Wanting to get off Lortab

I am dating a wonderful man and we would like to get married.  However, he has been on pain medications such as OC and Lortab since he was 14 and now he is 27.  He was down to two in 2007 and then he quit early 2008 and did great until September 2008 when a screw came loose in his leg and it caused very bad pain and he had to go into surgery.  Now he is back down to 1.5 10mg pills a day, but just doesn't have the desire to quit like he did before.  He is scared of withdrawals but keeps telling me his trying to taper and "do it his way".  Luckily, his dad controls the pills so he cannot get extra unless he finds one.  He is in pain sometimes, which I can understand (he is a BK amputee), and I am ok with him getting a pill for that but he doesn't need pills every day.  We cannot get married until he is off pills because I refuse to be his "drug dealer" like his father is to him.  Do you, or anybody else, have ideas on how I can help him through withdrawals and help him to see that he was so much better when he was off?

[J T Junig, MD PhD]

A couple good comments.  A person will never stay clean for too long doing it 'his way'-- like they say in AA, our best thoughts are what got us to where we ended up!  They will only take us back again-- eventually.  Addiction naturally ebbs and flows-- it creates the impression that a person is controlling it in some way, that they are 'getting close' to something, and if they just try harder they will be there... in reality, the addiction decides what happens.  Sometimes it eases back, and sometimes it comes on in full force.  But staying clean for a few months, or a few years, is nothing-- it does not indicate that a person will be clean for 5 years, or 10 years.  My own addiction eased away for 7 years, making me think I was cured, and when I least expected it-- when I was out of the OR, and away from the heavy drugs I administered as an anesthesiologist, THAT is when it returned-- on my vacation.  It destroyed everything I had at the time.

Anyone who 'knows' addiction will tell you that you shouldn't consider marrying an addict until he has been clean-- documented clean-- for at least a year.  And even then, you are risking a great deal of heartache for yourself and your eventual family.  If you really love the guy, tell him you need him to be in recovery-- if he can't do that for you now, he will never do it for you later.  I'm sorry, but that is just how it works.

[bald]

If his father is controlling his meds, he has a major problem already and believe me you don't want to be part of it. Thats the sad part of the problem he has, it eventually involves anyone that's a part of his life.The tough love you're looking to give him is just that----tough. Until he's been off medications for at least a year, don't even consider a lasting relationship with him. There is no helping him through it---he has to do it on his own. Unless you're willing to live with lies, embarassments, and a feeling of emptyness in your life, make this your proposal to him before he makes a proposal to you.   JW FROM GEORGIA

[concernedinKC]

the only way you can help is be supportive of the way 'he wants to do it' - if he attempts to quit for any other reason other than his own desire to do so, I doubt he will succeed.  Hang in there and show him support, drink plenty of water and just advise him to stay completely off any other meds to help with symptoms.  I made the mistake of trying to take something to help me sleep when kicking and that just made it worse.   One more word of advise, if he is down to 1.5 10mg lortab per day and is still 'afraid" of withdrawls - then he has a stash of OC's somewhere you dont even know about - i would bet he is not being honest about what he is taking or atlest it is a consideration - otherwise this much lortab isnt much physically to withdraw from - it is going to be a mental battle.  

[NautyOne]

I hate to say this, and it is strictly my personal opinion, but being a person who experienced issues with pain meds.  I would NEVER consider committing my life to anyone who had or has an addiction problem.  I don't care how many years...as the Dr. said.......it came back to bite him 7 years later.  I would never consider it because I've been there, done that.........I can't judge and say that sobriety is impossible, but in my opinion .....the odds are not in his/your favor.  As the other poster said......I don't think he is being honest about what he is taking, because I can't see an honest fear of withdrawal from the amount he says he is taking.  

Good luck, and God bless whatever decision you choose, and I wish you all the best.

Nauty...............