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my nephew and his girlfriend are thinking of placing their unborn baby ...
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my nephew and his girlfriend are thinking of placing their unborn baby for adoption

my nephew and his girlfriend are thinking of placing their unborn baby for adoption. they already have a two year old and can hardly take care of her. i'm for the adoption and would like advice on how to talk to them about it. how would the go about it? how can we make sure the baby goes to a loving couple? any advice would be apreciated. Remar
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Hi, I am a birthmother and i will give my advise from the other side.  They need to sit down and make sure this is what they want to do.  Placing a child for adoption is a very hard and painful thing to do.  They need to understand that once they let their child go and he is adopted it is no longer their child and all that comes along with being a parent is left with their baby and new parents.  My son was adopted out when I was 14 but it was my parents that pushed me into it and I live with the lose of my son every day.  He is happy but if I could go back in time, I would have done things different and would have had him with me.  They have to be prepared never to see their baby again, even with open adoption it can become closed.  Nothing is impossible and I had my second child at 17, alone, no job, no father around and I keep my daughter and we are fine.  I have two other children and I am a single parent doing it all.  
I just don't want to see someone else give a child up and then realize that they really could have keep him.  That is wasn't as hard as they thought, that there is help.  There is government help and a lot of it.  They can get food, help with a place to live, free formula, free insuracne.  These programs are out their to help people you have a hard time doing it on their own.  A lot of people say that adoptive parents can give the baby a better life and that is not always true.  My son't parents divorced, he still had a hard life and he wasn't raised with me.  They can do it, they need to look into all the help that is out there, and really look at what adoption is - they give up their rights to parent.  Adoption is a wonderful thing and I am in no means saying it is wrong, but they need to make sure it is what they want to do because living with out your child really hurts.  the truth is you don't really know anyone.  I would call around to some agencies and ask some questions.  PM please if you would like to ask me a question.  I think it is good to hear from all sides
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please remember i am not saying that adoption is not good because there are times when children and babies are in danger and need to be away from birth parents - babies as well as older children.  I am talking about couples who are good to the children they have and are not bad people.  Just wanted to make that clear :)  
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I would say yes, they definitely need to be sure as kris 123 said to know if this is something they truly want to do. It's no joke!  I've never given a baby up for adoption, but I was adopted by a family. Although sometimes its not the best thing for a child to be away from their parents, sometimes, it is. My parents were also great people, very young, both 14. Like kris123, my mother was forced by my grandparents to give me up. I eventually got to know my mom and dad, although wonderful people, I see I would not of had the opportunities I have now because my life went the way it did. I love my adoptive parents although I longed for my "real" mom and dad. As an adult now, unable to have my own children, adoption is very dear to me. I'm in the process of adopting my neices newborn baby girl. I've decided to go the no lawyer route. http://www.myadoptionforms.com/booklet.html. This could help your nephew. They might know someone they trust to care for their child. A family member etc.. This decision will alter a child's entire life..not only the child..everyone involved.

Jill
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you are so right.  I sent you a pm asking you a question.
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thank you for your responces. my nephew and his girlfriend are not being pressured at all. they were the ones that brought it up. they don't have their one place to live, my nephew won't work and my sister takes care of them. their little 2 year old has a hard life and i know the new baby will too. our family is behind them no matter what their decision is. i know it will change all of lives but we have to think about the baby. take care. Remar
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142722_tn?1281537216
As long as they are willing and not being pressured.  I was pressured big time and I lost the chance to parent.  I hope it all works out for your family and if you need any advise from me as a birthmother I can give you loads :)  
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I WAS ADOPTED AT BIRTH I AM NOW 52 AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO KNOW MY BIOLOGICAL ROOTS. THE KEY IS A COUPLE WITH A HEALTHY MARRIAGE AND MY ADVISE IS TO SPEAK OPENLY ABOUT ADOPTION FROM THE TIME THAT BABY ENTERS YOUR LIFE. WHEN HE OR SHE IS OLD ENOUGH THEY WILL ASK QUESTIONS ANSWERS SHOULD BE AGE APPROPIATE AND AS THEY MATURE THE MAIN THING IS THEY KNOW HOW LOVED THEY ARE AND SPECIAL. THE OPTION SHOULD ALWAYS BE GIVEN WHEN THEY ARE OF AGE IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THEIR BIRTH PARENT YOU WILL BE THERE TO SUPPORT THEM 100%

