is good. I just don't plan on taking the meds and being "pain free". So I am still dealing with alot of pain. But I feel better dealing with it, than just trying to cover it up.
Thanks for the support. It is hard sometimes. I just really wish it would go away. It is so hard to explain how it makes me feel.
Chezz
I just want to be healthy again. To do all of the things that I haven't been able to because of this. The medicine isn't going to do that.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Percs,

I am aware of the disc location. They are about 4 inches in from what you feel on the outside.

I do not want this surgery. I would/have done everything to put it off. I wish I could just make it go away.

But one thing I have realized. When you are in real pain. When you need medical help. You aren't worried about meds, you aren't worried about alot of things. You just want to get better.

That is where I am at now. I just want to get better.

I will be honest. I have taken the LEAST amount of meds possible. I have taken them EXACTLY as prescribed. And I want to be off of them as soon as possible.
Because the sooner I am, the sooner I can move on with the rest of my life. I don't plan on being here forever. I don't plan on dealing with this stuff in my life forever.
It is a necessary evil right now.
I just want to be healthy. I have learned so much from the people here and the struggles that some have dealt with all of their life.
I don't want to be that person. I have seen their pain. Their torment. Their hell.
I feel for them. I hope they can get better and live a better life.
They have taught me.
Chezz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
now that i've relapsed
i decided that it wasn't peer pressure that started me usin drugs.  it's because
it was damn good and still is.  and thats my responsbility
if this is wroong, i don' t want to be right.  I JUST COULDN'T FIGHT THE CALL ANY LONGER.
all roads lead to dead.  
everything else is fake.  there a  lot of fake people on this forum.
i know there's other people doing drugs and lying about it,
typing away.
i got a warm happy feeling in my bones, waves of goodness
and I"M HAPPY, i know i'll just keep going to meetings and deny this again and again.
damn my tolerance dropped i have such a perfect buzz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
i can really see how i've been a little uppity
in some of my posts.  i was hiding from myself,
i just needed to feel like i knew what was going on
and had a handle on everything. i've been up all night
and i just wanted to say i'm sorry and i need to be more sensitive. i shouldn't jump on people, cause no one wants
to feel like they have to walk around on eggshells or be
carful about the kind of things they say here
YOU DESERVE TO BE ABLE TO ASK QUESTIONS AND NOT BE RIDICULED
and so does everyone else

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
New here. I had back surgery a year ago and have been on several different narcotic pain meds ever since.
Had a steady supply of hydrocodone but the doc cut me off last week. Said he could get in trouble with the DEA if he kept refilling the hydro. I became very depressed and lost intrest in doing anything. I still have pain but not enough to justify taking a stong narc. I practicly begged him to not cut me off. He prescribed me some Ultram, told me these were safe for long term use.
I have to admit I do like the way the hydro makes me feel. With them I could do things like I used to before the back pain.
If I am honest with myself I would have to say I like them too much and probably should be thankful that the doc did cut me off. But I'm not. I want more , I want to feel good again and the Ultram does not give me that gooooood feeling!!!
I just stumbled across this forum. I don't know whatI expect from talking to all of you. Perhaps I just need people to relate to. I don't want to admitt I am addict. Is there such a thing as being dependent on a drug and not being addicted to it? I feel like I have lost a loved one. I am that depressed.
Craze
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Craze, you might want to post your post a little higher up.  Some good advice might be missed because not all of us look at posts that are this far down.  

I know what you are feeling right now and its tough.  Narcotic pain relievers make some of us feel like we can tackle the world.  We can accomplish things that are hard when we are drug free.  We have the energy that we don't normally have when we are taking the pills.  When I was still taking the pills I would clean things in my house that were already clean.  I'm on day 25 or 26 clean now.  I don't have THAT energy anymore and boy do I want it.  As far as someone being dependent and not addicted. I'm not sure about that.  Alot of our addiction is mental as well as physical.  If you find yourself thinking about the pills or searching your house for pills you might have forgotten about, I would admit to myself that yes, I am addicted, especially if you find yourself taking the pills when you aren't really in enough pain to warrant taking them or taking more than was prescribed.  

Its hard, this is my third time coming clean in over a year due to surgery for protrusion of the lumbar and disk degeneration.  I would pop the pills even if I wasn't in enough pain to need them.  I would watch the clock when it was almost four hours since my last dose. But, I made a conscious decision to give them up and everyday I am tempted to call in my refill.  If it wasn't for this forum and me being reminded of how bad the withdrawal symptoms have been, I might be taking the pills right now.

Just know that everyone here knows what you are going through.  Everyone here is non judgemental and so kind in sharing their stories and advice on this terrible addiction.  We didn't become addicts by choice. We have been and still are in pain.  

I didn't try this, but there is a recipe that will help you with the withdrawals if they are really bad.  Thomas has posted it here in the last few days and people that have taken the recipe say it helps them.  
I know my post hasn't helped much,  but we all know how you feel.  Its really hard to quit when you don't WANT to.  When one doctor says no, we usually find a doctor that says yes.  Its a vicious cycle and the longer we indulge in our addiction, the harder it is down the road to recover.
Hugs to you
Star
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Addiction: Substance Abuse Community Resources
Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333897642
Blank
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
Blank
phoenix, AZ
3197167 tn?1348972206
Blank
406584 tn?1399591666
Blank
7163794 tn?1457370413
Blank
New Orleans, LA
3060903 tn?1398568723
Blank
Other