you have to die to live...

[margo505]

This is not a question...just my thoughts on geting clean..
I read a series of books, they were fantasy, about a man who lived in two different worlds.  One world was the modern world in which we live and the other was the future after the modern world had been virtually destroyed.  The man in the book's name was Thomas and he was given the ability to flip flop between the two worlds in order to save the modern world from a deadly virus that had fallen into the hands of an evil man who planned to use it to gain control of the planet. Thomas would change from one world to the other whenever he would sleep...
Stay with me because I am going somewhere wih this.
Thomas was a leader in the future world. The people there lived in the forest and lived off of the land.  They had pure hearts and kept their bodies healthy by bathing in the lake every day.  If they didn't bathe they would begin to sucumb to a disease in which their flesh would begin rotting off, their eyes would lose their color and their bodies would constantly ache. They knew this would happen from experience and because the desert people, the Horde, their enemies all had this terrible disease and had been deceived and accepted this disease as a way of life.  As the story progresses a man enters the picture whom Thomas initially believes may be a traitor because he had left the tribe along with a few followers and then returns with some controversy.  His name is Justin.  It turns out Justin is on the good side and he eventually sacrifices his life for the forest people.   He is executed by the Horde by being drowned upside down in the lake. At this point the forest people were all becoming diseased because the lake had been contamnated. After Justin was drowned Thomas and his co-leader were to be executed as well.  Right before they were to go under they realized Justin drowned but his body was gone (there are obviously parallels here to Christ and the resurrection). At this point Thomas and his co-leader are tied by their feet and forced under the water upside-down as well.  The book describes in detail the pain and fear they go through as they drown, it is a terrifying description and unimaginable to actually endure.  However, just at the point the pain becomes unbearable and they surrender and sucumb to death they realize they didn't die...they come up from he water fully restored and disease-free.  It's a gift brought about by Justin's sacrifice and they immediately figure out the only way to be free of the disease and truly live is to surrender and die in the lake.  They franticaly begin telling the forest people what they have discovered and some take the plunge, drown and come up restored, and some are too fearful to trust and surrender and they continue to suffer.
My point in telling this long story is I can see many parallels between the story, addiction, and getting clean,  Addicts are like the sick forest people.  We are diseased and deceived, many times with no hope or thought of recovery.  There is healing out there but it is not easy to obtain. It requires making a decision to live at all costs and many times the only way to freedom is through suffering, mental and physical.  Withdrawing from oxy was the most painful, miserable experience I have ever gone through, I probably rather would have died at some point.  However, after the physical symptoms subsided I realized I was free.   I am not saying I have arrived and I won't have to work to maintain my recovery.  I am only saying I had to surrender and die to live. I am not a slave to the drug anymore because I jumped in the lake and drowned and came out a new person. I am so grateful to have freedom.  I know there are so many people out there who are afraid to take the chance and jump in.  They want to get clean but continue using out of fear of what they will have to go through to withdraw and go to the other side where there is a life drug-free. It can be terrifying. Some of the people in the story could not surrender and stayed diseased, not because they didn't want to be healthy, they were too afraid to take the risk and endure the agony of drowning. I was one of them but I finally decided I could not do it anymore even if it killed me.  On some level it did but now I know  I had to die to live and I don't regret it.  I wish the same freedom for anyone still suffering. Take the chance, jump in and come out a new person. God bless...
  

[chronicmistake]

"sometimes you gotta go through hell to get to heaven."  

[Punkinhead75]

Thanks for the post Margo!!!!  Surrender to live. Being willing to give up everything isn't always an easy choice and we can experience an aweful lot of pain before we become willing.  I'm glad you "jumped in the lake" . :)