wow, what things happen in a year...doing this again :/

Question

well at the moment, i am preparing myself to taper down off of my pain medication---if i need it or not. i am sick of living this way, granted i hate being in pain but i can't just keep taking meds the rest of my life. i was dependent on them, and now i am convinced that with my addictive family background, i am addicted to them. not so much that i take them (percocets ps) every day all day, but when i do take them for pain, i end up taking more than i need, to increase the euphoric effect. i haven't been as focused on them as i was last year, but i am still struggling to just quit taking them all together. i lost my health insurance (really long story) so i can't go to a doctor for a taper schedule so I am just hoping that i can taper down with the 20 i have left....i just miss the joy in my life, even though i have a lot of issues around me (addicts in the family, trying to get my grandparents to quit enabling, etc) i was able to feel joy still. i don't know maybe i am just really good at repressing things, but it seems now everything i have ever repressed is coming out of the box. no fun....i got the following to hopefully help any w/ds my body may have: l-tyrosine, COQ10, vitamin D, black cohosh ( i was told this may help the cold/hot flashes??) vitamin b12, and then i have prescriptions for klonopin and wellbutrin sr, which i am hoping will help too. oh and bentyl. i have many many medical issues, so those meds i need and am not dependent on them so i go and pay full price for them, which ***** with no insurance!!! i guess i am just venting, and seeking any advice and lots and lots of prayers. i am hoping to be totally off of them in 14 days....heres hoping!!!!

mellie4 · Answer

I was always afraid of the Tylenol in the percocets.  Very early on, I went to just plain oxycodone.  Tylenol never did much for me anyway.  I always found Advil more effective.  It's making a big difference in my tapering now.  I'm looking at the clock now to see when can I have an Advil!

Stevo977 · Answer

You had a physical recently? I made sure and got checked out cause you never really know when taking narcotic meds mixed with acetaminophen. Don't really understand the though process behind it when they made it seems to hit and miss people as far as permanent damage is concerned. I always was baffled how someone like me could push the limits for so long while teens getting high for the first time were overdosing. Doesn't seem fair. I'm thankful though don't get me wrong. Just realized I might be sending the wrong message. I  would get a good blood workup done if you haven't already to be safe. I'm sure with you being in pain management and all they probably keep you pretty up to date. Just gotta push yourself through man. And keep talking. I shut down early on and withdrew from the planet for a long time. A good honest conversation with someone can be pretty powerful, and will keep the mind games in check.

hope_faith77 · Answer

maybe my body chemistry is weird because the wellbutrin doesnt make me all speeded out....i mean it gives me  a little energy  like taking a cup of coffee, but im already tired & i took it 8 hrs ago...you got me. i just want to keep taking it to help the mental battle of all this. along w my med conditions, i internalize stress automatically pretty much...which then causes all my flareups to happen from my conditions,and then i will want a pill. so to have some dopamine gettng leveled out in my head, thats what i need. granted the wellbutrin doesnt do anything for the serotonin but as long as im not in tears thinking my life is so bad, woe is me crap then the next thing is physical. i havea pretty high pain threshold but the stomach cramps im getting right now are whack. it feels like the pain i usually get anyway but for some reason the bentyl isnt doing much :(  NOW, 20 hrs into this, im starting to feel like poop. just my lower back and intestines really. not aggro or anything, but i dont wanna jinx myself! uggghhhhhhhh

Stevo977 · Answer

Don't know how well your familiar with dopamine receptors but science has once again solved our problems:) The brain produces its own natural dopamine. When narcotic meds are introduced, the brain stops producing since you are manually replacing it. When you quit, the brain doesn't immediately respond, and you feel like crap. The brain has to have time to start producing again; and sometimes it feels like forever. I'm sure had my doctor dosed me correctly on wellbutrin I may have had a different opinion on it, but I was on way to high a dose. Think it was 300 mgs or something. I slept like two hours every night and was never tired. It was almost like having all the energizing effects of narcotics without the euphoria. I just rather feel like crap and be tired rather than have energy and no motivation to use it. Sorry if you have heard the scientifics before; it's probably been repeated 1000 times and I have it drilled in my head and is almost the auto-response. Ok, auto-type off.

