Break this Cycle

[winningone]

I have a history of pain killer abuse, but have been off of them since January of this year (2013).  At that time I was visiting a psychiatrist for the pain med abuse and he put me on Vyvanse for ADHD. I may have mild ADHD, but it is manageable and I really don't need meds for it, but thought it would help with the pain med abuse and just listened to the doc.  Since starting the Vyvanse I now realize that it is just as addictive and habit forming as the pain meds for me.  I took it correctly for maybe a month if that (started on it in Jan of this year).  I realized it was becoming a problem so I tried to stop. Right now I am in a cycle of filling my prescription, abusing it for about 3 days (I do sleep), then I trash the rest of the pills and stay clean for a few weeks until time to fill my prescription again, then the cycle repeats.  Usually I can stay clean for about 2 weeks and either I will get some phentermine (diet pills) or my Vyvanse script filled and again use/abuse for 2 or 3 days then trash the remaining pills and abstain for about 2 weeks till time to refill.  It is very embarrassing.  When I am in the 2-3 day use/abuse period I think about ways to stop, treatment, counselor, telling a friend, getting a sponsor, etc. But after I trash the pills and wait a few days I feel good and I can handle it and wont get it filled next time. But it never fails, when it is time to refill, I am bored or just thinking of how easy it is and actually it seems part of a ritual (can I get it this time?).  I tell myself oh I will just do it for a few days, just to have some extra energy and really I think boredom has a lot to do with it (I do have a busy life with kids, work, running, etc).  What can I do to break this cycle?

[winningone]

Thanks for the reply. I could talk to the psych that prescribes me the meds, I thought when I first went to him that he would do more talking to try to really understand me, but he really did not. He asked me a bunch of questions that he was reading and then wrote me a script for the vyvanse.  I'd like to just call the office and say "don't prescribe me any more meds", but that seems like it would be quite an awkward call with the receptionist!  I also want to call the clinic where I get the phentermine diet pills and tell them the same thing! Awkward? Allowed? seems doable..

[Julia M Aharonov, DO]

Why don't you just talk to the doctor who is prescribing you the Vyvanse about your concerns. They should be aware of your difficulty and might be able to counsel you. Other things you mentioned are not unreasonable - talking to a friend or a counselor are always a good idea. You already know that it is not a matter of withdrawal, it is a matter of behavior and habit. Good luck.