Caring for my partner with agoraphobia and panic attacks

[carergirl]

Hi all,

I care for my partner who suffers from anxiety and agoraphobia. She hasn't been able to get in to town for a while now and finds it hard to stay or go to shops.

Today, we went shopping. She drove to the shop and drove home. Pretty big for her. She even stayed in the shop for a while. She couldn't go to the furthest parts of the aisles away from the exits but she was in there!

My question is for anyone experiencing similar symptoms or agoraphobia in general. Is there anything I can do to encourage her to keep doing what she's doing? Or to encourage her to try to go to town? Or rewards? Should I reward her somehow?

Any advice will help. Thanks!

[Klonopin]

Hi, I was diagnosed with ocd and agoraphobia 10 years ago. First of all your friend is blessed for having a friend like you. Not everybody with anxiaty conditions has somebody while trying to find the way out. All I would like to say, is that if you get some improvement, dont fall back, and it would help different places, but dont do anything less than the already achievements. As far as I know, the meds and the exposure therapy which is what you seem to be doing should work. I am currently doing pretty much the same.
Take good care

[carergirl]

Thanks. Sometimes it helps me to just know that I'm helping in some way. Sometimes it feels like I don't. So thankyou for your encouragement.

[MrGreen]

10 yrs indoors here. All I can say is don't push her into anything she doesn't want to do. It is all nearly done in baby steps. Little bits at a time. If thast means taking her out for a walk along your road, then that would be great. Letting her adapt to new feelings she will experience each time. Her body will feel uneasy to begin with. Her mind will be racing. Which is why it is done slowly. Self rewards are a big must. If she stands in the garden and feels relaxed she should reward herself. It can be a long road back. But it can be gotten back. And she is lucky to have you. Just support her as best you can. And try and understand how hard it can be. We have good days and we have bad days. That is how it works. With them can come moods. Good ones and bad ones. Hard to explain in full as each person suffers a little bit different from the next. Same condition but various symptoms. Exposure is meant to make it easier. To try and make her not run from what she fears. But it is very hard at times. But can be done. I go out and about on trains and the likes now. Used to fear them big time. I just put myself out there slowly. No mad hurry. Keep doing as you are. You are a great support for her.

[MaryShelley]

Good job! I had agoraphobia in my early 20s but am fine now. I would say be gently encouraging but don't push her to do things, especially if she is resistant. She has to feel like she can trust you to be her "safe person" and a safe person (to her) wouldn't pressure her. Just let her know that you're available to help whenever she's ready to take another step.

Maybe a reward would be a special enjoyable thing at home, like when she's ready for her next outing, you'll make spaghetti and rent her favorite movie or something. The reward shouldn't be something where she has to be pushing herself while she's enjoying it.

Good luck!

[carergirl]

Thankyou fir your kind words and advice. Much appreciated.
We went for a drive today nearly 10 mins from home before I had to drive back. Big improvement! She finds it hard to remember her achievements and focuses on the negatives. She told me she didn't want to stop me from living my life anymore because I can't leave her for long as she needs me around all the time. I told her that I'm committed to helping her get better.
I hope I'm doing the right things. Thankyou for your advice once again. It makes things easier knowing that I can voice my concerns or questions here and get answers from people who actually understand.

[allmymarbles]

Anxiety, panic attacks, and even agoraphobia, can have a medical cause. Surely the first two can be related to adrenal disfundtion. You might want to have her take saliva and urine tests to determine neurotransmitters and cortisol levels. I was suffering from adrenal fatigue (primarily fatigue, anxiety and panic attacks) brought about by taking an emphysema  medication that contained steroids. Steroids affect the adrenal gland, but there can be other causes for adrenal problems. Anxiety and panic attacks are often thought to be psychological and dismissed. That is not fair, nor is it medically sound. I would get her to a doctor.

[Julie359]

Well all i can say is WOW, she is soooooo lucky to have such a commited friend, i have to say i wish i had a friend like you!!... i have had agoraphobia in some form for the last 16yrs now, at the moment it is really bad n my comfort zone is very limited but am making small improvements... some days good some terrible.

Yeah it is all about baby steps, don't force her to do anything she isn't ready for as this will make her feel more anxious and she will regress, pulling her back instead of forward.  My only concern is that yes you are a brilliant friend but once she gains some confidence and broaderns her comfort zone you need to encourage her to start taking little trips on her own... other wise ur kindness could backfire and she will end up only being able to travel when ur with her.... you could start this by maybe going for a walk with her and instead of walking by her side, instead walk several paces behind, so you can still have a conversation and she know's ur there but she is walking independantly, then as this begins to feel comfortable to her walk further behind.

Maybe ask her to travel one stop on the bus and you will meet her at the next bus stop.... baby steps.

Trust me in this cause at the moment you are her safety blanket and yes this is great but you need to start the weaning process now or your gona have massive problems in the near future..... she needs to be independant as well as to travel.

God bless ya, it's good to know there are still good people in this crazy world...lol

[MrGreen]

Julie makes a great point on your friend becoming dependant on you. Were it is great to help, we also have the fact that the friend has to do these things alone some day. I always say that the sufferer must want to get better for themselves. Not for others. If you know what I mean. Great to bring her out and about and expose her to her worst fears. But what happens if you can't be there? She refuses to try it? So useful tips Julie made. Making a point of saying to you friend ' I will meet you there '. Give a certain point to which she must travel alone. With the reward of knowing that you will be there once she makes it. Even if it is only down the end of the road. We all began small. To aim big is to fall harder. But keep up the good work.

[2strokeblowingsmoke]

try the a flooding method....

[Julie359]

Hey... just wondering what is the flooding method, sounds interesting.

[carergirl]

Hi again,
Thank you for your advice. My partner is completely dependent on me in regards to travelling and getting out. Going to the shops, if she stays in the car on her own, she calls me so that she can still talk to me. Good or bad?
I'd also like to know what the flooding method is. I am glad I can get advice here because I feel so lost sometimes.
Thanks again everyone.

[MrGreen]

I would say it is bad that you are needed all the time. It is that you have to try and break away from. Somehow. Slowly. Even carry walkie talkies. You can still talk. Make it like a bit of a game. Great distraction with a bit of fun thrown in too. It is all about learning how to be alone at times. Because what happens if you can't be there some day? Stuck.

The flooding method. Moses invented that one. Let me guess. It is probably like exposure. Same thing. Never heard of it in all my years of this stuff. But I would imagine it is to flood the person with the things they hate most of all. With the concept that it will become easier each time. Just a guess.

But keep us posted. We are always here for you both.

[Julie359]

well if Mr Green is right about what the flooding method is then it sounds horrible and i wouldn't recommend doing it, neither i feel would Mr Green.... Personally i wouldn't do it.  Gentle exposure as and when ready is the best course to follow i feel.  Encouragement and praise is best, not force!!

I agree with Mr green add a bit of fun as well, but you do need to start letting her experience things by herself, i know you love and care for her and soooo want her to be well, but in a way it's like a mum smothering her child with treats and junk food in a bid for the child to feel loved and feel happy... in the short term the child feels great cause of all the love an support felt but in the long term it's damaging the child and causing long term problems to his/her health....I do think it's fantastic that your so dedicated to her, but gently start to let go!!