will my 7yr old son accept my girlfriend

I am a father of a 7 yr old boy, I have been married 11 years and I am 6 months into my divorce with the end very near insight.  For the past 7 years my son and I have been inseparable and we share a very close bond.  The closeness I have with my son has compensated for the lack of affection & love between his mother and I for the past several years.  My wife is divorcing me and will be leaving my Son and I, she will be moving 1 ½ hours away with someone else and only having visiting rights every other wknd.  Currently she is still living in the same house as us only in an upstairs apt from us (kind of awkward).  My son has always been closer to me then his mommy, which is why he is not really even concerned or upset about mommy leaving. During the past few months I met someone myself, a lovely woman with a 7 yr old boy of her own.  I really enjoy this woman’s company and I really believe we could have a potential future together.  After the first month of seeing her I brought my son to meet her in a neutral place introducing her as a friend, her son attends the same school as mine so I thought this relationship might actually be perfect.  For the past month all was going great, the four of us have been socializing, until just a few weeks ago he saw me kiss her.  My sons attitude and behavior has completely changed toward my new girlfriend and her son, now at the mere mention of her name he becomes upset.  If I tell him I am going to see her, he becomes very upset sometimes crying and grabbing me, saying things like he hates her, not to mention he does not want to see her either.  I believe his biggest concern is that he might be losing me to her. I know my son just wants to hold on tight to me and have me all to himself.  I am not sure how to handle this situation.  I want to be very delicate and considerate of my son’s feelings, but at the same time I cannot let him rule my world.  Please help me in the right decisions.  

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

This is a difficult situation that you find yourself in -- you are aware that your son is having a reaction to the presence of your girlfriend, worrying about losing you, though at the same time you appear to care a lot about your girlfriend.  At the same time, I am struck the most by your level of sensitivity to your son's emotional state and your desire to balance his well-being with your desire to have a life.  In that sense I think you are way ahead of the game here, and that there isn't much else for me to add to what you already know.  I would suggest being honest with him while at the same time tolerant of his reaction.  I suspect (though can't guarantee) that if the two of you have as strong a relationship as you do, your closeness will survive this and this will be seen as an adjustment.   In the meantime, I'm sure you will keep an eye on him to see whether or not he gradually accepts the presence of someone else in your and his lives.