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Getting out..but Roseaca worse
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Getting out..but Roseaca worse

I have had a great week.  Met goals of getting out.  Drove myself to beauty salon for first time in two years.  Let apartment manager show my apartment to prospective tenant, which was a bit stressful.  Ate dinner out with neighbor.

But as I face my fears, it appears my body is in rebellion.  Arthritis worse: knee hurts so walking difficult.  Neck and back spasms.  Face broken out with acne-like condition, which I can't take antibiotics for as they mess with gastric system.  

Hmmm.   Very odd.  Has not happened before, but this is first time in a long time that I have done as much as I have in terms of socializing and moving outside of my comfort zone.

Anyone ever experience aches, pains, breakouts when getting out after long period of hibernation???

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I think the aches and pains are normal for us. If you imagine that we have sat about for long enough not using the various body muscles. Then we go out. We are still on high alert. On guard, if you will. Although we are enjoying been out there. We are not fully relaxed. A bit like a cat who sees a dog. You ever see the way it goes. Up on all fours, hair standing up. Tensing itself up. I think that is just us. Learning how to relax again is a hard thing. Especially when out. We might think we are doing it. But the aches and the pains are telling us something else.

But well done. You are going out there. That is great to hear. It will get easier over time. I always have my MP3 player on. That is my distraction. Bit of music. The dancing Irishman as he walks down the street. LOL.
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Thank you kind sir.  I appreciate your comments very much.

I was so overjoyed to actually be out and active 3 days in a row...visit to sister's on third day (hadn't been there since Christmas).

I like the cat example.  I've seen what you describe.  I felt self conscious and as I said kind of achy and weird with the red bumps on face.  Driving I know I was on high alert.

I've had all kinds of relaxation exercises, tapes, biofeedback years ago. Funny that I completely forgot about it in my happiness to be getting social again.

Is it a jig that you are dancing ? Or do you rock out as you stroll funny man?

When I had a Walkman I skipped along to the music, so know the feeling.

Not sure how I can get  an MP3 player or iPod. For now, renewed efforts to consciously relax and breathe.

BTW: Have reduced Klonopin from 2mg to 1mg daily...just to see what would happen.
So may be having withdrawal symptoms as well.

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I do have a dog with me most times when I am out walking. A boxer. Neighbour owns him. I feel more sorry for the dog. Which is why I take him out. Plus it gets me out as well. So serves two purposes. Music wise I listen to a mixture. Love The Doors. They can put a spring in your step. But I have a lot of Irish music too. Mainly the sort only Irish people would listen. In our native tongue.

One thing I never ever use is relaxation tapes / cds. No idea why. I feel more off when listening to one. I think I just like to go with the flow of what is happening here and now. Rather than try and remember what some person said on a CD. Breath in this way and breath out that way. You just never ever do it. Not like they say it. Because it would look stupid if in a shop. I think I ignore the whole breathing thing and I just find I breath as per normal. If I was to try these cd methods I would probably get it all wrong and end up worse. Go with what you are used to doing. We all find things that work for us. Plus we find the things that don't work for us. So we build our life around the things that we can do. Trying to stir clear of the other things. Once it gets us by and gives us a life. That's all that matters.

As for the klonopin reduction? That a doctor suggestion or your own idea? When we feel good we do think we can do without things. Don't get sucked into that. It might have been a mixture of the tablets and your own determination that got you out there feeling there. Then because you were feeling good you decide to reduce the amount of medication. Could work against you. I am sure your body will let you know in time.
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You echo my real feelings about those relaxation tapes.  Yep.  I really don't want to be told anything.  Words stress.  Music heals.  Love The Doors.  Have eclectic taste: will listen to Chinese monks chanting or Bob Marley.  No Irish music in collection.  That is your comfort and puts spring in step.

Know about dogs.  Can't have one here. I'm beginning to long for a solitary walk around the lake I used to love.  We'll see.  

I slept better last night than in ages.  Your post helped.

Klonopin reduction: my idea. I won't go off the rails.  It has been the only medicine that's worked for me ..for years. I accept that I need it as a base.

BTW: my aches and pains have almost completely disappeared.  Really amazing.

Thanks again.