hope_faith77 · Answer

thanks for the comments, and yes that one did get a laugh out of me :)
well as far as my meds go; the klonopin i always have taken as needed for anxiety, i don't really like the way they make me feel so tired. the wellbutrin sr ive been on the 150mg twice a day, and that is for depression/anxiety. bentyl is for my stomach problems. i just thought from past experience, that when you go cold turkey or anything really, quitting taking the pain meds, i personally get really depressed and anxious and have stomach cramping. so since i already take those meds i guess i am just hoping those help to deter any of those wd effects from being too strong. if that makes any sense :) i have a lot of emotional pain i repressed (again long story) and i have a hard time dealing with it....which is why feeling some euphoria when i took my meds for pain, thats what caused me to take a little more. it seemed to almost make my emotional pain go away too, but again physically and emotionally its just a coverup its not really taking AWAY any of that pain. ive been on a famalies anon. online group for my addicts around me, and then have been reading the NA material on their website...thats helping a bit. i haven't taken anything today but my wellbutrin sr and l-tyrosine....my lower back is just killing me so that may just be the real pain not wd pain who knows. last pill i took was at 7pm last nite sooo we'll see how i feel in a few hours i guess! im gonna call my pharmacist and ask him about the supplements if they do interact with my meds at all...to  be safe of course!

Stevo977 · Answer

Wanted to add on to whats already been said that you may want to tweek the plan some. Might be in for a big surprise coming down so quickly. Might as well just go cold turkey. I personally couldnt handle wellbutrin on top of withdrawals. I couldnt sleep because of withdrawals and the wellbutrin just kept me up longer. Was like drinking a red bull every hour all day every day. Well not really, but I was wired to the gills they had me on so high a dose. I guess the klonopin will help calm the nerves, just gotta watch out because you can become cross addicted very easily in early recovery. I hear folic acid is good. Va sent me some but I never took it. Just said to hell with any pill. It all reminded me of the daily grind. I now it won't be that way for you, so a well thought out plan coupled with your doctor's advice might be the way to go.

IBKleen · Answer

I am typing to trying to get 6 other things done. I saw something I wrote and before I fixed it, I hit the button to send this response off. What I said was: "My mental attitude has a lot to do with your success at this point". My mental attitude has nothing to do with your success, your does, so ignore that. I hope at least I got a smile out of you...LOL

IBKleen · Answer

Welcome back...

The thing that sticks out and concerns me is that you are still self-medicating, seems even more so now that you are getting ready to come of the pain medication again. This is one of the behaviors that we, as addicts, need to change when we get clean. 

Some of the things you mentioned sound good but some --  not so much. You need to research interactions with that cocktail you are about to take. I say this especially with the Black Cohosh. It is one of the natural supplements that could cause side effects with the Wellbutrin for example. Please do your homework on this.

Twenty pills is not a proper taper  and I think you will be finding yourself in withdrawal a lot faster then you intended. If you go that way, get off as fast as you can. My mental attitude has a lot to do with your success at this point and if you are in withdrawal trying to stop, you will not be in a good place. It is certainly your choice but just watch yourself with this.

And what do you plan to do for pain mngt in the future? I have to suggest that you get yourself some ideas and ask for suggestions. Pain patients tend to be chronic relapsers and it is the pain causing the relapse. You need a good, solid alternative in place. During withdrawal it is hard to tell the rebound pain from the real pain that is where people cave. It is tricky and basically it stinks!!

Do you have any plans for aftercare? I know you have heard us all speak of it. Let us know what you think.

I hope this all works out for you and also hope that you stick around here and let us support you. Good luck.

dominosarah · Answer

Many of us found out our pain actually got better once we were off the pain meds.  You will experience rebound pain for a bit once you are completely off but that will subside.  Your brain will play some nasty tricks with you during that time.  Hot baths or showers will become your friend.  Let us know how you are doing~~sara

mellie4 · Answer

I'm in a similar place ... no insurance, long story.  I'm on a huge amount of meds and having mild to severe withdrawals.  I'm taking it minute to minute.

I feel the same way.  Pain or no pain, I don't want what I've been doing the past year.  (My dosages escalated tons in the last year.)  I want to see where my pain truly is and see what the minimum is to manage it.  Can't do that unless I get off all of it.

You can do it.