Transracial Adoptions

All:
I have been posting on the infertility forum for several months now.  My husband and I are knee deep in the process of an open adoption - getting ready to post our open letter to a birthparent.  We are open to a transracial adoption and I am writing to see if anyone would like to share their experience, provide advice, etc . . .

Thank you in advance.  

[suzi-q]

I have adopted internationally from China so I don't have any experience, but I would just like to wish you the best with everything!  I know how frustrating yet exciting the process is!

[momagain59]

What kind of transracial adoption are you applying for? Do you already know a birth mom? I do not have any experience with transracial adoption but if I were to pick a couple, I would want to be sure that transracial adoption would not be a last choice. I have read more than one adoptive parent letter that sounded like they have tried everything and they would now settle for a transracial adoption. Good Luck with your adoption. Love the child that God sends you.

[twin_mom]

We have twins from Guatemala.  There are a couple of pitfalls on transracial adoption but nothing that can't be managed.  

First, strangers will stop you in the store and ask you if your children are adopted.  It's weird and it's rude but be polite.  Most people are asking because they have an adopted child in the family, are thinking about adoption or are just trying to be supportive.  I've run into very few people who mean to be intrusive but sometimes it is.  On the good side you will get very good at answering this question before your kids are old enough to understand your answer.  It gives you time to mess up before it really counts.

Second, someone will point out to your children that they are not the same color as you long before they would have realized it on their own.  This means you'll be explaining adoption to your 3 year old, not your 6 yr old.  Just plan for the discussion to come earlier and figure out how to explain it to a young child.  We used phrases like:  belly mama, foster mom, mommy's belly is broken, etc.  I also wrote notes to preschool teachers telling them what the kids knew and what the questions were.  That way if questions came up when I wasn't around the teachers would use the same language and same positive attitude that I did.

Good luck on the adoption.

- Denise

[Precious_Shanny]

My daughter is 1/2 black and I placed her for adoption with a white couple. They have a son about 7 or 8 and he is black. They also have others in the fam that have adopted black children. I don't know how  it is on the adopted end of it, but as the BM I felt it very crucial that my daughter grow up not being the only colorful one in a family. Thank god this couple came to me. So I don't really have a lot of advice on it but GOOD LUCK and I hope all the best for you and your family =)

[starladarling]

so far (2.5 years later) I can tell you that my daughter is my daughter.  she has character traits of myself and my husband and looks of movie star (I think lol!).  She is AA and we're both white.  When the agency asked what race we wanted we both kind of choked like it was a weird question..  we wanted a baby baby... didn't care what "kind" so to speak..  when we were told there was a price difference by race we were so floored and disgusted.. dunno. to each his own.  I can go on and on more later.. getting too late tonight:(

[Sarah1013]

wow starladarling, i never knew there was a price difference on babies based on race! That kinda makes me sick.

But anyways, to the person who wrote this post, while I have both of my children, they are bi-racial and one thing that has always been important to me was making sure my children know their heritage and to be proud of who they are. I want to make sure they embrace both, so they wont feel inferior because they have two races and to not shun either one of them. I want them to know who they are.

So my advice would be if you do adopt a transracial child be open about race and talk about it, because they will hear about it eventually and it would be best if it came from you first so they will know it is okay and they wont be scared to come to you with questions.

[aconfusedgirl123]

Transracial adoption is something not to be taken lightly.  As a transracial adoptee, I can say only about my experience and not about that of others.  I would highly recommend you consider the community in which you live as well as some other questions:
Is it diverse?  Will your child stand out?
What is your personal experience with diversity?  Are you a person of color?  
Are you adopting a child of color?  
How will your friends and family accept your adoption?
Will you be able to answer your child thoughtfully and with empathy when they look at you and ask why their skin is a different color from yours?
Are you willing to learn about the culture and heritage of your child?
Can you provide them with positive examples or role models that fit their appearance?
Are you able to accept, that even with unconditional love, your child may experience racism or feel that their differences are constantly identified because they are (transracially) adopted?  WIll you be able to be supportive at this time?

Aside from that, I would suggest finding literature on adoption and reading in particular about transracial adoption.
Why are all the Black Kids sitting together in the cafeteria (about racial identity in a psychological perspective)
In their own Voices (about black transracial adoptees)
When they hear my name (Korean adoptees tell their stories)
20 things adopted kids wish their parents knew
The Adoption Mystique
The Primal Wound

I don't mean to discourage you, or to cause you not to adopt.  I am very thankful and happy to be adopted.  However, at age 21 I have had to go into therapy because of my adoption.  My parents loved me unconditionally and I love them as my parents too.  However, my race and racial difference was always pointed out by other people and it has been unbearble.  Only recently have I been able to read books and learn to verbalize my difficulties and it has strengthened my relationship with my parents.  Adoption is a beautiful, yet complicated, part of my life and I hope you will be happy with your adoption.