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That's good to hear. You do know that at times of stress and the likes we can tend to sleep a bit more. I think that is were a lot of the healing process takes body in the body. So if you were wore out a good night's sleeps would be a common thing. Don't know about you, but I dream a lot. Love my dreams. They are so vivid. Like an escape of sorts. What I like to practice is not falling asleep. Staying on the verge of both sleep and the wakened state. It is amazing the things that pass through your mind. Or you can go on a little journey of sorts. Take yourself off somewhere. In your case the lake would be nice. Without leaving your house. Just lay down. No music needed at all. You will find yourself drifting off. But it is then you picture your lake as you know it. It is one of these things that can take time to perfect. First attempts you probably fall asleep. But I have always said I know when I am in a dream. That way I can explore my dreams. Have no fears at all in them. Do things I wouldn't normally do. Something worth trying. Forget any fancy type of breating. I used to always find myself in a cave with a Shaman. He would preform a ritual of sorts on me. I knew it was a healing. Smoke he blow over me. Then he had a feather he would kind of wave the length of the body. As if cleansing something. I had this vision many nights. Used to take myself to sit with the Shaman. So peaceful. No worries at all. No time limits. When you want to leave you leave. Guess it has a lot to do with my own beliefs. I do read a lot of Native American stuff mixed with some Buddhism. Though preaching is not something I would do. I think it is up to everybody to find what suits them best and work with that. Everybody has their own thing. Some mightn't know it yet. They just will find it some day. Something will catch their attention. That interests them. Something they will make their own. Still doesn't stop me searching on for more. I'm a greedy bugger. LOL. Whatever relaxes me I will go with it. So, now, go find what works best for you. Use it to your advantage. And I hope the form continues as it is. Glad the aches and pains are all gone. Have yourself a good evening.
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I cannot tell you how much you are helping me recover knowledge I knew, but have not practiced for a long time.

Funny you mention dreams.  I have vivid waking dreams at times.  I know I am there but feel safe and can leave when I chose.  This sort of dream happened after the sound sleep.
It involved unscrupulous doctors whom I recognized, so I rejected the experience and woke. As it involved the urologist I see on Tuesday, will be pay good attention to his manner.

My most enduring vision is a cave on a cliff overlooking the sea.  It has been so for years.  It is time to go back to it.  I have never seen it in this reality, but know it exists.  Visualizing it brings me the cool musky scent of the cave, sweet smell of sea oats and the salty sea.
There may be another with me.  Nothing else has manifested yet.

Don Juan, the Shaman spoken of in Carlos Castanada's writings was introduced to me in "The Art of Dreaming"...I may be wrong about the title as it has been some years since i read and highlighted most of it:). A therapist familiar with the experiences of CC told me I was living dreams I unconsciously created.  

My calming thing is to watch for the details.  The most significant thing that happened when my sister's car broke down and I stayed with her on third day of being out?

A lovely butterfly came to me as I stood near her sliding glass doors, not once, but twice.  It was hard for me to reorient myself to conversation going on at time.

My primary allies are trees I have known and loved for years.  To let them know they are appreciated gives me happiness.  I have imagined myself floating upward to perch on branches.  My cat may soon leave me for his journey to the spirit world. The signs are there.

I am letting him sleep with me tonight altho' that may mean I am awakened @ 2AM:).

Going to bed. Drifting to sleep while visualizing walking a lake......







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Just after we go to bed we can have lucid dreams. We can have them just before we awake too. They are the ones that are so real. Hard to tell the difference between them and reality at times. Can take a while to know you were only in a dream. That is how real they are. Those are the sort I love the most. Whatever happens in them you can feel it. I once had dogs attack me. Biting at me. I could feel the pain of the bites. Another one was my mother coming into my roon and talking to me. I did wake and sit up and began talking back. Only to see there was nobody there. It amazed me so much. Just loved it. But I am also a death dreamer. Have dreamed of people dying. My father is the best example. We were making funeral arrangements for him. The next day he passed away. He hadn't been shown any signs of illness at all it was a massive heart attack. But I had a dream of an aunt I had not seen in ages. That she was sitting my father. ( After he was dead ) To me that was a sign of death for her. My mum has these dreams too. So she rang this aunt's house. only to hear the aunt was in hospital. Cancer. With not long to go. They didn't want anybody to know until after she died. They were curious as to why my mum had rang at that time. But she wasn't going to say because my son had a dream. Not sure if we class it as a gift or what? To know in advance that people are going to die. I do have those who say that if I ever dream of them don't tell them. With me I just got into dreams in a big way and began to explore them. The deeper you go into something the more you can learn. I see it that way. You can begin to control what you even dream about. Begin to have good dreams. Do things you wouldn't normally do. Facinating world is the dream world. Another world in itself. One I always say never to be afraid of. To view it like it an escape. See what it holds for you.
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I've heard of people who had this gift.  Yes, it is definitely a gift.  You have me fascinated once more about dreams.  The death dreams are especially intriguing.

