adoption and legal matters

[susan459]

hi

im not sure if anyone can help in this matter, but i have a situation.
About a 2 years ago, i brought my niece in to live with me, she had just had a baby 2 months before and she was not doing well, going out , leaving baby, drinking, etc, etc.  

i brought her here and took her to counseling and parenting classes. she did ok for awhile until she met this boy, then next thing i knew she was wanting to leave with him and not take the child..  

she signed "papers " for me to take care of baby and she left, they were just between us, not by a lawyer.

Fast forward a few months, mom wants to take  baby back, goes to her mom and a week later calls me to take baby back, this time I go to lawyer, i have relinquishment of parental right drawn up, and she willingly signs them in front of notary and 2 witnesses, with out remorse

Fast forward 1.5 years, thru this past year, mom has seen child few times, she has come to my house and i have even let her take to park. In the mean time she has a   2nd child, but things dont go well with him and a few months back she calls dad to come get child.. but this doesnt last for long and she goes back, she still hasnt seen her first child much even though she lives in same town, she is partying, drinking, and just doesnt care.

2 weeks ago she comes to visit, takes child to car to do something and leaves.. I call cops, cops say because i have not filed papers she has legal right to take child,

In the paper work, she had only 10 days to revoke her decision, she did not do that. Lawyer says she has no chance.  

Has anyone dealt with this? any suggestions?  we have to fight father still, he knows nothing about this.. so he has to be served still,

Should i give up and let mom raise her? or should i try to take her back to the only home she has known for  2 years, she is 2.5 years old..

thanks
susan

[polly22]

Hi, Susan, I have not dealt with this, no. I am a birthmother, reunited with my birthson, and am the mother of a second child. My sense, though, from your posts, is that it is very likely your niece will turn around in a few days or weeks and bring the child back to you, wanting you to raise her---and I also worry that pressuring her with lawsuits might harden her into obstinacy. But this is really just my own take on this. It sounds as if at this point you have your attorney and legal documentation in hand, so probably it's a matter of feeling out the situation, letting the attorney do the "negative" stuff and leaving you free to be the "positive," accepting, warm person for your niece to turn to---so she may soon return to you the little girl, who really does need to be in the home she knows as home.

[setag]

Hi. I am a social worker and have worked with children and families for a very long time, and therefore can offer some suggestions. First, you mentioned that she is drinking and partying all the time. Are you concerned about the child's well-being and safety with the mother? If so, and if you know where she lives, you can call the DCFS hotline in your area. Second, you need to contact your lawyer and have him/her work on your behalf. If she has relinquished her parental rights, she in fact did kidnap her child.

Unfortunately, I have seen these things go very very wrong. I would not necessarily take polly22's advice of waiting to see if the mother returns the child to you. Because, is the child safe in the meantime? Is the child confused? Etc. It seems the birthmother's act of taking her child from you was selfish and not in the child's best interest. I'm not saying the birth mother is a bad person, but there is a way to do things, and there is a protocol that must be followed, and above all, the child's best interests must be taken into consideration.

Please keep me advised if this is still going on, and I can help walk you through with different steps you can take.

[susan459]

thank you for our help, i did send you a personal message. We have gone to court since i last posted this. Father has brought his lawyer in, but sounds like he just wants visitations, mom and grandma intervened with there lawyer, my sister, the grandmother, now wants to raise the child. We have joint custody with my sister we get her 3 weeks my sister 2, but i have to drive 2.5 hours to get her, and thats fine with me. My sister has to drive about an hour max. I know i should have called cps, but i didnt. but we are in the court system now. I just want whats best for this child, when she came back, she was not the same child, I cried. It hurt my heart to see her changed. She was so afraid we would leave her again, she would push me back in the chair if i tried to get up..

Please advice on the home study we have to have. all parties involved have to have her, I just want an honest opinion, if we even have a chance to get her. I am the great aunt, not granma.  If you have any doubt that we are not doing the right thing by lexi and that i should just let go, please be honest. I love her to much to hurt her in the long run...

thanks

susan