feeling desperate can't stop crying

[kevieb]

I have now been on NP thyroid for appros 3 months and cortisol 20mgs raised to 30 mgs recently for about the same amount of time.  I am also taking selenium, magnesium, iron, Vit D, DHEA, calcium, and promethreum (orally) 8 days of the month.  I feel like hell---mentally and physically---some days I just want to die.  The depression and anxiety is almost overwhelming at times----i have cried have the day today.    I can't tell the difference between too much or too little thyroid or cortisol---and i can't tell if maybe it is just anxiety, or if thyroid or cortisol (too much or not enough) is causing my anxiety.    

I have had the shakes and heart palpitations and shortness of breath---both on and off medication.  The only real improvement i have actually been able to tell is that my bones hurt less now that my Vit D is higher. I went from 33 to 47.4---and my shins no longer feel like they have really bad shin splints---just mild shin splints.

There are still a few tests that I have not managed to get done, plus, my sex hormones have not been tested.   i cannot figure out when to get them tested because I don't have a period. (no uterus)  i have both ovaries and i know I get a fairly regular cycle because i get breast pain almost every month.   My doc says that I need to have my sex hormones tested during a certain time of the month or they will be too low---but for the life of me I have no idea how to figure out when that time of the month is.

My DHEA was low in the past and I was on 25 mgs.  this doc told me I should only be on 10 mgs---until he got my new blood results----I was extremely low---lab freport said >10---doc said it should be 280----he had me start taking 20 mgs.    I know DHEA is a precursor to testosterone and estrogen.  i am wondering if my levles are not getting up high enough to do the job they need to do yet.

Rumpled--you  told me a list of symptoms that low DHEA can cause---and i think I have every one of them.   Also, has anyone heard anything about oral progesterone not being absorbed as well?  I thought I read that somewhere.
Also, do you think it would do any good if i were to have my sex hormones tested every week for 4-6 weeks to see what my body is actually doing, since I can't figure out the right time of the month to have them tested?  My insurance covers blood work exceptionally well.

I know I am right at the age that my sex hormones could be going berserk, even if i didn't have thyroid or cortisol problems----i am wondering how much of that could be coming in to play here.    

i am desperate for any help or advice anyone could offer--even if it is just a cyber-hug and to let me sob on your shoulder over the internet.    My brain feels like a computer that has had too many commands punched into it--so it has just frozen up and can't do anything--- I feel like i have worn out my usefulness in life.

sometimes i think God sent me my little girl when i was 40 because he knew I was going to need a reason to keep on living---i just can't imagine leaving my little girl without a Momma--otherwise, there have been plenty of times I've just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.    Please help me.

[rumpled]

I get the same exercise/activity issue - I want to do more - but then I am in so much pain the next day that I have to hold back. I am trying to get through a basket of ironing but the standing is getting to me (and now the cat has slept in the rest of the nice clean basket grrrr!).

The whole happy/sad sort of sounds a bit manic depressive on the surface but I am not a professional and diagnosing over the internet is not a good thing...

I really would go see your doc - and do some gentle exercise if you can?

[kevieb]

thanks for the cyber hugs!!

[kevieb]

i'm a little better today---at least i didn't spend the day crying.  I decided I needed to find something to distract me--so I spent the morning trying to find info on getting my real estate license---and spent hours on line running in to nothing but brick walls.  so much for distracting myself.

I really cannot figure out what type of depression I would be officially diagnosed with.  I get out of bed in the morning, but I find it difficult to do much of anything but sit in my rocking chair.  I have days that I cry for who knows what reason----and days that i manage to get things done.  If it was major depression--I would not be able to feel happy---but occasionally something can make me laugh so hard I am practically hysterical and can't stop laughing.   I am sure there are some things i need to do myself to help--like exercise regularly----but I can't walk with arthritis that flares in my feet sporadically----and in the winter my muscles would sieze up on me.   I can get that brief feel-good feeling if I run across the field after I take my daughter to the bus stop--maybe regular exersize would make it last longer and stay more?

I think low blood sugar could be adding to the problem--but I have no appetite until evening.      My pain killers probably add to the depression.

I am getting to where I don't want to leave my house   but I am sure getting out would be good for me.   Years ago, I had a nervous breakdown and would only go out at night--when I finally dared go out, because I couldn't see anything except what was ahead of me---there was too much visual stimuli during the day---I couldn't deal with it all---it was like my nerves were going berserk.

oh well, tomorrow is another day--maybe I can get myself to start a new crochet project.......

[rumpled]

I wish I knew how to help you! I can only listen.

I had a busy day so it took me a while to get back on line. I don't know a thing about progesterone - and while I  had issues myself with weird cycles and trying to figure out levels of LH and FSH and all, some of them don't depend on cycles.

I can send tons of cyber hugs!