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bringing in a baby with an autistic child
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bringing in a baby with an autistic child

So my 2 year old son is possibly autistic. The doctors want to do some more exams to be sure, but he does show signs. Anyway, I'm 15 weeks pregnant and my hubby brought up that we can barely handle my son with the way he acts, and is very worried about having another baby. This baby was a surprise, as we used protection (double-me and him both), but I've already become attached to the baby and feel that we could handle both. My sons therapist is coming over this week to talk about if my son is ready for a sibling, but if she says no I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I have my son up for adoption when he was born, but after 18 months, the family changed their minds, so we just got my son back unexpectedly 6 months ago. Any advice?
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480448_tn?1403547723
Hello there!

First, let me say that I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be terribly hard for you.  

I don't fully understand how things happened with your son.  Typically, when a child is given up for adoption, even if for some reason, the adoptive parents "change their mind" (which I cannot imagine, sounds terrible)...the child usually goes back into the system, not back to the birth parents.  You said you got him back "unexpectedly"...certainly you were given a choice to take him back in, correct?  I can't imagine anyone could force you to undo that deicsion.  Was this an open adoption?  Was this a legal adoption, done through an agency, did you have an attorney?  It just seems so unorthodox to me, how it all happened.

As for what to do with your current pregnancy, it's certainly not an easy decision, it's something you have to give a LOT of thought to, pray over, discuss with your partner, your family, a therapist, doctors...a whole team of support people, before coming to a decision.  No matter what you decide, hon, it's YOUR decision to make, there are no right or wrong answers here.  If you come to the conclusion that you just cannot handle having this child, especially with a special needs child, then you will be doing something very selfless, by giving your child a chance at a good life, with people who so desperately want to be parents.  What an amazing gift.  If you decide to keep your child, look into resources to help you with both of your children.  There's a lot of help out there...you don't have to do it all alone.

I wish the best for you, and pray you can come to a decision that you're confident about and comfortable with, as much as possible.  I commend you for wanting to do what's best for both children...and for recognizing that this may just be too much for you.

Keep in touch, let us know what you decide, okay?
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My family supports an adoption, well most of them, but mire importantly any decision I make. I received an email from the agency I went through with my son saying the family changed their mind due to how 'difficult' he had become to 'handle'. They told me I could take him back, or he could be put in the system, in foster care. When I discussed this with my hubby, who is not my sons father, he said he wanted my son to come live with us (he had been in and out of diff foster cares his whole childhood and didn't want the same for my son). So we brought him home. The email itself was unexpected, and we weren't prepared for a child and only had a week to prepare. Just figured I'd clarify what happened
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480448_tn?1403547723
OK!  That makes sense, thanks for the clarification!

How terribly impersonal to get an e-mail about something like that!!
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