withdrawals and emotions?

Does withdrawals make certain emotions come back?? I am feeling very uneasy, and very depressed... I feel like checking out....

[GA Guy]

What do you mean by "checking out"?

[123456m]

I posted something on your profile page.
I know its very hard right now.
If you need help email me.
Peace

[dreamer576]

  I've heard that withdrawel is a lot like the grieving process, with all them phases. I have gotten to the point during withdrawel where a part of me was angry and confused about putting myself thru it. Like my addict self attacking me for what I was doing to it. Opiates are well known for their antidepressant effect. Depression / anxiety perhaps the toughest part of the whole process. Many times when I thought about "checking out", it was that "addict self" threatening, trying to create the context for a relapse. One thing is for SURE - it always passed and I was always glad I didn't follow through. People who have survived attempts at "checking out" always report that their last conscious thought was deep regret, suddenly realizing they didn't really want to go.

[rxqueen67]

Thank you. Its a tough subject for me so bear with me. I tried posting this in the depression forum but no one cared to get back to me. I just have something pushing me to go. Luckily, I am at work right now and will be for another hour. Thats another hour I have to think about it. But on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being im totally not gonna do it and 10 im absolutely going to do it, I would say im about a 6 or 7. I just can't handle the antidepressants, the anxiety meds, the kidney failure problems ive been having, the back pain, the oxy withdrawal, the loss im bearing all on myself... Its all selfish I know its all selfish... Maybe it is regret that I feel. Maybe it is just the withdrawals.... maybe its just the little demon inside of me pushing me over the edge. Sorry for ranting or wasting anyones time. Thank you.

[dreamer576]

  It does sound like you're dealing with an awefull lot. I'm sorry. I think maybe just dealing with one thing at a time, time being the operative word here, like they say - it heals all wounds. Withdrawels are your most immediate problem. I hope you're not going to be alone after work. You need to be selfish right now, need to share this with someone, mostly you need to get through this night. A few times I've been beyond my ability to cope and don't think I would have made it without sharing. Another thing that's helped me during those times was over the counter sleep aides (and a TV set). I'de take a couple advil PMs and wander off in TV land. Anything to burn up those terrible minutes. The best was having someone to spend time with. I do hope you know someone.     Pat

[dreamer576]

   I just noticed too that you play guitar and keyboard. Me too! I've certainly spent some trying times with my guitar. Rythem & Blues. Been doing that for a loooooong time.

[rxqueen67]

Thank you. Yes, I do play keyboard and guitar. I used to play piano for years and years, but my mom ruined my piano so I had to settle with a keyboard. I also sing, I used to sing for a band called "shortcut to reason" and we made a few recordings, but nothing came of it. I think I am going to go back on the oxy and WEEN off, instead of going from 60mg to 0mg in 2 days. I think that was my biggest mistake. Do you know about weening? Does it make it easier? I have xanax to help me sleep, and my (current) boyfriend at my house and my daughter so no, I wont be alone tonight unless im in my music room (where no one bothers me). Thank you for the kind advice.

[dreamer576]

   Weening is near impossible for an addict to do unsupervized, though it has been done and maybe a viable path for you if you can apply enough discipline. Xanax can cause wicked depression and rebound anxiety. I'm not sure how long you've used either drug or what relationship you have with them. It's definately great you have your daughter and friend with you.  Lean heavily on them and less so with the drugs if you can. You have a lot of struggle to deal with, but certainly a lot to live for and look forward to. I wish you the best!  

[123456m]

Agreed most addicts on their own cannot do a long taper. A short taper for 2 or 3 days but know that ct day is coming up fast. For most practical purposes with any opiate after 24 hrs of not using the half life is hit which means no more opiates for the brain as what you have left cannot pass through the blood brain barrier.
Then as always the brain rebels and wds start which usually peek on day 3 or 4 and then go away more or less in a few more days. So its up to you if you start taking again you are really only putting off what will happen in a few more days so since your in it now it might be good to hang in there with it for a while longer.
Wishing you the best
Peace

[peaceinknowing]

This is just the withdrawls talking to you right now, and don't you dare talk like this because I love you far too much to hear you talk like this, please. Even in the mere couple of hours that you've been posting here on the forums you have reached out to so many with your story and words of advice. Please just KEEP posting here on the forums because it will take your mind off everything.

You said that you're at work right now -- What kind of work do you do, and do you think that your boss/manager/company tracks what you do on the internet?  Eeeeeek!

[rxqueen67]

nooo.. I am a computer programmer at an internet billing company. So I am pretty smart. hehe..... but they don't monitor the things I do online. I am home now, I picked up some more oxy (as not advised by 123456m) but I think I need to go back and taper, because going CT was just HORRID and I have a baby and a job to take care of. I only took 20 mg tonight for the pain, which isn't even a 3rd of what I was taking before. I am sorry I had to slip up like this... but the pain was unbearable. I have a weening schedule... all set and ready and laid out. 40mg for 2 days, 30mg for 2 days, 20mg for 2 days then 10mg for 2 days then DONE. Then I will go CT within a week or so, and then maybe the w/d's won't be so bad. I do have someone monitoring how much I take so I will be safe. I had a panic and freak out earlier, and I was near suicidal!! That is why I decided to take a bit tonight to calm me down. I need to do this slowly I think... I don't think that going from 60mg to 0 is very safe... especially not for me.

Thank you for everything, you guys and this whole forum has been a wonder to me. Even though its only been one day, I feel like this is the ONLY place I can go to vent about what I am going through because I feel like no one else understands.

So thank you again... for EVERYTHING.... I will start a new thread tomorrow about how I am doing.

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[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for being honest with us about slipping. It does happen, so don't beat yourself up over it.

[IBKleen]

Hope to see you come today and talk with us hun. You relapsed, and although it is not a requirement, it is reality.

Please don't let guilt or shame get in the way. Come on back and talk with us.