Did you know there was a cat in U.K. who was kept at a nursing home and knew when patient was going to die?  Article was in New England Journal of Medicine.  My oncologist told me about it.  The cat kept the human company as he or she passed.

Getting to your primal being must be key. The unconscious holds so much.

I am hoping for fantastic dreams. I did begin to fear dreams, believe shortly after all the chemo and radiation. That is past.  Will embrace them now and look forward to good things.  

You are a hoot about the death dreams.  Yep.  Your friends may not want to hear about their coming demise. LOL.  On the other hand.........




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I think we think that some things are bit silly. We keep them quiet. But it is only when we mention them that we see others have a similar interest. That is what we have found here. You can go back to loving your dreams once again. Knowing that others do the exact same thing too. Karl Jung said we are all conected on a subconscious level. That when we die it is this part of us that stays alive and moves along. Thus we remember parts of the past lives we once lived. It is there. We just have to tap into it.
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I love Jung's work on dreams and the subconscious.  But it didn't seem timely before as I didn't want you to think I was going to quote authors instead of carrying on a conversation.  The collective unconscious.... one of his phrases.

Had a fantastic ( as in surreal)  dream last night.  Vivid still.  Really looking forward to dreams.  I am going to start working on body problems with meditation and visualization techniques that worked in past.

It  is encouraging to know you are dreaming, and delving deeper into mysteries of subconscious.

I know something survives our physical body's death: I call it spirit..others, soul. Where I am different from anyone I know..is that I think whatever we call it....lives on.

I have had flashes of what I can only think are past lives.  They were so clear, that I know they were real.  I was a man and a warrior in more than one life.

Also, a courtesan...again in one or more lives.

TIme to prepare for tonight's dreams.
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I do agree that the body is but a vessel. Nothing more. Nothing less. Life is all about learning. But it takes many lives to learn. Not just this one. The process goes on and on and on. Death is just as big a part of life as life itself is. Which is why it is one thing I don't fear. I always said the greatest mystery of life is death. Only then will we find out many truths. All those answers we always wanted to know. The things we all believed in. The answers will only be reveiled after we die. Hence it is good to have a belief. The belief is more important than the god. Without it we would have emptyness and one big blank void when it comes to trying to imagine after death. But even if you try to imagine after death it is near impossible. If you shut your eyes. And thought of death. What follows. You most times see black. So it is the one thing we must wait and see. Which, to me, makes it the great mystery and releases any fear surrounding death at all. Just my own views. But we seem to think alike on a lot of things. So we are finding out. Probably read many the same book. I have read a few books by Jung and Freud. Used to be mad into reading their work when I was a teen. Educate the mind. Get a little bit from one source, a little bit from another sourse, and more from elsewhere and then I have all that I believe in.
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  You know that I almost died after cancer treatment in 2007.  I wanted to plan my own funeral, but family wouldn't hear of it. It is a conflict still.  They are devout Catholic and often I believe I should not bother about my desires.  Then again won't want to be hovering over a dismal ceremony and burial.  I imagine a lovely memorial; music I love, even dancing to celebrate my entry into the next life.  I am moved by African-American choirs, as well as several other kinds of music. TBA.

Mexican traditions fascinate. The day of the dead.  Celebrating death and life. Have you read of Frieda Kahlo, the Mexican artist who made an art of her suffering?  I once did a program on her when @ library. The images are hard to look at, until you know her story..and even then...
I loved how she planned her death, down to what she wore before cremation.

  I like to take what is known and imagine what can be.  Back to dreamland.
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