adulthood wihtout childhood?

[kanthos]

I am 21 years old, since I was about seven I have been taking care of my brother and sister. They are both older.

Around that time I took up martial arts and my sensei kind of took me under his wing, my mom and dad were both working all the time so they missed out a lot of my childhood.

From my early teens I was responsible for myself more so than most teens, from twelve up I have been basically doing my own things and taking care of everyone.

Now I am 21 as I have said, I have my own house, on my way to a good paying job and a college student.

I guess I am just not sure where my life has gone, I joined the navy at 17 was injured at 19, and I feel like my parents are more friends than parents.

I feel at times like I have two families, my parents brother and sister, and my martial arts family.

Since my sensei passed away in '04 I feel like all of my friends who went to him for advice rely on me.

I feel like I am the only one of my friends who have actually done anything, is this normal? I am on my own, becoming a success, and I visit friends who are still living at home.

Did I grow up too fast? I am not really sure where to go with all of this.

Sometimes it is overwhelming, is this normal?

thank you

[lola4176]

I am 23, and I  also took karate and am a black belt in Sho Reru I think I may be able to help you understand your predicament.


>>You see I just recently moved out of my parents place and into my apartment just June of last year. I also started to get this unsettling feeling also like I didn't know who i was quite fully, even tho I thought i did. I also felt like where did it all go? all of a sudden Im 23 and now living on my own Aghhh!!!!!!


>>After awhile i got depressed cause of how over welming it all seemed, I talked with my therapist and she helped shin some light on what I was feeling. Cause I also started to wonder what my role in life was. I mean generally after college we get jobs get our own place start a family ect. Even though of how confused i was still feeling I started to ask the questions I wanted answered.


>>Heres the thing some time in life we have to reinvent/redefine who we are. I myself had to do this in a way. I had alot of questions so I sit down and got to re know myself by asking the questions (What!!!). Try placing what in front of some of your thoughts and questions, It seemed to make things easier for me at least the transition does and will become easier. Just give your self time its not going to drop in your lap like a manual. Unfortunately thats what you maybe currently going through is a mile stone/right of adult passage.

>>Since we are both in our twenties our lives have now changed: Jobs, expenses, responsibilities, and a whole new freaky weird world of expectations not from others but from our selves as well. Like I said before we wish we had a manual to life but these are just things we have to go through even though they suck.  


>>I know this is getting long tho I wanna offer you one last piece of advice. One thing I did while this was all going on was to talk with my friends and family and ask question like if something ever happened like this in there life time. With all that i have told you I hope this will help  


>> This is  totally normal. Every one goes though it. just like we have our mid life crisis only exception is that were in our 20's.


>>I still wish for that manual to life. If you would like I can share more about my transition and what i went through. I know our experiences are different, but what ever Information or advice I can give you I will be more then happy to share with you.

[adam274]

Don't worry your problem will be sought out over hear.I hope that you will very soon get the solution .

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

It sounds to me like you are becoming aware of some uneasiness about your experiences related to your past and present -- your relationship with your biological family vs. your martial arts family, your awareness of your success in taking care of yourself relative to your friends, your role as caretaker to others in your life, your imperviousness to pain, and what seems to be a feeling a loss that you may have "grown up too fast."  Although I imagine there is more for you to understand, based on what you've written I'm not surprised that you would feel overwhelmed; it might be in your best interest to seek a professional out to talk to about the reasons why.

[kanthos]

I think it is pertinent to mention throughout my life I have become desensitized to many things, pain emotional and physical included.

I am not sure if this is health or not.