GOD BLESS

Sandra
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I think it all depends - i think i would be heartbroken if i learned my son didn't want to meet me.  there is no other pain then not to know if you child is alive.  there are adoptions that were forced upon on young girls because it was thought to be right and a blessing - well the birth mother was lied to and taken advantage of and this happens even in this age.  i think many birth mothers would love to know their children are alive and happy.  if that is all i would get i would take it.  i am blessed to know my son wants to meet. god bless sandra - you are one of the few that doesn't really care to know - maybe you should at least think about it - there is someone out there that gave birth to you and wonder if she wonders about you, just a thought
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Avatar_n_tn
Is your nephew willing to give this baby up for free?
I desparetly want to adopt a baby. my husband has a brain tumor and he wants a baby bad, being that he is going thru chemo at this time we are unable to concieve (conceive).

Im a very strong, stable person and we have an awesome loving family. I have a 17 year old daughter. I was a single parent for 17 years.....

Rae
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I have a ten year old girl, and would love to adopt as I can't seem to have another child. I would love a brother or sister for her now. If your nephew is willing I would love to adopt the baby and give it a good home, or even foster the child for him. Please let us know soon so I can make arrangements.

Daphs.
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I would like to adopt. I am looking for a birth mother and would like be open to them keeping a relationship w/ the baby if they want. We have been TTC for 5 years and suffered 2 lost pregnancies last year. We live close to you to, Nixa. I PMd you. Please contact me back either way. Thank You!
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142722_tn?1281537216
wow honestly i understanding wanting to adopt but I really don't think posting on this forum for someone's baby in a post is the best thing.  This is only my thoughts.  I think the best is to contact agencies.  However, I have seen couples asking in the paper.  I don't know, this guy wasn't asking for someone to adopted his nephew baby only how to "talk" to his nephew about it.  Don't be made please at me, i am only stating what I think and some may not agree and as adults we can agree to disagree.  
and the said thing is that there was a post above that said will he let some one adopt for free, makes me sick that some do "sell" their babies :(  what a shame - Shame on the birth mother who sells her child or takes any money other then for medical reasons.  I am a birthmother and didn't sell my child
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OMG i can't spell sorry guys!!  I always think I can type with out looking!!  I hope the couples find the baby they are seeking.  I will pray for all of you :)
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Avatar_f_tn
Adoption is always a very good option to look at. They can have either and open or closed adoption based on whether or not they want to stay in touch with their child. My cousin has an open adoption and she gets pictures of her son from her sons new mom. If they cannot care for the child adequately I'd definitely do for adoption. My other cousin kept her baby, and she gets taken care of by my aunt or goes to day care because my cousin works and goes to school. I think it would have been better had she been given up to someone who is ready for that type of responsibility.
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Kris...I agree with you selling your baby is wrong and illegal.  My husband and I are wanting to adopt, which we have been with an agency for 1 year now and have recently hired a private attorney as well... our attorney has said that buying a baby is Illegal.  I am guilty as far as letting others know on this forum that I am wanting to adopt if they are serious about placing their child for adoption, which if it was to happen, I would give them my attorneys number and it would done correctly, and legal!  I am grateful that we have these forums to help others with their concerns and answer to question.  

remar... I hope that all is well with you and your family.  If your nephew has decided to place their baby for adoption, I am more then happy to send you our profile for them to view, however, if they are wanting an open adoption, I am in Idaho and you are in Missouri. This could be hard as far as visits... but we would work together and make it work.  I just wanted to remind you that we are also thinking of your family and praying that they do what they feel in their hearts.  I can not even begin to imagine what they are going through if this is the journey they have chosen.  I will keep them in prayers..

