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adoption vs abortion
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adoption vs abortion

my wifes good friend just had an abortion against my wifes and my council. i cant even look her in the face cause i want to strangle her and punch her in the face. any suggestions on how i can try to chill out and be okay around her.   i really have no respect for her and its her good friend....aahhhhhh
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142722_tn?1281537216
I am a mother who placed my child for adoption.  Let me tell you that giving a child up is the most painful thing that ever happened to me.  You carry your child, you give birth, and then someone takes him away.  You don't know how his life is going to trun out and if it is private, you may never know where he is.  If it is open, then you still don't know for sure that your child is ok.   Abortion is the end of a pregnancy - the baby is never going to be.  It would really depend upon the person who had the abortion, she may have felt the pain of not knowing where her child was would be harder then having an abortion.  She really only knows why she did it.  Abortion holds its own range of emotions.  I have never had one, so I can't speak from exper.  I have known a woman that has had an abortion and did an adoption and she said that she would have an aboriton any day before she would ever give a child away.  Adoption is so hard and I understand why she said it.  You have to think outside of the box, you are a man and never had a child and can never relate.  Think outside the box,  this doesn't make her a bad person.
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Avatar_n_tn
I was adopted, so yeah.

I'm against abortion, personally, I would NEVER do it

but I guess, in a way, I'm pro choice. I don't care what other people do. I just wouldn't, couldn't.
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364841_tn?1198217959
i know im a man and maybe that has part to do with it. but i just feel its murder ...just my opinion. i think part of it is that my wife is pregnant with our first and going through this so far and knowing the different stages of the pregnancy its a baby not a fetus....murder!!??!! in the eye of the beholder. but i totally see your point on whether or not the baby will have a good life or not, but i dont think that would stop me from adopting before abortion. tough situation.all i know is that going through this with her and my wife it will make me appreciate my kid much more.. we find out the sex tomorrow at 1:50!!!!!!!! cant wait  hope its a girl
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142722_tn?1281537216
I would never do it and couldn't.  I know what you mean.  The thought never entered my mind to have an abortion even though I was raped.  I so understand what you mean.  I got a 6month old boy wish you the best with your baby
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165308_tn?1323190145
I was never in that situation, but know people who have....no one knows unless you walk in that person's shoes.  You are entitled to your opinion but also find a forgiving place in your heart.  That is what Jesus would do.  Who are we to throw stones?
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165308_tn?1323190145
Would also like to add that I have adopted a beautiful baby girl from China about 2 years ago and I ask God to bless her mother all the time for giving me such a wonderful gift.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am also pro choice.  I have given a child up for adoption also.  I don't really feel that it was by choice.  I was young and did not really know my rights.  It is a lot harder to look at a newborn child in the face and let it go than to never look at it.  A pregnancy is so much more than just being an incubator.  You feel the baby move.  You see pics of the baby inside of you.  Your body goes through all kinds of changes.  I was very young and got a lot of stretch marks.  There were always those boys that would ask what they were and people that constantly told me they could never have put their child up for adoption.  The fact is, that not everybody is going to agree with everybody's decision.  There are a lot of people that agree with you about abortion being murder and that is why it is always so controversial.  I think that you should understand that she needed to talk to somebody about her situation, and I am sure she didn't come to you guys to be judged.  Did you ever have any respect for her.  It kind of sounds as if you didn't really care for her that much anyway and this just kind of put you over the hump?  
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Avatar_m_tn
Your wife's friend made her own decision and her choice was to have an abortion. It is her right still in this country. You don't like it and want to strangle her and punch her in the face. It is still the law and her right.
Or you could refocus your energies and support the Republican of your choice ( i assume not Guliani, Romney or McCain) and change the laws so we revert to the 1950's, unlike the rest of the civilized world.
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364841_tn?1198217959
yeah, me and my wife hung out with them a lot . things were okay.my wife got pregnant then a month later....she couldnt be shown up, she got pregnant. we were planning on family functions at the park peter pipers pizza stuff like that.we all talked and had a great time and even gave advice on how to tell their families, she is 16 and so is he..they wanted to adopt and we were all for that. then one week we didnt see them for a while and it just came out, we were shocked
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364841_tn?1198217959
im sensing some sarcasism ........
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364841_tn?1198217959
new york......yeah  sarcasism
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey there. Sorry it took so long to get back.  I had to work.  Yeah, I guess that would be a shock.  I can just speak for myself.  I don't think its right to use abortion as a type of birth control like some people do, but I do think we should be able to make our own decisions whether it is a mistake or not.  If she is only 16 then she is going to make a lot more mistakes in her life.  I also think that we grow out of our friends sometimes.  If you don't like what she did and feel you can not get past it then you need to move on with your life and not ruin your happiness by worrying about her and judging her.  Judging is a sin also.  If you can forgive her then tell her how you feel and if she charishes your friendship she will know where the line gets drawn.  Some of us go down a bad path before we end up good.  She sounds more like a younger sibling to you guys.  You need to understand that she is only 16.  Her life hasn't really even begun yet.  Maybe you guys should be talking to her about school, a career, goals that she might have, and using protection.  Good luck!
