From a Birth Mother (I hope this helps anyone going thru and adoption or thinking about it)
As a Birth Mother waiting day by day for my little girl to turn 18. I used an adoption agency for the open adoption, not only was I young but a Christian American Indian so for me it was difficult in many ways to find the right family.
My family was not supportive, I had some comfort moving in with my sister I was 18 she already had 2 babies so there was a lot going on in my life. My father and mother were not supportive, they wouldnt talk to me let alone look at me... I guess I let them down but I wasnt going to let them waiver my decission with releasing for adoption. I did go back and forth with do I want the baby or should I release? I felt uncomfortable living with my sister so I contacted a few adoption agencies that were not supportive cause all I knew was all the American Indians I knew were drunks and did not know God and I wanted the baby to be in a Christian family. I didnt want the baby to go to an Indian family cause I didnt know a family that wasnt abusive to their children so I had a lot going on.
I then found an adoption agency that also provided a safe place for pregnant girls (women) to go; The Perry Center. Praise God everything fell into place, I didnt have a car, I didnt have money, I didnt want to ask anybody to drive me 300 plus miles (which I knew there wasnt anyone to help me get there), The Perry Center found a wonderful couple to drive me there and knew of the center from others who helped support with donations. I was there the next week; they listened to me and explained what we were up against cause I was American Indian. As the months past they search the state and didnt find the Christian American Indian family whom I wanted to adopt my baby if that was the route I decided. I went through many emotions, my family, the father, being American Indian, being pregnant. I had company at The Perry Center there were a couple other girls there, their situations were a little different they were not searching for the same as I and didnt have the strong feelings of adoption as I did.
As I was 8 months the adoption agency found 3 couple; one they where not married very long (I wanted a strong couple who were settled) the second family had a child already and the thrid couple was married 13 years, never had kids, tried for 11 years, Christian and American Indian. They were perfect, the only thing... they lived 3 states away. The adoption agency was amazing, they prepared everything, contacted the family. I spoke with them, told them that the baby I was carrying I thought was a boy (which they wanted or hoped for) was theirs. I spoke with them as much as I could to learn and see if they truely were not abusive and believed in Jesus Christ.
When I started labor, well everything went fast I had a wonderful Dr., he was amazing so was the team of nurses. I had a little girl and she was beautiful, I could not believe that was in my tummy amazing however I knew she wasnt mine to keep and she was the family I chose. I was able to talk with them whil I was in the hospital, I told them I had a little girl and they were very quiet, then they explained they had a dream they received a little girl. So she was ment to be with them it was perfect.
After having her, she had to stay in a foster home. She was the only baby there and I was able to go visit and meet the family taking care of her. She knew who I was I was able to visit by making appointments, I would bring gifts. The adoption was held up because the adoption agency could not find the father and when they did we at one moment felt he could take care of her. But his mother talked to him; he was on drugs and drinking and if he was going to try and take her then I wouldnt release so things were really difficult. Exactly 3 months the papers were signed and she was able to go home with the adoptive parents. They never met her nor I so it was an amazing meeting.
This was a choice that I made, it was an open adoption there was a point I realized that I needed to move on and let the adoptive family be a whole family and not contact them all the time as I did. I wanted them to feel that she was truely theirs and I would not be changing my mind. I had written her (my baby) a letter while we were in the hospital and I explained my reasons for the adoption, (I couldnt take care of myself how could I take care of a baby, plus I didnt want my faults cause her to have pain as she got older), I wasnt doing drugs or drinking I was only 19 when I had her but I liked to enjoy life.
Every day I thought of her hoping and praying she was in a loving family and that one day she would decide to want to meet me. I posted on Facebook the name of my little girl the date of her birth along with the adoptive parents. I had that information post for many years until recently a cousin of hers (cousin on the adoption parents side) contacted me about my girl whom was about to turn 18 and came across my facebook page cause her (my girl, her cousins name) came up saying that I was searching for her.
I waited 18 years and 3 months and I received the call I had been waiting for every day hoping that she would call me. She is the perfect young woman I hoped, she had (has) a loving family along with another adopted sibling from another birth mother the adoptive parents adopted from.
My suggestion to you as a birth mother or the child of an adoption; post your information, your parents information or any info you have about your birth family to help you find your family. I posted on facebook, bebo, myspace and my yahoo account.
Good luck to your findings, from a happy birth mother.
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