Not All Reunions are Happy Ones

try following this story .  .  .   .   .
my experience was that I was adopted at the age of 9 months in 1953.  At the age of 22 I registered with a service that had a registry in the event a bio family member was trying to find a family memeber.  A bio brother (unbeknowst to me) got in touch with me when I was about 32.  For 32 years I believed I had no siblings, so it came as quite a shock that I had a bio brother. We got to know each other very well & got along great.  Unfortunately my bio brother passed away a year & a half ago. As it turned out my bio mother & bio father married 20 years after giving me up for adoption, plus they also gave up my brother in 1954.  My bio brother was adopted at the age of 6 months by a family who lived about 250 miles away. I came to find out our bio father passed away less than two years after marrying our bio mother.  When my bio brother & I got together we investigated our bio mother, & found she had married our fathers' brother a few years after our bio father died, so the search was easy as she never changed her last name. I came to find she worked at a Business College & was close to retirement, but in the meantime I have been in touch with her through emails.  Her husband know absolutley nothing about my brother & I - doesn't even know we ever existed.  Through emails I have come to find out she is not in the least bit interested in meeting me. I am trying to respect her wishes, although I wonder about meeting her.  I have since found out I have three half sisters, & two half brothers, (when my bio brother & I were born, our bio father was married to another lady & had five children with her) of which I have only been able to be in touch with one brother, who is a gem, & his family of children & grandchildren. The other half siblings do not know of me.  Should I get in touch with them, even though it may jeopardize my relationship with my one half brother ?  
So my half brother knows about me, & has my bio mother & her husband for Christmas each year, but because my bio mother wants secrecy,  the ( my half brother & bio mother) don't know the other knows about them.  
What a tangled web we weave !   You never know what life has in store for us !
I would love to hear any comments or suggestions.  Thanks for listening.

[suzi-q]

Wow!  This is a personal decision that you will have to make.  Only you know what you feel inside.  Feelings may be hurt, but if you have a very strong desire to meet your brothers and sisters and it is nagging you and you can't rest until you do, then DO IT!  If it isn't of major consequence then let it go.

[kris123]

I am a birth mother so I can give some insight as to why she may not want to meet you.  It is a hard thing to give a child up for adoption and it is so very painful.  We fear that our children won't love us, it brings all the pain back.  Some women have a hard time dealing with it and in their mind it is better not to meet because it is just too too painful.  I am to meet my son 15, hopefully this month, I wanted to keep him but my parents wouldn't let me.  I am so happy to meet him but fear the unknown - will he love me, will he keep in contact, ect

[AMOM4EVER]

I am also an adoptee that located my bio family in what appears to parallel your situtation,  As a matter of fact my saga was featured in a local newspaper. I was adopteed at 7 months and grew up an only child. I did not begin my search until both my adopted parents were deceased.  My process was quite complex as my records were sealed and the waiting period was over a year.  However, after gaining access to my adopted paperwork I was able to locate my bio Mother.  She was very receptive and enlighting as well.  All the information that I and my adopted parents had believed for 45 years was totally incorrect.  I at this point I found out that I was one of 8 children and that the bio was never married to my bio father.  All children were adopted but 3.  The others were adopted by family members.  I am the only one placed for adoption with an agency., I have met all but 2 of the siblings whcih we cannot locate.  My older sister and I ironically happen to live in the same town and she grew up as an only child as well.  We now have a very close relationship and speak daily.  I cannot imagine life without her.  She is an absoute joy and I am now very close to all of her family as well.  As for the others, we are close to one brother who is very reclusive and lives with an aunt.  One is deceased and there is a brother and sister that I have met but they do not keep in contact which is probably best based on previous interaction.  I made contact with the bio mother in August and in November (my birth month)of that same year she found out that she was terminally year ill.  My sister grew up knowing her but had not seen her in many years. Once she found out that she was ill she ask that I come and see her.  My sister went with me for the visit  To make a long story short (and there are some amazing details) I met my bio mother one day and she died the next.  As for the other siblings that she raised, their only concern was what I could do for them.  They ask for money and not only that, my sister and I ended up paying for her buriel and tombstone.  Once that was done we neither have heard a word for them.  I am very thankful for the relationship that I have with the sister and brother that live near me. I would like to have a closer relationship with my brother who is a wonderful person but very very reclusive. I
have not persued any further contact with the others.  Sometimes things are better off left alone.  I have made contact with my bio father but he refused to admit that I could possibly exist.  That was somewhat dificult to digest but as you know you have to be prepared for the negative reactions when you make the decision to begin this process.  

[FL555]

Thank you for sharing your story...

[polly22]

I gave up my first son as a baby, in the late 1960s; when he was 24 he found me and we had an incredibly joyful reunion. Maybe too joyful, in that he pulled back, frightened perhaps of the closeness with a mother who was in a sense nevertheless a stranger, or perhaps not wanting to hurt his adoptive parents, or perhaps put off by my overstressing of my own love. In other words, a not atypical reunion scenario. Fortunately, his extreme sensitivity, honesty, and responsibleness, and my own not inconsiderable eventual sensitivity and tact, won out and we developed a good, close (though not so close as if I'd raised him), solid relationship. He has also come to know his half-siblings, being varyingly close with them.  Meanwhile, however, my second child, whom I raised alone, never met his own half-siblings (his father's kids) until his father died, since I did not want to disturb what slight/delicate connection his father could manage to him; once having me his half-siblings, however, my second child has found them a source of new joy and strength, and is a support for them as well.   I guess I believe in reunions as much as possible.