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364841_tn?1198217959
yeah she pretty much is like a sibling. she dated my little brother for a while, they did a lot of drugs together along with much more stupid things..so i guess this is pretty much the straw that broke the camels back. it will be very hard to stay away tho, her parents and my inlaws are very very close....all i can do is my best and bite my tongue, i forgive her but i wont ever be able to forget it.
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199177_tn?1332183097
Plz try to remember this was her life, her decision .She has to live with the consequences of her choice you dont .
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142722_tn?1281537216
I belong to a great website where women have had abortions and regeted it.  The coment that Abortion is murder is very hard for them to hear.  What should be done is that these women should be told how they may feel after they do it.  Maybe that should tell them that some have problems dealing with it and they should make sure this is what they want
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325405_tn?1262293778
About all you can do is pray about it.  And forgive her, though really it is God who has to forgive her not you.  It is God she will have to answer to in the end, so I'd pray for her.  Though you don't have to tell her you are doing that because it will undoubtedly upset her.  Also pray for yourself that you can let this pass and at least be civil to her and look her in the eye again.  None of us here on earth are innocent, and God does forgive us for all the bad and  horrible things we do, so hopefully He will forgive her for what she did.  We are not supposed to judge people on this world.  God is the only judge, not us, so hopefully in time you will be able to look her in the eye and be friendly with her again.  If she does realize that it was murder, she may need counseling later on.  I am with you on the abortion is murder thing, and one of my friends from college chose to have one.  It took me awhile to email with her again.  It's just so upsetting that people try so desperately to have kids and can't have their own and need to adopt and people who have the kids don't want them and abort them instead of putting them up for adoption because they can't handle it emotionally.  Or abort them because they don't want to go through the inconvenience of being pregnant.  That was what my friend from college did.  She knows that it's murder, and she didn't care and still doesn't care.  The strange part was was that she was adopted by her grandparents because her mother decided to have her!  So, you'd think that she'd feel the same way, but she didn't.  I still pray for her.  She's still my friend.  And I forgive her and try not to remember.  She knows how I feel.  I told her once.  I limited it to once.  No sense in bringing it up over and over and over.  But, really, you can't live life judging people, otherwise you'll have no friends left and you'll end up bitter and resentful.  You just have to let go, otherwise the bitterness will fill your heart and make it heavy like stone.  Fill your heart with love and forgiveness instead, and you'll find that between that and prayer, you'll get through your emotions.  Not to say that you don't make your view known once, though.  So your friends know where you stand and what your opinion is.


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Avatar_n_tn
So because of the fact that you felt pain from adoption, the fact that your mistake resulted in your consiquences, and the fact that you can't take responsibility for you actions gives reason for a child to loose the life you gave them. Is it the fault of the child? Does it even matter to you that the family is extremley grateful? Does it matter to you that that child now lives a life of love? All of these things and you would choose to take that away from it? That has to be the single most selfish thing I have ever heard. That your pain and your suffering and your emotions give you the right to take away the life of someone else. Take a minute to look through the eyes of someone else. Where would that family be without that child? Where would that child be? Maybe you should look on the postotive side of things. If all you care about it you, you will never get anywhere in life. YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO MATTERS!
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Avatar_n_tn
The thing I find most upsetting about the things you have said..ie..wanting to strangle her or punch her in the face, for having an abortion, that is a terrible thing to want to do to someone under any circumstances.
Let me ask you this? did you offer to help her raise her child, for the duration of it's life? did you offer to take care of her child every day while she went to work to provide for her child? did you offer to put her child thru college? to stay by her side no matter what so that she could be the best mother she could be under the circumstances.
You see the biggest problem I have with people who call themselves PRO-LIFE, is that they offer no real solutions, only judgments and criticisms. I am sure your wife gave her the best council she could, but did she find someone to pay her medical bills, or better yet, did you locate a suitable set of parents to adopt this child? There are more children in the world than there are good parents capable of raising them. Until I see all these so called CHRISTIANS adopting crack babies, and children with special needs, and taking in foster children, and doing everything physically possible to pick up the slack for all the people who are failing the children that are already on this planet, then I just dont see how you can be so smug and judgmental towards someone who you called a friend. Shame on you.
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432073_tn?1204148368
I agree with honest333.  Not everyone can just have a kid because people say it is immoral not to.  Being "moral" or "righteous" doesn't provide for a family, pay medical expenses, or turn girls into mothers.  I'm not saying abortion should be used as birth control, because of course it makes me sad too.  Calling it "baby killing" makes everyone sad.  Not just pro-lifers.  Prevention and education is the key, not barring helpless women and girls from leading the life they want to and deserve to lead.  

