I'm new to this and old to TTC. After a couple of failed DE attempts I am strongly considering adoption. I am 43 (soon 44) and my DH is 57 (soon to be 58). Is there any hope for us? I don't think I can bare the idea of waiting for an indefinite period. Does anyone know about international adoption and which countries are better to work with? How do we get started? Thank you!
Have you started the process of contacting anyone about an adoption, either domestic or international, or is the first time you've really started inquiring?
Have you considered a domestic adoption? Many people prefer an international closed adoption versus the open domestic adoptions that are more common in the US today, simply because not everyone can handle the idea of an open adoption. I know I couldn't.
I'll be honest, I give people a lot of credit who CAN, but it wouldn't be for me. I couldn't handle the emotions of "competing" in a sense with a bio family. There would just be too much for me to overcome emotionally. That being said, a lot of people CAN handle that and embrace it. Have you given that any thought? How about the concept of seeking a surrogate? A foster parenting program? Have you looked into any other options beyond TTC?
The first thing I'll tell you is that international adoptions are very expensive, and pretty time consuming. My sister adopted my now 16 yr old nephew from Russia many years ago, and back then, it cost them about $40K, and that didn't include their travel expenses to Russia to bring him home.
That's something I feel people need to be aware of right off the bat, because for some people, it's just not possible. An international adoption these days could EASILY run you $60K or more. Would you guys be able to afford that?
Thanks for the info.I haven't done any investigating. I don't want to compete with a bio family and I am not necessarily convinced this is better for the kids anyway. I think it is great for the kids to have the option to meet their bio-people at their choice, but I am not in favor of "sharing" my kids. Adoption may not be possible for us. For one, we are old, for two, I had no idea international adoption was so expensive. $60,000 is insane. We are out of money now anyway, spent it all on TTC. Trying now to raise a few sheckles for donor embryos. I'm holding on to hope that I will carry to term without issues. I have nothing obvious to prevent carrying and we most certainly cannot afford surrogacy either. I just failed twice with donor eggs but I later found out the embryo quality wasn't that hot, so that is why we are pursuing donor embies now. Something will either work or it won't. Thanks for writing back. I appreciate that you care. :)
We adopted and it was an open adoption. We send pictures and letters and that is pretty much it. Our girls are now 3 years old. I can understand your feelings about sharing, but really it's okay to feel that way because in my case, they are my babies. In the long run, it will be the best for the girls to know where they came from and who are their biological parents. If you have any questions feel free to ask :-). I love my girls more than life itself. Once you have the baby in your arms and your taking them home....everything else is secondary.
Well, while I agree about the importance of being a "mom" to a pet, it's quite different and awfully hard to compare the two. :0)
I would love to hear more about your adoption process...what you've gone through, the requirements, timelines, and if you don't mind sharing, costs involved. It's so helpful to have that info out there for others who are looking into options.
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