GOD BLESS,
IdahoGal
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i've been through hell to have a baby. i'm still going through hell crying every day envying all pregnant people including my younger sister that is pregnant right now and going through happy times while i'm seeing her everyday and cry each time i see her. i started to go through meonpouse when i was 19 years old. i knew these days will come and now that i'm there it's unbeleavably hard. please please please let me know if you are interested in close adoption so we can have the baby. we are in great shape of leaving now and have a house of our own. we both are working and have a good jobs to support the baby. God bless every one who can help other people enjoy having a baby.
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I placed my daughter for adoption last year. It's an open adoption, as that's the only way I could go through with it. I knew that placing her was the best decision for her, but for me it has to be an open thing. True that it could close at any time, and yeah I don't get as many pictures/emails as I would like, but I don't take it to heart. I get pictures every couple of months and saw her when she was 6 mos old. Last year was the hardest of my life, I went through a really tough post-partum depression which made my decision weight even harder. I DON'T REGRET IT! I regret not being smarter with my decisions and for not being ready when I got pregnant. But she's the best thing to have ever happened to me and I learned a lot. I look at some couples/single parents and then look at their children and sometimes wonder why they decided to KEEP their baby/s... Yeah I know its awful, but sometimes life is better else where.

What I did was sit down and write out all my feelings and what I wanted for my baby. After I really sat back and looked at 'what I want for my baby' I knew that I couldn't give her what I felt was best for her at that time in my life, even now a year later I'm still not in anyway ready for a baby and makes me grateful every day for finding the family I found.

Yeah you give up all your rights as a parent, but in your heart and soul that lil baby is still yours. I believe that here on Earth she may not be mine, but we will be reunited as mother and daughter in heaven. My one big thing about placing her was that the parents need to be someone that can't have kids. Only because I think it's the best gift you can give someone. It's an amazing feeling knowing that you gave someone something that they could never give themselves. And they will be so much more grateful than you could ever imagine.

Adoption is the best choice for those not ready or able to care for a new life. it's hard, I'm not gonna say that it's easy. This IS something you'll have to live with forever and you CAN'T go back on it once it's done. It takes a lot of soul searching and a lot of personal growth to go through this, on any side of adoption.

You'll be affecting your life, your babies life, and the life of others forever so be sure that you're making the right decision! Remember, don't be selfish! If you keep the baby because of YOU than you're not doing it for the right reason, keep this baby only if YOU KNOW that YOU ARE THE BEST CHOICE.. It's hard to face and you're kinda slappin yourself in the face and then bangin yourself on a concrete wall hangin from a cable wire upside down for hours on end (thats how I felt) when you know that youre not the best parent for your baby. But you ARE the BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN FOR THAT BABY You are giving them a chance at a life that you can't provide for them..
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Avatar_n_tn
If you are still looking for suitable adoptive parents, please give us your consideration.  We could provide a wondeful, loving, caring home for a child with lots of cousins, grandparents, trips, education, and a wonderful quality of life.  Please contact us
regarding this decision.  We would love to talk to you about it.
***@****
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Avatar_n_tn
I am an adoptee and an adoptive mother - single mother.  My little boy is 8 months now.  It is a semi open adoption. The birth mother doesn't want to see him but her father and his sister does have a relationship with us.  

I wish your nephew and girlfriend the best with this.  I will be praying that as they go through with this, they will have peace and wisdom in choosing the best family

As for me, mine was completely private, as there are very few agencies that allow singles to adopt.  I started talking to friends, business associates, clients, etc, telling them of my desire to adopt.  The lady that connected us I met in Jan.  All of the sudden in June she caled me out of the blue and told me that her friend's daughter was pregnant and due in July.  In 29 days, everything was set up and I brought my baby home.  He was born 2 days after my 30th birthday and I brought him home on the same day my parents brought me home. He was just 38 hours old when I got him.

I would love to have a little brother or sister for him one day - and it will be through adoption again as I am on medicine that may cause birth defects.  


If you need any advice on going through adoption, let me know.  I have a cousin's whose wife placed a child when she was a teen, and being adopted and adopting, I have a bit of experience with this topic.  Feel free to PM me

God bless,
~Joy
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