Feelings- Turning 18 Soon, Not Sure About Finding Birth Parents.

[HarleyHarlow]

First of all, I was adopted as a baby and it was a closed adoption. I have writen a play and recieved high ratings about adoption (at a high school level, i'm working on getting it published). I love my parents (adoptive) more than anything in the world. They are my rock, they are the people who were there for me at 2 am when I cried as a baby. They were the ones who taught me how to ride a bike, and put make-up on, and play soccer. I am grateful.

However I am going to be 18 in just six months, and although that may seem like a bit of time. IT'S NOT. I've always wanted to meet my birth mother, but I don't know anything about her. There were days when I sat in my room crying, and I HATED HER. I mean, it was a woman I had never met (besides my birth) and really had never gotten to know, yet at some points in my life she was the source of all my hatred. If something went wrong it was her fault for putting me up for adoption.

I'm getting older now, and want to have kids of my own some day. I don't understand how you could throw your child away like that. It *****, but you put yourself in that situation and you should make it work. NOONE MADE YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND MOM! NOONE FORCED YOU TO! SO LIVE UP TO WHAT YOU DID.

I am in no way a supporter of abortion, and if you have to choose go with adoption, but I still feel you got yourself into it.

[kris123]

Wow, I am a birthparent.  I was 15, but my parents made me do it.  They chose closed, I had no choice.  Maybe your birth mother was like me.  I tried to keep him but the social worker told me it was not my choice and I had to sign the paper.  To this day it is hard for me to forgive them.  Your birthmother, I am sure, thinks of you often.  I was lucky to find my son and he wrote me a letter, we were to meet, but it hasn't happened so I am waiting on him.  he is 17 also so he may have the same feeling as you do.  his parents (adoptive) are divorced and he was raised with his adad.  from what I hear they are both involved in his life.  what right to i have to proceed.  he is under age and he will come to me when he wants :(

[starladarling]

I am an adoptive mom.  My daughter's birthmother is a smart and amazing woman.  She had recently been reading about couples who could not have children and oddly enough became pregnant even though it went against her dreams and even her upbringing/religion/etc.  We happened to be 25 years old, married for three years and completely unable to produce children without donor embryos.  What should I do?  Live without mothering (not an option to me) or "adopt" an embryo?  For me the choice was neither of those and adopting a child was the only choice.  
We went though alot.  So much infertility stress and whatnot.  Adoption stress was beyond words.  Failed matches (possible scam..) and heartaches.  But finally we were matched with our daughter's birthmother.
I just want you to know another story thats out there.  While I am forever trying to learn to see things from the three sides to the adoption (birthparent, child, parent) I can assure you I have nothing but gratitude and respect and love and so much more really for our BP.  We are so lucky.
We keep in distant touch via email and she can watch our daughter grow up by checking in on a certain web page where all of our family and friends upload to.
Thats just my story and they are all so very different.  And remember too that this is a new era with the internet and the popularity of open adoption.  And all this said, our BP has a cell phone number, an email or could call the agency if she ever had need to contact us and vice versa... but we do not have last names and addresses.
Anyhow; like i said, that's just my story, but for the original poster, you never know the circumstances.  It IS hard to know if you are barking up a dead tree or making someone feel good to know you are happy and part of an amazing family.  A tough choice for someone to make at any age nevermind so young.  I hope that our daughter will keep open dialogue on what she wants so we can guide her with what we know and experienced with her birthmom.  I'm sure your mom would like to muddle through this with you then you keep it secret or whatever...
and to the birthmother.  thank you.  because of brave selfless people like yourself, I can be the most proud mom to the most amazing child.  I am forever grateful to birthparents.
(pardon the grammar and spelling.. late night, tired mom, emotional subject)