Adoption criteria questions - Smoking? Married? Age?

So many of my friends are having children it just pains me so much that I haven't had any children yet.

Even though Im not looking to adopt right now, Im thinking about maybe a year or two from now, and Im trying to get an idea of what things really make the biggest difference. Is there an Adoption Matrix for factors that make you a more or less desirable candidate?   Do I have to be married if I want to adopt?  If I have a live in exboyfriend will that count against me? Will I be disqualified for adoption just because I smoke cigarettes?

I really love children and I really do think I would be a great mother if I just had the chance. I know I havent found Mr Right yet, which is why I'm not married, but does that mean Im never allowed to adopt kids?


Like I said, Im not trying to adopt right now, Im just wanting to learn more for maybe a year or two from now when I know my desperation for having children will lead me to have to persue adoption with everything I have. Im dreadfully afraid that I may never be able to have children because I know I have low horomone levels and I've never gotten pregnant, despite the literal dozens and dozens of times I've had unprotected sex while I wasn't on birth control, particularly when I was in my early twenties. I havent tried fertility treatments yet, but my OBGYN said I it sounds like I would need fertility treatments to have any chance of conieving. Even now I havent been on birth control pills in years, and even though every week or so when I sleep with my exboyfriend I still don't make him use a condom, I still never get pregnant. Never. It makes me fear that as I head into my thirties that my fertility rate will only dwindel further and I'll never be able to have children, so I start thinking about adoption and needing to learn more about it.

Please don't be judgmental of me, Im just wanting to learn more and if there is a checklist or formula to how to qualify for adotions. Thanks so much for your help!

[AnnieBrooke]

Do yourself a favor in every way (not just as a qualification for being an adoptive parent) and quit smoking.  I hear hypnosis is quite effective.  In my state, the biological mother has a lot of say in who gets the baby, and if you are looking to go that route (adopting an infant) the fewer strikes against you when a stranger is reading your bio, the better.  So, get your act totally clean.  Be financially sound, in good health, in the habit of exercising, living near a good school, all that stuff.  And if I were a teenager putting my child up for adoption, it would indeed weigh with me if the potential parent were a smoker.  (Did you know the risk for SIDS goes up when there is a smoker living in the house, even if the smoker never smokes inside?  It's amazing and appalling.)

Doing those things related to your health and financial wellbeing will also help you if you decide to go the fertility route.  Since you don't want a child today but might in a year, it's time to get started.

Good luck!  

ps -- Our state website about foster kids always has sibling groups that are needing permanent homes.  They do not care if you are married or single.  You might look into some of those possibilities as well.  

[Skyler3407723]

Does being single or smoking make you a bad mom? Absolutly not! In a year or so I think you should definetly adopt because children are a wonderful loving gift I know that I am thankful for mine

[allmymarbles]

All sorts of imperfect people have children every day. We don't have to pass a test. However, were I to adopt, I would conceal those imperfections which are currently politically incorrect, even though I might not see them as harmful (or anybody's business). Not only would an adoption agency have particular criteria, but the people interviewing you have their own predilections and prejudices. They can't help it. We do too.

[allmymarbles]

Adoption is great. There are adoptees in our family and there is no distinction between them and the biologicals. In any case, the children we bear are not clones of ourselves. In fact I often feel we give birth to aliens.

By all means adopt. It will enrich your life.

[RachelK82]

Ok, Im going to start looking into it more seriously and trying to save up more money for an adoption. But I don't think there is any chance I can ever quit smoking and its really not even worth me trying to quit smoking anymore.

As far as trying to not make a big deal out of the fact that Im a smoker, do the adoption forms for most states have a blank that asks if you're a smoker?

Its not like Im planning on smoking cigarettes right in front of a representative from an adoption agency or anything, but I imagine the smell of smoke may still be on my clothes or breath if anyone is close to me. Ive been told by more than a few ex boyfriends that I "reek" of smoke and smell like an ashtray, even when Im not smoking. I guess thats what three packs a day gets me. That and lots of premature wrinkles on my face even though Im just in my early 30s. Oh well. Maybe the adoption agents will be sitting far enough away not to notice the cigarette smoke smell on me.  

I may be able to just not mention my smoking if Im not asked about it by the adoption agency, but I can't lie to them and tell them I don't smoke when in fact I do smoke. I just hope they don't ask me if I smoke, and if they do, I hope they don't automatically disqualify me just becaues Im a smoker.

Has anybody doing an adoption ever been asked if they were a smoker before?