I want OUT of this!!

I started taking lortabs 3 1/2 years ago after my daughter was born, I had a rough delivery and the pain of the c-section the doctor RX me percs at first the tabs, after I started to get better and moving around I still took the pills because they made me feel better but not just "pain feel better".  I continued to take the pills because they made me feel like "SUPER MOM" I could go to work, clean house, laundry, cook dinner, take care of my baby and so on.  I was only taking one or two 7.5 a day then for pleasure.  Now, 3 years later I am up to 10 or 11 10mg a day, I will take 1 or 1 1/2 and here lately 2 at a time.  I feel like I am a piece of trash because I have been buying them from people I know that sell their meds.  I need help to wean myself off of these things.. THEY ARE THE DEVIL!!  I have always been the money handler and the bill payer.. I have dug my self a little whole and I do not want to dig it any deeper... My husband has NO CLUE of my addiction..  and I want to get off before he does.. I am to ashamed of myself to tell anyone..  this is not who I am :(  and I have gotten to were I drink about 4-6 beers a night with the pills.  And the more I drink the more I think I need to take.  PLEASE HELP!!

[J T Junig, MD PhD]

I am thinking about how similar the stories are--  similar to each other, and also similar to my story.  We all start in similar ways.  Moreover, we all think that we can just stop-- that if someone tells us something special, that we will somehow do things different that next time we try to taper off.

After three years, you must know, on some level. that you cannot stop taking the pain pills.  I have more news-- even if you DID stop, you would almost surely be using again after a few months-- maybe a little longer if you are lucky.  I don't LIKE the fact that things are so hopeless-- but at the same time, it does no good for me to talk about a world that does not exist.

Up until a few years ago, the gold standard for treatment was residential treatment-- the longer the better, but at LEAST 90 days.  I'm sure you are thinking that would not be possible;  that you have responsibilities as a wife and mother, for example.  But frankly, without treatment of that magnitude, your odds of getting clean are almost zero after a few years of using opioids (even after a few months, the odds of stopping without significant treatment are low).  

For years, residential treatment was all we had, so we all essentially acted as if it was useful.  Getting 5% of people clean is better than nothing!  I've worked in residential centers, and they are revolving doors for opioid addicts-- with few exceptions.  Yes-- I did get clean 10 years ago in that way-- but my situation was very unusual.  I was in residential treatment for over 3 months.  I was monitored with urine tests for SIX YEARS-- twice per week for most of that time.  I was in group treatment for that six years as well as indiidual therapy.  Finally, I left my career-- completely changing my environment from anesthesia to psychiatry.  I attended meetings several times per week for years.  

I'm saying all this because I'm going to recommend to you that you find a doctor who prescribes buprenorphine (brand name Suboxone), starting at the doctor finder at the medication's web site.  Some people will say 'you don't need Suboxone-- just use will power' or 'just use the steps'.... but those things rarely-- if ever-- lead to sobriety.  Some poeple have said to me, 'then how did YOU do it?'-- and as I pointed out, I did it by chaning everything in my life.  My treatment cost around $100,000 if you add everything up-- I sold my 'doctor vacation home' to pay for it, something that most people are not able to do.  I was lucky-- and my situation was unique.

I have tons of info about Suboxone out there;  if you go to my profile you will find most of it.  You can also google Suboxone.  Understand that with ANY medication, there will be horror stories-- but you are already living a horror story, and Suboxone has been a Godsend for my patients.

I wish you the best.