HELP ME UNDERSTAND

[motherinneed1234]

Hi, I have an 11 year old son who came to me about a week and a half ago and was histerically crying because he had done something wrong and when asked what he had done he said he looked up the word sex on the computer.  his father and I both talked with him about the situation, and told him it was inapproiate for him to be doing and not to do it any more and left it at that.    Then a few days ago he asked me if stuffed animals can get pregnant, and then if boys could get pregnant.  My first concern was that he was being sexually abused, and when I ruled out that i just figured that he was just curious about certian feelings he may be having.  He later came to tell me he had what he called sex with his stuffed animal and when asked what he thought sex was he proceded to explain it was rubbing his bear on his privates.  we told him that it was inapproiate again and tried the best we could to let him know that if he has any questions to ask us.  today i get a call from his father and was told that my child said the same day he had this supposed sex with his stuffed animal that he tried doing the same thing with his fathers cat....I may have overreacted today by yelling at my child but I dont know what to do is this normal.....Surely not......is there something wrong with him????Please help me to understand if this is just his way of exploring his sexuality or if I should seek mental help for my son...

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

First of all, I'm not sure if you are clear, but what did your son mean when he said that he "had sex" with the stuffed animal and the cat?  Did he simply mean rubbing against the stuffed animal and cat as a way of stimulating himself, or something else?  Regardless, I have a couple of thoughts:

1) your son's curiosity about sex and interest in sex is normal for a boy his age.  I have to admit, I'm a little surprised to hear some of his questions (e.g., can a boy get pregnant), which reflects his lack of knowledge about sex; but his curiosity is expected for a boy around his age.

2) You and/or your husband may want to have a more detailed talk about sex with your son, especially if there is no health class/sex education provided for him.  Telling him "that's inappropriate" isn't going to stop him from wanting to satisfy his awakening sexual urges.  But giving him information may at least help him to contain his sexual urges a bit -- for example, that humans have sex with other humans (for procreation, love, etc.) and don't as a rule have sex with animals, that boys can't get pregnant and why only girls can, etc.