My interest in this is because although adoptions may be finalized there is still a long from that child to be with their biological parent although what they had faced before, being taken away from their parents
Let's start with the birthmother who sold her body for crack.... How about there?
She gets pregnant and doesn't even know it until month 6! She has been and still is doing crack. This is too often the case. Should she keep this baby???? Or should a loving couple who sit around and only dream of the day they can hold a baby in their arms to call their own (yet can not have their own due to medical problems), take care and cherish that baby through adoption??? Are you saying the baby who was never asked to be born that is now born into a street life... does that baby not deserve to be adopted and to have a family and a LIFE???
Let's try another scenerio....
What about the gal who gets pregnant from a one night stand and was careless in her choice to have sex by not using protection. She decided adoption OVER abortion. She decides this out of the love in her heart knowing that there are so many woman like myself who can not have children of their own. She can give the best gift in the world by NOT aborting that baby. Should she keep it not able to provide the life that unborn child deserves? That baby deserves all of the opportunities life has to offer. AND a family that will love it and provide support and guidance as I plan to do.
Just because a woman gets pregnant does not mean they are ready to be a mother. BUT they were given a gift to bare a child. This is a gift that many deserving woman do not have. You would be surprised on how many there are!
I know there are cases when an adopted child (such as my sister) seeks out a birth parent. This is not out of love. The child doesn't know this person as the person who loved and raised her. She does this out of curiousity. Every adopted child should have a photo and a letter from their birth parents explaining their scenerio and that they gave them up b/c they were selfless and did it out of love for their unborn.... to of course give them a better life and a family that it very well deserves.
Yes, there are times when adoption is good, but there are times when young mothers are forced to give there children up. I was forced so to say by my parents at 15. This was cruel and should not have happened. They were blinded because my son had a black father and I am white. So no adoption is not good when they till a young mother you can't do it, the child will have a better life and two parent blah blah. Well you know what my son's parents are not together and his adad is raising him. But thank God he is happy. He wrote me a letter and told me he has had a good life so far. So it did work out in my case. I don't know I don't want to come of all crazy :) But yes, it is a good thing. It is not good to force though. I had my second child at 17. I was in high school and guess what I finished went to college and making 41000. I am still a single parent. I have two children, three all together.
Adoption has touched my life in SO many ways. FIRST, I was adopted at 18 months old...and I tell you....I wouldn't have wanted my life to turn out any other way. My family is MY FAMILY. To me, my biological mother was a saint who did the most selfless thing a person could do....by putting MY needs and best interests before what SHE may have FELT "she" wanted. Because of that...I have had a wonderful life with opportunity and success...I always knew I was "chosen", and never felt any different from my sister, who was my parent's bio child. I can honestly say that while I have a curiosity about certain things relateed to my bio family...I have no "longing" to be connected to them. I truly do not. My life is fulfilled...I have no "missing link".
My nephew was adopted from Russia, to give my sister and her husband the child they LONGED for for a long time. He has been a joy in the family...and is living an awesome life. Life wouldn't be the same without him in it...he was truly a gift to our family.
So, of course, while you have very strong personal feelings toward adoption....think of it as YOU giving the most incredible gift you could ever give....not to the adopted family...but to your SON. At 15, you most likely were nowhere NEAR ready to be a MOM...and now that you ARE a MOM, you struggle with having to give him up...but you did the most selfless thing a person could do. Adoption is a MUST in this world for children from ALL kinds of circumstances to have a chance at having the BEST life possible. We owe that to the kids coming into this world.
Every case is different. I have a freind who got PG w/twins at 15 and she married the father, finished school and they now have a 3rd child and have been married 15 years. They bought their first house right away (w/ his parents help of coarse) They are doing very well, and those twins boys couldn't have had it better. But you have to have the right support system in place. If you don't have that support then the child just might suffer for it. So, I think each case is different, and I don't think it is selfish to keep your child if you have that support, but I do think it is a wonderful gift and selfless if you give your child up (do to the fact you don't have the support) Some cases are good, others are sad. I just pray for all the mothers and children who face this decision, as it must be just heart wrenching.
I think giving a child up for adoption must be one of the most difficult things any birth mom can decide to do. However, if it is for the right reasons, it is also the biggest gift she may give her child. There are many reasons a women may not be able to raise her own child...from being too young and not having family support to financial reasons. Perhaps she feels her baby would best be raised in a more stable enviroment. I think every reason is probably a bit different. However, it is an incredibly unselfish thing to do. Open adoption is more common these days, where letters and photos are exchanged, perhaps even time spent with the birthmom. Whatever the reason, I think it needs to remain a legal option, and the birth mom should be applauded for being able to be so unselfish that she wants her child to have a life she cannot provide. I give my absolute respect to these brave women.
I think you reallly have to consider the circumstances. We are hoping to adopt through an open adoption - after trying and failing to become pregnant. I don't think we are selfish people and we hope to be able to maintain a long standing relationship with birthmom, so that our child will not feel abandoned, but will know how difficult and thoughtful birthmom's (and birthdad's) decision is. We intend, from the very beginning, to let our child know how immensely loved he/she is - by their birthmom and by us. I don't think that the longing is as bad - or at least I hope it is not - for a child who knows his/her story and his/her birthfamily.
It is an incredibly difficult path for everyone involved - In the end the goal is to provide a loving and amazing home for our child.
Adoption is like anything in this world: there are good cases that represent love and a person's opportunity for compassion, and there are bad cases that uncover evil in the world. I can speak from experience, I am a birth mother and I made the decision on my own with no coercion, and I believe in my decision.
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