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1901791 tn?1321607575
How to tell
I have an adobted daughter, she's 14 years of age. but she doesn'y know she was adobted. when shld i tell her?
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535822 tn?1443980380
I think this is the right age to tell her, and maybe even a bit earlier, just be simple about it tell her the reasons you had for adopting and make sure she knows you love her and it has made no difference than if you had been her bio mom .She may want some details about her bio family and I guess thats up to you what you tell her .Good luck  
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134578 tn?1463413330
When she was 4.  :)  I've read that the best thing to do is to use age-appropriate language all through the child's life, so there was never any time when they didn't know something about it.  (There is a kids' show called "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch" in which a spider mom has kids that are other bugs, and it was how my son and I broached the topic of kids being in a family who didn't happen to have a genetic connection.  I need him to be on that page for the inevitable discussion of his conception being via donor egg.)

But given that you haven't been doing that, the best way is to talk to a kids' therapist first, to prepare yourself and get the tone right.  A teenager is going to be sort of knocked sideways over this, even if she suspects something, and you want to be able to hit it just right.  Mentioning how very much you desired a child and how much it meant to you that she came, would be of course the main drift.  She still might be shocked that you kept it from her, so ask the counselor what the best way to explain that is.  The daughter could feel like it's keeping secrets from her about something important, so be sure that you are ready to say to her that you did it from simply not knowing how to say it, rather than because you were trying to keep things from her.

Good luck!  :)
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1901791 tn?1321607575
Thanks ladies things are closing up on me cause she have sarting asking about her dad, she wants to know who her dad is. i feel am not being fair to her. am thinking telling her now might not be the right time cause she might not understand. I love her so much. We live in Africa ( LIBERIA) things like this isn't really common.

And let me share this too. there is this set of twin girls that she encorage me to adopt because their mom can't afford to take care of them. so I did. she named them and love them so much. <3<3<3
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535822 tn?1443980380
I see I think I was giving you that advice from a our  perspective and I can understand your dilemma , but if she is asking about her Dad, will it help not to tell her? .,I can tell how much you love her . Only you can decide to tell her now , to me it would be right but then I am not in your shoes.best of Luck let us know your decision .
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I was adopted. i learned when i was little. the way my parents did it was with books. and they would sit me down and just tell me they loved me that i was born in their heart not their tummy.
she may be a little mad or confused at first i know i was very confused and didnt know what it meant. and i wish my parents had waited until i was a little bit older so i could understand.
now is a good time just sit her down and tell her that you are her real mother just not the one who gave birth to her.
no matter what her first reaction she will always love you and in her heart you are her real mother!
hope this helped.

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1548028 tn?1324616046
Well, I have a couple of friends in a similar situation.  I think when kids start asking questions and they are old enough to understand, it's time.  My best friend did not find out until she was 18 and it caused her a lot of problems for a while.  She was angry that she had to find out the info on her own.  When they started helping her find the information and talked to her openly, things went really well.  All is good now and she is soooo close to her adoptive mom and her biological is her friend.  I have another childhood friend who has a daughter that is 14 and asking questions.  Her mom has told her about her reasons of why she has kept her from her father and it is a safety issue.  I was there during this and have answered (or tried) to answer her questions also.  I think this has made things ok for her.  There are certain things that we have not said because of the situation and it was so painful for her mother.  I am sure this will be an ongoing dialog but we have protected her for 14 years and will continue.  I think honesty (to a certain extent) is the best policy.  I wish you the best!  
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Thank KU am preparing her and myself for it.
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