What can I do to feel better?

[DH234]

I feel like I always go through these emotional periods through the years ( since I was old enough to become more aware of whats been going on in my family) where I feel unloved, tremendous pain, hurt, anger, and sorrow about my family and all of our situations.  My parents divorced, my father is on his third wife, my mother lives alone and seems to be building walls around herself, my sister is very edgey all the time, just married, now pregnant.  I feel I know the reasons why my family is this way, I pay attention to them all and I know their stories, and its hurts me to see them either in pain, giving up on themselves, unhappy with their lives, knowing who they are and also knowing why they are acting and being the way they are being ...it hurts to see this and it also hurts when they push me away and jab at me, reject me, etc,, I have tried to change myself for them but I dont want to this anymore, but at the same time I feel like they dont accept me the way I am.  I feel like a burden to them, I feel like I'm being real and they are being fake.  

this ends up making me feel very emotional and confused, i cant make decisions for myself, i have a hard time figuring out where i should be, if i am better off not talking to them, i dont like that i'm sensitive to their judgements

i'm 25 female who has never really known what i wanted i guess because what i really want is family and i dont feel like i have my own and trying to become a part of some elses just doesnt seem real

help!

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

You seem aware that your sadness stems in large part from your disappointment at not being accepted by your family.  I get the sense that you are both struggling to accept yourself without their acceptance and accept them for the flawed people they are.  I would imagine that this is part of why it is difficult for you to envision that becoming a part of someone else's family or starting your own family wouldn't seem "real."  It seems that for you, the task will be to mourn the family of origin that you wished you had and accept the family you have, as well as accepting yourself.  I have worked with numerous individuals in psychotherapy who struggle with a similar problem, and while it takes some time, they have found it easier to accept themselves, their family, and feel better in the process.