That said, I have had an abortion and given a child up for adoption.  Both are tormenting.  But in my experience adoption is absolutely excruciating.  I wouldn't want to put anyone through that kind of pain.  I love my son more than anything else in the world.  How couldn't I?  I had to willingly hand the most precious thing I've ever held in my life over to someone else.  Fortunately I have a very open adoption and I see and hear from him and his parents regularly.  

That said, I can understand your anger.  But is it really practical to spend time thinking such violent thoughts about her and condemning her?  You sometimes have to step back and look at the biggest picture. She is a human being just like you.  She has feelings too.  Having the abortion surely made her feel sad, even if she doesn't imply that.  She deserves respect and friendship and support just as much as you do. How often does abortion even come up in conversations anyway?  To get along in this world you have got to be tolerable towards others.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I gave up a child for adoption, raised a child on my own, and in both cases considered abortion, so obviously I decided to have children under hard conditions. Even so, those babies were foetuses at the time of my decisions, and it was neither an issue of murder nor someone else's business what I decided. What bothers me is whether your wish to punch or strangle this woman is (unless this is just a standard way of speaking for you--which is a different issue) some feeling you may have about your own impending parenthood----I hope you won't feel like punching or strangling anyone else if, say, you and the other person disagree about childrearing.  As for this 16-year-old young family friend, for heaven's sake, she's a child herself still---give her a break! And yourself a break---in spite of my first comment here, I am aware (and you can be too) that people sometimes get angry and then get over their first flare-up reaction. Okay, she did something that shocked you and p.o.'d you; now try to put behind you (but not onto your  and your wife's situation either).
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217599_tn?1202854552
has anyone in here considered the fact that the person with the cure for cancer, or the person who would find the way to end poverty mey have been aborted?  God has a plan for the life of every person conceived in the womb.  all life is precious.  the mothers who abort are precious too although very misled.  such a sad state of affairs.  the guilt they live with must be overwhelming if they let themselves see the truth that it is murder.  love one another and reach out to one another.  and think of the tiny little person inside your body before you kill him or her.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have my own opinion and wish that it were considered murder as that is what it is. You can call a pile of dog sh t a ribeye steak and it does not make the pile of **** smell good or make it taste good! Now does it?? That is what I feel about that. I also feel the person saying things about being a man makes a difference, yes it does make a difference women out there aborting their own children and worrying about comparing the two genders really sucks to me. Being a man ( even though you may feel as a man don't have the capacity to now the love for one's child ) and raising my daughter and being single know for a fact you are barking up the wrong tree. I chose to raise my daughter and know the love I have for her and am a parent to her, if not for her father she would have none to be in her life since the woman " who felt her move in her body " chose not to be there for her which really is a tragedy that could be avoided if she were to actually be a caring adult. I have done what I know how to include her and to try to motivate her and will not do anymore as if she is not wanting to be there I won't force her it will hurt my daughter more than if she were and begrudgingly. Just because a relationship does not work does not absolve one's responsibilities and two people not in a relationship can have a succesfull coparenting experience.
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Avatar_m_tn
Sorry about jabbering on. I stated my opinion about abortion and also want to say we can't change the world with good intentions and no actions. I wish we could stop the holocaust happening here in the U.S.A for the babies. The innocent ones who have done no wrong to anyone. Diversity makes the world go around but sucks regarding this " opinion."
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